rabbit hole

the night was so wide,
i fell in.
hallucinations of being out of reach,
it was i being chased, not the rabbit;
delusions of persecution.

but what caught up were the years,
false memories taking up dreams,
fears in the form of shadows,
forever falling.
taunting lips with words
i could never catch.
blame was thrown
like playing cards
of spears
and thorns
and mallets
and broken hearts.

it's later that i learned what is even
worse than guilt is the shame.

so many echos of rewinding paths,
there were no mornings after;
haunted by the smile in the moon,
i slept to the calls of morning birds.

and like the night,
you consumed me, much like the pool
of salty tears.

i drink not to peace but for calamity,
and this is the distorted truth of reality.

a/n: i used mallet because i was being judged,
it did not feel good.