And if you're still eating
you're the lucky ones
because I starved myself
for collarbones
and chicken-bone legs
and jutting hips
and I regret
the minute I put food in my mouth
because food
is not food
it is a number
everything is a number
counting calories
and the hate you feel
the vomit-inducing
gag-reflex
feeling
that you get when you see food
is
best described
as
sad
I feel sad
and sick
and fat
and I want to rake my nails
down my skin
whenever I eat