path of renewal, growth and change: a true short story

"I was once a young man who started as he did his young adult age interested in sex, perhaps it was just normal to be this way and yes in the start it was, but overtime things change, you do things you didnt think you could or would, and you think you have full control, but it's not untill you understand you are addicted like a junkie to crack do you really learn to renew your focus and change the path you are on, I never was a sinner, never did worship evil, never even wanted to do bad, but you have to understand that some gateways are not always evil, they can start as simple as viewing too much nude women, one too many sexual porn videos, or one late night of too much porn surfing, I am not a victim, but I am able to be one to an addiction, but this is my story of how I am overcomming this, and I share it with all of you today"

"At the age of 16, boy do things change, for me it was not as hard as many, but I did not welcome zits and how my body go fat, the rejection factor on myself was at an all time high, I was 186 lbs, I did not go out, I did not have friends, my only friends where my mother, father, and sister. I did not want more, perhaps I was not right in thinking that, and I see that I was not... one night after much attacking being the anti porn me, I figured why not look at it? (this was a bad idea and the starting point of my madness into the adult world of online porn and it's grip of my mind)

with one click... BAM! porn all over the webpage, and then pop ups of porn, all kinds, some not even normal, my hand started to shake, my nerves shot up higher then ever, and my mind was spinning like a top, what a rush I got, the feeling of the power! it was a huge rush for me, after that time, I tried to hide my growing addiction, in it's day... it became a daily habit, id get up, get on the computer, and play games and look at porn, my life was ONLY this, at 16, I thought this was great, I mean what kid does not like games and then you add porn? sounded like the best thing in the world, it was not as I found out overtime...

my life was MMORPGS, and adult websites, and reaching under the table to.. well you know... this was getting worse from after that day, it got more and more, the lust for both was growing like a demon within your mind, it just starts to take over you.. you dont feel it as you are numb from the mental lust that you become...

you start to think "there is nothing wrong with this, I am a man, I can do this, there is nothing wrong with this...

but the truth is THERE IS EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THIS! sex at it's core is about loving someone on the highest level of being, and about creating life with someone you love, if it be life of a child or life of growing your bonds with each other, this is what sex, and sexual ideas ARE, just because we have choosen to degrade it overtime, does not change what it is, it only changes if you agree it is nothing more then a lust action and just because it feels good... well NOT everything that feels good is good, doing drugs feels good once the effects kick in, drinking feels good once the beer hits your body, but there is a drawback...and a price to pay" the truth is doing something that feels good that has bad drawbacks will give you health problems, and attack your mind, I think when we are all born, we all know what is right and what is wrong, because we have a gut feeling on things, it's when we twist what is and what is not that we become confused and life at it's core become more complex and degraded as it moves forward in the wrong way, it becomes a beast of lust,crime, and hell on earth, yet those who support it label people who dont as evil, when the act of a man loving other man is really an evil degrade of the core of sexual understanding, a man who loves a women can create more, build more and have kids, a same sex group cannot without the aid of other means (a mans life juice EXT...)

it all came to a heed yesterday night from 12 am to 4:30 am I was addicted to porn, surfing, and watching.. then it happend...

I thought for the first time in a longtime

"what in the HELL am I doing! all night doing this? really? this is crap! this needs to stop!"

it was then, that I grabbed my hard drive on top of my tower, and delated all porn on it, I then went and got a porn blocker, installed it and now my computer is clean of adult flith

sex is a wonderful idea, it creates life, it grows, it transends time and space, it is one wonderful core soul idea to bond with each other, grow with each other, and be with each other as much as you love each other, but the world is being shaped into a lust filled bucket of flith, sex has no meaning anymore, love is becoming non-existant, men are more lust wolfs then leaders, women are more sluts then leaders, why do we continue this wrong path of existantance? it;s because of the media we watch, the movies we see, the ideas we accept and the psychiatrists who love to degrade, drug and mind wash everything with degrade ideas and flith, however the blame also lies with the soul of a person, do they get sucked in or do they fight it? overtime, I have learned you must overcome the demons of your past, even if they are as small as porn, or as big as a crime, we can all change, we can all do better, be better, and grow as people, as souls, as beings, we can get back to the core ideas that make life wonderful, we can do this, it starts with a friend, finding other, and growing the idea of sex with the idea of kids, marriage, family, and we can stop watching the TV of reality tv shows, crap media, and junk movies, we can change a nation, we can change a worlds view, it starts with a simple step

CHANGE yourself. this was my story, while it was short in nature, I hope that you can write the next page :)