I heard the laugh.

I knew that laugh. I could identify it here or anywhere. I would be damned if I forgot that laugh. He was here. Right now. In this room. I froze from my activity, arranging the books. That voice was so familiar to me; I'd heard it too many times before. It dripped of words that had once caressed me, so many memories hidden. The hairs on my back stood up. What the hell was he doing here? I thought he lived cities away. I wasn't able to see him, not with the shelves in our way. So I pushed some books to the side and peered at him.

He stood there, in all his mighty glory. He looked older since I'd last seen him five years ago. His hair was the dark brown that I'd run my hands through many times, his eyes were still the bluest I'd seen and the smirk that I knew oh-so-well hadn't disappeared in the slightest. He was talking with Lauren, my co-worker, at the check-out counter. His jeans were beat-up and he had a casual dress shirt on. My mouth went dry, he was, and I'd dare say, better-looking. The muscles on his arms had increased and his legs seemed bulkier through his jeans, I knew that he'd continued playing soccer through college.

The memories flooded my head. I can't believe it had been five years.

"I'm always going to be the best icing-decorator in this town," I told him, placing my hands on my hips and giving him a triumphant smile. He imitated my pose and in seconds he was spinning me around in the way-too-small kitchen. I shook my head laughing as he sat me on the counter.

He gripped my hips tight, "And I'll still be the best kisser in this goddamned town," and proving it, he pressed his lips to mine, as he had done before so many times. I returned the kiss, before pushing lightly on his chest with my flour-coated hands.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, I think I'm the best kisser in this town," I placed my hands on both of his cheeks as he gave me one of those looks that I'd never forget. True to my statement, I locked my lips with his and he didn't hesitate a second before he pulled me into him and I smiled.

Breaking away from the kiss, he said, "Now that, is true. And it should only happen to be that the best kisser is my girlfriend."

I chuckled, "You are too much."

He held a different air about him that made me curious; did he have a girlfriend now? I'm sure he did, boys like him didn't go unnoticed. I ignored the small surge of jealousy that coursed through me. I had no absolute right to be jealous, I hadn't seen him for five years and he wasn't anything to me now. I convinced myself that he didn't mean anything now.

"You are such a lucky girl," Moraine told me, as we both looked at the dark haired boy that was laughing with his friends. I smiled as he laughed at something his friend said. "For the love of god, just look at him."

"Yeah, he's not too bad," I sipped on the alcohol drink I held in my hand. We watched as a blonde girl that I'd seen a lot of times in town come up to him. Jealousy ran through my veins and the smile on my face dropped. "I'm a lucky girl until that happens."

I pointed the blonde girl out to Moraine and it made her laugh, "Trust me, he won't look at another girl like he looks at you."

Robin pushed her way into our conversation somehow through the loud music, "What are you talking about?"

"Erin and Andrew. The way he looks at her."

"Oh, yeah, no one misses the way he looks at you, Erin. Someone would have to be blind to not see it." Although their words reassured me in a way, I couldn't take my eyes off of the blonde slut that was talking to my boyfriend. She signaled the dance floor to him and he shook his head. Triumph run over me and I felt like such a bad person. He pointed to me and he waved. I waved back. She stared at me with a shocked expression on her face; her mouth formed a small 'o'. She said a few words to him and ran away, to her slut friends that started whispering things about me.

He started coming my way and I saw how the sluts just checked me out, up and down and began to say things. I ignored them. "Look, lover boy is coming over here," Moraine said and my two friends giggled as they stood up and left me.

Andrew took a seat next to me, right where Robin had been and hung his arm over my shoulder as he pulled me to his chest, "You want to get something to drink?"

I shook my head and said, "I'm fine; too busy pondering over that blonde girl."

He sighed, "You aren't jealous again, are you?"

"I can't help it if every single girl in this party is ogling you," I intertwined my hand with his and placed it in my lap.

"They don't matchup to you and you know it. Besides, every guy in this room is taking a look at you and you know what, I feel proud that my girl is just way too beautiful," he said all this and kissed my forehead. The blonde girl was shooting daggers at me.

I smiled, "Too many compliments," I took his hand and standing up, I pulled him with me. "Let's go dance."

I felt guilty staring at him, giving him a wide-eyed look. I wondered what he'd done in college; I knew he'd gone to Berkley whereas I had gone to MIT. Had he done that program he was talking about? I had a few friends who had gone to Berkley, had come back all toasted up from the west coast sun. He had a good tan that didn't look at all fake.

I answered the door in my pajama shorts and white top, "Andrew."

"Erin," he breathed, he had jeans and a shirt on and was holding a letter in his right hand.

"What are you doing here? I tried calling you all day, where were you?" I closed the door behind me.

"I got my answer from Berkley," this spiked my interest and I folded my arms across my chest. "I'm in."

My eyebrows rose up and I began to smile, "Really?"

"Yeah," I leaned in to hug him and congratulated him after pulling his face to mine for a kiss, "I can't believe it."

"Congratulations boyfriend. You got in!" I rubbed my hand against my eye, trying to shake the sleepiness off at this ungodly hour, three a.m.

"Did you hear from UCLA?" He questioned and I froze.

I remained quiet for a few seconds, trying to decide my response. No more lying, I said to myself. My voice was soft when I said, "I won't be going to UCLA, Andrew."

He looked confused, "What? You told me you sent your application. They should've answered already."

I shook my head slowly, cursing myself for not having told him sooner, "I'm going to MIT."

"Shit. Erin, you said you were going to UCLA, we'd only be hours away. Now you come up with Massachusetts, they aren't accepting applications anymore," a knot formed in my throat and a part of me felt badly while the other angry.

"I sent my application to MIT. They accepted me. I'm going to MIT, Andrew. And nothing you can say will make me change my mind, trust me. UCLA isn't for me."

He gritted his teeth, "You lied to me, you knew that I wanted to go to Berkley and that if I had known you were going to MIT I would've changed my mind about Berkley because I would've wanted to be with you. Was that what happened? Because you fooled me and you tried to fool yourself. What a selfish thing to do Erin. You should've told me since the beginning."

His words hit home and what's worse, he knew it. I let out a dry laugh, "You know what Andrew? If I'd wanted to be with you don't you think I would've made an effort to be in California or near Berkley or whatever?" That was just a plain lie; he didn't have to know how much trouble it cost me to make up my mind about MIT.

He just shook his head while saying, "You're so selfish."

"Oh, I'm selfish? Don't forget what you were doing when you met me." A strange second of flashback passed through my brain which included him kissing and pushing a girl up against the wall.

"Don't forget who you were dating when we met," his mention of my former alcoholic boyfriend got me bothered.

I shook my head, "Jay Collins has nothing to do with this."

"Wait, is Jay going to MIT? You'd probably want to go with him right? Am I not good enough for you, Erin?" That's when I saw the sadness in his eyes that made my heart clench.

"You know you are, is MIT not good enough for you Andrew? We'll be able to work something out. I'll go down in winter break and you could come up for spring-"

He cut me off, "We'll both meet someone else eventually."

A sharp pain ripped through me, "You don't want me."

"I do, but you don't see that Erin, all you think about is going your own way and leaving all the people you loved behind. Isn't that what you said to Moraine last week? You promised we'd try and keep the relationship up. With you being at UCLA and me at Berkley, we'd get together on holidays, breaks and weekends." He felt cheated and I felt guilty; I couldn't say or do much to him that would help things. Instead I got worked up and tried to find a way to break him.

"Fine, I really want to meet someone else in college and you and I both knew that this relationship wouldn't work." That was a painful, complete and really stupid lie. This relationship could work even in hell and I didn't want to meet or be with another person if it meant losing Andrew.

I could see him clench and unclench his fists, a habit of his when he was angry, "You're right, we have three months left before we leave for college, but if UCLA is over for you, then we are over too. What's the point in having a girlfriend that I love if she doesn't want to be with me? You are too selfish Erin."

"What's the point in having a boyfriend if he doesn't support any decision I make about my future!?" I was close to a point of screaming at him and the only emotion I felt now was guilt and anger and I hated him for it. "I don't need you Andrew, not in the least, and if I've ever said otherwise then I was lying."

"What bothers me most is not that you aren't going to Berkley or UCLA, it's the fact that you lied to me in the face and made me believe something about us that wasn't even real," Andrew was about to break, so I stepped away from him and rolled my eyes.

"You wouldn't have been able to handle the truth," I said insensitively.

He waved me off and began to walk away, towards the direction of his house that was only four blocks away from mine. His figure was retreating in the distance and small sobs began to shake through my body as I covered my mouth with my hand. His body had disappeared completely from around the corner and I was already full-house crying. I replayed in my head his words that had pushed a dagger quite deep into my chest. I was steps away from running to him, kissing him, telling him that I'd loved him and swearing I'd work something out for us. It was now or never. My heart beat rapidly thumping in my chest, my hands were clammy and I was breathing hard. No. Life didn't work like this. Let him go, I told myself, just let him go. It would eventually be better this way.

I had been young, naïve and in love. At 18, I didn't know a thing. In his eyes, I'd left him and over time, I learned that he moved on, or at least Moraine said so. It had been a stupid ending to a beautiful relationship. It had begun in the summer before senior year and it was only fair that it should've ended in the summer months before college. A year. How painful summer can be. I saw his head shake with laughter at Lauren, who was telling him something either about her family or her work. Which was the only thing her life consisted about. What would he do if he saw me? Would he recognize me? Maybe. My hair had taken a turn from medium-length to long, to about my waist and I had grown some inches, and my body had lost some weight but had filled in in other areas.

"Do you think Lara put some implants in?" Moraine asked me as we sat in the school cafeteria. "Her chest looks really really fake."

I shook my head, "Nah, she's always been like that. She's just gaining some weight."

"Well, have you seen how Wes, the quarterback, returned from spring break? Man, that boy just gets better and better," I laughed at her.

I took a bite of my apple, "Have you seen Andrew today?"

Moraine turned to look at me, "Can't keep your mind off him, huh?"

I shrugged, "Just haven't seen him and it's making me crazy."

"With a boyfriend like that it would make me crazy too."

Moraine had always considered Andrew to be too good-looking, "Do you think he's around here somewhere? I'm going to go ask his friends."

Without hearing her say another word, I stood up and went to the table across the cafeteria, where ten teenage boys sat. Three of them had girls sitting next to them. They were laughing about something and as soon as I came up to them, they stopped talking about it. "Erin."

"Hey guys," Ignore their stares, I told myself. Their eyes were running themselves all over my body and I regretted my decision about coming here. There was a reason why I didn't mess with them. They were all players.

"What do you want Erin?" Lara was the one that said this, she belonged to Andrew's group of friends and she wasn't ever on my bright side. I heard Charlie, her boyfriend, whistle at me. I was not a dog.

Getting right to the point, "Where's Andrew?"

"What do you want from him?" It was another girl who said this, Wayne. Wayne Stewart. Andrew's ex.

"He's my boyfriend, do I need a reason?" Sean, Andrew's best friend, stood up. He gave me a smile.

"Of course not," Sean said, "Ignore them Erin, he's sick. He didn't call you because he lost his cell phone and I saw him this morning, he told me to tell you that he'll go visit you today."

I smiled and thanked him.

I noticed how Lauren gave him her number and he hesitated. So, he was with someone else now. He took it anyways and put it in his back pocket. What was he doing here? It was the question that caused a conflict in my mind. Last I'd heard, he was in California (Moraine said so).

"Andrew is here," Moraine told me, having to scream due to the loud music that blasted from the speakers.

My heart stopped, "What? What the heck is he doing here?"

"I don't know, but I told you, you were bound to see him at a party," Moraine was standing by my side and the air around me began to close in.

I groaned, "Why here of all places?"

"I don't know, but I saw him near the beach, he isn't in the house," Tommy's annual party at his summer house next to the ocean was a tradition, I shouldn't have been so surprised he was here; after all, it was the last one before we all went off to college.

"Does he know I'm here?"

"I don't know, but he did see me so I guess..." One more week until MIT, I said to myself. "Relax Erin, if you stay in the house, you probably won't see him, if I spot him I'll tell you, 'kay?"

"Okay," I tried to lighten my mood by giving her a small laugh, "I was doing a fine job of getting over him this summer."

She smiled at me, "And you'll get over him just fine. You'll be dating again in no time."

I was glad she didn't mention my week of crying after the break-up. The summer air was hot and I could feel the sweat of other people around me. Particularly, the dance floor, I had no means of dancing tonight. I took a few gulps of my ice-cold beer trying to get the dizzy sensation and forget about that one person I missed. The night was dark, no moon was out and the only lights were those of the house. Tommy had no neighbors on his private beach. Moraine left my side and started dancing with a guy that was an exchange student. She was getting drunker by the second. More and more people began to enter the room where we were and I swore I saw that dark hair that Andrew had.

Escaping out of the room easily, I hurried my way out of the house, getting closer and closer to the lapping waves of the beach and I didn't see him near. I assumed he had entered the house. I took my shoes off and began to tread barefoot in the sand, keeping an eye out for one of my friends if I saw them. I was such a coward for not facing him. I had thought about the idea of making him jealous but that was just plain cruel. Then I thought of showing him what he was missing, but that would be another lie. I was doing no absolute good without him. As if when he left, a part of me left too.

"Erin."

My heart jumped out of my chest and I turned around, "Andrew."

He looked really good tonight, but he wasn't mine anymore so I couldn't really say nor do anything. "How are you?"

"I'm doing fine. You?" It was weird all these polite formalities, I wasn't used to this. I could see his friends retreating in the distance and I wondered why he had come up to me. I thought he would ignore me; I was stupid for assuming he had gone into the house.

"Good, good. Didn't think I'd see you here," he gave a forced dry laugh and it made me sad for some reason.

I looked at the ground, "Me neither," I gave him a tight smile, "Sorry," I didn't precisely know what I was apologizing for, but it had something to do with me being here, as if my presence bothered him. Or maybe I was apologizing for everything.

"What for? In fact I want to tell you something," my eyes met his and I gulped down the knot in my throat.

He had my attention, "Really?"

"Yeah," he looked nervous and that made me nervous, he put his hands in his pockets and shifted on his feet, "You see Erin," he coughed to clear his throat and then gave me a laugh, "Sorry, just a bit nervous here."

I smiled to reassure him and he slowly began to talk.

"Erin, I've never met a girl like you before," he began to tell me, "When I saw you give Jay a piece of your mind, I seriously thought that I would have to make you mine. And that night we danced? I don't think I'll ever forget that. Erin, you weren't just some girl to me, you were the girl that made me fall in love, the only girl that's made me go crazy for her. It's difficult to think that this love or whatever this is ends here; I don't seem to believe that. I keep thinking that if I hadn't just let you go that night three months ago, we'd have tried being together for the university. I keep thinking that, as corny as it seems, you have to be the only girl I'll be able to love. You're beautiful and intelligent and witty and everything I've ever wanted in a girl. Even though you don't seem to think you are, you just go after your dreams and it makes me sad to realize that all I, or we, were to you is just some past boyfriend, like Jay is. I used to think that if I held you close to me every single day, you'd want to stay with me and I'm not saying we would've gotten married and had ten kids, I'm saying that there's something about you I'm scared to lose because I know I won't find it in anyone else. Whatever this moment is to you right now, me confessing myself or just being pathetic asking my ex for a second chance, I want you to know that this can be a beginning or an ending. You can choose, but I'll let you know that if you turn me down now, I'm not sure we'll ever see each other again."

He was breathless from his words and he'd made me breathless with his words. "Andrew..."

"Don't... Don't say anything about me. Just say no and I'll be on my way," Moraine was so wrong when she said I wouldn't see him tonight.

I began again, "Andrew..."

"Yes or no?"

Without a breath I said, "Both."

He stared at me, "Both?"

"Just one last kiss, I can't go to MIT without a leaving kiss in the rush of the moment. Please? Let this be an ending, like a closure, as if our relationship didn't end in a fight but in a kiss."

"Erin... I'll probably fall for you all over again."

"I will too," the waves of the ocean were covering and uncovering my feet, and up until now I hadn't taken in that he was barefoot too and the waves were circling us, as our feet got stuck in the sand.

"That's how you want this to be a closure? With us in love all over again?"

I nodded, "Yes, because that way I'll never forget this relationship."

"Okay," he looked at me for a second and smiled, "Go on, let this be a closure."

I smirked and took a step near him before throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him full on the mouth. Feeling him for the first time since what seemed like an eternity was an oasis. I'd miss his kisses more than anything. The kiss sent shivers down my spine and it gave me goose bumps. He tangled his fingers in my hair and we went on like what seemed forever. His hands traveled down my body, resting on my neck then my hips. This could be a mistake, but in the heat of the moment, I didn't care. The rest of the night was a blur to me.

Lauren began to lead him away to the area of best-sellers and I'd forgotten how he walked with his hands in his pockets, a light shiver ran up my body. And then, the terrible ache of missing him came crashing down on me. Those three words that made everybody freeze had only been whispered to me by him.

He traced my face with his fingers, leaving light caresses that were making me dizzy, "Andrew."

"Yeah?" I could sense the trace of a smile in his voice.

"You're going to make me fall asleep."

He let out a soft laugh, "And miss the sunrise? We didn't come all this way for you to fall asleep."

We were sitting on a cliff, from where we could see our town and the deserted beach. There were a few people out at this hour of the new day. It was Andrew's grand idea that we should watch the sunrise right before going to school, "Can't believe you talked me into this."

"Aw, baby, come on, you wouldn't turn me down," he mocked me and circled his arms behind me, around my neck. "I could get used to this, you now? Sunrise every morning, you in my arms and a view like this."

I smiled, "With the reminder that we have school in," I checked my watch, "half an hour."

"I love you."

I froze, "What?" Had I heard right?

"I. Love. You." It was the first time he had said those words and my heart was beating erratically in my chest.

I turned in his arms to take a good look at his face, "Why?" I'm not sure every girl asked that question when someone said a thing like that but the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Nobody asks why.

Andrew didn't even lose his demeanor, "You know, because you're you, and I fell in love with you so I learned to love you; from your bad mood every Tuesday to us dancing in the middle of a busy street between the traffic lights."

I was unaware of the smile that had graced my face, but I leaned in and kissed him, knowing that my kiss wouldn't even compare to his words, but I didn't know what to say or do or think.

"You don't have to say that you love me back."

Even though I felt those things for him, I didn't know how to say them; did I just blurt them out? Or did I have to find a good place to tell him? I nodded knowing that he was probably sad that I didn't say those three tongue-tangling words. If he was, he showed no sign of it. He just stared freely at my face and hugged me as tight as he could to his hard chest.

The light morning rays of sunshine came seeping in to our world and we kissed there, on that high cliff looking down at our town, our hands tangling in each other's hair, his fingers leaving fingerprints all over me and me feeling as if hell had officially frozen over. I realized one true thing, love him or not, I felt incredibly lucky, happy and safe being loved.

They were heading my way. I stood without moving looking at them through the space between books on the shelves. They probably wouldn't see me until they arrived at my aisle. Do I move? Do I run? Face him, I thought, let's see his reaction. Do I jump in his arms? Do I ignore him? Oh God, help me, help me, help me. I rubbed my sweating hands together and started running my hands through my long hair. Pretend you didn't see him, I thought.

"Have you ever been in love Beth?" I asked my roommate on a Saturday night. It was freezing outside and many other students were hanging out for the weekend at our local club. Elizabeth and I had decided to stay behind just this once; we rented a few movies, bought some popcorn and cuddled up in our flannel pajamas as if we were in high school.

Elizabeth was chosen as my roommate in my freshman year of college, we were now in sophomore year and I was sure she would be with me in junior and senior. She had this habit of going through a nervous breakdown when she couldn't see her family and an addiction to every sour candy there existed. And I considered her one of my best friends. She was studying civil engineering and in my eyes was a genius. "A few times actually, three to be precise."

"Really?" I stood up in my bed, as its old springs creaked and I watched Elizabeth across the room. She was lying down on her bed with her knees propped up and her arms serving as a better pillow for her head. I never pegged her for having many boyfriends.

"Yeah, Brock, James and Thomas." She was staring at the ceiling and seemed to be daydreaming in our dark room. I looked at the bright green neon numbers on my clock. 4:11 a.m.

"When?"

"Few years back, Brock was my first love, James was my high school sweetheart and Thomas was just this summer," I could hear the hint of a smile in her voice.

I lay down again, stretching out on my warm bed with dozens of blankets, "Tell me about it."

She took a deep breath, "I met Brock when we were barely in sixth grade, he moved to Fort Collins and we went along with a pattern. He would ring my doorbell every day and we would ride our bikes. In that time I watched PG rated movies and still went to 'from 2 p.m. till 5 o'clock' parties," she laughed.

I let out a laugh too.

"We coexisted and it wasn't until eighth grade that he asked me out, we dated until grade 10 when he moved back to Keystone. But I fell in love with him because, well, he was my first love and I didn't know anything about relationships. So, yeah, he was my first date, my first kiss and my first breakup. Then came James," she took another deep breath and I heard her stop so I gave a look at her and noticed her sitting up to take a few hot sips of her red rose tea. "He had been a long-time friend of mine, when he asked me out I was reluctant. I turned him down politely because I was afraid of being hurt the way I had been with Brock."

"You gave in?"

"Eventually, he just persuaded me enough. I fell in love with him because he had this amazing personality. When he wanted something, he got it and I was proof of that. He showed me that to beat yourself you had to have some grit. I like to think I got into MIT because of him. He cheated on me one night, he was drunk and I was gone. He tried to get me back and I told him I forgave him for what he did but it would have to end there. If he had done it one time he would probably do it another. We ended on good terms though."

I could sense how hard her heart was beaten, I couldn't bear the thought of Andrew ever having cheated on me, "And Thomas?"

She gave a light laugh, "Oh Thomas... The hottest of all my three ex-boyfriends. But it wasn't just his looks what got me. We met six months ago, in summer break when I went to visit my family in Fort Collins. You were in your hometown Erin. We never declared we were an official couple but he was more than just a summer fling. I even swore he was the one. The one I would marry and have kids with and teach them every single thing I knew about life," she sighed.

"What happened?" She hadn't told me anything about a boy when we came back to college. But she had her reasons I guessed. Elizabeth was a person who didn't really tell you anything until you asked.

"I had never fallen in love so deep," her voice was weighed with sadness, "Thomas was the one. The days were long and filled with us swimming in the river, drinking sweet tea and eating banana pancakes with tender kisses. The nights were full of love and skinny dipping and hiking mountains to watch the full moon. I loved him, I loved him and I loved him. His sister told me one night that Thomas was going on an exchange program this year to Somalia on social service and then he was moving to Australia to work on some natural reserves."

Elizabeth's dark and long beautiful curls were draped all around her and I could clearly see why she grabbed the attention of so many men; she was a beauty. A beauty with an intelligent mind. "And?"

"I came back sooner. Didn't even say goodbye to him. Just left a note for my mom, grabbed a taxi at six in the morning and got myself to the airport. I guess you assumed I arrived a day before you but no; I had already been here a week and a half. I couldn't bear my heart being broken all over again. It was better for us, he'd find someone else. He didn't call or anything of the like and I was glad," Her voice was a soft whisper in our moment of truth and if I didn't know her, I would've assumed she was about to fall asleep. But when her voice took a toll from sweet and raspy to soft and soothing; she was seconds away from a breakdown. Elizabeth loved people so much that her body couldn't hold it.

"Beth..." I stood up from my bed and walked towards hers, I sat down and began to twirl my fingers in her hair as I noticed the fat tear roll down her cheek.

It was such a beautiful way of crying that I began to cry too. First time I ever saw her cry. "I know, I know. I shouldn't have let him go that easy. He meant more to me. Can you believe that I never broke down? Not even once. The pain just took me like waves and I let them embrace me instead of fighting them."

"I'll buy you a ticket to Australia. I swear I will," I promised her as she scooted over and let me lay down with her on the bed. We were just two girls on the edge of giving up on everything love held for us. She stayed in silence. "Next thing you know you'll be on your way to Sydney."

She answered me with a soft sigh, "I don't know if I'll manage it, Erin. I keep thinking love is a pointless game and excuse for everybody. I hate that it makes me think so much. I mean, I'm in one of the most prestigious and competitive universities in the country; even in the world and all I keep thinking about is if I'll ever let myself love again."

"You can't think that," I told her firmly. I gripped her hand tight in mine and I held my other arm above my head, "You are my best friend Elizabeth Sommers and I love you and I won't let you think that. Because if I promise myself that I'll go see Andrew again one day, then you'll see Thomas too."

She smiled and rubbed away the trace and path of the tears on her cheeks, "Okay."

We lay there, two best friends and a moment of numinous acceptance. Snow was falling outside our window and the soft light of the moon illuminated us, casting shadows on the walls. Our room was cozy with the large beddings, fireplace in the corner and cups of tea and hot chocolate near us.

"You still think about Andrew?" Elizabeth asked me. A short pang of pain hit me in the chest.

"He's everywhere," I told her honestly, "Every time I talk with Moraine she tells me all about what he's doing. Every time I'm in class, I wonder whether he's having a class at that precise moment. Every time a boy asks me out, his image invades my thoughts and I turn the boy down."

She pulled a blanket over us and said, "You miss him much."

I nodded and added, "It's breaking me, Beth." Andrew was going to be the end of me. I couldn't believe that it'd been two years and I wasn't over him. I was jealous too, "He's dating another girl now, Moraine told me."

"You should call her up and tell her to back off from what is yours."

I laughed, "Wish I had the wits. I shouldn't be jealous, I'm the one who's supposed to be having the time of her life, not drowning for some boy that was way better off without me."

"Hey," she said accusingly, "No one's better off without you, Erin."

"I feel like punching her in the face. Can you believe it if I told you he was the last boy I kissed?" Beth laughed at that and I realized how much I loved my best friend and that, without her, I'd probably be rooming alone with a cat.

Moraine was one of my best friends too, but Beth could take on harder things and it felt like I'd known her more. And through the battle with a college such as MIT, Elizabeth had kept me going. "Yeah, I know, but maybe you'll see him again, and when you do, you can kiss him all you want."

I kept organizing the books, pretending as if I hadn't seen them, but I noticed that they weren't approaching. Instead, they had stopped to look at some books, Lauren was flirting with him and if Andrew still had a girlfriend now, she'd be mad. I knew I would've been. He ran a hand through his hair and up until now, I hadn't seen that he kept pulling out his cell phone to check something. Could it be his girlfriend? How long had they been dating? Was it still that Emma?

I fiddled with my light blue summer dress outside Andrew's door, "I'm so freaking nervous. They'll hate me, I know they will."

"Oh come on, Erin, they'll love you." We were standing outside his house, Andrew was waiting for me to put myself together so we could head in; he wanted to introduce me to his family. And I was all jitters. I knew for a fact that his father was a politician, his mother a lawyer and he had two brothers and two sisters. Completely different from my small family of four. Dad, mom, Clare and me.

He put my hands to a stop by lacing his fingers through mine but it brought up another nervous habit of mine, biting my lips. "Okay, let's go in."

He smiled at me, gave me a good kiss and led me through the door. I had been in his house a few times, for three parties which his older brother hosted and a time when it was raining and we just had to come here seeing it was the closest house. But I didn't know one single member of his family except for his older brother and sister. Matthew and Isobel. The younger two were the ones I didn't know, Colin and Grace.

"And-wew!" A pair of small chubby arms greeted us as we entered. The arms belonged to a little girl wearing a beautiful white lace dress. Andrew picked her up easily. She had hair the color of honey and her eyes were the same blue as Andrew's. Ribbons were tied in her hair and she looked like the epitome of daddy's little girl.

Andrew carried her in his arms and she faced me, "Hey Gracie," Andrew said and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "This is Erin. Erin, this is Grace."

I gave her a bright smile, "Hi Grace."

She snuggled her face into Andrew's neck and turned away from me, "She's a bit shy," Andrew told me and laughed. He carried Grace in one arm on his hip and he held my hand in his other hand.

With her hands around Andrew's neck, she told me firmly, "I'm five."

"Really? You're so big." I smiled at her and she nodded her head at me before turning back into the crook between Andrew's neck and shoulder.

We passed through the living room, and made our way to, what I assumed was, the dining room. Andrew's house was big. Furnished with Pottery Barn and a style of modern and cozy. He had money, I could see that. They had enough to live very well off. But, rich or poor, I wouldn't mind loving him. We walked into the dining room, Andrew put Grace on the ground and she scurried over to the table where five people were waiting for us.

Andrew's father was opposing. He was in an Armani suit and he looked to be very tall. He had dark features, very much like Andrew, with his dark brown hair and the strong jaw. He had a slight crook in his nose and his lips formed a thin line. Next to him, was Andrew's mother. She was stunning. She looked so elegant and charismatic in a knee-length dress that was formal enough for the occasion. Her hair matched the color of Grace's and her eyebrows were very marked. But the most gorgeous feature was her eyes. The shape was matched with her eyebrows and the color was that of an eye-catching and very light brown, so light, that in the sun I bet it was golden. However, the polite smile on her face and the way her hands were folded told me that she could stomp all over you if she wanted to.

Sitting on the right side of Andrew's mother, was his older sister. Isobel. She was three years older than me and she was going to a university in Florida. I knew quite some history about Isobel Barkely. She didn't take shit from anybody and I'd heard she's never had a boyfriend in her life. One time I heard her say, when she was a senior and I was a freshman, that boys didn't measure up to her standards. I could see why. She had inherited the don't-mess-with-me look from her father and the beauty from her mother. She was such a tough-as-nails kind of girl. While many people said she was a bitch, others said she was a queen. How they judged her I didn't know. Andrew said she had a strange addiction to earl grey tea.

Between Isobel and a little boy, sat Andrew's oldest brother, Matthew Barkely. Now, Matt wasn't as good-looking and eye-popping as Andrew was with his dark hair and light-colored eyes. But he wasn't ugly, he was normal. He was five years older than Andrew and he was working in New York. The state. I barely heard a single thing about him other than that Andrew looked up to him and had grabbed his giant bedroom when Matt moved out. Seated next to him, was, who I assumed to be, Colin. Little Colin Barkely.

He had rough chestnut curls that went in every direction. He was in a small suit that looked funny on a nine-year old. Andrew adored his little brother. He told me so a million times. He was the one I wanted to meet the most.

"Andrew," his mother called to him. He set Grace down on the floor and she scurried to her seat at the table, "We were waiting for you to start. I'm guessing you are Erin?"

I nodded at her, "Yes ma'am, I'm Erin Dubois." I gave her a smile.

Andrew walked around the table, hugged his two brothers, kissed his sister and mother on the cheek and then turned to his father. Who stood up and gave him a good hug and pat on the back, all the while I stood there awkwardly shifting on my feet. "You can sit right on my husband's left, Erin."

I followed her instructions and Andrew sat between me and Grace. "So Erin, you're Clare's sister right?" Isobel asked me.

"Yeah, she's my older sister. She's studying in Brown."

Andrew's mother's eyebrows rose, "I went to Brown." She told me, "What degree is she doing?"

"Criminal Law."

"Impressive. You must be proud of your sister," this was the first time his father said something to me and I didn't ignore the tone his voice had. Almost as if everything he said was an order.

Their maid brought in the first course of food and I couldn't imagine what life would be like having a four course dinner every night and a maid at your feet. Certainly I wasn't accustomed to this type of life. I was used to burnt grilled cheese sandwiches and having to make my bed every morning. Andrew wasn't. "I am proud. My parents too."

"Clare Dubois? Isn't your sister the one who hooked-up with Fletch Morel when he was dating Keely Laurent?" Matt was the one who asked this and I stiffened. Fletch had been his friend, I think. I did the quick math in my head. Yeah, my sister was a year younger than Matt but a year older than Isobel.

I answered him before taking a quick bite of my pasta, "I think so."

"Mathew, no statements like that at the table." I wanted to laugh at the way Andrew's mother corrected her 23 year old son, but I held my tongue. I hadn't realized up until now that Matt was 18 years older than Grace. Andrew told me that his mom had had them when she was quite young. She still looked to be in her early forties.

Mathew grunted and Colin giggled. He was playing with his pasta, twirling it around his fork then letting it slide, "What's hook-up?"

Isobel answered, "Something you'll figure out when you get to middle school."

I finished my pasta and their father headed words my way, "So Erin, tell us a little bit about yourself. Besides the fact that you're Andrew's girlfriend."

I tried to look as imposing as Mr. Barkely looked and polished as Mrs. Barkely. But I knew I didn't, in my hand-me-down dress from my sister and touch of make-up, I wasn't as serious as Isobel or as sincere as Matthew. I didn't roam around in these crowds, another reason why I hated Andrew's friends. How I'd become the girlfriend of Andrew Barkely was unbeknownst to me. "I'm going to head towards the field of civil and environmental engineering."

"Very nice..."

"This is so boring," Grace said it, adding an exaggerated sigh at the end and she kicked the table with both of her feet following a pattern. She seemed to remind me of myself when I was five. I had to sneak a smile.

Mrs. Barkely smiled at her daughter, "Would you like me to ring Miss Leah?"

Grace nodded enthusiastically and I saw how Andrew's mother rang a bell next to her plate and merely seconds after, in came a pale young girl, that looked to be in her early twenties. She had hair so blonde it was white and hung in curls around her head reaching down to her chin. Her lips were a perfect shade of peach. Was this Grace's nanny? She was a sight.

That was when I noticed Matthew's face. He was staring at her as if she had the world in her hands and he winked at her. Which I saw how Leah avoided it. "You rang for me, Mdm. Barkely?" She wasn't wearing any housekeeping clothes on, instead a casual blouse and some jeans. In fact, I was sure Moraine had that same blouse.

"Could you take Grace to the park please Leah?" Mrs. Barkely gave her a bright and good smile, when Grace ran out of her seat into Leah's arms. Matthew stood up abruptly.

"I'll drive them." He didn't say goodbye and instead started walking with Leah and Grace out of the elegant dining room. I didn't miss the way Leah smiled at him and when they thought they were out of sight, I saw how she tangled her arm in his.

Isobel, Andrew, Colin, his parents and me where the only ones left. Andrew kept placing his hand up my leg and I knew he was just messing with me. I tried to keep still and try not to laugh but his father kept sending me weird looks. As if he knew what was happening. All of us kept quiet throughout the meal and I couldn't wait to have Andrew all to myself.

Suddenly, in the midst of my memories, my phone began to ring. I fumbled to get it out of my pocket. I looked at the caller I.D.; Elizabeth. I'd call her later so I turned it off. I put it back in my pocket. I lost track of Lauren and Andrew for a few seconds and my heart began to beat erratically. Thinking they could show up here any moment. Then, I found them again, searching for a book, I would suppose.

The ringing woke me up. Searching frantically for my phone on the nightstand, I saw Elizabeth stir in her covers from across the room. "Oh God, Erin turn that shitty thing off," she groaned at me. I grabbed it lazily, taking a peek at my clock, 3:48 a.m. Who the hell calls me at this hour? It's spring break for god's sake! I was destined to sleep in. Even if I didn't have exams or classes the next day, I was going to kill one person.

"Hmm?" I answered my phone; not having opened my eyes once except to look at my clock. Not even to look at the caller I.D.

Elizabeth groaned from the other side of the room and dived in under her covers, "Erin?"

The voice was husky (it didn't take a genius to figure out it was a man) and my name had been drawled out on his lips. "Who is this?"

There were weird noises coming from the other line of the phone, I counted three seconds in my head before I was about to close my phone and throw it out of the window, "Erin, baby, just listen."

Out of the blue, I recognized that voice, my eyes snapped open and I aggressively sat up on my bed. "Andrew?" I hated the note of hope in my voice.

"Listen, Erin, why don't you fly here, we get together, we hook up and you go back." Oh my god, he was drunk. My heart crushed inside my chest, I had made it three weeks without thinking of him. Why now?

I could hear the music in the background and loud voices; he was obviously either at some night club or party. I took a quick glance at Elizabeth's form under her mattress and to avoid causing her more trouble, I slipped out of my bed and exited my room in only some boxers, a thin tee and naked feet. My hand was wrapped tight around the phone as I left behind my apartment and went out to the chilly air. I regretted my action for not bringing a jacket. I sat down heavily on the pavement.

"'Kay Erin?" His voice sounded hard, and heavier, he had to drink a good amount of alcohol for him to be calling me at this hour. We hadn't talked or seen each other in four years, this being our senior years at college. What had made him call me now?

I heaved a sigh, "You're drunk."

"That, I am. But drunkards always tell the truth, so, maybe you should do what I say," Why was I still listening to him?

I wrapped my arms around myself, he was probably having the time of his life, while I sat here, alone and pathetic at almost four in the morning on a sidewalk. "I'm going to hang up now, Andrew."

"Wait, wait, wait, Erin. One more thing before you get here tomorrow," I was angry he was telling me all these things. Didn't he know I was barely crossing that thin and final line of getting over him?

"What?" I was exasperated; struggling with my pride and my heart.

"I love you." Oh hell, damn it. My breath caught in my throat and I tried to regain my breathing before the fat tears gathered in my eyes. I heard random noises on his side of the phone, as if he had tripped or something.

I was seconds away from hanging up before I heard a voice, "Hello?"

"What is it again Andrew?" I was frustrated.

"Is this Erin? Erin, I'm so sorry, this is Sean." That name sounded familiar. I did a few connections in my head before it dawned on me. Sean. Andrew's best friend. "Remember me?"

"Yes," I was relieved a sober person had taken Andrew's phone out of his hand. Things were getting messy.

The background music began to fade away until a point were I could barely detect it and it sounded like a whisper. "I'm so sorry about that Erin. If you hadn't noticed, Andrew is a bit out of character tonight."

"Yeah, don't worry. Just tell him not to call me again. He knows its better this way. Bye Sean," I began to get up, going back into the coziness of my room that I shared with my best friend.

"Wait, Erin."

"What?" I said to him, through gritted teeth. He didn't deserve my anger but I felt like taking it out on somebody. What a cruel joke Andrew played to me.

"You deserve an explanation; let me give you a reason why Andrew called. Just so you can understand."

"Okay, go. You have a few seconds before I fall asleep," I headed towards my room.

I felt bad for him, having to deal with his best friend's moody ex-girlfriend. "Well, Andrew's been dating a girl for quite a while now, Emma. They've been together for a little more than two years." As if I didn't know, "They had a fight tonight. I can't tell you what it was about, but Andrew's been drinking away for quite a while now. And he called you up. But don't worry; I'm sure his hangover will be punishment enough for calling you. Again, I'm sorry on his behalf."

I squeezed my eyes and bit on my lip, was he telling me these things to toy with me? It broke my heart even more to hear about this Emma. They'd been together far more that he and I had been. "Bye Sean."

I hung up the call finally. And I leaned on the door of my room, in which my best friend slept soundly. I slipped down it, and began to cry. I sat there for some time, hugging my knees to my chest with cell phone in my right hand. I wasn't sure how many minutes passed before I fell asleep like that; A single college girl with a heck of things to study, a troubled best friend and a wonderful ex-boyfriend who had broken my heart too many times.

The pain in my chest was loading with memories and the feeling of escape was quickly making me think about it. I had to get out of here. I didn't want to have my heart broken all over again, and then let him see the shame that he was still my second and last ex-boyfriend. While he had been through girls as if they were clothes. He'd see through my facade, with its many dented cracks.

"You look beautiful," Andrew took my hand in his as I stepped down the last step of the stairs at our school.

I laughed at him, "Here of all places? In school, me in some casual jeans and blouse at seven in the morning?"

He kissed my forehead and gave me his signature smirk with the hint of dimples, "Can't I ever tell my girlfriend the truth?"

I blushed a crimson red. I never blushed, never. I hated him for making me blush. He was getting me head over heels for him. "Oh shut up."

He stopped us from making our way through. Took my chin in his hands and said firmly, "Erin, you are beautiful. Whether you like it or not. And I'm talking about the inner type of beauty. Even though your looks do get you far."

Then, casually, as if nothing had happened he placed my hand in his and regained our journey throughout the school halls. I didn't say anything, feeling cherished for the first time since a long time. We arrived at my locker and he leaned on the one beside mine while I took my books out. He liked letting everyone know that I was his, and it didn't bother me at all, so I let him do his things that a possessive boyfriend would do or whatever it was that he liked. I shut my locker tight and I was about to tell him something when he grabbed me by surprise and kissed me. Pushing me up against the lockers and placing his hands on either side of my head. I broke away for a second, "Andrew, everyone is staring."

"Let them stare," he growled at me before kissing me once all over again. This time, I slipped my arms around his neck and returned the kiss as fervently as possible. I was shy, this being the first time we had ever made out in front of everybody. Snapping us out of our session, a voice cleared behind Andrew.

"Hey Barkely, how does she work for you?" I hated that voice with passion. And of course, Jay Collins just had to turn up. The stupid idiot who'd played with me. I was glad it had ended quickly and Andrew had dragged me out of such a horrible relationship. Andrew froze in the middle of the kiss and within seconds he had turned around, covered me with his back and was facing Jay. Him being a few inches taller than Jay. I could barely look over his shoulder.

"Jay."

Jay smirked at Andrew, "You tasting her up, I can see. She's pretty good right?"

I could feel Andrew tensing up and I placed my hands on his shoulders and whispered in his ear, "Andrew, come on, let's go, just forget him."

"She has that power you know, of turning you on then leaving you with the frustration." Jay was taunting Andrew, and I wanted to get out of here. He was standing in front of Andrew, with two of his sick friends that I didn't like at all. True I didn't like Andrew's friends either, but Jay's friends were just messed up.

Andrew took a step forward, his fists clenching and I stepped beside him. Sliding my hand down his left arm and letting my hand fall in his, "Why are you looking for a fight Jay? Just leave." I snapped at Jay Collins, the boy who'd been my first boyfriend.

Students were beginning to gather around us and I spotted Moraine of to one side. She motioned for me to leave with her. I shook my head at her. Andrew's hand began to grip mine hard. Jay laughed at me, "You're still full of pathetic excuses like always Erin. Never were one for games, were you?"

"Leave her alone. If you ever even liked her, I suggest you get out of here before I break your face Jay." Andrew told him and I wanted to run out of here. Please don't let them fight, I thought. Knowing full well that Andrew would beat Jay up in a matter of seconds.

Jay gave us a coy smile, "You think you can win her, pretty boy? You think she'll ever love you? You know, as well as I do, that she won't ever even tell you she loves you, she won't ever let you get far with her, and she won't ever give you a second chance. And most of all, she'll be out of your arms before you know it, and another man will be sweeping her off her feet."

Though his words were directed to Andrew, they hit home inside me pretty well. Now, Jay was just a sore loser. Andrew was better than him and he just happened to know that. "You better take back what you just said," Andrew ordered him.

"Oh please, you have to accept it Barkely. Ending high school, you'll be just like me. Another notch in her belt. She's like that. Using people to get her mind off her workaholic father, stupid mother and slutty sister. When she's a combination of the three of them." Jay didn't have much time to run before Andrew had him pinned to the lockers and was punching him in the face. The slamming of Jay's head against the lockers was putting me on the edge. For me, Andrew could hit Jay all he wanted but I'd rather he'd not get his hands dirty for a person like Jay. He was more than that.

I ran towards them, tugging Andrew away from Jay, when Sean stepped up to help me. With his help we both managed to drag him away. I took a quick look at Jay, his nose was crooked to a side with blood oozing out and he covered it quickly with his hand and sneered at me. He wouldn't get Andrew in trouble. He was too much of a coward for that.

I gave my attention to Andrew. His knuckles were bruised and I held his hand delicately in mine, hoping no school teacher or other adult saw him punching Jay. He'd get in some big trouble for that.

We left the school, missing my English class and his Calculus class. Sean left us alone as soon as he saw that Andrew was okay. We sat on a bench outside of our school. I remembered the band-aids in my purse that I had for my blisters that I got when I wore high heels. I bandaged them around his hand and he didn't stop staring at my face. He was calmer now. "Jay is lying"

I froze, knowing that he was referring to what Jay had said earlier.

"You know he is lying. You're nothing like your parents or your sister. And your mother is awesome, your sister is the strongest person I know and your father is ambitious and let me tell you something, I am too." He tried to give me a smile, "And you Erin, we both know that I don't deserve you."

I didn't want to tell him that Jay's words had actually got me thinking but I returned his smile, "And no one is going to sweep me off my feet besides you."

I finished bandaging his hand and he had this look in his eyes that captured me, enthralled me and fulfilled me. I couldn't imagine falling in love with someone else. It was like we had a silent promise, I wouldn't leave him if he didn't start doing anything that Jay did. His bandaged hand lightly left a soft caress on my cheek. He traced soothing patterns with his thumb and his other fingers gripped my neck. I began to lean into him, loving the feeling of adrenaline I always got when I was with him.

My hand reached up to his, and he let me lean into him, our lips touching. Not kissing, just touching. Until mine started to move against his. And in the middle of a soft kiss, very different from the one we'd had in the school halls, I realized Jay was wrong. I would give Andrew a second chance if I had to in a matter of seconds.

I smiled against his lips.

Emotions were crashing over me and I was dealing with the over thinking of the mental conflict between leaving or letting Andrew know I worked here. He was paging through a book and Lauren was already walking back at the check-out counter. He was leaving me breathless, as he'd always done. I couldn't deny that with the strong muscles peeping out from under his shirt, my knees were growing weak. Him, with his charming and magnetic demeanor, making everybody's heads turn, and me, with the senseless hope that I'd find my way through everything that life had thrown at me.

I padded my way in my own home, carrying two blue mugs with hot chocolate in them. Andrew was sitting on the couch, with a blanket wrapped around him, looking careless and free as always. I handed him his cup and he took it with both hands. I put mine on the coffee table and he did the same before tugging me down in his arms. I laughed; he covered me in the blanket and placed my back on his chest, "Did you pick a movie?"

The soft whisper of the rain that was knocking the windows sounded throughout my empty house. "Can't decide what."

Then, as if on accord, the lights went out I let out a gasp. Andrew let out a deep laugh from his chest. "Don't think we'll be watching anything soon," I told him, smiling, even if he couldn't see me. He pulled me into his embrace, I let a soft and happy smile grace my lips.

"Let's just talk," he said to me in a low whisper.

He was sitting low with his feet propped up on the coffee table, he had an arm around me and I was lying down on his hard chest, "What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything," he placed a kiss on the top of my head, "Something about yourself that nobody knows."

I laughed, "That's a hard one, you already know mostly everything."

"Erin, come on, something not even I know," he was rubbing his hand up and down my arm making me hard to concentrate,

I fumbled through my memories, "I hate letting people get to me."

"I know that already."

"I get jealous easily."

"I know that too."

I groaned, thinking about something that would make him stumble, "Jay hit me once."

He stopped rubbing my arm, "What?"

"We were talking and he started to kiss me, then he tried to get things further but I wasn't comfortable so I pulled away. He began to get angry and I told him I just wasn't ready. He slapped me across the face and left," I made it sound as if it had been that easy.

Andrew was frozen, "What a pathetic excuse for a man."

"I know," I said softly.

"I swear if he ever lays a hand on you again I'll kill him," he said angrily.

My head was tucked under his chin and I felt his jaw go hard, "But, hey, that was way before I met you."

"And you let him get away with it?" I tucked my cold feet under the blanket that covered us both.

"What was I supposed to do? I fought with him the next day at the party and, well, you know the rest of it."

"You have no idea how much I hate him," Andrew said through gritted teeth.

I sighed, "Your turn, tell me something about yourself no one knows," I said it like an excited child, waiting for Christmas.

His hands roamed across my hair, running them through it almost absently, "I play the guitar."

I let out a low laugh, "I know that already, saw a picture of you when you were eight with a guitar in your hands."

The rest of the dark night was passed between laughs, soft whispers and his hands curling themselves in my hair. He made me talk to him so freely, as if I didn't have a care n the world. He made me open up to him in ways that no one had ever made me. And in between shared secrets and sneaked kisses, I trembled with the fear I'd have to give him up one day.

The way his eyes traced the words on the page of the book was making me fall apart. I bit my lip, denying to myself the guilty pleasure of having him turn around and catch me staring at him. I had to get out of here. The walls around me began to close in and that familiar sense of claustrophobia was dawning on me. My feet wouldn't move. What if I was bound to meet him again? Precisely like it had been all those years ago at a party in our home town? Such a coincidence had made us fall in love. Our love had been so quiet on the outside, but so loud on the inside. A different kind of separation it had been between us, as if the more I let him go, the more I realized I was bound to him. He had placed flowers in the darkest parts of my soul, and I had traced the falling images of what it meant to be in love. Andrew and I hadn't been just some fling, I figured, we had to be more than that. Andrew and I were soul mates.

"Stop it Jay!" I screamed at him, "Stop acting like I'm worthless!"

It had to be midnight now. I'd spent more than three hours discussing why Jay had hit me yesterday. "You are such a-"

"What? I'm a what!?" We were standing in the middle of a small alley next to Lara Springer's garage. The girl hosting the party. I was determined to put an end to this relationship tonight. Jay had used me and when he figured I wasn't going to give him what he wanted, he decided a good slap on the face would teach me a lesson. He was wrong. I wasn't a girl that settled down for something less than what she deserved.

"You're so full of shit." He wanted to feel as if he had me under his command, "Yeah, that's what you are."

I rolled my eyes, "Look, Jay, we are done."

He gripped my arm tight, "I'll tell everyone about your sister."

I gasped, "You wouldn't." I tried tugging away from his hand, but he held me in place.

"You know me enough to know that I would. I'll bet she'll be happy knowing her own sister leaked out her dirtiest secret," he was gaining more control in the conversation but I wouldn't let him know that.

I held his stare with ice in my eyes. "No one would believe it."

He gave me a bitter laugh, "I have the video, sweetheart."

Damn it. "Let me go Jay."

"You'll let me have my way with you."

I stomped his foot with mine, gulping down the knot in my throat, I felt sick knowing the look on my sister's face when she'd learn what I'd told Jay, "No."

"Then, sorry hon but, tonight, that video's going to be on the internet for all I care. And Clare Dubois is going to be tagged in it." My eyes widened.

He was messing with my head. I ran around the options once or twice, thinking of all the outcomes this could have. He'd hit me again, but if that video was leaked, my sister's career would be jeopardized. I thought about something that didn't involve either of those, "I don't care. I'm not going to be your girlfriend ever."

His brow was furrowed, as confusion set in, he was expecting me to run into his arms. He raised his hand and I was about to take cover when a laughing couple wandered into the alley. The boy had his arm around her and was placing kisses on her face, she was laughing and they looked to be having the time of their life. I couldn't make out who they were but they were looking for a place to hook-up I assumed. Jay and I stared at them with mouths wide open. They hadn't noticed we were here. The boy was pushing the girl up the wall.

Jay cleared his throat at them, and they turned to look at us, both with smiles on their faces. "Oh my god," the girl said, in between laughs, "We're so sorry." The boy let her down and she couldn't stop laughing.

The tall boy was looking at her, leaning into her neck, as if he was breathing her in, with a smile on his face. Then, he looked at me, and his gaze stopped. I raised a questioning eyebrow at him. I recognized him. Andrew Barkely. I'd seen him a few times in the halls of our giant high school. He seemed to survey what was happening between me and Jay. Who was standing there, with his hand in a fist and the frustrating knowledge that he'd lost his opportunity to hit me.

Andrew's eyes settled on me. "What's happening here?"

Jay began to check the girl out and I started to feel disgusted. "None of your business," Jay replied with a grunt.

He turned to me, expecting me to answer his question or confirm that Jay was right; it wasn't any of his business. I turned my head away, giving them my other cheek. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the girl stand up on her tip toes and lean in to Andrew's ear to say something with a smile on her lips. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and left us three standing there. "So, Collins, what are you doing here alone with a girl?"

He knew Jay? This was getting odder by the moment, "Step away from this Barkely. You won't want to get involved with her. She's got some pretty nasty stuff to say about everyone."

I rolled my eyes; it was hard to underestimate Jay when he said such stupid things like that. "Excuse me...?"

"Erin," I snapped.

"Excuse me Erin, but is Jay here doing something that is making you uncomfortable?"

Jay looked at me with fire in his eyes, silently telling me what to say, "Look, I can handle this on my own," I said honestly not wanting someone else to learn something of the conversation that had been happening between Jay and me.

"Oh Erin, but Jay is never to be trusted with women," Andrew said, taking another step towards us, "You see, I myself have witnessed how he can be."

Jay launched himself at Andrew, with fist raised and Andrew blocked him, sending him sprawling to the ground. He gave Jay a good blow in the face and said, "If I see once more what you did to Lena Jason, I'll make sure that you never turn up in school again."

Andrew said those words with such power that they had an effect on me too. And then I began to notice the rough voice that he had, and the strong arms and the dark hair with eyes that appeared to be a light color in the dim lighting. Such an enticing combination. I had heard enough times how good-looking and charming Andrew Barkely was. But I'd never seen him so up close before.

"Erin? I can drive you home if you want…" Andrew said to me, I bit my lip, thinking hard of calling Clare or telling Moraine to get me home, but I didn't want to make her miss the party, so I nodded to him, thinking what could possibly be wrong with him driving me home?

He stared at me, wondering whether or not to hold his arm out, but decided it'd be better if he kept his space from a skeptic hormonal teenage girl like me that was about to explode any second now. I followed him to his car, he opened the passenger door for me and I climbed in, the smell was somewhat a mystery to me. I brought my cell phone out and sent a text message to Moraine, telling her I'd left the party. Andrew started the engine and he asked me for my address.

"Just down the road and then go left. It's the one with no lights on."

"Is there anybody home?" he asked me, damn it, why did he have to ask everything?

I began to climb out his car; careful to not let my dress hike up my thigh. "No," I said roughly. "Andrew, thank you for bringing me home, but I don't think I need any of your 'saving'."

"Would you like me to accompany you?" I shook my head almost immediately, but anyhow he turned off the car and stepped out, wanting to walk me to the door. I began to shake my head furiously, not seeing the need to let him into my personal problems. He'd seen enough already.

"No, I'm fine really," I said hard, "You can go back to the party or wherever you're going."

He came up by my side, "Why are you afraid of me?"

Was that what it was looking like? I wanted to scoff, "I'm not," I placed my hands on his chest, putting some space between both of us, his face seeming to close for my taste, "I think you should go." His hands were starting to trace against my hips and I pushed him away slightly.

"Right," he said, withdrawing from me, and walking back to his car, leaving me standing in front of my house, with the aching need of the heat of his body next to mine. What had just happened?

I went into my deserted home, fixing myself a good strong drink to make me forget about everything, I walked outside, on the terrace. Something was sticking out of my pocket. A small piece of paper, I unfolded it, almost wanting to laugh at the cliché of things. I smiled, reading the message.

-Call me.

Andrew took his phone out of his pocket, whilst still having the book open in his hands. I saw him grab it, and put it to his ear. A bright smile fell upon his lips, I loved that mouth, the way it formulated so many words that could either make me or break me. My body was throbbing for the need to get close to him, to show him I was here, to know if he remembered me. I was about to take a step forward, when another recall came crashing down on me.

Andrew was holding me in his arms as we danced slowly to one of, the infamous, Billy Joel's songs. We were standing alone on the simple deserted beach near high rocks. The speakers he had brought were well-out of use and only a faint raspy whisper of the song could be heard; the smell of musty sea odor was about to make me vomit and the squawking of seagulls was getting on my nerves. You could feel some very suspicious things lurking in the sand and once in a while, they moved. It made me want to jump so high in the air with the distracting idea it could be anything ranging between a crab and a snake.

His arms circled around my waist and my head leaned on his shoulder. I was getting used to the feeling of his touch and the way it sent shivers down my spine. He was letting me fall in love with him so much that I was tied to him. Tied to him in the way that he could hurt me whenever he pleased. And that thought scared me. Scared me so much, that I felt a sheer phobia.

Suddenly, in the midst of our bare feet on the white sand and the soft rhythm of the crashing waves, I pulled away. "Andrew, I need to go."

His brow furrowed with confusion, "What? Why? It's only eleven."

I hated doing this to him, "I just..." How could I explain the haunting feeling of estrangement when I was in his arms if I loved him? "I just need to go... Please."

"I'll take you home in a second," his hand laced mine between his fingers.

I pushed him away, "No, I need to go, now."

"I don't understand. Why now?" His eyes connected with mine and I knew how easily he could read me, I lowered my gaze from his.

"I just need to go. If I don't want to tell you, I don't have to tell you," I said in a harsh voice.

His hand gripped mine harder and his jaw locked, "Fine." He could be mad at me all he wanted, I figured I had to start giving him a cold shoulder once in a while so I didn't get too used to the fact that I could have him whenever I wanted to, and the heartbreak would come easier. I wasn't about to tell him that.

He dug his car key out of his pocket and led me to where our shoes were, "I can walk Andrew, it's only a couple blocks from here."

The tension in the atmosphere wasn't about to ease soon, "Why won't you tell me why you have to leave? Am I supposed to believe you just have to? That for some reason your parents are expecting you home?"

I began to get angry, "Why do you have to know everything about me?"

He let go of my hand, "Because I care about you maybe? Isn't that good enough for you?"

"Well, I don't want you in my business, 'kay?" I grabbed my shoes in a swift movement.

"Would you stop making it seem like it's my fault?" He held his hands up in an exasperated sigh.

I squeezed my feet into my nude colored ballerina flats, "Why would it matter to you anyways?"

He groaned in frustration, me knowing I was being a bitch, "Because I damn care about you Erin! I want to know why in the middle of everything you go 'I need to leave. I need to leave. I need to leave.' Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't want to!" I screamed at him. "Let me just do what I want."

I should've known he'd be after me, "Fine. Just let me drive you."

We climbed into his car that we'd left on the street that went around the beach. To say the drive was tense would be an understatement; his hands gripped the steering wheel hard and I was fuming. His eyes didn't even stray away from the road. I kept sneaking glances at him, his lips were in a thin line and my hand was itching to rest on his shoulder. In the easy manner it always did.

I sighed heavily, thinking why was I even doing this to him? It felt like a complete stupid move, but I was afraid that if I became putty in his hands, he'd throw me away.

And in a disturbing way, Andrew's car slowly came to a halt. "Shit. We ran out of gas."

A deep groan came out from my throat "You're kidding me." Just what I needed. An abrupt excuse to have some long hours alone with him. I couldn't leave him alone at midnight with a dead car. I wasn't that bad of a person.

"Damn it. I'll call Matthew, just give me a sec." He climbed out of the car with his cell phone out. Leaving me inside.

I didn't deserve him; after all he'd done for me, all that pretty messed-up stuff he got me out of and was the only person, besides Moraine, who'd ever endured my family's stressing annual January dinner. And that was a hard task.

I loved him and I was too afraid to say it just because of what he could do to me. I shouldn't be scared, hell; he'd told me himself that he loved me.

He was resting his back on the car door, not facing me. I could see his face moving, holding his cell phone with one hand and his other hand in his pocket. His broad shoulders moved in such a familiar way to me. If it pained me now to lose him, imagine what could happen when I really did lose him. And we agreed on no promises about the future. Was it worth the risk? To get my heart strained for him? To fall for him every time I saw him? To let him handle a piece of me that I never let someone else touch? I don't know, but I figured there was only one true way of knowing.

I stepped out of the car, my skirt flowing around my thighs and I ignored the urge to wipe the small grains of sand that stuck in my toes.

I was about to walk to the other side of the car, when I heard snippets of the conversation. "I swear man... No 'course she's not."

I strained to hear well.

"She's got me crazy for her. Am I supposed to let it go?" The other person on the line, who I was guessing was Matthew, responded before Andrew continued, "I don't care; She can be hostile if she wants, she can neglect me all she wants and in the end, I'm still gonna be here." Matthew explained something that lasted more than fifteen seconds and Andrew said, "Okay thanks. See you in a few minutes and tell Isobel she better keep away from him." Matthew said his words and Andrew thanked him again before he snapped his cell phone shut.

I came out from behind the car and walked towards him. His eyebrows rose, assuming that I'd heard the whole thing. My tongue was tied down in my mouth and for a second I was mute.

"Well, Matthew's coming down to get us in a few minutes," he said.

I nodded mute and looked down at the space between his feet and mine, "I'm sorry," I said dangerously soft and ashamed of myself for being so bipolar.

"Don't worry about it, I'm taking you home in a few minutes," he shrugged at me.

"Andrew?"

"Yeah?" He said, running his hand through his hair, killing me in the movement.

"I have to tell you something important," I lifted my eyes so they could connect with his blue ones.

His interest peaked and he waited for me to go on.

"I've been afraid to say it because... Because..." My heart began to beat and my hands were sweating, "Because I've never said it this way and you said it so easily to me those few weeks ago on that school morning."

He stuck his hands in his pockets and balanced himself on the balls of his feet.

"I know I can be a burden sometimes," I said and he opened his mouth to say something, "Let me finish. I know I can treat people like dirt and I know I have my flaws, but you, you make me want to be a better person. In just barely a course of ten months, you make me want to become a better person. Mostly for the fact that you're too good for me. And I can't believe that I've waited this long to say it but, well, here goes nothing."

The sound of the squawking seagulls didn't bother me anymore and truth is, the only thing bothering me was the space I wanted to close between him and me.

"I-" I took a deep breath, "I love you; in fact I loved you since the moment you barged in like a knight in shining armor wearing an Armani suit when Jay was about to hit me."

He was staring at me, probably questioning himself if I was worth believing or not. But I didn't mind, after what I put him through, I deserved it. He had me in his arms in seconds and I wrapped my arms around his neck in the position that I always loved with me on my tip toes and him hugging my waist. Him saying he loved me more than ten times.

Yeah, it was definitely worth it.

My feet began to move ominously, my heart wanting to burst out of my chest and me biting my lip harder than I could ever imagine. I took another step; Andrew had thrown his phone in his pocket and had kept on reading and studying the book. And another step. His eyes weren't leaving the page and my knees buckled. Another step. I wanted to run to him, have him tell me that nothing had ever changed. Another step. I was only feet away, would he notice me? Would he give me the absent looks that he'd given Lauren? I shook any negative thoughts out my head, focusing on the way the bookstore smelt, the air coming in from the window to my right (the one that needed some tweaking), the way Andrew was reading and the way I was conscious of everything moving around me.

My mouth opened, begging for words to be slipped out. I never was one for risks, but here I am, swallowing my pride, swallowing everything I've ever known, trying to remember what had made m fall in love with Andrew. His eyes? His mind? His words? Or the way I talked with him until five in the morning every single night? Andrew, besides Elizabeth, had been the only person to know everything about me. And I was, surprisingly, comfortable with that.

I took three more steps.

Deep breaths, I reminded myself. I rubbed my sweaty hands against my shirt, breathed deep. One more step until I'd say his name. Out loud for the first time since many, many months. There was only one way of knowing what he'd do.

So I held on to my values, held onto my passion and held onto myself; then I let go of him, bracing myself that he could either deny me or recognize me. He had to recognize me… After all that we'd been through, he was bound to. His soul had to recognize me, or even faintly remember me.

"Andrew," I said softly. He turned around immediately. My heart was exploding inside me and I felt a combination between giddy and light-minded. His face went through confusion; I could still read him oh so well. Then, he almost lost his balance. I was trying to hide my shaking hands, but they kept coming up to rub themselves on the back of my neck. My eyes connected with his. The blue of those eyes was piercing me right to my limbs. I stopped breathing.

The book in his hands was by now forgotten, as I saw the recognition light up in his wondrous eyes. I wanted to exhale, to let out the breath I had been holding in, but I felt afraid that if I did, the moment would disappear, "Erin."

I felt like crying.

"Erin," he said again, louder this time. "How you doing'?"

"Good," I said honestly, "good to see you. What're you doing here?"

He pondered his answer, "Visiting my sister for a few weeks."

A knot formed in my throat, "You've changed."

"So have you," he said, finally putting the book down and standing in front of me. He still towered over me.

"I thought you lived in Massachusetts," he stated, I hesitated to answer, wondering what he'd think of all my cross-country adventures.

"I thought you were in California," I said, you could cut the tension with a knife. His body recognized mine, and mine had already been going around crazy, begging for me to take a step closer.

He ran a hand through his hair, "I'm just visiting my sister. You?" Right, Isobel had studied here, in Florida.

"I'm living with my best friend here, she got a good job offer and she invited me to live with her. We can't exactly live without each other." I gave a small, soft and faint laugh, to try and tear the tension.

His brow furrowed, "Moraine?"

"No, Elizabeth, I met her at MIT," I told him, truthfully wanting to avoid the part of MIT, it just brought back the break-up.

"Oh."

"So Isobel still lives here?" I asked him, changing the topic. I crossed my arms across my chest, feeling the need to guard myself with walls once again.

He nodded. We both stared at each other for a while, him probably wondering how much I'd changed and me looking for either an escape route or a way to kiss him. "It's been a long time, huh?"

I smiled, "Yeah."

"Do you…?"

I smiled at him.

"Do you have time for some coffee?"