"Daddy Issues"

You like to think that
I'm this girl with
"daddy issues"
but what you don't realize
is that my father is the
one with all the issues.

See, when you say
"daddy issues"
I think of a man with
creases in his face,
five divorces deep,
three addictions wide.
Alcohol. Women. Money.

The father of five children:
An eldest daughter—
who hates him.
A son, freshly sixteen—
who's never seen him.
Two younger sons—
who depend on him.
And the illegitimate son—
who we've never known.

He drunkenly wrapped his
motorcycle around a tree.
His eight year old daughter
abandon outside of school.
In. The. Rain.
Two more violations later
he was put into A.A.
That daughter, eighteen,
Couldn't. Care. Less.

I am not an alcoholic.

What you don't see is the
sacrifices made to visit
little brothers whose
mother has disappeared
into a haze of alcohol,
drugs, and men. They
don't understand that their
father, the man who they
love and cherish, is the one
who drove her to it. I
weather the fire storm as
my Nana recites the
Holy Commandment
"Honor thy father…"
All to protect them from a
father with no honor.

Do not tell me that I have a
problem with commitment.

Through the phone
receiver comes the news.
There's a warrant out for
his arrest. When you're
young you don't
understand why the money
is important to your mom,
to him, to the judge. It
wouldn't matter if he never
put a penny into your
piggy bank life. You want
to know why no one wants
to arrest him for neglecting
his visiting rights.
For never coming to your
soccer games. For the
doctors appointments he
missed. I've spent my
tears.

I do not cherish the power
that comes along with
paper bills and metal coins.

So the next time you want
to look at me and say,
"You have daddy issues."
Remember that I do not
share my father's issues
and that I most certainly do
not call him
Daddy.