Have you ever woken up one day, and just felt… oh, I don't know.


Not in the "this is going to be a good day!" kind of way you feel after taking your pills or listening to your tapes, I'm talking about plain, unadulterated


I didn't think so.

I remember it very well. It was a drizzly Tuesday, too bad it was neither drizzly nor Tuesday. In fact, it was balmy. And Friday. It's kind of weird how that happens, isn't it? In the stories, things always happen on a drizzly Tuesday, but in real life, you get stuck with balmy Fridays.

But I digress. Because I be ninja.

*Bad apple Japanese music*

Balmy-Friday Friday, 1348 that's actually present day.

"HUBERT! WAKE UP YOU DEMONIC, EVIL LITTLE BOY WHO RUINED MY BODY! I made double chocolate pancakes!" Last part said in a sing song voice.

"Yes Mother," Hubert said quietly, not because he was shy, or didn't like loud noises, or even just chose to be quiet. No, it was the sheer power that overtook him. It was just so…


And it made him feel ticklish, but not in a gross, creepy way. Like his whole body had to sneeze. But couldn't. Man, Hubert hated that feeling.

*SLAM!* Hubert's fist hit the wall, making an itty-bitty little crack in a load baring wall, and making the roof cave in.

Blue smoke flooded the room, and in the place that the wall once located, a very large purple man now stood. With a foomanchu. That was fluffy and red. IT WAS A FLUFFY RED FOOMANCHU! ON A LARGE PURPLE MAN! You cannot even picture how amazing that was. It was so amazing, we had to invent a new word to describe it: Awesomenessificationifieded. And by we, I mean everyone who invents things that don't need to be in existence, but are. Yes, this is the return of the League of Idiotic Fools! But that is for another time.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S A LARGE PURPLE MAN WITH A FLUFFY RED FOOMANCHU! WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE!?" Hubert yelled, which was like regular talking, because he still had that weird sneezy feeling, and the power. It was so….

Powerful, And sneezy.

For a guy like Hubert, this was unbelievable. In a mildly believable way.

"Hubert. You be ninja. I be ninja. WE BE NINJA! Bye bye."

And the foomanchu man disappeared back into the rubble of the wall.

"ohhh…kay then." Hubert said. Quietly, the same as he was before.

He put it out of his mind, and went downstairs to eat breakfast, then went off to school. He sleeps in his clothing, so he just skipped that step.

*Hubert's School, like an hour in the future*

The school newspaper editor's voice came over the intercom.

"Attention. Iron Man, Batman and Spiderman have turned evil, and are trying to take over the world! Everyone, hide under your desks as if that's going to make a difference! Also, today's lunch: fish sticks."

A groan rang out through the room, because everyone hates the fish sticks.

Hubert had started to feel better when he arrived at school, but the sneezy feeling returned all of a sudden, making him fall out of his desk and assume the fetal position. No one noticed this, however, because that's what everyone else was doing.

*Herbert, you be ninja. You must fight the evil superheroes before they take over the school! And you must do it before lunchtime, so that your class eats the fish sticks!*

It was the giant purple guy with the fluffy red foomanchu!

"BUT MY NAME IS HUBERT!" Hubert yelled very loud, and you would think people would look at him with an odd look on their face, but they didn't. Such is life. (Yes, this statement does have horrible grammar and means absolutely nothing, thank you for asking.)

Hubert shot up from under his desk, and a high pitched bell rang from his sneaker. But he didn't have a high pitched bell! This occurred just as his head went through the desk, because he forgot that is was there.

He didn't give it a second thought, and ran past the teacher and the elevator to the stairs, up the 54985789432075849758943718954798257427589275475742 75843270 flights of stairs it took to reach the roof. And there, on that roof, was Iron Man, Batman and Spiderman, and it appeared as if they were discussing their evil plot.


Spiderman proceeded to bitch slap him.


"NEITHER DO YOU!" yelled Iron Man.

Spiderman and Batman both slapped Iron Man at the same time, but that broke their hands, because he's kind of wearing his suit.

Still, that hurt Iron Man's feelings, and he started crying, and so did the others, because their hands hurt. This made Hubert cry, because he's a sympathetic crier.

Iron Man, Spiderman and Batman then took a nap, because they were tired after crying, and Hubert did too, but he hit his head on the way down, and fell into a 7.54 minute coma.

When he awoke, he was still on the roof, but the superheroes weren't! In their place was a lot of people from his school!

They were throwing up over the edge of the building, because the superheroes were captured sleeping by the police, and lunch was served 80 minutes early.

*Good job Gerbert. And Gerbert, I AM NOT YOUR FAJA! But really, acceptable job. Now run, because when these people find out you're the reason they ate fish sticks, they will make a line to bitch slap you. And then your face will fall off, and they will shred it, and throw it in the air like Gerbert face confetti! AND they will take your pudding.*

"But my name is Hubert! And not my pudding!"

Hubert ran off the roof, running in midair for a long period of time, until he looked down. Then he fell down, and became a Hubert pancake. But then he pumped himself full of air with a bike pump, and went back home, where his mother made spaghetti. It was good.

True Story.