The next morning Simon's unit left the hotel just after first light to begin their evaluation of the city. They didn't expect to be doing anything dangerous just yet, but it still made Danya nervous. He couldn't be sure everyone was okay until they arrived home in the evening.

Fortunately, there was plenty for hie and Cailan to occupy themselves with. The hotel may have been recently fitted with new security fixtures, but it hadn't been cleaned in a while. The construction workers hadn't even bothered to sweep up the dust they had left behind when they'd installed the new window bars.

Cailan was different when it was just the two of them. When the humans were around he was quiet, alert, and careful. Now that they were alone he smiled and joked and told stories.

Danya couldn't decide whether or not he liked it when Cailan talked about Liam. He was painfully jealous of the relationship they had, but it was comforting to see that his deepest heart's desire was possible at all even if he would never have it for himself.

As afternoon set in they started on dinner, a hearty stew made from ingredients left for them in the icebox in the kitchen. The whole first floor of the building smelled delicious by the time the others were due back.

Roope and Trist were the first to return, followed closely by Liam. Roope and Trist set straight to serving themselves, so Danya sat down next to one of the armchairs in the communal area. Liam sat down on a sofa opposite him and Cailan brought a bowl of stew out to his master.

By the time Simon arrived back, Roope and Trist had claimed the other sofa and Cailan was sitting on the floor with his head resting against Liam's knee.

Simon entered the room slowly, his expressed flat as he took in each of them in turn. Finally, his gaze landed on Liam. When he spoke, his voice was too quiet. "You are not living up to my expectations of you."

Realisation rose in Liam's eyes as he looked from Cailan to Danya and seemed to see what Simon saw. He opened his mouth to speak, but Simon cut him off.

"Have they eaten yet?"

"I don't—" Liam made a face. "No, I don't suppose they have."

"I invited you to be part of this unit because my understanding was that you treated your slave as a slave out of obligation only. Yet here, when under no obligation to do any such thing, you have them sit on the floor and wait until last to eat."

"I—" Danya started, and then immediately regretted it when Simon turned to look at him, eyebrows raised in expectation. "He didn't tell me to sit on the floor."

"Did he remind you that you didn't have to?" Simon cast a look at Roope and Trist, who had been watching in silence as they ate. "Did anyone?"

"You're absolutely right, Simon." Liam set his bowl aside and stood. "We've had to keep up this pageantry for so long that it's become a deeply ingrained habit. I forgot that it was no longer necessary. Cailan, please, sit up here, sweetheart."

Cailan allowed himself to be tugged up and sat down stiffly on the sofa. He kept his eyes trained on his master.

While Simon's back was turned, Danya took the opportunity to quietly get up from the floor and reseat himself in the armchair.

Liam bent and kissed the top of his Cailan's head. "I'm sorry, my love. I will do better."

"You can do better right now by going and getting them both some dinner," Simon said. "I'm sure you'll have no problem being the one serving for once."

"I assure you, Simon, we observe no such rigidity in our roles when nobody is watching. I'll be happy to."

"Mm," Simon responded as he took an unhappy seat on the sofa next to Roope.

Danya's instinct was to get up and serve his master, but he trampled that back down immediately. That would definitely be the wrong move just then.

#

Liam arrived home first the next afternoon, and he greeted Cailan with a kiss to the top of his head. "Have you eaten yet, love?"

"No," Cailan said as he dipped his head and smiled. "Waiting to eat with you is acceptable, isn't it?"

"I should think so! I don't think it was Simon's intention that we should simply replace the old rules with new ones. We just need to shake the habit of conducting ourselves according to rules at all in these matters."

"In that case, I think you should sit down and let me serve you. Not because I'm your property, but because you have been been working hard all day and I love you."

Liam gave Cailan another quick kiss, on the lips this time, and then sat down heavily on the sofa. "If he has a problem with that he can take it up with me."

Danya followed Cailan to the kitchen and stood to the side awkwardly, not sure what to do with himself. He had never been the most perfectly obedient slave, but somehow he was even worse at acting independently.

"I think you should eat with us," Cailan suggested, sparing Danya the pain of making the decision for himself. "I expect you would prefer to wait for Simon, but he might not understand your intentions. Or he may understand them perfectly and disapprove."

"Yes, you're right. I don't want to upset him again."

Danya took his bowl of stew back into the communal area and then stood back awkwardly as Cailan served his master and then sat down next to him on the sofa with his own food. What was he supposed to do now? Should he quietly retreat to his room and leave them to one another's company?

"Danya! Come, sit." Liam patted an empty spot on the sofa next to him. "No need to look so worried. I don't bite, and even Simon's hardly more than hot air most of the time."

"Thank you," Danya said as he sat down carefully. He didn't feel in the least bit hungry.

"He scares you sometimes, mm?" Liam asked.

"He…" Danya hesitated. "No. I know he wouldn't harm me."

"Oh, no, of course not! I'm quite sure he's not the sort for that. But he is, ah… a bit indelicate, at times. I find a softer touch is needed."

"I don't expect him to change his nature for my sake. It's my job to be the one who adapts to him."

"Does that not contradict his own stated values?"

Danya shrugged. He didn't like having to push back against a human, but when it came to defence of his master not doing so would have been more inappropriate. "Perhaps, but it's not my place to police or to criticise that. He never wanted me and I don't expect that to change, but I hope I can avoid being too much of a bother. I seem to be utterly failing at that so far, though."

"Oh, hardly! I don't think Simon would say any differently, either. I think he understands perfectly that in all of this, you're the furthest thing from a villain. The crux of his frustration is that he can offer you so little."

"I'm not sure that's quite the case. I'm an unwanted pet. Of course his life will be easier if I learn not to be a pet at all."

Liam tilted his head to the side, his expression contemplative as he watched Danya. "You wish he desired you?"

Danya shrugged again and bit down on the inside of his cheek. His throat felt tight. He was not going to start crying. He was not.

Liam sighed and placed his bowl on the coffee table in front of them, then gently took Danya's bowl from him and did the same with it. "You can cuddle up to me, if you like."

"I don't mind," Cailian added when Danya glanced past Liam at him. He'd already abandoned his own dinner and snuggled in close to his master.

So, with his eyes starting to mist over, Danya did. He didn't need it. He wouldn't fall apart if he didn't have it, at least not in anything but the most mundane and harmless of ways. He just… wanted it. Wanted someone to show him that they cared enough to be the one to reach out.

...And he wanted that someone to be Simon. He liked Liam's touch well enough, and it was doing the job of slowly rebalancing him, but he wasn't Simon. His energy was a softer, more compromising thing. He could see why Cailan found comfort in it, but he ached for the strength and solidity of Simon.

Even so, when Liam reached a hand up and started stroking it through his hair, Danya leant into the touch. As much as he wished he could have this from Simon instead, he knew it would never happen.

Danya heard the front door open and shut, felt Simon's presence enter the room, and slowly opened his eyes. He tensed when he realised Simon was watching them, his expression cold and flat.

"What's this?" Simon asked in that too calm voice that tended to precede his anger.

Liam's hand was still on Danya's head, but he was no longer petting him. "What exactly do you take issue with here, Simon?"

"I just came home to find you stroking him like he's some sort of pet. You wouldn't do that to a human."

Liam's hand had retracted by now, and Danya took the opportunity to shuffle away a little.

"Humans stroke each other's hair all the time, Simon. It's just a harmless expression of affection."

"Between a mother and a child or lovers, maybe. Do you think I would have found this scene perfectly normal if it had been Hamish in his place? Or any of the other men?"

"I think you wouldn't be scolding me right now if it were Hamish. You would at least respect him enough to speak to him about it first."

"Because I know that, though he rarely utilises the word, Hamish knows how to say no. Do you think when he was sixteen and pursuing adult men I didn't have words for anybody? I am assuming the absolute best case here — that you asked and he said yes — and I am furious because a yes is meaningless from somebody who cannot say no."

"I understand what you're saying. I can see where you're coming from, and though I'm not sure I agree with it—"

"Don't touch him again," Simon said before turning around and leaving the room.

Without thinking, Danya hurried after him. He caught up with him outside of his room.

"I—" Danya's heart was beating so hard. He didn't know what to say. "I can say no. To him. I would have, if I had known it would bother you. I'm sorry, Simon. I promise it won't happen again."

"You didn't—" Simon gave a rough shake of his head. He seemed determined not to look Danya in the eye. "Don't be sorry. I just…" He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Look, if I try to have this conversation right now I'm definitely going to lose my temper and make things worse. We'll talk later, okay?"

"Okay."

Simon disappeared into his room, and after a few seconds of staring at the outside of the door Danya retreated to his own. He flopped face down on his bed and just lay there for a few minutes, trying to calm himself.

Simon cared. Whatever his motivations were, they clearly were not indifference. It was unfortunate that the thing he seemed most determined to defend Danya from was something he was not the last bit concerned by, but, even so…

Danya let out a long sigh. He wanted Simon so badly, and he had foolishly accepted Liam's affection. Had allowed Liam to start balancing him, when he only had Simon's permission to seek out his company when he was out of balance. Now how long would it be before he could justify it?

Danya rolled onto his back and chewed at his lip. Maybe he could lie? Simon hardly even knew what being out of balance was. He could tell him anything he wanted about what he needed and he would be unlikely to question it.

That wasn't something he would ever lie about, though. It was too important to taint with dishonesty. But…

Danya flicked up a small shield and then let it fall again, feeling a tiny amount of energy drain out of him. He felt no obligation to be honest about how he came to be out of balance.

It was good practise, anyway, he told himself. It was a secret for now, but maybe one day it could save all their lives. He practised pulling it up as fast as he could, changing its shape and angle, throwing himself against furniture and letting it cushion him. He let himself forget about why he was doing this at all and focused simply on strengthening his power.

By the time he tripped and collapsed on the floor, head spinning, the hotel was dark and everything was quiet. He was badly, but not catastrophically, out of balance. Finally he could set wants aside and honestly say he needed Simon's touch.

Danya crept out of his room and opened the door to Simon's, then just stood there in the doorway staring a Simon's form in his bed not knowing what to do.

Simon turned his head and the moonlight from the window picked out the contours of his face. "You okay?"

Danya shifted. "Yes. Um…"

"You wanna come over here?"

Danya nodded.

Simon lifted the blankets. "C'mon, then."

Danya shut the door behind himself, then walked over and crawled onto the bed. Simon flung the blankets over him, then held his arm up for Danya to crawl under if he wanted to. Danya did.

Simon wasn't wearing a shirt. Danya desperately wished he'd slipped his robe off before coming here, wished for bare skin against bare skin, but it would be weird if he did it now.

"This why, uh… the thing with Liam earlier?" Simon asked. "Guess I did just assume it was his idea."

"No, it was his idea, but he was just trying to be kind."

"Mm?"

"I was upset. He said I could cuddle up to him if I wanted to."

"And you did want to?" Simon murmured.

"Yes," Danya admitted, though it felt traitorous. "It just… helps. I used to have Duran and Fanner and they were always there. I've never been alone, and—" Danya stopped and swallowed thickly. "Sorry. I really am out of balance now and it's making me a bit emotional."

"S'okay," Simon said, his arm tightening around Danya just a little. "I know I've been, mm… shitty. I get that. If you want to go to someone else for this stuff, that's fine, but I'd rather you go to Hamish. I trust him. Liam… not so much."

"No, Simon, I don't want to go to someone else. Please? I want you."

"Then why the thing with Liam?"

"Because I didn't need you, I just… wanted you. But that's not our arrangement. You've been kind enough to give me what I need, but what I want isn't your problem."

"What do you want?"

That question certainly filled Danya's mind with some very explicit images, but he wasn't about to broach that particular topic with Simon. He wanted many things, and those ones could remain unspoken. "I want to fall asleep like this every night."

"Mm. Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. That's fine."

"Oh. Okay."

Simon yawned and stretched out, and when he relaxed again they were pressed just a tiny bit closer together. "Come out with me tomorrow. Gonna start checking the perimeter of the city. Promise it'll be safe."

"Okay."

"Good. Sleep now."

"Okay."