I stare myself down, glaring. How can you still be fat? I ask myself. Doesn't matter, though. Nothing matters except that I get the slow, painful death I deserve. People would misunderstand my intentions if they knew. They think I want to be skinny. But I just want to die. I deserve it, a slow death reserved for people like me. Murderers.
I don't have to worry about being caught. My best friend is dead because of me, and my parents couldn't care less if I turned into a goldfish. I turned away from the mirror, forcing myself to relive that night.
"Ro, I don't know... The weather is really bad out, and I definitely don't want to be driving home drunk in that."
"Fine, then let's go to a movie, just you and me. It'll be fun!" I grabbed her hand and smiled a big dorky smile at her, knowing she'd agree.
"Alright." She sighed. "There better be a good movie for me to be driving in this storm, I don't really think it's a good idea." I smiled, and rushed out to the car. I had been dying to get out somewhere, and even though it wasn't a party with boys and booze, a best friend night would do.
After that, we drove, even though it was freezing raining, I just wanted to be gone. Someplace else, and because of my own selfish wants, we slid. We slid for forever, until a tree stopped us, breaking Jesse's body.
My phone beeped, alerting me that it was time for my workouts. I did my jumping jacks, pushups, and crunches. At first I could do so many. But now I am too weak to. I now pull on shoes, and a hoodie; I am always cold now, and prepare to run. I usually run about three miles, but I am feeling withered, and will only be able to do probably two.
I run and run, pushing my limits, as I gasp for air. Every time I feel like giving up I remind myself that I deserve it. Suddenly I am flung onto the pavement, not sure how I got there. I am disoriented. There is a woman beside me. She asks me if I am ok. She has a phone. Don't, I want to tell her. I want to die, leave me be. She shakes me, feeling my bones; she screams. Then, with tears rolling down her face, she strokes my cheek.
"Why? Did no one notice your will to die? I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry. Look how thin, skin and bones. Are you happy now, child? You've killed yourself. I wish I had gotten to you first. I would have loved you. I always wanted a daughter." She spoke in my ear. Mt vision started to go black, but I felt like I had found the light. My salvation.
"Thank you." I whispered, a tear on my cheek, as the world faded away, and I felt nothing.