I remember the night I put together that mosaic. I had cried, thinking that I wouldn't be able to stand it if my life ever fell into pieces as tiny as this again.
And I built this dream in my head, where you were the knight in shining armor that would make things better. That you would be the one who would save me from this loneliness and everything would work out perfectly. I thought that after being alone for so long, I deserved someone that would make me happy, that I could make happy, too.
But life isn't always that simple.
And predictably, when things fell apart, I shattered faster and harder than I ever had before.
Looking back on it all, it was unfair of me to put all that on you.
And now I sit among the pieces of myself, slowly piecing it all back together. It's a healing process, and sometimes, I feel like I was never shattered. Other days, I feel like the pieces have shattered even more.
I still look at the mosaic I had made months ago, thinking of the dream I had of you and me. I think of the way you've moved on. And I look at the pieces of myself, thinking about the way life is always like this. How life is always this constant rearrangement of ourselves. This constant attempt to try to hide what lies behind.
Maybe someday, I'll find it in me to put myself back together again. And maybe someday, I'll be able to put away the dream of what we could've been.
But for now, it's just me and the pieces.
And I'm learning to be okay with that again.