So. My step mom just left. She wants to adopt a baby, you know, to have a kid that is hers and only hers, which doesn't work with me and my little brother because we have a mom, so she can't be it. But, my dad doesn't want another kid, especially not a baby. So, she left last night, and it hurts. She knew it, dad knew it. They didn't tell us until maybe two hours before she moved out. They were engaged, for Christ's sake, and she left. But as a fellow girl, I know what she means, to want a little baby that is yours and only yours. Two hours. Who knew it only took two hours to turn someone's life completely upside down? Two hours.

And you know what she said? She said, Promise me. Promise me that you'll open your heart to others and stop protecting yourself. You remind me of a little girl that walks around with a moat around her, keeping everyone out.

Everyone gets hurt, she told me. But your life will be so much happier if you talk from your heart.

Huh.

So I protect myself? Yeah. I do. You know why? Because everyone leaves, or betrays you. I'm not a masochist. I get what she's saying, I do, but to say it then, right then when she was leaving, that doesn't work.

---

Left me

Everything I see

Everything I do

Reminds me of you

you and me

you and us

From clear blue water to

puppies to

toenails and red hair

Even writing,

because I shared that with you

I let you in

I let you see

and you left

Left because you needed more of what you already have

had...

You were always there

one of us

but then...

You decided you weren't,

weren't one of us, not fully,

and you needed something

that was one of you

Even when you told me you would

always be here

You promised to stand by us

forever

But you didn't

You left

And the worst part is that I understand why

Why you did it

Why you needed a piece of you

Something we just couldn't give you

Because now you're a part of me.

You told me...

Told me to quit protecting myself

and to let people in

but you don't get it.

I did.

I did let you in.

Why else would I cry?

I showed my tears

and now I'll never

never get them back

Never get that piece of me back

Never trust quite so easily, if it ever came easily at all

I let you in

and showed you around

But I guess you had to go

and you left my crumbled wall behind

So I built it up better,

twice as thick and stronger.

But now I wonder

If anyone will ever see me again

the same me

If anyone will be brave enough to even try

But I worry

that someone will

Breach my wall, break it down

brick by brick

And expose my beating heart

then leave my crumbled wall behind...