19CHAPTER 7! :D Hey, guys. Short chapter :( I'm trying to update as fast as possible, but ideas keeping coming up short and my writing time isn't exactly as…free as it used to be, if that makes sense :P Ben and Trin are frustrating me with this "fight." Anyway, hope you all like this chapter and PLEASE REVIEW! :D Love you! Xoxo, Kaitlyn OH! And I've decided to put part of this chapter in Ben's POV :)—Hope you guys don't mind ;)
Recap: Ben ran a hand through his wet hair, exhaling a breath. "Trin, I…" "Please don't talk to me," Trinity said in a broken whisper before putting the car in reverse and heading back home. Coming here with Ben had been nothing more than a tragic mistake. And she would regret it for the rest of her life.
Trinity sat alone in her room that night, the atmosphere foreign and desolate. Dormant except for the sound of her ragged breathing. She had not stopped crying since she had dropped Ben off at his apartment, mechanically and without a barely a few words muttered from her lips along with a half-hearted goodbye. She was no longer soaking wet, now dressed in her father's old grey Beatles sweater and simple black sweats, not even bothering to check her reflection or dry and brush her tangled, ratty hair. In truth, she felt like a mess, inside and out. She and Ben had been friends for so long—he was her anchor and one safe haven. Without him, Trinity did not know where to go. She wandered aimlessly through the dark abyss that was her mind, stumbling from lack of light and support for balance.
She tried to convince herself that this was all silly. She had plenty of other friends, and even a promising waiting boyfriend waiting for her to return his lingering interest. But could she really replace Ben's friendship and company so easily without so much as a second unsure glance back at what she had once had?
No, she could not.
Could she try to pretend that she was holding up firm and strong and genuinely allow herself to have a good time on her date with Cory Matthews in just a matter of two days?
Yes, she could try.
Ben's POV:
"Please don't talk to me…"
The moment kept replaying in Ben's head like a broken record, those words flooding his mind painfully, loud enough to drown out the pouring rain and the phone that had been ringing continuously earlier, more than likely having been Rayna wondering why she didn't see Ben after their lunch period today. It was the first car ride Ben had ever had with Trinity where she wasn't talking about everything and anything or laughing at a story he had to tell her. She always was jabbering about thoughts that came to her mind, loving to have simple, meaningless conversations with Ben, but this time she hadn't hardly even bared a glance at him since their fight in the hammering and torrential rain. Ben had never truly yelled at anyone in his life. He blamed the rain—the thundering storm that had made Trinity's words almost inaudible as well as his own. But he knew it was not just the rain. He had yelled at her. Trinity Sky, the most important thing in his life. More important than breathing, in his eyes on many occasions. And he would never be able to take that moment back. Even if they made it past this in their lives, that memory would always stay, haunting them both somewhere deep within their subconscious. Ben feared he had lost her forever.
But would he ever give up on her?
No, never. Even if she physically tore out his heart and stomped it into the ground, he would not leave her side if his own life depended on it. He had promised her…
And he intended to keep his promise no matter how much it hurt the both of them.
*flashback of car scene*-Still Ben's POV:
"Trin…"
"I told you not to talk to me," she barely murmurs, her gaze vacant and far away as she stares lifelessly at the steering wheel in front of her. Her hair is plastered to her porcelain, heart shaped face from the rain, while mine is already close to being dry and tousled from running my hands through it in frustration. I can't believe I made such a stupid mistake! How did I let myself slip up like that? A girl who has grown up like more than a sister to me now hates me because I let my selfish feelings get in the way and acted on them. To make things worse…she feels the same way too and isn't willing to do anything about it.
Great.
"We need to talk about this, Trin. I…I can't lose you. Not like this," I whisper, a hoarse ache and sting etching my tenor voice. I'm begging on my knees and she can't even bother to look at me. I feel like my heart has been chopped at unremittingly, pieces strewn everywhere the more she remains to stare cold and expressionless at her dashboard and not into my green eyes like many times in the past.
"Goodbye, Ben," Trinity says half-heartedly, looking at me momentarily for the first time in a near hour, her car roaring to life as a cue that I should get out and leave her alone for a while. I can barely feel my legs as I open the car door and stand on the sidewalk, watching her in the rearview mirror until I can't even feel her presence anymore or remember why I am still standing here, waiting...
Ben ran a hand through his hair and wandered around his near-empty and noiseless apartment, so unusually lonely without Trinity there. He wasn't used to being alone, and now that he was, he knew he never wanted to feel that way again. He bit his lip, halting in his pacing to glance at the clock hanging on the wall in his box sized kitchen. School had just let out ten minutes ago for everybody, and no doubt Rayna would be paying him her "surprise" visit that she did nearly every day in about five minutes, give or take.
Perhaps Rayna coming over would be a good distraction from his thoughts, allowing him to at least talk with somebody, even if Rayna wasn't always the best listener. He always knew Rayna didn't like Trinity, and often times vice versa. It pained him to see that they couldn't get along, due to the fact that he associated with them both. Even something about Rayna had changed lately, her usually giggly demeanor now replaced with a nagging, complaining, up-tight attitude Ben wasn't growing too fond of the more she talked to him. Thoughts wandered back to that afternoon as the doorbell rang and he begrudgingly hoisted himself up off of the three-seated couch, running a hand through his hair as he opened the door and daubed on the best smile he could manage at the moment.
"Hi, Ben," Rayna smiled, white teeth gleaming as she tossed her hair over one shoulder and adjusted the white purse hanging on her arm. She cocked her head to the side at Ben's expression, noticing at once that something wasn't right. "What's wrong, hun?"
Ben waved a hand in the air, signaling that everything was alright, when genuinely he didn't want to talk about it with her. He wasn't about to go and share his problems with the first person that showed up at his door, no matter how genuinely interested they seemed to be, false or factual he would not know with Rayna Lewis. He smirked at her, taking in her now stubborn expression as he pulled her in for a brief hug and pulled back to look at her.
"I'm fine. I promise."
"Why weren't you at school after lunch? And why haven't you been answering my calls? I must have called you, like, a bazillion times and you never answered. Mr. Holiday sent me out into the hall for being on my phone. Were you with Trinity?" she demanded, laying one question on after another, not even bothering to double check to make sure that Ben was okay after his unconvincing attempt of assuring her that he was. She looked at him through pointed green eyes, the color reminding him of his own when he caught his reflection outdoors. Rayna had one dainty hand propped up on her hip, jutted out in a way that said she was not leaving his doorstep until he gave her the answers that she was nosily seeking. It bothered him that she was so quick to point accusations at him, when really it was not even her business to begin with.
"I had some work to do. This apartment doesn't pay for itself, you know," Ben replied as a matter of fact, the thought bothering him that he couldn't just look Rayna in the eye and tell her that he had been with Trinity all afternoon. Rayna wasn't his girlfriend, so why should he have to hide the fact that he had ditched school just to merely hang out with his best friend away from the crowd and pressures of school? Former best friend? He still wasn't sure what to call Trinity at the moment. Rayna rolled her eyes.
"I already know you were with Trinity. The school office called her aunt or whoever the heck she lives with to ask why she wasn't in school. Rumor has it that you two ditched school to hook up. Plus, you're a crappy liar. Now, tell me."
"It's not really any of your concern, Rayna. You're not my girlfriend, and Trinity and I are best friends," Ben said, jutting his job firm in a battle stance that showed Rayna he was not up for this conversation and he didn't have to explain himself to her. As long as he and Trinity knew the truth, that was all that mattered. And frankly, him and her would not be hooking up anytime soon, even if he wanted to.
"Guy and girl friendships tend to slip up once in a while, don't you think? Turn into something more at moments? Like you and I? I was worried about you today when I didn't see you in sixth period." Rayna reached out to place her hand on his shoulder, rubbing her thumb across the line of his collarbone as she cocked her head to the side. "Now are you going to invite me in? It's really cold out here."
"No. I'm sorry, Rayn, but I really just want to be alone. I'll see you at school," Ben said, gently removing her hand from his shoulder and squeezing it once as he nodded his head in dismissal, closing the door firmly. Being the nice guy that he was, he just couldn't bother picking a fight with anybody anymore. He had already had enough from his argument with Trinity, and he was drained of all patience for the remaining afternoon. Rayna was the typical person who would not stop until she was right, and he couldn't deal with that.
Not right now.