1Note: Burn towards Justin Beav-oops-Bieber and mild burn towards One Direction. Also the bands Wicked Twister and Launch Sixteen are totally made up and I'm sorry if they are actually a band because I just thought of a random band name in my head and wrote it down.
The job of a tooth fairy is simple. Collect a tooth from a child who still believes in them and leave a quarter. (Although it does change depending on where the child lives and his or her religion but collect and leave a quarter is usually set as the standard.) Now, there is 6,973,738,433 (although it is constantly changing every second) people living in the world. Roughly, about half of them are children. So that would mean about 3,486,869,216 kids are living in this world (remember the number is constantly changing). How does the tooth fairy do it?
She isn't alone. Nope. They don't dare mention her helpers. She always did want the glory to herself. I don't think they even bother to go on strike because of her wrath. So since there is roughly 3,486,869,216 children there are roughly 3,486,869,216 tooth fairy helper fairy's roaming around the world doing exactly what Her Majesty is supposed to be doing. I don't really bother saying hello to my neighbor anymore because either he or she is there for a week then leaves or is there for like three seconds then leaves.
Oh. I think I forgot to mention one tiny little detail about them. They are girls no matter what. All girls. There are 3,486,869,216 girls living in one big palace above the clouds. And out of those 3,486,869,216 girls, 3,486,869,215 of them are girly girls. Currently, the swag around the palace, and even Her Royal Pain loves it, is Justin Beaver. Justin Bieber? No. Justin Beaver. I'm so sick of his music that if I see him walking down the street unnoticed by anyone I'll storm over there and strangle him to death; maybe I'll even invite NBC or something to watch.
How can I strangle him when I'm like two inches tall with wings? Well, I'm sorry to say this but Her Royal Pain put the wrong image in your head. Well it is true that we are like two inches tall with wings but what she didn't tell you was that we can also be midget to seven feet tall. How? Well, unlike some other myths and tales we can roam around in the 'human world'. Notice the quotations. We can also interact with people too. However, it is forbidden (you know, like it is all the time?) to fall in love with a human because it is a necessity for us to do our job because there is one fairy for every kid in this world.
That is why 3,486,869,215 of us fall in love with magazines that mostly include rock stars, pop stars and other famous males because, quoted from my sister, they have 'beautiful teeth'.
So that is exactly why I'm touring with a crappy band called One Direction- (ha-ha, got you, insert laugh right here)- Launch Sixteen. No, really. They a hundred percent suck. But that isn't what the people think. They absolutely love the electronic remixes.
Why am I here? Well you see there was this one big thing ordeal with my sister. She apparently loves a guy from a band called Wicked Twister. It's a rock band. Well at least that is what it is supposed to be, I've heard some of their songs and most of the times it's the lead singer saying he's either a) about to go on drugs, b) about to kill himself, c) moping because he doesn't have a girl or d) saying how great having sex is…and I think you get my point by now. Apparently she fell in love with Tyler, the drummer dude. I've did a background check on him, and a very good one at that, and he's never did anything bad in his whole life…well except being in the band but that's just my opinion. So I give Andrea some credit because she didn't pick Noah, the guy who sings about the stuff mentioned above, like almost everyone else did besides Justin Beaver.
So Andrea ran away in search of her beloved Tyler. And I ran away in search of my beloved sister. Ironic, huh?
I was sitting in the corner of the fold out bed, rambling on about mathematical equations and the population of the world in my head when I heard the commotion. It was strangely very quiet so I had lots of time to myself. Normally I would have just ignored it but this was rather important figuring it was programmed, or rather ingrained in my head.
"Peter," a gruff voice said, "you're being whiney. Stop it and I'll get this tooth out of your skull faster."
"Buuut iiiit huuuurts!" Peter whined. I could see the thin string hanging from his mouth and I immediately drew the connection. Code 108. Immense pulling on a loose tooth will loosen it more but can seriously effect development. Ahh! I've dealt with a lot of these situations before but how was I supposed to handle this one!? I've always been in human form (at least I guess that is the appropriate term for it) when I did these. But I wasn't allowed access on here in the first place!
Just yell stop. It'll stop everything.
But it won't stop them, it'll just pause it for a few seconds!
Exactly. Now think of a decoy or distract them somehow while you fix it.
But I'm the only fairy here!
You could always buzz around their faces and act like those anime flight attendant chicks and say 'stop! You're being very naughty right now!'
No! That is just perverted! You moron!
Hey, at least they are cute.
Shut up.
How could I possibly shut up? I'm you.
"STOP!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, which probably sounded like a mere squeak of a mouse to them.
Great Avery. You yelled stop anyways.
It was my plan all along.
I'm going to kill you.
You've been saying that for a while now.
I was about to mentally kill myself but someone interrupted me. "Hey," a new voice said, "did you guys here that?"
"No." Mostly all of them said in unison.
"Huh. I thought I did." The pulling began again.
"STOP IT! CODE 108! YOU'LL HURT YOUR JAW!"
Well, that's a good way to put it Avery. Smooth move.
SHUT UP!
Gruff Guy pulled back confused. "I swear I heard something telling me to stop pulling at it."
"God," New Guy said, "just mess with it tomorrow Brad. I just want to get some sleep."
"Fine." Brad muttered and I heard a thunk on the bed.
"Yes!" I heard Peter silently whisper in joy.
You done guuuud.
I hate you.
Yet I love you.
I didn't want to argue with myself. When I was sure everyone was asleep I checked on everyone's teeth so I could make sure there would be no more incidents like what had just happened. Peter still had his tooth in check despite all the tugging and pulling. Gruff Guy was good to go besides the food stuck in his teeth and the bad breath. I also checked on two other guys of whom I didn't know then finally I got to New Guy. I checked his teeth but it wasn't a check-up. This was full blown staring at them. So white…so clean and shiny…no bad breath…no cavities…his teeth were…perfect. His teeth were beautiful…
HAH! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!
SHUT UP!
MAKE ME! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT…
Whack.
The hand came flying at me with such intensity that it sent my spiraling into the wall. Did I wake him up? I landed in soft palms. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I was so not going to be used as a teddy bear. I couldn't wriggle away. I was stuck!
Bite him!
He's still asleep!
Well he hit you!
No!
Yes!
No!
Stop it Avery. Stop fighting with yourself. Your sister's disappearance, this tooth incident and now this…
I finally bickered myself to sleep. I get awfully tired a lot when I'm stressed out and tend to panic way more than I should.
So when I woke up I didn't have time to panic. I had five pairs of eyes on me. And those eyes apparently wanted to get straight to the chase.
"Who are you?" One accused.
Then I remembered what my mom told me: you can stay a fairy in the human realm for a long time but when touched by a human it drains ones vigor a lot so their last resort is human form. That is why it is forbidden to have a relationship with them.
I let an 'O' form at my lips. Snickerdoodles…