last night I remembered you

walking side by side in midwinter air

breath condensation becoming one

our breath was one, the same, together

I never think you understood

how my heart beats were staccato

desperately trying to match your own rhythm

of button up tops and open-tongued combat boots

I remembered

winter nights and;

bonfires and;

the way I could never get over

how your lips curled upwards

because nothing made my insides warmer

or my heart skip a beat

faster than the curl of your mouth

and the smell of cheap alcohol on your lips

I wrote you poetry

but you never heard it

I kept reaching for you

like a drowning man reaches for air

you were my oxygen

and I was drowning