After the class ended, I went to take a break at the local diner on my way home (after walking and sprinting few miles, even hearing someone yelling "Run Forrest Run!"). I was reading the menu and noticed how the foods are overpriced and thought about whether I should order this or that when I heard someone yelling, "You people are sheeps! The Satanists from the Illuminati are going to take over you fools! Remember what they did on 9/11?"
Then a woman who was seated on a table next to me said, "I see this is your first time in this diner."
"Don't mind this guy, he's a resident conspiracy theorist who have been mouthing off the same nonsense for the past year, just ignore him." she said.
"Isn't someone going to stop him?" I asked.
"Just don't, trust me!" she answered.
I wondered why.
But I didn't bother to push for more answers as the lunatic continues to spew the same nonsense such as, "People in Waco are heroes! Uwe Boll is a misunderstood and under-appreciated film genius who got screwed by the Jews controlling the movie industry! This country is run by the Illuminati satanists..." and so on. It's that bad, not much to describe it.
Once the semester has ended, I went to the campus bookstore to sell back the textbooks I bought earlier that spring and to tell you the truth, it wasn't much as they were all used. Afterward, I felt great because I have about twenty pounds of books taken off my back and decided to walk several miles back to the subway station (as usual) where I can worry about my parents getting angry about the sweat smell because...you know. On my way, I felt hungry and decided to stop at the diner, forgetting what happened the last time I went there.
As soon as I ordered a cheeseburger, I was suddenly reminded why I haven't went there for a while, because that idiot came in and did what he does best...
"Newtown is a hoax! The parents are liars and the kids doesn't even exist!"
I groaned in disgust, feeling even worse than the plight of just about everything that happens to bother me, including something trivial among other things.
"Obama just wanted to ban our guns and he also set up the bombing in Boston so he can arrest the Muslims to impress his Zionist bosses!"
I tried to fight off my urge to punch him but as he continues to make an ass out of himself, I started to curl my fist to the point that just a little more pressure, my knuckles would have popped right out of the skin. The next thing I know, I was already up and start to walk slowly toward the conspiracy nut and a possible offspring of Alex Jones and one of the people I came across on YouTube. I second later, I stood an inch right in front of the psycho and at that point, he stopped and said, "What do you want you sheep? Do you have a crush on me or what? Spit it out already! The government set this up and your ignorant ass wo-" as my fist was buried in his face, knocking him right into the floor, narrowly missing the table (thankfully too, trust me, the waiters and the waitresses gave me death glares).
The guy got up and said, "You fool, you Illuminati Nazi Satanic Zionist loving fool..." as he started toward the entrance.
"You will pay for what you have done, the truth shall come out!" he continued as he walked out of the door.
I sighed and got back to my table when someone tapped me in the shoulder.
I turned and it was a waitress who said, "You idiot!"
"What for?" I asked.
"It seems that there are a lot you need to learn of the situation." she answered.
I started to become worried and said, "You mean the conspiracies are real?"
"No! What happened was that there were some customers who confronted this lunatic, the next day they were never heard again..."
I almost stopped breathing for a moment and asked, "Didn-"
"We tried the police, but there were no evidence."
I put down my burger and said, "No evidence? With disappearances occurring, you'd figure that something might turn up sooner or later."
"That's what we thought too and that was five years ago."
That's pretty unnerving, but after a while I was able to finish my lunch.
After the break was over, I headed onto the subway station when I saw a suspicious figure in black hood gesturing me to come toward him. I ignored him and started to continue my way when several more figures came out of nowhere and one of them said, "You can't ignore us!"
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Just come with us." was the answer.
Having no choice, I followed them and they led me to a warehouse.
"What is this about?" I asked.
One of the hooded figures turned to me and said, "Remember when you tried to order an album from Amazon and the site was out of stock?"
Stunned, I took few seconds to recover and asked, "How di-"
"Easy, we worked for Amazon!"
"Truth is, ever since the rise of electropop, anyone caught dead selling some teen pop albums would be branded an outcast, though still not as much as those who goes out to buy one." he answered.
"Wait, you mean th-"
"Yes, we care enough about our customers and would go an extra mile to make sure no one would get screwed, although there are exceptions but it couldn't be helped...so anyway, about the European Backstreet Boys album you're trying to order."
I groaned in embarrassment as I heard one of the patrons shout, "A guy who listens to the Backstreet Boys? What a faggot!"
I felt slightly madder than the struggles of my favorite baseball team.
The seller smiled and said, "Usually, the people who bought that band's albums did so because of that movie that just came out, but you tried to order it a month ago so you have no excuse for that matter, not to mention it didn't even have that track."
I sighed and asked, "Okay, how much for the album?"
It could have been worse, but at least it wasn't that conspiracy nut from the diner, at least for the time being anyway. At that point, I figured that I won't see that crazy guy again but you know the cliche where certain thoughts like that tends to backfire.
You see, what happened was that few days later I received a letter from the office of Financial Aid regarding the FAFSA and the problem was that it claimed I haven't send in the form. I decided to make a trip to the campus administration building where I would try to deal with the issue and hoped that what happend was a mistake that can be corrected.
I was right and in the end the problem was solved.
But then, a new problem would arise.
As soon as I left the entrance, the nutcase from the diner came up and yelled, "The truth shall be revealed you government nazi shee-YOU!?" pointing his finger at me in shock.
"You again?" I said.
"YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN STALKING ME!" he screamed.
"What the heck are you talking about? You ran in yelling like a lunati-wait, you are a lunatic and just because the diner probably no longer allowed you to do this, you decided to do this over here?" I answered.
"Y-YOU GONNA PAY FOR WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE! I SWEAR YOU WILL PAY YOU GOVERMENT PIG AND ONCE IT'S OVER, YOUR SATANIST ZION BOSSES WILL FALL!"
Then he ran off.
"What's that about?"
I sighed and said, "I punched him in the face at the diner few days ago."
Later that afternoon, tired of taking the same route all over again, I went to take an alternate route to it can feel a bit shorter as I had no intention of taking the bus, I mean it's a beautiful day after dealing with series of rainy days. Then I felt someone was following me so I turned to look over my shoulder and saw no one was there to my relief. I thought I was just getting paranoid because of what the waitress said before not to mention my run in with the staff members of Amazon website didn't helped matters either.
Then one by one, each figure emerged from each bush and one even jumped from the tree, only to land onto someone's car screaming in pain. Sure enough, the nutcase from before came up and sneered, "Well, well, well, who's laughing now?"
"I wasn't laughing." I said.
"No it was-"
"Shut up you government pig!" one yelled as I felt a whack from the back of my head, causing me to stumbled a bit before recovering. I think they were trying to knock me out from behind in one hit just like in television shows and movies because almost immediately, I turned around and grabbed the person in the arm just as he was about to hit me with a wrench for the second time and laughed, "Do you really think that stupid cliche would actually work? That hit is weaker than the Yankees offen-" before stopping for a brief moment in anger and continued, "...weaker than a marshmallow hammer, do you really think you can hurt anyone with that?"
A moment later, someone smothered me with a napkin with a funny smelling liquid and I blacked out. Once I come to, I found myself tied up on a chair in a dark room with one window and judging by the sunlight peering through, I wasn't out for that long. I could still feel the pain throbbing from the back of my head from the hit I took earlier. I was still groggy and after a while, I was able to shake it off and look around, barely making out the furnitures until I was finally able to adjust my eyes in the dark room.
"Look who's finally up?"
I could see several figures walking toward me and one of them took out a flashlight and flashed it on my face.
"Ow, my eyes."
I heard a chuckle and one of them said, "You will be here with us for quite a long time unless you tell us what the government is up to."
"What?" I groaned.
"Don't play us for fools, you know what we're talking about!"
"Yeah, do you want to end up like your colleagues for defying us?"
Colleagues? What colleagues? That's when I remember what the waitress said to me back at the diner, some of the people who confronted one of them went missing and their bodies were never found...could it be?
I decided to play along out of curiosity and asked, "What happened to them?"
"None of them agreed to cooperate with us so we did what we had to do, it really saved us the trouble of buying expensive dog food."
At first a shock went through my body, then I started to feel anger growing inside of me. Knowing that I'll have to find a way to escape, I waited for the right moment to act, especially since I was tied up on a creaky wooden chair, anybody could have gotten out of that. As I was typing this, I started to wonder why didn't the others realize this.
I'm guessing they were too freaked out of their minds to do anything.
After a series of questions asked by each of the conspiracy theorists, I slowly answer each of them, one by one with bullshit answers that no one in a right mind would have believed in any of these. Then again, none of those guys are exactly sane so naturally, they gobbled up each of the garbage I gave them like a piece of candy, including the stuff about how Mentos is in on the conspiracy to take over the Andromeda galaxy so the New World Order can expand their influence to different parts of the universe. Turth to be told, it was kind of fun, especially when they also bought into the conspiracy I came up on the fly about how the Sasson jean brand is a plot by the government to turn everyone gay and one of the people who questioned me stormed out of the building yelling, "I knew it!"
After that was over, some of the lunatics would leave while few remained to stand guard. That was the moment I was waiting for, the perfect opportunity, just needed to be careful or otherwise I might blow this one. With that, I stood up despite being tied up and hunched over before I jumped onto my back just as the two guarding me turned to look. Once the chair was shattered, the rope became undone and I was able to get back on my feet, easily subduing both men before they had the chance to do anything.
Not long after, I searched the house for a trace of evidence so that way, these nutcases can finally be put away for what they have done. I checked everywhere, including the backyard, the kitchen (where I stopped and helped myself to a can of Pepsi), and the upstairs room. I wasn't able to find anything until I went to have a look at the basement. As I went down the steps, I noticed the smell and the fact that the basement seems pretty deep since I might have been walking for few minutes down the steps at that point. However, further I proceed, the odor became even stronger and I could hear flies buzzing around, causing me to freeze up for a bit before continuing downward.
The smell, the foul odor...it became so strong that once I made my way to the basement, I nearly threw up. Then I felt the wall next to the staircase for a lightswitch to switch on the lights...once I did so, I wished I hadn't done just that. It was a gruesome sight, the floor was completely covered with what appeared to be a pool of red and yellow mush covered with maggots and cocoons, I could see some flies emerging from some of them. As I forced myslef to look around, I could see decomposing skin that barely covered some bones with gray matter seeping out of the skull. I didn't notice the flies flying all over me until one buzzed past my left ear, causing me to jump and nearly fell down the steps into the pile of rotted mess. Come to think of it, it's not even piles, more like a vast wasteland of a rotted mess, something out of a horror movie, except it's actually frightening. I quickly switched off the light and sprinted up the steps and back into the living room where the two I have beaten continued to groan and one of them said, "You can't get away...the truth will come out..."
I took a moment to calm down from what I just saw and said, "The truth will come out alright, you people will be the one to pay."
"No...you Zionist scum...will fail..."
They fell back to unconsciousness just before I could ask them why people like them have issues against Jewish people for some reason. I could guess some reasons but this is just dumb.
Then I walked out to the payphone to make sure the call won't get traced since I don't want anymore part of this mess. I dialed 911 and left an anonymous tip regarding the suspicious activities that occurred in a house, leaving an address as well. After sprinting across few blocks, I came up to the waste basket and began to vomit everything I had in my stomach. The worse part is that I could still smell the stench from the basement, making it hard to forget and could only hope that I won't having another run in with those people once the police done their job. As I would soon realize, the situation's far from over as I would find myself going face to face with what could be described as the right hand man of death itself and no, I do not mean Thanos from Marvel comics. In fact, that "person" is much creepier and weaker at the same time.
It was starting to grow dark and I had no idea where I was at that point. I couldn't even find the right bus stop so I had no choice but to follow the signs of the location, hoping that they might lead me back to where I was before the kidnapping. Instead, I ended up with a run in with a notorious serial killer known as "Jeff the Killer", one of the most narcissistic killers in history. I didn't know who it was at first since I was spooked a bit and then I thought that he might have been a midget clown who got out of a party a bit wasted or something, either way I just wanted to get home so I tried to move aside. Each time I tried to move away, he copied what I did, even when I waved my hand to his face, he did the same. I scratched my head and he did the same, I sneezed and he did the same, I yawned and he did the same, I jumped and he did the same, annoyed at this, I punched him in the face without a second thought and said, "Get out of my way and mime some place else, I don't have anymore time to waste!"
Just as I was ready to walk by him, the clown then squealed, "Oh dear, you dare to hurt my beautiful face, you will pay for that!"
Annoyed because of the smell of decomposing bodies I encountered earlier that day, I said, "How much?" and laughed. Yeah, I was in a crummy mood and felt like a douche but it was a hectic day and it gotten on my nerves. I continued on until the clown screamed, "HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!", causing me to jumped a bit because it sounded like a screech.
I turned around and saw a homicidal look on the maniacal clown's face as he pulled out a knife.
As he started to walk toward me, I picked up and rock and toss it right into his face, grazing his cheek, leaving a gash. The clown gasped and stopped to feel his left cheek, that's when he realized that his "beautiful" face got scratched. He squealed and cried with the same smile on his face, making it much more creepier as he screamed, "OH DEAR...YOU AWFUL MAN! YOU SCRATCHED A PERFECT WORK OF ART!"
"YOU RUDE MAN, MY BEAUTY IS RUINED! YOU MUST DIE!"
Then his unblinking eyes flashed for a brief moment and I said, "What the hell was that?"
"YOU WILL SEE MUAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed.
Suddenly, my body couldn't move no matter how much I tried as a bowl of fruit moved closer by the passing second with a knife in his hand, then for a brief moment, he stopped just to lick the knife before proceeding.
"Damn it!" I growled.
My body stood in place despite my efforts and once he got close, he laughed like a flamboyant hyena and moved his face so close to mine that it was only few centimeters apart, the smile made it unnerving. But then I had a reprieve because I stopped by the pizza place and had a slice which I would coat it with at least few inches of garlic powder. The smell caused the clown to jerk backward and gagged with a smile on his face, screaming, "EW GROSS! YOU SMELLY BOY...SMELLY, SMELLY, SMELLY, STINKY! OH DEAR...YOU STINKY ONE!" as he started to run around in circle like a chicken with its head cut off. After a minute of running around and screaming like the maniac he is, the creepy evil clown finally stopped in the middle of the street and said, "Oh deary, I almost forgot...I'm supposed to kill you for cutting my gorgeous face!"
The clown was ready to move toward me when a van came and struck him, sending him flying down the street like a rag doll. The maniac got up and scampered away like a cockroach before disappearing into the setting sun. My body suddenly regain its movements and I sighed in relief when someone got out of the van and said, "Dennis, you have to come with us!"
"Who are you and how did you know my name?" I asked.
"There's no time, Jeff will return, just get in the van!"
"Look, I appreciate the fact that you saved my life but I need to get home and not only that, I don't even know you...wait a minute, I remember you!"
Couple of years ago when I was traveling cross country (long story), I was at Cleveland when I had another run in with a Chargers fan. To make a long story short, it turns out he sold his soul just to try to kill me and it really backfired on him in the end as he was trapped in the mirror house and was never seen again. I was able to escape due to some help I received from a private investigator who was there because he had some suspicions on the disappearance of several other people prior to that incident, I never thought we would meet again.
I got into the van and along with Peter Connelly, there are several other people as well including couple of people working on the computer.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"Truth to be told, we have been looking for you so I looked up your place of residence and we were on our way when...this happened." he answered.
The private investigator sighed and said, "For the past year, there were series of strange events that have happened, it might have something to do with a rumor I heard, I didn't give much thought to it at first but ever since the zombie incident few months ago, the rumor grew stronger."
I remembered the incident, it was weird but I didn't really think much of it after it ended because I was too busy getting caught driving home from college without a license, decided not to take a chance since then.
"So what's the rumor about?" I asked.
"There was a rumor going on that the government tried to find the ultimate eye drop in hope to cure pink eye for good, but the problem is that..."
"Does it involve a bottle of Worcester sauce?" I interrupted.
"No! This isn't South Park, it didn't involve a bottle of Worcester sauce, what happened is that someone messed up the chemicals and that's all I know." he said.
It sounded like the MK Ultra, without the mind control.
I looked around and said, "So...you guys are going to send me home right?"
"Yes, it is getting late and we'll meet up tomorrow." was the answer.
"Good." I said with a sigh of relief.
Then Peter introduced me to some people and said, "By the way, here are the people I would like you to meet."
I saw a woman who gave me a death glare and I wondered why until...
"You? Have you been stalking me?" I yelled.
"That's my line!" she yelled back.
Then Peter came and said, "About that, sorry I didn't tell you earlier, she's here too."
"Thanks a lot!" I said, remembering the meeting I had with her some time ago when she was a receptionist of a hotel I stayed in when I was at Minnesota. Not exactly thrilled to see her again because after what happened in Cleveland which happens to be a sheer coincidence, it gets pretty awkward.
She turned to look at the window and said, "I can see you're not goofing off like what happened back in Minneapolis."
"That's nice, like I even care about this right now." I said with a sarcastic tone.
After being introduced to rest of the staff in the van, Peter offered me to join to help deal with the growing conspiracies that have been going on for sometime. I said, "No thanks, look, I appreciate what you did for me but I don't want to get involved in any of this okay? I'm tired and I just don't want any more of this, just drop me home and it's done with!"
Peter shook his head and said, "You do realize that you just had a confrontation with Jeff the Killer, right?"
I stopped and said, "Jeff the what?"
"Jeff the Killer, I'm sure you heard of him."
"Yeah I heard of the guy, you mean that was him? That guy exist?"
"Where do you think that story came from? Somebody's boredom?"
Then there was a brief silence.
"What?" I said.
"Jeff the Killer is still out there, if you don't join us, you won't be safe." said Peter.
I thought for a minute and said, "So you said that you guys deal with conspiracies, am I right?"
"If I join, do we get to take down Monsanto?"
"No, unless Monsanto is involved in bigger ones than their current problems, we're not going to get involved in this."
I was disappointed so I said, "Then I'm out."
Half an hour later, they dropped me home and Peter gave me a card.
"In case you change your mind, just give us a call."
I nodded and said, "Okay, I'll think about it for a bit."
But I was too tired that night so after taking a shower, I watched the Heat/Spurs game, and went to sleep.