10Chapter two hath arrived! First person mode has now been activated! Also, there is a bit of racial tension in this chapter. BEWARE! And David has a potty mouth. This chapter is more the starting point of the rest of the story, so it may seem as if things are being rushed but the pace will be evened out later. I just need to get it out so I can learn how to be consistent and develop my plots. I don't own anything trademarked or whatever~ Read and enjoy please!
(First-Person, David)
It was about two weeks after that damn track meet that it happened. I don't know what the fuck came over me, but ever since that day, I suddenly had the urge to treat Damien like he was...well...human.
Every night, all of the shit I had done and said to him in the past would replay in my head and I fought the urge to look like a pussy and go in there and apologize for being a punk ass kid back at the start of all this. He had friends, I think. I used to see him with a group of three guys like all the time up until recently. We never had any classes together, so it's not like I would see him much during the school day, but I think he was doing well for himself. I hadn't seen anyone messing with him this year at all. Despite all the shit everyone, including myself, had done to him, Damien came out pretty okay.
Today, however, was not pretty okay. I must have reached the breaking point of my guilt or something. It was late in the day and I'd had an after school music club meeting. It wasn't quite dark yet, but it was late enough for my parents to be off work and to pick us up.
The school buses had already left and my parents had a rule that I couldn't get a car until both Damien and I had licenses and he was scared shitless of driving.
Damien had track practice which usually let out a little past five thirty. Luckily my club activities were a little extended today (okay, we totally just hung out and watched a movie while fiddling with our various instruments) so I wouldn't have to wait so long to call my parents to come get us. We'd never been at school after hours at the same times, so it was going to be weird having to go wait for him. Usually a friend would give me a ride, but today I had to hoof it over to the track and wait about twenty minutes for him to be done. This was going to be uncomfortable.
Before I got to the field though, I heard a voice coming from the girl's locker room, but it sounded like an aggressive male rather than a gossiping girl, so I peeked in. Guess what I found? Jacob West, football player and resident stereotypical dumb jock forced to follow in his failed father's footsteps harassing poor Damien like he used to back in Freshman year when I didn't hesitate to join in.
I rolled my eyes and sighed, wondering what he was even messing with him for.
"You ain't so fast now, are you, Richmond?" Jacob taunted as he held a struggling Damien by the collar
It was true...Damien was pretty fast, but he still couldn't fight worth shit and once he got caught it was over.
I rubbed a hand through my hair, wondering if I should go in there or not. It felt weird. Everything these days feels weird. I had never defended him before. The thought made my stomach churn. God, I used to be so fucked up.
"You might not talk, but I know your secret you little fag. I see you staring at dudes like a little fucking pervert," Jacob said, pulling open an unlocked locker. He reached in and pulled something out
"I brought you into the girls locker room so you'd feel right at home! You wanna fuck dudes so much, let me fucking help," he said. Turns out the shit was perfume and he sprayed it all over Damien and in his face before he dropped it and started punching him. "Don't you ever fucking let me catch you staring again you fucking faggot ass nigger!" he yelled as he punched Damien's mouth, splitting his lip.
Yeah I was definitely going in.
I grabbed Jacob, who was completely caught unaware, spun him to face me and punched him square in the nose. Damien and I were both about six feet tall but this guy was even taller and where Damien was lean from track, I was fit from fighting. I have a rule to never go for the face because that's just cheap and fucked up. This guy, however, was a rule breaker, so I decided to break my rule...on his face.
"Get your fucking hands off him!" I yelled as I continued to assault him. I punched him in the stomach and when he lurched forward I kneed his chin. Okay maybe I went a little overboard, but don't we all?
"What the fuck, Dave? You defending this little fag? You gay for him or something?" he said despite looking like an idiot on the ground with blood smearing his nose.
"Sometimes you go too damn far, Jake. I don't ever want to see you touching this kid again, okay? You fucked with him enough in Freshman and Sophomore year, aren't you fucking done with him yet? Get a life and crawl out from Daddy's ass," I said deciding to add insult to injury quite literally as I helped a startled and bruising Damien to his feet.
His wide hazel eyes suddenly grew even wider as he looked behind me and I instinctively turned to Jake's fist flying at me clumsily. I dodged easily and elbowed him in the ribs. I may have been smaller, but I am one evasive fuck. I grabbed Damien's black sweater-clad arm (when did he get muscles here?) and pulled him out of the girls' locker room.
"You got that, Jake? Leave him alone," I said over my shoulder as I glanced back at the boy sprawled in pain on the ground. He nodded in pain before he was out of my eyesight.
I led Damien to the boys' bathroom down the hall and told him to wash his face which he did. His eyes weren't red so hopefully none of the perfume got in them. Seriously, who sprays perfume in someone's face?
"You okay? What the fuck, man?" I said and he gave a slight nod and a flinch as my bloody knuckle rose in exasperation. I decided I should wash my hands. Just as I finished drying them, my phone rang from inside my pocket. It was my mom.
"Hey, I'm out in the student parking lot by the track, honey. Are you boys together?" she asked. I looked up at Damien. His face was a mess. We would get in so much trouble it mom saw him like this.
"Yeah, he's right here," I said, putting mom on speaker so he could hear her.
"Oh good, is he done with practice?" she asked.
I looked up at him and he nodded with a panicked look in his eye. He had never been hit in the face before and was probably thinking of ways he could hide it from mom.
"Yeah, but hey listen. I appreciate you coming to get us and all, but we were actually thinking about walking home today. Probably stop and get something to eat on the way. Is that alright?" I said, thinking quickly. I don't know how believable it was since it was the first time I had offered to spend any type of alone time with Damien without her forcing me to. I looked up at him and his face, despite looking quite comically puppy dog-like in his disbelief, was in no shape to be seen by her.
I heard her gasp and...oh my God. Is she really crying?
"Yeah, honey! Yeah that's fine! That's...f-fine!" she said and started to wail loudly into the phone. I looked at Damien and we exchanged eye rolls.
"Really mom? Is it that incredulous for me to want to hang out with my brother?" I said, adding a little extra into it to insure that she wouldn't call us at all for the rest of the night. I glanced at Damien's shocked (and embarrassed?) face and gave him an exaggerated wink before his shock became a sort of half smile.
She cried even harder.
"D-Do you guys need some money or something? Here, come out to the car, I'll give you some money for food or whatever," she said already sounding as if she was reaching into her purse.
"Yeah sure, thanks. I'll come get it now. Damien's still gotta get his track stuff together. See ya in a bit. Bye," I said before she got even more out of hand. I looked at Damien who was looking more hideous by the second. "Well that went better than expected...Wait here. I'll be back," I say to his dumbstruck face before turning to leave without waiting for his nod.
After taking the money and jamming it into my wallet, I waved to my mom as she drove off into the setting sun. I made my way back to Damien before the awkwardness crept up and I realized the full extent of what I had done. He was standing there outside the bathroom having gotten his track bag already.
I decided to just speak quickly and act fast so I could avoid having to look at him.
"Let's go to the convenience store on the corner and get something cold for your face. And some...Band-aids or Neosporin or something."
He nodded and silently followed.
At the store, I bought him a bag of frozen peas and some Band-aids to cover up the places where his skin broke.
I knew he wouldn't mind going on a long walk since he was a runner and all so I didn't even ask. I just started walking in the opposite direction of our home toward the more commercial part of town. I also knew that he wouldn't bother asking my anything. He usually typed out phrases and stuff with his phone if he needed to say something, but he just followed me without question. By the time we got there it was almost six thirty and his face was still a bit swollen and the peas had thawed though he still held them to his cheek.
When he realized where we were going I could have sworn I heard his footsteps quicken and I chanced a glance at him and saw his excited eyes meet mine and I couldn't help but smirk at him.
It had been a month since we were at IHOP last and I'm sure he was craving a pancake or five right about now.
After waiting to be seated and standing awkwardly in front of one another while fidgeting, we finally were lead to a table where we read our menus and instead awkwardly fidgeted while sitting. The waitress brought a cup full of ice and some extra napkins like I'd asked and I nodded for him to take them. The other stuff could be passed off as a slip on the track, but a fist shape bulge on his face couldn't. No doubt mom would end up blaming me for it somehow and I'd get in trouble and she'd threaten to take away our club activities and free will which she did when she was upset. All this was for my benefit as well. Definitely.
I ordered for us both and he ate eagerly but I had to keep reminding him to keep the bag of ice to his face.
When it came time to pay, I reached for the crisp bill mom had given me, thinking it was a twenty.
"Holy shit! This is a fucking hundred dollar bill!" I said as I held it up for him to see.
His eyes went wide.
"Did she think I was taking you on a fuckin' candlelit dinner at Chez Fleur or something?" I said with a little laugh and a head shake.
He snorted out the water he was sipping and doubled over in his typical laughing form.
I smirked before I noticed a cut on the side of his head, probably from where he hit the lockers. Without thinking, I grabbed a napkin, dipped it in water and dabbed at the dried blood there. He winced. I don't know if it was from pain or surprise, but nonetheless, he remained motionless as I wiped until the cut disappeared into the short fade of his black hair.
When I was done, I showed him the blood on the napkin and balled it up onto my empty plate. He averted his gaze after looking. I got up to pay, motioning for him to follow.
It would take us another hour and a half of walking to get back home but by then the swelling should be minimal enough for us to get upstairs and past mom. Most likely she was waiting up for us to hear the exciting details of our first "date". It was already eight something so it would be ten by the time we got home. It was Friday and she didn't have work tomorrow so of course she would be up.
After we had walked in silence for a while, we had finally passed our school and were about a forty minute walk away from home.
I stopped suddenly in front of a park. Damien must have been zoning out because he ran straight into my back.
Normally you'd hear an "oof", but Damien just collected himself and met my gaze when I turned to him.
I guess it was all getting to me. I guess I kind of liked not being an ass. I guess...I guess I was ready to have a better relationship with Damien.
"I'm sorry," I said.
He just looked at me a bit puzzled like I had an alien growing out of my face, but maybe it could have been like a clump of dirt instead so he had to keep looking. I guess after what I'd done for him earlier he'd be confused about what I was apologizing for. Damn it. I thought that would be enough. Time to man up.
"I-I…Damien...I'm sorry. For being a piece of shit asshole to you for so long. I was a punk ass loser back then and even after I stopped messing with you, I never stopped those other guys...and that one girl," I said with a shameless grin.
His stunned expression slipped into one that said "You knew about that?!" and I couldn't help but laugh.
I pulled myself together, attempting to get some of the sincerity back into my voice which seemed a lot easier now after easing the tension. Cue the lights and music, here comes the sappy shit. Fuck why can't I stop myself?!
"I'm really sorry, man. You turned out to be a pretty cool guy and I…I'm proud...of you. That you're...like...related to me and stuff...Yeah," I said and put a hand to his arm even more awkwardly and I kind of let it fall and thank goodness it was dark by now and my red face was hidden. No. I can't go down like this. Must...insult.
"You fight like a bitch though."
Yes...manliness intact.
His confusion and shock over trying to process all these thoughts gave way into a weak smile and he looked down to hide his face. I wondered idly what color a blush would be under that chocolate skin of his.
"Yeah, let's hurry home and see if we can hide you from mom faster than she can start crying again," I said.
I turned from him quickly and walked a bit faster in the direction of our home. His baggy black track pants swished as he walked and I found it comforting and it helped me to be sure he was still behind me.
As soon as we got home, my legs were ready to give out. I don't know how those cross country runners do that shit.
I let him go in before me in hopes that he would reach the top of the stairs before mom slipped from her place on the couch and noticed us.
"Boys?" she called, already sounding as if she was closing in.
"Go go go!" I whispered adamantly to him and he hurried up the stairs and hid in our shared bathroom.
"Hey mom! We're really tired from all that walking, but thanks for the money! See you in the morning. Love you, goodnight!" I said as I also practically sprinted to my room as she made it to the base of the stairs.
"Wait! G...goodnight boys!" she called up the stairs with a quiver in her voice.
My God if she starts crying again.
The next morning Damien's swelling was gone and most of his scratches were minimal but a dark bruise had formed on the side of his sharp face.
Mom believed he had fallen during track and even offered to get him some new shoes because "..maybe the old ones don't fit properly anymore". Dad was all smiles after he'd heard about the "date" which I was now referring to it as.
Later that day Damien knocked on my door which he never does unless mom or dad wants me downstairs, so when he didn't point downstairs and walk away I kind of just stood there dumbly.
"Y-yeah?" I had the nerve to stutter. Fuck. Why was being civil to him so hard?
He handed me a Twix: my favorite candy bar.
"Thank you?" I said as I looked into his eyes with a skeptic look on my face.
His eyes went wide and he all but ran across the hall to his room and practically slammed the door in my face.
I guess being nice was hard for him, too.
Within the next month, we had been slowly becoming more cordial to one another. We were no longer afraid or embarrassed to smile at one another or wave or spend an evening alone together. Some days I would see Jake skulking about in the halls, looking for an easy target and I'd shoot him a death glare. Once or twice I think Damien caught me and for some reason I felt embarrassed to be...I dunno...protecting him?
I had all but stopped hanging out with my friends outside of school. I did enough "hanging out" in my first few years of high school and now I just had too much homework with midterms coming up.
I didn't like to admit it, but occasionally I wondered about Damien's social life. I used to see him with these three other nerdy guys and now I only sometimes see him with one. Did he even have actual friends? I knew he was on the track team and in the book club, but did he actually hang with those guys outside of school functions?
Contrary to my will, these thoughts plagued my mind as I studied one Saturday afternoon. I had my blinds open and soft sunlight was drifting in on me as I sat at my desk with my back to the door.
Mom and Dad had gone out of town to visit Grandma Haney for the weekend. She'd been sick lately, but Damien and I had too much homework and studying to do so they let us stay home alone. It wasn't too rare a thing, but usually it was never for the whole weekend. I stared down at my English notes wondering if learning by osmosis would really work. I felt a nap coming on…
Before I drifted off completely, I heard a tentative knock at the door. Knowing full well who it was I said simply, "It's open."
He opened that door slower than it's ever been opened before. Gently pulling the lever down and pushing it as his face was incrementally revealed. He stood there. Back to the awkward twitching we used to do around one another only a month ago. Did he need something?
"What's up?" I said offering him an easy, but confused smile. His honey brown eyes were a little glassy as if he was trying hard not to cry right then and there.
He nodded more to himself than to me and seemed as if he was steeling himself for something.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. After pressing some buttons and rereading the message I heard him take a deep breath...and then another and another and I wondered if he was having a panic attack.
"Oh my God, are you okay?" I said as I stood to walk toward him.
I was wondering if he was having an episode like sometimes he did around the anniversary of his mother's passing, but that had already gone by this year.
He fanned himself as if that would get more oxygen in his lungs and he wouldn't look at me. He shoved the phone into my chest and I fumbled to take it from him, focusing on the screen and then on the words typed there.
My eyebrows furrowed as I read.
'I really appreciate what you did for me last month. No one has laid a finger on me since you fucked Jake up for me…'-Damien only cursed in his messages to me and I guess maybe his friends-'...and I've been practicing for a month and working up the courage to do something I couldn't find the strength to do before. To say before...So please...just listen...'
I felt a soft heat come across my face as I read the embarrassing message.
That happened a month ago, why is he bringing it up now? What do you need to practice a month for? Is he going to dance for me?
At that thought I snorted and looked at him with expectancy and complete confusion. What did he mean by "listen"? I half expected a mariachi band to start playing from somewhere in the house and recount the tale in Spanish of how I pummeled Jake.
"What?" I said, not trying to hide how lost I was. I handed him his phone back.
Before I could come up with any other crazy ideas, he seemed to gather himself as he put his phone in his pocket. He took a deep breath, swallowed, and turned fully to me. One ray of sunlight somehow thought that it was the perfect time to stream through my blinds across his face and make his eyes glisten and give his skin a golden glow as he looked directly at me.
"Thank you."
His strong and sure face melted into one of fearsome child as he panicked again and ran out of my room and closed the door behind him. I heard the sound of his own door slamming shut and I was never more grateful for someone slamming a door in my face than at that moment because before I knew it, my knees had gone weak and I was on the carpet, face down staring and wondering how I'd gotten there.
I managed to look up at my door to the mirror hanging on the back of it. I saw my face. It was entirely red and something was happening elsewhere and I didn't even want to think about that right now.
All I could think was, "Damien hasn't spoken in four years...and he just spoke to me."
And his voice was better than sex.
It took me an hour to get off the floor. I think I may have passed out. I think I may have also lost my mind because I could have sworn that Damien spoke to me only moments ago, in this very spot. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?!
The fact that Damien spoke at all isn't the part that's freaking me the fuck out...it's the fact that I wish he was in here whispering in my ear while I did horrible, terrible things to myself. Oh my god. Am I…? NO! Maybe…? FUCK THAT! I started having a panic attack of my own as I laid there, having rolled onto my back and staring wide-eyed at my ceiling.
I stood, attempting to compose myself. I would just go ask him directly. Make sure it actually happened. I could be an adult about this and not a hormonal teenager.
'Who are you trying to convince? You just want to hear his voice again...' said something wretched deep within me. I cleared my throat and let myself calm down before making my way to Damien's room. I knocked on the door, as timid as the knock I heard on my own door just an hour before.
I had to knock again and I wondered if I should just run back into my room and forget it happened.
Damien hesitantly unlocked and opened his door.
His wide and unsure eyes looked at me.
"Hey...Damien," I said, "Do you remember that one time when you came into my room and then you said something to me and then ran off dramatically? Was that real?"
He stared at me for a second and I saw him begin to nod, but then he stopped and looked down. His eyes slowly lifted as he swallowed and said simply,
"Yes."
"Oh!" I said with a cracking and strangled voice. "Just making sure! Bye!"
It was my turn to run now and I pressed my back against the wall in my room and groaned. I'm fucking twisted. The sound of his voice...sent shivers down my spine and a jolt of pleasure through my body. I'd never felt anything like it. I knew that I liked women, but I've never been attracted to men in any way. Only...only…
"Fuck fuck fuck!" I said out loud this time. I face planted into my bed.
Why the fuck did he choose now to talk? And why me? My parents have done way nicer things for him and he hasn't ever talked to them! And...he prepared for it...for a whole month!
That heavenly sound repeated itself in my mind.
His voice was hoarse and soft from disuse, but it was a deep and husky sound. So deep...So smooth and innocently seductive. Like that skin...WHAT. WHAT AM I THINKING? I don't like men! OH MY GOD DAMIEN SPOKE!
Needless to say, I didn't resume studying until the next night.
After the incident, I tried my best to avoid Damien. It wasn't so hard since he was mostly a shut in anyway, but when I went downstairs for food that night, I noticed him peeking around the corner. I grabbed what I had and ran past him and back up the stairs into the safety of my room. My damn body!
Running past him I suddenly caught a whiff of his usual scent. I had always thought he smelled nice, but now...now…Fuck.
I almost couldn't even eat after that...almost.
Shit I wonder what he thinks of me now! I guess running away is the last reaction you'd expect someone would have in such a happy situation, but I can't help it. My body has betrayed me and I can never look at him the same way again. Which means I can never look at him again. Fucking wizard. How the fuck did he make me pass out by saying two words? FUCK! I'm not even gay!
He's supposed to be my damn brother!
I laid in my bed that night and began to recount all of our interactions over the years and my reactions to him. The hostility. An overwhelming dread washed over me and my stomach knotted as I began to piece something together and an idea came to mind. A daunting, terrible idea that meant far too much.
Have I been attracted to him from the start?
Fucking nerdy ass, Damien...shit.
Thar be chapter two! Hope you liked it! I will try to update quickly, but I am struggling with how to go about the next chapter. Please let me know what you think in a review! I really need them to improve and feel like I'm not wasting my time TnT I appreciate those who have reviewed already! Thank you for your time :3