Everything was dark. The blackness settled on my eyes like a thick blanket, suffocating me. But when I turned my head slightly, I saw a thin band of light trickling from under a door. I blinked a few times, registering something solid beneath me, and realized that I was laying down. Wait…I was laying on my bed. I let out a slow breath and stretched my fingers out, assuring myself that it was safe; I was simply resting, waiting for sleep.

With that in mind, I smiled and turned my thoughts toward the day's events. It certainly was an interesting day, and it couldn't have ended better—staying home from school, going on a date, and then…

My breath caught in my throat. I coughed. Suddenly it felt like my lungs were closing up. An unexplainable feeling of dread overcame me, creating an uncomfortable weight on my chest. But what was wrong? Nothing seemed out of place, nothing triggered a flashback—I was okay. Wasn't I allowed to be okay at least once?

The darkness floating above my eyes changed. It swirled in grotesque spirals that only fed my awful imagination. But was it really just my imagination that created the shadows flitting around the room? Was I really having another episode?

Then the whispers started. God, I would rather have double the amount of visual hallucinations than spend another minute with these voices. But they weren't making any sense—they all overlapped until I couldn't make out individual words. Still, as soon as they started up, hissing at me with contempt, I felt a heavy lump of shame form in my stomach. Then the shame turned into panic; what was happening?

I choked on the bile making its way up my throat. My eyes darted from one corner to another, trying to keep track of all the shadows in the room. But then the voices became howls and shrieks that attacked my eardrums. I clamped my hands over my ears, wanting nothing but to get out of here. In the rising terror, I didn't realize that I couldn't move, and that only made my panic worse.

I screamed; I was being pinned to the bed. The disembodied arms from my nightmares held my legs in place. Then I felt my hands being forcibly removed from my ears as the bloody arms restrained them too. A single dirty hand covered my mouth and muffled the scream, but that didn't stop me from choking out panicked sobs. There must have been hundreds of them—all bloody and caked in dirt, all gripping some part of my body until I was covered and fully immobilized.

With a final scream from my brain, I realized that they were pulling me down—down into my bed. I was sinking lower and lower until I couldn't see anymore. More hands covered my eyes and I was enveloped in a suffocating darkness from which I couldn't escape—

Lee gasped for breath and lunged out of his bed. In a single terror-fueled moment, he jumped onto the floor and scratched the arms away. But they weren't there. It wasn't a hallucination—it was a dream.

That realization didn't stop Lee from screaming out and obsessively scraping the imaginary filth from his skin. It took a full minute before the heaving sobs became silent tears, and by that time, his skin was raw and slightly bruised from falling onto the hard floor. Eventually, Lee was able to distinguish between his dream and reality, and as he glanced around the room, it became clear that nothing was hurting him.

With a sigh, he look over at his alarm clock. It was only 2 in the morning, so he wasn't asleep for very long. In fact, only a few hours had passed since Seth dropped him off at the orphanage. Lee thought over the events of the day and reasoned that his nightmare was a result of stress and change. It's not like his mind was warning him…

He sat up with a jolt, feeling waves of panic rise within his chest. 'No,' he assured himself, 'what would my mind need to warn me about? Seth's a great guy—no need to freak out. I'm just tired, that's all.'

Still, as he shook out a couple pills and climbed back into bed, Lee couldn't help but notice that his worst nightmares always occurred after spending time with Seth.

The next morning proved to be just as stressful as the night. Lee had slept through his alarm clock, costing him time to get ready. He received a hasty lecture from the matron, who was notified of his absence from school; but, fortunately, she agreed to write a note to excuse his absence. Then he hurried onto the bus, fully expecting stares and smirks from everyone. In the past he was embarrassed to be seen boarding the bus from an orphanage, but nowadays he couldn't care less.

The leftover anxiety from his nightmare still coiled around his heart, but the morning sun dissolved most of it. Now he was mostly worried about how he would hide his fears from Seth, who had no trouble detecting Lee's emotions. Could he bring himself to admit his thoughts?

But then he saw Seth pull into the school parking lot, and another anxious thought took over: how were they supposed to act now that they were together? He thought about how other couples at school often held hands or kissed between classes, and he hoped Seth would have more sense than to try that.

When Seth finally approached, Lee tried to put on a straight face. But, as he predicted, his boyfriend saw right through his mask. Seth nodded to the other side of the school building, which was empty for now, and the two of them made their way over.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Seth glanced over at Lee with a grim expression. "Look, if you're worried about missing a day of school—"

"Huh? Oh, no, that's okay. I have a note," Lee stammered, holding out the slip of paper. "Did you get in trouble?"

Seth shrugged. "Like I said, my parents don't care. They work all day, so they didn't get the message from school. I deleted it from the answering machine as soon as possible." He stopped, looking at Lee with confusion. "So, why do you look so worried?"

"I—I just…" Lee stared at his hands. "I don't know how we're…supposed to act. In public, I mean."

"Oh." Seth relaxed. "Don't worry about that. No one will know about it. Unless…" he lowered his voice, smiling, "you want people to know?"

Lee blushed, but didn't answer. Seth laughed.

"I'm just kidding. Seriously, don't worry. I'd rather not get in trouble for this. You know the stupid school policy."

Lee nodded, remembering how the code of conduct explicitly forbids homosexual relationships.

"I've been in detention for enough of those violations," Seth added carelessly. "I wouldn't want to be expelled after that."

"Okay," Lee finally said, taking a deep breath. "I feel a little better now."

"That's good. Unless there's something else on your mind?"

Lee shook his head, dismissing the fears he had earlier.

Seth walked into homeroom, looking pleased with himself. When he sat next to Diana, she immediately turned on him.

"Where were you? Why didn't you answer my texts?"

"I was doing something important," he answered evasively. He got out his unfinished homework and pretended not to see Diana's confused expression.

"Were you with Lee?"

Seth looked up for a fraction of a second. "He wasn't well. I took care of him."

Diana faltered before asking, "Is he okay?"

He smiled, deciding to come clean. "He's fine. I asked him out yesterday."

"You what!?"

"And he said yes," Seth finished, relishing the look of surprise on Diana's face.

Her face broke into a grin. "I knew it! Oh Seth, I'm so happy for you two!"

He pulled away, smiling, before Diana could force him into a hug. Seth appreciated her exuberance, but right now he wanted to stay under the radar. Diana must have sensed this, because she sat up and reined in her emotions.

"But you guys can't show it, right?" She asked, concerned. "You know it's against the rules…"

"Yeah, we talked about that. As far as the school knows, nothing has changed. So no telling anyone you don't trust," he said solemnly.

Diana nodded in uncharacteristic seriousness. "I won't, I promise."

"Good." He looked around at the students sitting nearest to him, who all seemed to be interested in their conversation. "We don't need anyone getting us in trouble."

Seth furrowed his brows at the eavesdroppers and they looked away.

Lee, meanwhile, spent his morning wondering if he had remembered to take his medication. In the haste of trying to get ready and catch the bus, Lee forgot if he skipped a few steps in his morning routine; he always took his pills after breakfast, but that thought didn't register until homeroom. The panic started rising again, but this time he extinguished it by turning that energy into anger.

It wasn't fair that he had to constantly worry about his mental state—about taking his medication, or night terrors, or flashbacks that prompted psychosis and depression. No one else could understand that, and his fists clenched as his thoughts darkened. Even those stupid doctors were shocked that someone so young could be experiencing such full-fledged hallucinations. He remembered the way they poked and prodded him, asking for his life story, as if that would explain anything. And, of course, he kept quiet. They didn't need to know why he took a blade to his wrists, or why, when Ashley found him bleeding out on the bathroom floor, he was screaming about "the hands." No. No one needs to know that.

No one, except for Seth.

Lee's eyes unfocused as his fists loosened. He had admitted his suicide attempt to Seth, but he left the details out of it. And he was happy he did; he remembered when he tried to tell Seth about his ra—about David—and he remembered the look on Seth's face…. Lee felt a lump of guilt form in his stomach. 'I can't do this,' he thought, feeling his limbs go numb. 'I can't burden him with my problems. Not after what he's done for me.'

It was with a heavy heart that Lee lowered his eyes and made a solemn promise to himself. He would not, by any means, reveal any more about himself to Seth.

As lunchtime drew nearer, the depression that consumed Lee darkened into a black cloud that hung over his eyes. He knew it was impossible to hide the shadow masking his features, so with a face as blank as his mind, he entered the cafeteria. After getting his food, he carefully made his way through the masses of tables and avoided the staring eyes…

It was happening again.

The eyes disappeared and were replaced by gaping holes. This time the mouths stayed put, but the holes—they stretched over empty eye sockets, seemingly endless and dark. Each glaring face was a peek into the double abyss that plagued him. He stopped short, stemming the tide of panic that swept over him. This was just a hallucination; it wasn't real.

Seth got up when he saw Lee freeze in the middle of walking to their table. As he made his way over, he noticed that Lee's pupils were constricted again, and his mouth was open in what looked like a silent scream. Carefully, and making sure no one would suspect anything, Seth closed his hand around Lee's arm and led him to the table. No matter how unassuming he tried to be, Seth couldn't escape the questioning looks of his classmates, and his face burned with embarrassment. He suddenly understood what Lee must feel like—with all those staring eyes. Lee barely registered the sensation of sitting down, but other than that, the world around him swirled into oblivion. Now he was certain that he forgot his medication this morning.

"Lee," Seth whispered gently. He was trying to bring Lee back to reality carefully, so as not to startle him.

The psychotic boy turned his head, eyes unfocused and overly large. He made a small, frightened noise, but otherwise showed no sign that he heard Seth. At this point, the cafeteria was almost completely gone from his vision, and the only sounds he heard were distant echoing growls. The fear rose in his chest, taking precedence over the panic. He became terrified of the world around him.

Seth slowly placed his hand next to Lee's. Then, throwing caution to the wind, he reached for and held Lee's hand. He hoped that physical contact could break him away from the hallucination. And, eventually, it worked.

Lee's pupils returned to normal size, but his face still held a haunted expression. He turned to look at Seth like it was the first time he saw him.

"Where am I?" He asked quietly, looking genuinely confused.

"You're in the cafeteria, at school."

"Oh."

Lee shook his head like he was trying to wake himself up. Then, as the rest of the world came into focus, he blinked away the shadows.

"Seth, I think I forgot to take my medicine…"

"Well, that would explain it."

Seth curled his fingers around Lee's hand as the redhead continued to observe his surroundings. By the time Lee realized that their hands were entwined, he was too tired to be embarrassed; still, a faint blush crept onto his face.

"Are you okay now?"

Lee nodded.

"Good." Seth smiled, but was not entirely convinced. He gave Lee's hand a squeeze before letting go. "I love you."