I was driving home from class one night when a whole bunch of people got in the way moaning like someone who got kicked in the groin. I pulled over and was about to get out of the car to tell the people to move out of the way (they didn't notice the honking so I figure that they're trying to be "rebel" or something) when another car pulled over right next to me and the driver rolls down the window and said, "Don't go near those guys, they're zombies!"
Stunned, I said, "Again? Really?"
The driver nods and said, "Yes, again!" as he toss me a cross-bow once we both got out of our cars. As the zombies are advancing toward us, I said, "What is the difference between 'alive' and 'undead'?" as I fire a bolt and hits one of them in the shoulder.
"There's no time for that, they're coming our way!" he yelled.
"They're walking slower than a turtle, it would take hours before they even get five yards within our distance!" I said.
I fire another bolt at the zombie and hits one right in the stomach but he continues on without flinching so I fire another one and hit him in the face, causing him to keel over.
"The difference between 'alive' and 'undead' is that when you're alive, your body still functions and undead means you just came back from the dead...I think," he said.
"I don't know, undead would still means you're not dead which is what alive is, not only that, I just hit the guy in the head and he fell over, if they were dead then how come they stop if you hit them in the brain? It's not like they're brain dead or anything!" I yelled.
"How the hell should I know, I'm not the one who created the definition for alive and undead, I would go with the 'living dead' and even then it still wouldn't answer your question about the brain!"
"If their brain still functions then they're not really dead are they? Basically we're killing people who are still alive but got infected and end up in a trance or something."
I fire another bolt and hits another one of the zombies in the sack, causing it to moan even louder.
"Guess they can still feel." I said.
In time the group started to part away and we both wonder what was going on until we saw a bunch of pale men in suits came in from between and smiled. I fire a bolt into one of the men in the face and nothing happens...he just stood there and pull the bolt out from his eye socket!
My partner became shocked and said, "W-what's going on here? What are they?"
I realize what they are and said, "They're the sportswriters who participated in the Hall of Fame votings, they have the ability to function without brains despite the lack of...mind."
"How do you know?"
"Remember the Pro Football Hall of Fame results last month?"
"Oh, that explains a lot I guess."
Then something came to mind and I said, "You know, just earlier this morning, 'Shaun of the Dead' was on, it's kind of weird."
"Coincidence?" he asked.
"Maybe." I shrugged.
Because the zombie sportswriters aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed, we got into our cars and sped toward them, knocking them over. They'll be alright, I know because I had an encounter before and dealt with them and the next day they're on ESPN spewing same nonsense over and over. I'm surprised Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith aren't among those guys though, maybe the rumor of the show "First Take" being scripted is true after all, wouldn't find it surprising if that's the case since one must never put anything past ESPN.