4Okay, so while bored in computer's class (God forbid I ever do my assignment) I came across a random title generator. That's right, TITLE GENERATOR. On further investigation, I found that there are quite a bit of these laziness machines. And because coming up with your own title is so hard, I am going to generate 5 titles and come up with a mini story for each, and in the spirit of random boredom, the title of this is…
TFTWB: King MineCraft and the Cake of Destiny Search for Refreshment because Mac and Cheese Pizza is Brown.
(P.S this will be a random occurrence on tales from the writer's block)
The warlock above the village
Once Upon a time (because the people were too dumb to actually name their years) in a land far away (from you or me is undefined, the land is far away from everyone in the entire world. Maybe it's Pluto.) There was a warlock. Now, this warlock, like most of its kind, was old, smelly, a hermit and had an excessively long beard. This warlock's beard was blue, a nice little powder blue. His name was Edmundo Evanchalk, a name that his mother got from another hermit warlock on the street (aka his father, Curtis McHillbilly. Now, Edmundo was a pretty nice warlock, because he donated his beard hair every week when he got it trimmed, because warlock's beards grow at about the same rate as a rodent's teeth. Seriously, someone sat down and did the math for that. ANYWAY, Edmundo lived in the sky, and he always tried to make it to the ground, because he was lonely up in the sky, because his barber only came on Tuesday, and anyway, the barber hated Edmundo, because he was allergic to the color powder blue. Below Edmundo's weird cloud type object in the sky was the village of Banheights, which was neither ban in any way or high, because it was at 143673947839 feet below sea level, and that's even lower than Atlantis, which is off the coast of Australia, underneath the great barrier reef. BUT I DIGRESS. One day, right after Drangsamecho the barber left his odd cloud creation, Edmundo decided that he was sick of his odd little cloud type object, and would venture down the 'mysterious fire escape of death' down to Banheights. When he got there, there was a 'welcoming committee' of Canadian weasels. Now, warlocks, along with the rest of the world, hate Canadian weasels, so with a flick of his beard, they were all dead. YEY! So when Edmundo turned the corner to Banheight's actual town part, he was greeted with a ridiculously quickly put together celebration, even if Edmundo was the slowest walker EVER. Someone sat down and did the math for that to. We never did learn his name. By the end of the party he was ridiculously drunk, so Edmundo's new friend Georgianico gave him the choice of one of his 96 beautiful daughters, and the corpse of his dead wife, who died because of having NINTY-SIX CHILDREN AT ONE TIME. Her belly went from New York to Denver and back again, because she was horribly deformed from having that many kids in her, so it went in a circle. You wouldn't believe the flab once all those kids were cut out of her. BUT MOVING ON…
Georgianico's daughters were named…
1. Lurline Gagliardotto
2. Diamond Murasso
3. Billye Amboree
4. Delana Azatyan
5. Romelia Merzig
6. Shavon Heuangvilay
7. Malisa Moisey
8. Kati Ancel
9. Fredia Cragar
10. Arletta Harkenreader
11. Tanna Pesarchick
12. Faustina Friedenberg
13. Leana Heagany
14. Steffanie Cills
15. Nicolle Norg
16. Else Hrcka
17. Decaneo
18. Hiroko Minacci
19. Song Biener
20. Kourtney Gallagos
21. Jacki Kennaugh
22. Lipira
23. Salena Korzybski
24. Pamella Gobea
25. Elease Melady
26. Shea Evanski
27. Ignacia Desloge
28. Klobucar
29. Sarina Bussert
30. Elease Dizadare
31. Tammara Glowski
32. Olympia Patches
33. Ha Morkve
34. Florentina Magdalena
35. Shavon Dickins
36. Jennefer Chodorov
37. Loree Odomes
38. Carletta Bembi
39. Margurite Benwarc
40. Rachell Marcinka
41. Debroah Bajko
42. Laticia Cattladge
43. Apshire
44. Lucrecia Brits
45. Meghann Jeannoel
46. Ardella Buquo
47. Jesenia Delbusto
48. Katherin Hekman
49. Kattie Krog
50. Britni Lagoni
51. Spring Filary
52. Arianna Aristizabal
53. Nikia Hudnut
54. Ema Liebenow
55. Latoria Kneefe
56. Janetta Manchel
57. Freeda Lietzow
58. Mikki Gabrel
59. Terresa Amerio
60. Piper Buer
61. Ronni Lurtz
62. Kellye Harleston
63. Vivan Lave
64. Rikki Lungsford
65. Shaneka Brodhag
66. Dorine Moscovic
67. Neoma Pensick
68. Vanesa Neslusan
69. Chaya Berkbigler
70. Kimber Ernstrom
71. Irmgard Niau
72. Masako Dupouy
73. Carie Gastellum
74. Shakira Mirkovich
75. Lawana Kemps
76. Kiera Doffing
77. Nikole Korzyniowski
78. Vivienne Delosangeles
79. Nicolle Lastella
80. Devona Gronvall
81. Jonell Hirschmann
82. Anjanette Cushinberry
83. Fredia Beresik
84. Felger
85. Janetta Beresik
86. Zita Hollett
87. Risa Andrson
88. Deeann Lossius
89. Nikia Laforey
90. Delana Lidie
91. Freelon
92. Jolie Hauben
93. Sharita Penhallurick
94. Akiko Ekstrum
95. Suk Barad
96. Noella Depippo
So Edmundo sat there, staring at all the women in front of him, until finally he made his choice. Because he had absolutely no social skills, he picked the dead corpse, and lived happily ever after with her stuffed dead body. You may ask yourself, what the heck Edmundo's problem is! But there is only one answer to this insane question:
Because his barber finally said that Edmundo had to keep his hands off of him, and that he quit. This way he no longer had to cut his beard, and was able to 'calm himself.'
Really. No joke.
(I would like to tip my hat off to Chris, not other Chris, but Topher, because of his 'welcoming committee' story from mine craft and pigs. I would also like to have a hat, but that is an entirely different story. Preferably a top hat. Hint hint-CHRISTMAS PRESENT)
Idiotic Fools
Barack Obama likes cheesecake. Not just any cheesecake- the magical cheesecake of awesomeness that makes you president! True story, that is an actual kind of cheesecake, not that is works or is anything but chocolate cheesecake, but Obama doesn't know that. Oh, but this is only one of the many men and women in the League of Idiotic Fools.
The League of Idiotic Fools is the group of people who are determined to make America and other countries as dumb as they are. They are the people behind screen doors, Chevy Volt, flip flops, baby shoes, fast food pillowcases(really, look it up), and animal clothing. And because of this, stupidity thrives like never before, spread by electronics and just general idiotism. But I digress.
The leader of LOIF was none other than Justin Bieber, who was recently elected to the position after coming up with whole new ways to make people lose their minds, with degenerative disease carrying notes, that, when heard, destroy brain cells faster than a pile of 100 burning sharpies.
And this is where our story begins, with Bieber, and the recruiting process. Dean was sitting hopelessly on a park bench, unaware of how his life was about to change.
"Hello Mr. Madison, we've been expecting you." Said the blonde man in the fake foo-man-chu, which for some reason was a bright green.
"Hello guy in a fake green foo-man-chu and my name is not Mr. Madison. It's Mr. Dean Geraldinson. What do you want? I'm busy being a hermit. "Mr. Geraldinson said, already irritated for no apparent reason.
"We represent the Lollypop guild and we want you!" he said in a really high pitched voice.
Dean pointed to the foo-man-chu wearer's tee-shirt:
We do not represent the lollypop guild, we represent the League of Idiotic Fools, but we still want you!
Dean agreed quickly, and that is how LOIF got its king. From there Geraldinson invented snuggies, which are really just backwards bathrobes, and other ridiculous things that really don't need to be in existence but are. He then fell off of a 1 foot cliff, and proceeded to die, for no apparent reason but because he could.
THE END!
SERIOUSLY! THAT'S IT!
Tune in next edition for a horrible story about nothing!