—

Raden

—

He was happy. That was all I'd ever wanted for him, and I could see the proof of it written all across his face. We all could. He would grin like an idiot whenever he was with her, and all I could do was pretend I was happy for his happiness. The others, of course, saw through it in an instant. He was the only one who couldn't see.

"The way I see it, you have two options. Tell him, or get over him." I tore my sight away from Erius long enough to shoot a glare in Talon's direction, which only made him grin.

"I can't tell him. That's practically suicide, Talon, I'm not willing to lose him like that."

"So then get over him." He continued breezily, shrugging his shoulders, "If you're so convinced it'd never happen, why do you continue hanging onto hope? You're a mess, Raden, and that hurts the rest of us. If Erius wasn't such an idiot, he'd be able to see through you in a heartbeat. You think telling him would be suicide? Think of what would happen if he figured it out for himself."

Talon, as always, had a point. That hardly changed anything, though. "I can't just get over him. I don't know how."

"Wait, you're asking Talon for advice?" Fareus commented, coming into view from the hallway, "And here I thought you were the smart one, Raden."

"Farry, don't be mean to me!" Talon whined, making it increasingly harder to remember that he was, in fact, the eldest.

"You should just talk to him, Raden." Fareus continued, ignoring Talon's pathetic cries, "Honestly, I don't think there's anything you could do that could ruin your friendship with him."

"Because telling your best friend that you're kind of in love with them totally wouldn't destroy us." I muttered sarcastically, only to be answered by a shrug.

"Worked for us," Talon commented, no longer bothering to pester Fareus, instead turning his gaze back out to the town center that my bedroom window overlooked.

I followed his gaze, a lump forming in my throat when I spotted Erius out there still with her, seated painfully close to each other on the ledge of the fountain. "But it's not the same. He has her. Look at them, look at how happy they look. How good they look together. What kind of friend would I be if I tried to break them up?"

"No one even knows if they're actually dating. He hasn't told me, and he hasn't told his parents, so unless he's told you, you should stop jumping to conclusions." Fareus stated point-blank, having meandered over to where we were sitting by the window, coiling his arms around Talon's neck, "And honestly, what reason would they have for hiding it if they were together? If Itanor doesn't have a problem with me and Talon, I doubt there'd be a problem with Erius and Labella."

"Even if by some miraculous turn of events you were right and they aren't together, I'm still not willing to lose him." I added with a slight scowl, eyes still focused on Erius' figure. How happy would I be if Labella was no longer in the picture? I still wouldn't have a chance, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about the pain that came with seeing them together.

How beautiful would their future babies be, I found myself wondering. Labella was considered the crown beauty of Itanor by many, and Erius… Erius was everything. Their babies would be, without a doubt, perfect. And I would have to see them, play with them, watch them grow up in all their perfection.

A shudder ran down my spine as Erius directed his gaze to my bedroom window, catching sight of me with a smile. Though my mind screamed at me to look away, to pretend as though I hadn't been staring at him, my eyes were unable to break away, and all I was able to do was hesitantly smile back at him, raising a hand in a slight wave. Labella grabbed onto his arm, though, jerking his sight away from me, and she pulled him from his seat, and in the direction of her home. Even from the distance, I could see them smiling and laughing, as happy as could be.

"Get over him." Talon repeated, watching Erius and Labella disappear from sight from beside me, placing his right hand gently down on my left shoulder, "If you refuse to tell him, then there's nothing else you can do about the matter."

Once upon a time, we were inseparable. We're still best friends, yes, but no longer did we spend all of our time together. Now he spent most of his time with her, away from me, and that hurt more than I'd ever expected. It wasn't until now that I realized just how much I cared for him. We were young, these feelings would pass. Hopefully.

"Promise me we'll always be together. Promise me, Ray!"

"I promise."

"Pinkie promise!"

"Already promised, isn't that enough?"

"No!"

"Whaddya want, then?"

"Marry me."

He probably didn't even remember that, but I did. I'd always remember it. That might have been the exact moment that I began to love him, when we were a mere five years old. It had been shortly after Fareus' parents had died, causing him to be adopted into Erius' family, and our entire world was a mess. It had been our first experience with death, and Erius had needed reassurance. And even though it was silly, some part of me still clung to the hope that he remembered his words from ten years ago.

But he didn't, so I simply had to bear it alone.

—

"Hey there."

My shoulders stiffened at the familiar voice, and I plastered a grin across my face when I turned to look at him, "Hey, Erius. What brings you here?"

"What, I'm not allowed to visit our spot anymore?" He teased in return, lowering himself down onto the grass next to me gently, eyes gazing out over the sprawling landscape that was clearly visible atop this hill, "You hurt me so." I could say the same about him, though I know better than to bring that up.

"I just never see you anymore, is all. You could stand to be away from Labella for an hour or so. I'm feeling neglected." I answered in what I hoped to be a joking tone, dreading what might happen if he saw past it all.

And for a terrifying moment, he stared at me blankly, as though he knew everything, every little secret I'd hidden from him. And then it happened. "I know, Raden."

I could have sworn my heart stopped in that instant, my blood turning cold in my veins, "Know what?" I asked cautiously, my mind racing, because how could he know?

"That you're in love." He answered, and a shudder of fear coursed through my body, "Why didn't you tell me?" This was it. He knew, what else could he have been referring to? Hastily I stood, ready to make a dash for it whenever I could.

"I… I didn't know how you'd take it."

He pushed himself up and smiled. Was he supposed to be smiling? "What, you thought I'd be jealous of you? Because I've been spending all this time with her?" …what? He… he didn't know. Erius didn't know that it was him. Yet…

"It's not her." I forced myself to look at him again, in a desperate attempt to scan his facial expression for any hint as to what would come, "It's you. I'm in love with you." His eyes were wide, and he stared at me gaping, and what have I done? Fuck, I've ruined everything, haven't I? "I- I'm sorry," I forced out, the shock on his face breaking my heart, "Just… forget it. Please." Erius remained silent, and for a moment, a brief, desperate moment, I had hope.

"Forget it? How can you say that?!" Of course he'd be mad, I could hardly blame him for that. How else would someone react, upon learning their male best friend harbored feelings for them? And this place, formerly the home of so many of our happy memories, would now forever be tainted with the words I'd dared to utter.

What had I done…?