19He had a restless sleep that night. He tossed and turned, hating himself and wanting with a desperate ferocity that gnawed at his insides, thinking of her alone in the woods, unprotected and unsafe, until it rendered him mad. Surely she had a home to return to — a family that could keep her safe? And yet she had been soil and woods all over, on her skin and drenching her tantalising scent, all alone by the river, with that look on her face that spoke of kindness and contentment.
He wondered if she understood how dangerous the woods were. Thought about it over and over until he began to shake, ripping his sheets away from his trembling body, skin overheated and mind racing. Anything could be out there — especially at night. All sorts of things that could find her — fragile and beautiful as she was, utterly defenceless on her own, unprotected, his mind growled at him.
He knew that he had to stay away, and yet he couldn't. Couldn't bear the thought of her alone, the wolf within him threatening to break through, his fingers lengthening and morphing at the thought, making him feel as though he'd been newly turned; uncontrollable rather than the born Prince that he was. When his door knob began to jiggle he shot up abruptly, claws retracting into human fingers, breathing forced and ragged as he waited for the person to enter.
"Darling," came the whisper. Blonde hair gave way to gleaming blue eyes, a seemingly sultry grin and a barely-clothed girl. He couldn't stand to look at her, averted his gaze, his skin crawling with disgust and self-hatred, feeling wrong and feral at the same time. It had all become a pattern to him; endless days feeling unworthy, sharing his bed with women to keep the thoughts away at night. Self-loathing made him long for destructiveness, to prove just what he assumed that others thought of him, but now guilt consumed him so fiercely that his body felt as though it was on fire.
"Leave," he forced out, still looking away. His woodland mate filled his mind, forcing him to clench his eyes shut, reiterating the fact that he was unworthy of her, a monster in the face of something so fragile.
"Dorian!" came the indignant voice.
"Don't ever come back," he growled out. Looking up at the girl, his eyes glowed. She began to back away, out of the door and through the hall that led away from his room, and when her footsteps disappeared he felt his body relax only slightly.
And then without a second thought, he was out of his bed and running out into the night.
He could smell her even before he completed the transformation. Once he had his wolf was pressing him forward, delighted and relentless, paws padding against the ground, dodging trees and rocks in an effort to reach her. His mind was conflicted, though desperate to see her again, and he reminded himself that she could never know what he was. He would just check on her, he told himself. Make sure that she was safe.
Somehow he knew that leaving would be infinitely more difficult than he anticipated.
The scent elicited fire in his bones, erupting all over his fur, consuming his thoughts until he could only focus on the dull thudding of his paws against the ground, over and over again, growing closer and closer to her and more nervous as he did so. His heart was a racing thrum within his chest as his eyes darkened to a dewy gold, nose pressed against the ground, trying to control the urges that were taking him over. Anticipation gripped at him like lead and the human part of him faltered in fear, causing the wolf to fumble in his steps, slowing with greatly harnessed control.
She is ours, the wolf snarled at him.
Just a look, Dorian forced back.
The wolf within him growled, feet padding forward, golden eyes glowing as the peered out into the dark night, knowing that she was close, heart racing in anticipation.
When he reached the river he saw her. Froze, trying not to inhale her scent, feeling utterly human and fragile as he gazed upon her, curled onto her side, brown hair in a tangled pillow beneath her as her chest rose and fell with each breath. He lowered himself onto shaking paws, belly hitting the ground, the angst and unrest that had been filling him since the day before giving way to contentment, lids fluttering as he collapsed onto the ground, unwilling to move his eyes away.
Beautiful, he thought to himself. His wolf growled in agreement, content for now with just watching her as they were, stunned into silence by their proximity, the sound of her breathing and the gentle flowing of the river relaxing him greatly. Dorian was filled with a sense of fragility that he had never before felt, a sense of adoration that was foreign to him, but he welcomed it, peaceful and satisfying as it was, however frightening and odd that it felt. He wondered what her hair smelt like, how her ivory skin felt when touched with his fingers, and his heart ached, longing for more than he'd allow himself. Could she feel him near her, he wondered, and did it bring her peace? If she was to open her eyes she would see nothing but a wild wolf, a dangerous animal, and yet there was a strange, unrealistic longing that begged for her to see and feel more. To need him as he needed her.
A growl brought him out of his thoughts. Picking his head up, immediately defensive and protective of his mate, he caught eyes with a fox. It had picked itself up from the ground behind her and was standing in front of her as though to protect her, teeth bared and eyes narrowed, ready to attack.
Dorian almost wanted to laugh. It appeared that his mate was not entirely unprotected, though what good a small fox would do against any predator was a different story. To prove his point, Dorian snarled back at the small animal, lowering himself into an attacking position, ready to scare the animal away, to prove that no beast was a match for him. To his surprise, the fox did not waver nor look away, instead holding itself in front of the girl's body protectively, the sounds leaving its mouth growing in loudness until the girl behind him began to stir.
"Felix?" she called out, rubbing at her eyes as she raised her head. "What's going on?"
Dorian faltered, body growing tense, readying himself to run. She wasn't supposed to see him — he was only supposed to look and then leave, and yet his pride had gotten the best of him.
He expected her to scream when she saw him, or for fear to cross her face, but instead she grinned. "Hello again," she called out softly, gentle expression making his heart pound ferociously. He couldn't look away, dumbfounded by her, by all that she meant and all that she was. His heart ached, his wolf howling desperately inside of him, his body tense as his paws dug into the ground.
Honey. There it was, the scent that had consumed him since he'd last smelt it; dark blue eyes peering back at him that hadn't left his mind since. Affection for her filled his heart, made it ache, and he longed more than anything to move closer to her, but he was wolf, not human, and for that he didn't deserve her.
Even as he forced himself away he knew that he'd return. Knew that he was powerless when it came to staying away, that he would be happily and regretfully powerless and return to her every night, just to catch a glimpse of her and to breathe in her scent. She would never know what he was — could never know, but she would consume him each and every day until he died.
She called out to him as he left. "Don't leave," she said softly.
He paused, glancing back at her, paws digging into the ground. Her eyes were vulnerable, and for a moment he thought that she could feel it too; not what he felt, but at the very least the connection that thrummed vivaciously when they were near, that sense of contentment at being in the other's presence. The thought made him falter, whimpering as he huffed out air through his snout, longing more than anything to heed to her wishes.
But he was foolish. She knew him only as a wolf, only as an animal of the woods that surrounded them. There was no way that she could feel anything for him.
Turning around, he sprinted back into the night, his wolf howling painfully inside of him.
She watched the wolf with a strange sense of longing as it darted away into the night, tail lowered and and leaves crunching beneath its paws. She watched until it had disappeared from sight, and Felix had lowered himself onto his stomach beside her, content that she no longer needed protecting.
She'd found the fox when it was only little; a shy, furry thing peeking out at her through the cavern of the trees. It had been desperately hungry, she'd realised after a moment or two, and the thought filled her with such sympathy that she'd thrown her berries towards the animal. The fox had flinched away for a second, cautious eyes darting up to meet hers, before it had bounded forwards and gobbled up the berries. She had laughed delightedly, wondering how on earth she'd managed to find the only fox that seemed content to eat berries, and had slowly walked forwards, head lowered to show the little thing that she was not a threat.
When she was close to him she'd held out her hand, remembering the way her mother had taught her to greet animals, and the fox had eyed her for a moment or two before hesitantly sniffing at her knuckles. After a moment or so, it had whimpered, licking the juice from the berries off of her fingers in a way that made her laugh.
"Felix," she had said, reaching out to scratch it behind the ears. "I think I'll call you Felix."
As a child, she'd always wanted a pet. She had begged and begged her father, and her mother would watch on with saddened eyes as he'd slap away her fingers and shout. Felix was the closest thing that she'd ever had, and the small fox had returned to her every night, snuggling into her side as they slept and guarding her each day as the sun rose. They grew together, Felix learning how to hunt meat for the both of them, as she would gather berries and water for them to drink at night. In a way, he hardly seemed like a fox, but she didn't spend long pondering on the thought. He was fiercely protective, tiny though he was, and at the first sign of danger he would be in front of her as though he was her guardian.
He was older now, but he crouched down beside her just as he did every night, and she wistfully reached out to scratch behind his ears, wondering why it was that she felt so fiercely lonely. For a girl that lived alone, she was often content in the woods, but for the first time in a long time she longed for what she could never have: companionship. Her dad had guaranteed that when he'd kicked her out, and she wondered idly whether he thought that she was dead, and whether the thought struck him with the same sense of sadness as she felt now, thinking of him. With a heavy heart she realised that she knew the answer, had seen it in his eyes the day he'd kicked her out. She'd been banished from his heart the minute her mother had died, and she hadn't lingered inside there since.
"Why is he afraid?" she asked Felix, thinking of the wolf again. Felix looked up at her, head tilted to the side, reaching out to lick at her hand. She smiled, though it was somewhat sad, that same sense of loneliness tugging at her chest. Laying down on the dirt, she brought Felix closer to her, clutching onto him more tightly than she usually did, burying her nose into his fur. "Maybe he'll come back tomorrow," she whispered into her companion's fur, and the fox grizzled a bit before relaxing in her grip.
"If only you could talk, Felix," she told the fox softly, though she knew that it wouldn't understand her. "Maybe then I wouldn't feel so alone."
But she did — more than ever, now, and as she closed her eyes, she wondered idly why it was that the wolf had made her feel as so.
A/N Bleh, crappy chapter crappy chapter, but I'm sick of trying to edit it so I'm forcing myself to post it before bed. I am so, so sorry for the long wait, and just know that I have a good reason for it, but it's not something that I'm willing to share online. Thank you so much to every person that reviewed and sent me messages; you guys are the reason I will follow this book through to the end. Thank you so very much. Grumpy Dorian sends you kisses!
Next chapter will have progress between the two, and you'll finally get to meet Alice! (who won't be what you expect). As always, if it's been a while since I've updated just start to bug me, because chances are that I have most of it written and I'm just being lazy and forgetful!
Love you guys lots! Please leave feedback, and I would especially love to hear what you think is going to happen in future updates! I have this whole story planned from start to finish, and believe me, there will be a few twists and turns! Nothing heartbreaking though, I promise! I wouldn't do that to you guys. XD