She couldn't help it. The way every was, the way everything is. Jona didn't want this, didn't need this and why was everything so goddamn difficult?

Jona prided herself on being a good girl. Such a fucking good girl. She was in the top 5%. She placed second in senior girls athletics. She was smart, she was nice. She was that girl who had plans and a future. Did you hear? That girl's going places.

Except Jona wanted nothing more than to drink and smoke and get absolutely shitfaced and fuck that guy she's always thought was cool, with the too-long legs and the nice-smelling cologne and that to-die-for accent that made her legs squirm. She didn't want to be that nice girl, that virgin girl.

She just wanted to tell her gay best-friend forever, Jake, to fuck off with his melodrama'd bullshit. She didn't fucking care, OK? No one fucking cares. Jona wanted to tell him how much of an egotistical asshole he was, and get the fuck off Tumblr and stop fucking Instagramming you self-proclaimed alternative piece of shit. Stop being so goddamn horny. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Stop treating everyone like shit and dropping them as soon as you get bored with their antics. Fuck you.

Jona wanted to look like a Victoria's Secret model. She wanted to be bent over a table and fucked; thoroughly and painfully. She wanted to inhale weed and waterfall vodka instead of cola. She wanted new friends and a new life and to get the fuck out of this shitty hole of a town. She didn't want good grades or good boys and she's never had a boyfriend but oh, god, does she want to throw her virginity out the goddamn slutty window of opportunity. She wants her parents to say, hey, look at that good girl and why can't you be more like her?

I am drowning.