A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! I wrote this about two months ago, but figured I'd put it up now, considering I don't have many good things going on here (or long things, to be honest). So here's what you've all been not waiting for.

Cheers,

dayofwrath

T Minus Six Days:

Gunnar Duke Merrick was never a person, in his opinion. He was just an animal, like everyone had told him from the day he could understand it. He spent his days wondering if there was any future for him, for his relationship with Theo, and always came to one conclusion. He loved Theo more than he loved himself and for that reason, there was no postponing the inevitable. Time would come for him sooner or later and the least he could do was try to make Theo feel better when he did leave him.

So he sat down with a couple of envelopes, a pad of paper and a bunch of pencils and began scrawling as many messages as he could out in his messy, lopsided handwriting, hoping it would bring Theo some comfort in the days to come. He knew it was horribly cliche and probably something out of one of those creepy romance movies their neighbor loved playing really loudly during the day, but it was something and something, according to the vast majority of the human population, was better than nothing.

He sealed them all, tied them up with a piece of string, and put them in a shoebox in his closet, trying his best to conceal it. Everything he meant to leave would go there, all the stuff that Theo needed. If he was going to make him smile, he should put every inch of himself into it. And he would. That was the one promise he could keep.

T Minus Five Days:

If there was one thing Gunnar was good at, it was planning. He'd gotten every detail of their last night planned, every detail of how he was going to make sure he could do something for Theo, every detail of how he could finally be useful to him. He'd created contingency plans for everything from an earthquake to a tornado and he smiled, satisfied. He'd worked out the details of what would come after too.

He'd borrowed the gun from his brother under the pretense of learning more about ballistics (Cale didn't know about anything and he'd never been more thankful) and he'd laughed about the irony of killing himself with his father's gun for a few days before sobering up and realizing how much planning would go into this.

He had it down to the time, the exact GPS coordinates of his location and the exact type of bullets needed for maximum efficiency. Now all he could do was wait.

T Minus Four Days:

He added another cut across his arm every time the thought "this is the last time I'll do [blank]" flashed through his head, going back to keeping his shirts on in bed, feigning shivers and taking the opportunity to huddle close to Theo for warmth, reveling in the feel of his heartbeat against his ear. Shocks went straight to his spine every time something reminded him that he wouldn't have this for long, not if he kept to the plan that was determining every one of the last ninety-four hours of his life.

His attempts to hide his tears woke Theo up and he stared up at the most beautiful person in his world, bleary eyed and confused as he wiped his eyes for him, offering what comfort he could while half asleep. He hid in his arms, crying not for himself, but for the man he was dying to save.

T Minus Three Days:

He called up his siblings after "suddenly" posing the idea to Theo, wondering if they'd forgotten his existence as the rest of the family had. Some of them took a few seconds, others just had a vague memory of a boy who acted more like an infant than anything else and the shots that kept him semi-conscious and acting normal. He added the smiles where necessary, absorbing boring minutiae from their lives like it was the most important thing to him because he truly had missed them all. Judging by their reactions, it hadn't seemed that they felt the same way.

Cale asked when he'd be getting the pistol back. He smiled, said to wait a day or two, and put down the phone.

T Minus Two Days:

He tested the weight of the gun in his hands while Theo was out visiting a friend and was amazed by how natural it felt. He laughed, telling himself he was his father's son, but the gun felt warm, like home, like it was an extension of a limb he'd been missing. "I'm a big boy now." He said out loud, focusing on his mother's image in front of him. "I can't depend on a shark toy, can I?" His voice shook a little and he could feel her arms around him, holding him tight against her like she did when he was young.

"Gunnar, you grab anything that makes you feel good and don't let go." She would always pat his head when she said that, running her hand through his hair in a way that made him feel a good kind of funny inside. The tingly feeling spread to his toes and he wiggled them in his socks, listening to her laugh as he reached out for her hand, smiling as she took it in her own."You're still the sweetest little boy I know, no matter how big you are."

"You promise?" She smiled and squeezed his hand, brushing his hair out of his eyes, and he tucked the gun away into his pocket as Theo came in, confused by the tail end of the conversation. "Guess I'm just tired. I think I'll go to bed. Night." He stopped to give him a quick hug before rushing into their bedroom, making himself a nest in the covers. Sleep is just like death, he mused as he drifted off, except you wake up at the end.

T Minus One Day:

"Today's it." He said it aloud the first minute he could when no one was listening, trying his best to keep his nerves at bay until it was time for his next dose of medication. He wandered the halls, touching every last inch of the apartment, going over every case he and Theo had solved for memories, finally moving the bones out of the fridge and into his closet for the purpose of irony. "A real skeleton in my closet, that's gonna freak Theo out a bit." He smiled. "He need something to laugh about."

"You're doing what's right for you." His foster father's figure loomed over him to his right, calmly watching him sort through his belongings. "I don't think it's right, but you're doing what you want."

"You like Theo, don't you?" He smacked his father's shoulder at the answering shrug. "You... you really want me to stay, don't you?" He shifted his gaze to the floor, tapping urgently on his thigh in familiar groups of three. "Two, three, five, seven..."

"Eleven, thirteen, seventeen, nineteen..." His father's voice counted along where Theo's couldn't filling the gaps where things didn't make sense.

He heard the answering click of the door and dropped everything, running for the sound of the familiar footsteps, pulling Theo into the most unsanitary kiss he'd ever exchanged with him. "Always the tone of surprise." He pulled out the first quotation that came to mind, something that always made Theo smile and stretched out his hand, taking Theo's in it. "I... I missed you. Lots."

Theo smiled and he rested his head on his shoulder, terrified by the idea that Theo really could live without him. He shook away his last vestiges of doubt, knowing that tonight was the last time they'd have together, and threw himself into the affection, knowing the medication would take the edge off of his anxiety tonight. He'd make it perfect, for Theo's sake, just to ease the pain of tomorrow for both of them.

T Minus Zero:

As soon as Theo left the house, he'd pulled out the gun and sat down in a corner of the bathroom, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself down. He wasn't going to be able to do this frustrated like he was and he was almost relieved when the voices came to him again, his mother's hand on his shoulder and his uncle's calming presence behind him.

"Gunnar, baby, you still have time..." She held him in her arms, rocking him back and forth to try and calm him down. "You don't have to do this."

"You don't understand..." His voice came out hoarse and cracked as he tried not to cry. "I... I have to. For him."

"Gunn, don't. Just... give it a day or two. Talk to him."His uncle knelt down beside him. "He'll help. Don't... don't risk missing out on a life that could have been worth staying for."

He pressed the gun barrel to his head, ignoring both of them. "I've gotta do it. It's now or never." He nodded, steeling himself before pushing the trigger back like the instructions he'd looked up said to, gritting his teeth for the pain he knew was coming.

There was a sound that reverberated in his ears that vaguely resembled a hammer cracking his skull and his eyes fluttered shut as he fell over, head hitting the floor with a solid thump.

Houston, we have liftoff.