I've started and stopped in one of these things more times than I can count on one hand, but I think I'm actually going to keep this journal. I am going through a more than stressful time in my life right now and keeping a journal is probably the most sane thing I think I can do right now. This is my first official entry in this thing and boy do I have some things to spill. First off, today was the most embarrassing day of my life. Today I did the boldest thing I think I, India King, am ever going to do in my lifetime. I confessed my love to my best friend Kennedy Westfield. That's right; I flat out told him that I have been head over heels in love with him since our senior year in high school. In hopes that he would return the feelings, I kissed him right after my confession. The fact that Kennedy pushed me away just as our lips touched was not the most embarrassing part of my day, but the fact that he confessed that he was in love with my married sister and has been having a secret affair with her since our senior year in Highs School really put the icing on the cake. Yes that's right he's in love with my sister and they have been doing the horizontal for three stinking years. I'm just as shocked as you are, even though you're just a journal that harbors my deepest thoughts with no emotions, I can only imagine your shock. Journal I can't even begin to describe the pain I'm feeling right now, I can't even breathe I'm crying so hard. These stupid tears won't stop coming either. I feel like I've been slapped, punched, thrown over the cliff, every painful thing you can think of. How could my sister be sleeping with my best friend? On top of all of this gut shearing pain, I feel betrayed. Not only because Kennedy never peeped a word about the affair to me, but the very fact that I vented to my sister about my strong infatuation for Kennedy, I felt he never reciprocated. How dumb of me to trust either of them. I don't think I'll ever forgive either of them for the pain I feel right now. I never knew one could feel so much pain and anger at the same time. Journal, what am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to move forward from this? I don't know how I'll ever be able to look at my sister in the eye again without thinking of her and Kennedy together. Why is God doing this to me? Why am I furiously typing my feelings to an object that will never give me an answer? Gosh, I just don't even know about anything anymore.