ONE

Kelly buries my new life attached to a 'Just For Today' keychain in my palm, and folds my fingers over the ridged metal. Keeping my eyes bowed, I nibble my bottom lip trying to chew my emotions in check. It's not working well. But I can't cry anymore. I won't. Especially not in front of Kelly. She's nice and all, but considering her profession I don't trust her enough to not want to throw me in the padding room.

"You're going to be just fine," she squeezes my wrists. I suck in a breath and respond with a sniffle.

Yes, you will. As soon as this chick leaves, everything will disappear and you will be floating on air and dancing with cherubs.

"Come on, let's go inside."

She turns and hikes up the crooked brick pathway leading up to my granddaddy's house.

My dead granddaddy.

Shuffling behind her, I avert my eyes from the colorful life blooming in various spots in the yard. He never got to see how beautiful I made it. Everything was perfect, his own private paradise just the way he imagined it. We were going to plant palm trees and tie up hammocks between them and have our island vacation.

Dorky, yes. But I would do anything just to make that old man crinkle a smile at me. Made me feel alive and less horrible. Filled in that empty soul of mine that's been carrying nothing but coldness and guilt.

Now, all my monsters will greet me at the door and it will all start all over again.

We reach the porch, cluttered in leaves and small tree limbs. Kelly apologizes and says she asked one of the nurses to sweep before I got here. Waving my hand, I tell her it's okay. Looks like I'm going to need lots to do to keep my ass busy around here.

I pull the silver key from its NA keychain and slip the metal into the keyhole, turn, and click.

Taking a deep breath, I shove the door open, instantly washed over by a gust of icy cold air.

"Whoooo!" I close my eyes and shudder. My body tingles, little sparks going up my arm.

I step into the house, Kelly insisting to stay on the porch and let me go first and peek around the corner waiting for the boogeyman or some other haunted surprise. Nothing. Just the humming air conditioner and the clock ticking. The living room has been neatly packed up into boxes and buried in cloth. Going over to a coffee table in the middle of the floor stacked with U-Haul boxes, I rip the duct tape off the flap, and plunge my hand inside the box. I extract a bunch of knick knack figurines, mostly religious paraphernalia, paint flaking and glass chipped. I chuckle as I look over a port belly choir singer, his fat purple lips in a perfect circle, hands clasped over a book. Placing it back in the box, I notice writing on the side. 'Gartha's' it says.

Rolling my eyes, I stomp away from the table and go to the kitchen and place the keys and my messenger bag on the table. All the kitchen counter top appliances are messing, along with granddaddy's Kiss the Chef decorations. The entire area is bare and echo's with every move I make.

Damn, they were planning on raping the place merciless.

"Kelly!" I open a kitchen drawer and search for the attic keys. Take out sauces, plastic wear, and drill bits. Slamming it shut, I move on to the next drawer.

"Everything okay?" She asks slowly, lying her purse on the counter.

Whipping around, I fling my arms wildly, blowing steam, ready to let my inner dragon loose.

"What the fuck man? All his shit is packed and wrapped with names on it!"

Kelly turns her gaze, and sighs.

"Yeah...about that. Be careful leaving the house...you might want to install a security system. Once everybody found out that your grandfather willed everything to you, they were even more adamant about taking stuff."

Snorting, I shake my head. That's just like them. Greedy and selfish. Nobody came around when he was sick. I took care of the old man! Now he's dead and they want to act like he owes them shit?

Fuck that.

I wish they would come and try to steal from me. Ass'll be loaded up by the window in the dark like it's Call of fucking duty.

"Well, they ain't getting a damn thang. My word on that shit." I turn and lean against the counter, arching my back.

Why did you do it old man?

No one likes me. Matter of fact, 'like' is just a kind word to blot out the disdain that they harbor for me. People say blood is thicker than water, but that ain't always the case.

Partly my fault anyway why they wish ill will on my ass. No amount of apologies in the world are enough to forgive my transgressions. But that's okay. Because the same reasons they hate me for is gonna be my comfort for the night in this empty house.

That's the only way I'll get to see him.

"Josephine?"

I snap to and stand to attention.

Hate when I do that. Feel like a dunce.

"Huh?" I put on my innocent, grieving face.

Kelly angelically smiles, her blue eyes glittering, and moves over to the fridge and grabs a small envelope atop the freezer.

"I said, here are all the other keys, there's a few groceries in the fridge for you and I have to go."

Acknowledging her with a short nod, I stare at the floor, anticipating my pending loneliness. My heart oddly enough isn't doing the boom bang thing it does when I get nervous.

She snatches up her purse, and glides over and squeezes my arms. I force a smile, glad that my tears have subsided for this long, but still not able to put forth a genuine smile. Right now, most of my actions are programmed to automatic. Too exhausted internally to express anything other then sadness and anger.

Kelly's a good person. Someone like granddaddy whom I really don't deserve to have supporting me. If only she knew what was on queue once she stepped outside this house.

She'd really have me committed them, chains and all.

I allow myself to accept her hug, but cannot keep my body from tensioning up. Her embraces me feel so uncomfortable.

That would be guilt, my dear girl, my granddaddy's voice says.

Yeah, yeah. It is.

But I'll get over it.

She looks me over and beams me with another one of her endless hopefully smiles. This woman is a happy junkie. "I am here if you need anything. Don't hesitate call," She narrows her eyes. "I mean it. Anywhere, anytime. K?"

Nodding, "Yeah, sure. Thanks. I appreciate it, Kelly. A lot."

Satisfied, she pecks me on the cheek and tells me she'll stop by sometime in the next week or so and let's herself out.

Then it becomes official.

I am alone in this dead house.

My house now.

Well, every place needs to be properly broken in and I don't have any champagne.

What a shame.

Moving to the kitchen table, I drag my bag towards me and rummage inside for my goody bag.

I swear I've been wanting this shit all day. Running to the junk drawer, I grab a plastic knife and lift a little powder from the baggie on the counter, carefully piling it into a thin straight line.

Pushing a finger down on one side of my nose, I lean down take a small whiff before I snort every bit up my nose.

Tossing back my head, I laugh, wiping my nose.

Felt so good.

Finally.

Numbing won't be long.

Granddaddy, here I come.