31Author's note: Some aftermath. Yes, Jacob was raped by those two girls. They have no idea they did it; no one in the town knows anything that happened while the Albino was controlling them. In fact, most of the town doesn't even have anything against gay people; it was just a way for the Albino to make Eric and Jacob suffer. Anyway, Jacob's rape. Female-on-male rape does happen, and it's serious, so I figured I may as well show that. Some bigger, sadder news: I'm putting this story on hiatus for a while. I don't have the time to write three stories while also going to school. I'll keep working on it when I can, and probably when I've finished writing it, I'll finish posting it. In the meantime, I just need to put it on hold.
June 11, 2013
"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Taylor asked Jacob.
"No," Jacob refused firmly. "I talked about it with Eric. That's all the talking I'm going to do."
"Uh, OK," Taylor said.
"Eric," Lisa said, "do you want to talk about what happened to you?"
"To me?" Eric replied. "Nothing really happened to me. The priest talked to me."
"About what?" Lisa asked.
"My being gay. He told me it was wrong, and that I should stop."
"And did you tell him to suck your dick?" Taylor asked. "Or at least not to knock it until he tried it?"
"Uh, no," Eric admitted. "I said he'd given me a lot to think about."
"Why would you say that?!" Taylor demanded.
"Because he'd given me a lot to think about!"
"No he didn't. You're gay. It's who you are. Anyone who doesn't like it can go to hell."
"Going to Hell is exactly my worry."
"Relax, Taylor," Shirley said. "Eric's mind was probably being twisted by the Albino's magic. He wouldn't have been in any position to argue back."
"I guess so," Taylor conceded.
"And now that your mind's your own again," Shirley said to Eric, "how do you feel about what the guy said?"
"Um," Eric looked away. "I kinda still feel like I have a lot to think about."
"What?!" Taylor shouted.
"Calm down," Ashleigh whispered sharply.
"I kinda figured as much," Shirley nodded.
"How can you say that?" Taylor asked Eric. "The guy screws with your head, and you still think maybe he might've been right? Come on, man!"
"The things he said are things I've worried about for years already," Eric said defensively. "He pulled out all my fears about whether maybe I am wrong. Maybe I should be making more of an effort to be right with God. I have to figure out if God is really OK with me being gay."
"Of course it is!" Taylor said. "The guy was just messing with your head!"
"Taylor, just shut the hell up," Shirley said "You don't know a damned thing, OK? You can't. You can't possibly know what the Albino does to you. Not until he actually does it to you, and I sincerely hope he never does. He goes into your head, and he pulls all your deepest, darkest fears to the surface. And no matter what you do, you can't get rid of them. I'm still convinced you all secretly hate me. Eric's already dealing with a lot. He needs our support and understanding. Not you being an ass."
". . . You're right," Taylor said sadly. "Eric, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."
"It's OK," Eric said. "I know you were just freaking out because you care."
"You two should kiss and make up," Ashleigh said.
"Nope!" Taylor refused. "Not happening!"
"I think a handshake will be sufficient," Eric smiled.
"Darn," Ashleigh sigh. "So close."
Jacob had spent the whole conversation avoiding looking at anyone. Shirley stood up and grabbed his arm. "Come on," she told him. "We're going for a walk."
"Maybe I don't want to," Jacob replied.
"It'll be good for you. Please."
The 'please' caught his attention. He still wasn't used to hearing that from her. Hesitantly, he stood up. "All right," he said. "Since you said 'please'."
After they left, Lisa turned to the others. "I feel so bad for them," she said. "They've got so much pain inside. I wish there was something we could do to help."
"I think I could help Jacob," Eric said. "I think if I keep dating him, it'll help him."
"Well, one more reason to keep dating him, then," Taylor said.
"Yeah. That's part of the problem."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. It's, like . . . I'm being torn in so many different directions right now. I like Jacob. I want to help him. I want to keep going out with him. But I'm not sure if it's what's best for me. But maybe I should be putting aside what's best for me for what's best for him. I don't know. It's complicated, you know?"
"Yeah," Taylor nodded. "I guess so."
"So what did you want?" Jacob asked Shirley. "I don't want to talk about what happened to me."
"Fine," Shirley said. "We don't need to talk about anything after the Albino showed up. We can talk about what happened before that."
"Same thing that happened to Eric, basically. Some people tried to convince me I'm not really gay. That I went to Eric as a rebound, since the only other girl around was you, and you'd made it pretty clear that you weren't interested."
"Do you think they were right?"
"I don't know. I don't really care. I like Eric. It doesn't matter why I went to him, I like him."
"Even if I was interested?" Shirley asked.
"What? You're interested?" Jacob asked.
"Only one way for you to find out," she said.
Jacob thought about it. "No. Like I said, I like being with Eric."
"Good," Shirley nodded. "I'm glad you're serious about Eric, and not just dating him because you have no other options. If you'd dumped him for me, I would've said no."
"Jeez. You're still kind of a bitch, you know that?"
"Sorry. I wasn't trying to be a bitch. But you and Eric are my friends. I wanted to make sure that you know what you're doing, and that you're doing it for the right reasons."
"And am I?" Jacob asked in an annoyed tone.
"Yeah. I think you are."
"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence."
"Jacob? If you ever decide to talk about what happened . . . I'm here for you. I know what you went through."
"I don't think you really do know," he said between gritted teeth. "I was raped."
"You were physically raped," Shirley agreed. "I had my soul raped. And even aside from that, while I wasn't actually physically raped, he did make me believe I was being raped. So I do know."
"Oh, you believed you were raped. Well I was actually raped. I couldn't move, and two girls used me to get themselves off, and I couldn't do anything about it. So until you're actually raped, I don't think you can understand what I went through."
"Please, stop," Shirley whispered, tears in her eyes. "Do you really think I can't understand? Have you already forgotten what I went through? What he did to me? What happened to you was wrong, but you're not alone. It's happened to millions of men and women. It's awful, but you can find people who've gone through the same thing. I had my soul violated! Where's the support group for something like that? There is none! Because no one else has been put through the kind of torture I went through!"
"Hey, Shirley, look," Jacob started to apologize.
"No!" she interrupted. "You look! You're the one who wanted to wallow in anger and self-pity, instead of accepting help from people who care about you! Every time I close my eyes, I relive that day! I can't look at myself in the mirror without having a reminder of what the Albino did to me! He broke me, Jacob. He shattered my mind. My whole sense of self. So don't talk to me about what I can't understand! At least you still know who you are!"
"I'm sorry," Jacob said quietly, pulling her into a hug.
"Dammit," she sniffed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up like that."
"Hey, I get it. It's only been, like, a week since you woke up from that coma."
"But I brought you out here to make you feel better."
"I think I actually might feel a bit better. You reminded me that I'm not alone."
"Well, I'm glad I did that much, then," Shirley sniffed. "But I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry."
"It's OK. I was being a bit of a jerk. I deserved it."
"No, you didn't. You're going through a lot. I knew that when I asked you to take a walk with me. But I don't have my own shit together yet. Goddess, I don't know if I ever will."
"We'll get through all this," Jacob assured her. "Together."
"The six of us," Shirley agreed.
"Exactly."
"OK. OK, let's go back. Before your boyfriend gets jealous," she added with a smile.
"I'd be tempted to give him something to be jealous of," Jacob joked, "but I figure there's still just enough of the old you in there that it might be bad for my health."
"I like to think so," Shirley chuckled.