CHAPTER TWO

My head is pounding. I think I'm still suffering from the same hangover I had yesterday morning. I don't think that's possible, but maybe it is because I'm pretty sure I had a lot to drink since I still don't remember the events from Friday night that led to me having sex with Desirae.

As I think her name, I shiver and flashbacks from our night together enter my mind. I shove them away. Now is not the time to be thinking of her.

I shouldn't be thinking of her ever, really. Tyler is my boyfriend and is being extremely sweet. He's been extra nice since our talk yesterday morning. He's kinda freaking me out, actually, but I don't mind it so much.

"Daisy!" I yell from the living room. "Where is my black bra?" I know she borrowed it last night so she could have a sexy bra to wear with her slutty, see-through outfit last night.

Daisy saunters into the living room. Her bright red hair is in a disarray and her shirt is on backwards, but she doesn't seem to care. I'm not surprised when I see some random guy sneak past the both of us and walk out of my door. She's always bringing home different strangers from the bar and she hardly ever gets their names. I think she does it because she has low self-esteem. She always argues with me and yells at me to keep my psycho babble to myself.

"I dunno," she mumbles groggily. "I think that asshole took it for a souvenir. Sorry." She doesn't sound apologetic. Not surprising.

I glare at her, but don't bother getting angry. It won't bring my favorite bra back. "You're buying me a new one," is all I say.

"Sure," she says with a shrug as she goes into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee. "I'll add that to the list of clothes I already owe you."

I have a habit of lending her outfits to use for her nights out. I know I should stop lending her my clothing when she never returns the articles to me, but I can never resist her puppy dog face. Trust me, one look into those pretty jade eyes and anyone is a goner. There is no denying her.

"You better or this is the last time you use my apartment to bring home strangers 'cause you don't want your big bro to go all overprotective bad ass on them," I mock-threaten her. I would be serious, but I used her bed at her apartment and she has yet to find out, so I'm trying not to make myself a hypocrite.

She plops down on the couch beside me, accidentally spilling some coffee on my spotless floor. I would yell, but again, it would be pointless because Daisy never listens to me.

"So, have you had any fun lately?" she asks, raising her eyebrows at me.

"Me and Tyler are back together," is my response.

She gives me a look and says, "Your point?" I'm not amused. "You guys were broken up for like two weeks. I know you got some action out of that. So, who was he? Was he hot? Was he good? When did it happen... where did it happen?"

I feel like telling her that I'm not her, but I don't feel like being mean. "Your room at your place, for one," I start. I'm stalling. I don't know how Daisy will react to me having had sex with a girl. She isn't judgmental, but still. I'm sure it would shock anyone who knows me.

"Boo, you whore!" Daisy exclaims jokingly. "I don't really care about that. I use your apartment all the time for my rendezvous. I'm so not a hypocrite so I won't scream at you. Now, quit stalling. Who was he? Do I know him?"

"You know the person." I don't say 'him' because, well, it wasn't a guy I screwed. "And her name is Desirae."

"Nuh-uh," Daisy blurts disbelievingly. "You're joking, right?" I shake my head. "So... you're gay now. That's cool."

I gape at her. "I'm not gay!" I shout. "Seriously, though, that is all you have to say? That it is cool? I guess that's a good thing if I ever were to say that I'm gay." I pause. "Which I'm not," I add quickly.

Daisy merely laughs. "Right. Of course. How did Tyler take it? Let me guess, he was overjoyed?" She rolls her eyes.

I scoff. "No, he wasn't overjoyed. He doesn't even know. Besides, what would make you think he'd be overjoyed, you goof?"

"He's a guy," she states pointedly.

"Wow. Way to sound stereotypical. I cheated and I lied to him. I don't care if it is a girl," I do care, but for different, more obvious reasons, "I shouldn't have done it. It was wrong."

"This is giving me a headache," she mutters, grabbing for her pack of cigarettes that are on the coffee table. She pulls one out and throws her pack back on the table. "One, it wasn't cheating because you weren't together," she starts as she lights her cigarette and takes a hit. "Two, yeah, lying is wrong, but I'm sure he's lied to you plenty of times," she blows the smoke out and takes another hit, "and three, you said it yourself that you're not gay and I doubt it will ever happen again, so let it go. No use worrying yourself sick over something that doesn't matter."

It figures Daisy would go the 'it doesn't matter' route. She usually does, but she doesn't understand. As far as I know, she has never been in a serious relationship. Then again, I have only known her for a year and I don't know much about her past. Still, she doesn't seem like the relationship type. She likes to sleep around too much.

I want to say that it does matter, but it would be useless. I don't feel like arguing with her.

"Are you saying I shouldn't tell him?" I know her answer, but I need confirmation so I can change the conversation. I'm starting to get a headache and I don't want to feel the urge for a cigarette. I am trying to cut down so I can quit. It is a nasty habit and personally, I do not want cancer.

"Duh," she sing-songs as she blows smoke out of her mouth. "Anywho, are we through with this conversation? I have class in thirty minutes and I need a shower beforehand. I love you and all, but seriously, I won't be late for anyone. Not even you."

I manage to laugh at that, surprisingly, even though I haven't felt like laughing all day. I keep Daisy around because she can make me laugh even when I don't want to; that and a few other reasons, but the laughing reason is most probably the main one.

"Yeah, love you, too," I mumble. When she leaves the room, I grab a cigarette and light it. She'll notice one is gone, but I don't really care. I shouldn't be smoking, but I need one.

I'll cut down some other day.

XXX

English was boring, per usual. I am supposed to meet Tyler for lunch, but I figure that he can wait a few moments and decide to head to the gazebo to smoke a cigarette.

The gazebo is empty. Thankfully. I pull out a cigarette and light it. I am just about to take a hit when I hear, "Hey you. Didn't know you smoked."

I look up to see Desirae standing there with a lit cigarette already in her mouth. I take a hit of mine to calm my nerves as I take in her appearance. She's wearing a black leather skirt with fishnet pantyhose and a red and black, plaid v-neck. My eyes stray to her cleavage and it is only when I hear her clear her throat that I realize I have been staring.

My eyes immediately move to her face and I can feel myself growing hot from embarrassment. "I'm trying to quit." Could I sound more pathetic? I mentally roll my eyes. I need to chill.

"Doesn't seem like you're doing too great of a job." I want to say something, but I don't. I throw my cigarette on the ground and snub it out with the heel of my boots. I just want to get away from her. "In a hurry?"

"Kinda." It is only a half lie. "I'm meeting my boyfriend for lunch. Can't be late. We're trying this new thing where we treat each other better." Why did I tell her that?

"Yeah, I remember you mentioning some things about Tyler," Desirae says absentmindedly. "I never knew Tyler could be such an ass. Honestly, I think you could do better, but who am I to tell you what to do?" I detect a hint of jealousy in her tone, but I ignore it. I am NOT gay, therefore her getting jealous does NOT make me feel good.

Only, it does, which makes no sense.

I really need to get out of here. "To each their own, I guess," I say before telling her that I have to go and practically sprinting into the building.

I find Tyler sitting at a table all by his lonesome in the cafeteria. I grab a tray, throw a few random food items onto it, pay for it, and then go sit down beside Tyler. He instantly places his hand on my thigh. A reflex.

I pick at my food. I'm not really hungry. Besides, this food doesn't look very appetizing.

"Something wrong, babe?" Tyler asks.

I want to tell him. I know that I should tell him, but I cannot because I know I would not be able to handle the crestfallen look on his face.

"Just stressed." It isn't a total lie. I seem to be handing out half lies an awful lot lately. "Psychology is a tough field. Anyone who says it is easy is clearly suffering from severe delusions."

Tyler chuckles and kisses the tip of my nose. I scrunch my face up. I hate it when he kisses my nose, but I know he believes me and right now, that is all that matters to me; not the little quirks I don't like about him.

I can handle those. We're trying to learn how to accept each other's flaws rather than run away when the flaws get out of hand.

"It will be worth it in the end, babe," Tyler starts. "You will make a great child psychologist one of these days. Those kids will love you."

"How do you know?" No one realizes it, but I am actually insecure about my choice in career. I have only worked with kids a handful of times in my life, but I love children and they seem to flock to me. I worry, though; what if I can't help them? I barely have my own shit figured out. How do I help kids figure out their shit?

"I know because I know you. I've seen you with my niece. She adores you. Any kid you counsel will, too," he tells me, gazing straight into my eyes.

His soft, sweet tone of voice reminds me of why I started dating him. We have had our ups and downs. We've been together since our junior year of high school; almost four years.

Our fight and break up shtick started approximately six months ago when his little sister passed away from leukemia. He was devastated. His mother and father were, too, and it caused them to split, which stressed him out even more, understandably, and the stress caused him to be angry. I tried to be there for him, but he began taking his anger out on me and I no longer knew how to help him, so I gave up. That caused our first break up. He slept with someone the next day. When I found out, I tried to get back at him by sleeping with my Chemistry lab partner.

We got back together three days later, but that one experience caused everything to be strained and our relationship grew weaker and... now here we are.

I'm glad we're trying now, though, but I guess Tyler started trying before I did because he didn't sleep with anyone.

I have decided I am a terrible girlfriend.

"I love you." As I say the words, I know I mean them. I can feel it deep within my soul, but something is nagging at me; something new and unfamiliar. Something is telling me the feelings aren't as strong as they used to be.

I ignore the feeling. I have been getting good at ignoring things, after all.

XXX

"Did you tell him?" Daisy hounds me the second I return to my apartment. I am not surprised to see her. She hardly spends time at her own place anymore. I think she gets sick of always being around her older brother; not that he's that much older than her. Only by a year.

"No," I say flatly. She knew that already. She just feels like pestering me. Nothing new. "Which you knew, but thanks for dredging it up anyway just to torture me."

"Oh, stop with the dramatics," she drawls. "You are doing the right thing. For once, you and Tyler are doing your relationship right. Don't screw it up with honesty."

I don't even think she understands how wrong her statement sounds to human ears; honesty is not a bad thing. Sure, the truth hurts, but the truth is always what is best.

"What do you know?" I snap. "You wouldn't know what a relationship is if it bit you in the ass."

Her face falls. I feel bad. I didn't think I would offend her.

"Look, I'm sorry-"

"You don't know me as well as you think you do, Alissa," she fires back. "I know I am like the world's definition of a hussy, but I haven't always been that way. What no one seems to understand is that my heart was broken. He cheated on me... while we were still together. That is why I say what you and Ty have been doing isn't cheating because you two aren't together when you sleep with other people. I know what it is like to be so in love and then lose it because someone makes a mistake. I want you and Tyler to have what I don't get to have because I don't trust anyone that much and I can't ever again."

"You could if you tried." Maybe I shouldn't have said such a thing, but that is how I feel. She can be happy if she wants to be.

"Trying is pointless," she says, grabbing her pack of cigarettes. She pulls two out and throws one at me. I catch it and flash her a confused look. "I know you want one. I'm making you think. You hate that." It is so weird how she knows me so well after so little time.

"Don't tell Tyler anything," Daisy continues. "You'll regret it in the end. You don't want to lose your happiness, do you?" is the last thing she says before returning to the couch.

I sit down beside her and light my cigarette. We don't speak; we simply sit in silence and watch Family Guy. Only, I am not really watching.

Daisy is right, I don't want to lose my happiness. I can never tell Tyler the truth.

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: More Desirae in the next chapter. There you have it, how it all started. Poor Tyler. I'm not like one of those writers that are against men and don't want the main relationship to work out. This is actually really tearing Alissa up. I want it to be that way because I don't want it to be easy for her. It shouldn't be.

Until later, sweetie pies.