2"Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting." - Peter Pan
Dear person I knew,
Hey. Been a while hasn't it? I would say sorry, but you'd probably just reply with that stupid comeback. Sorry is for when you've done something wrong. Ha. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know... I'm fine. I'm not in the hospital or anything serious. Yet. You're probably wondering why I haven't spoken to you in so long... it's been around 3 years, right? I guess I was too scared to face you... too scared to see how much you changed.
It just got too much for me. The expectations, the pressure, the drama, the hopelessness... How much can one person take? I was just tired... I couldn't deal with it. I was doing too many things, handling too many delicate tasks. I was 13! What did you people expect?! Someone who was perfect?! I remember I forgot my book once... He was appalled. "You?" he said, "Forgot your book?" He couldn't believe it. The expectations were so high... And I was never noticed for my achievements, only my failures. But I guess that's what high school is. It's nothing like what they told me... It's a lot harder.
But this letter isn't about school. This letter is about you.
I'm sorry I left you. I didn't think you needed me. I mean, I'm just a depressed, self harming teenage girl. Not to mention sarcastic and violent. There are lots of other people you could have been friends with. I wonder sometimes though, why me? I'm nothing special. Not even remotely. You and I, we're not really alike. We're kind of opposites. And yes, people say opposites attract. But that didn't quite work, now did it?
I remember when you told me you liked me. And even though I knew about it, I still acted surprised. That seems to be all I'm good at, acting and pretending. And even though I turned you down, I think you understood why. And, that brought us closer together, rather than ripping us apart. But all good things must come to an end, right?
I guess I thought you would always be there. I thought we were going to be friends. I guess I was wrong. You're just like the others. And don't give me that crap about how I was important to you. Where were you when my parents fought and argued? Where were you when I nearly fainted from all the stress? Where were you when I was teased and made fun of? When I felt like just curling up and dying? Where were you when I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders?
I hope you're happier now. You're probably glad you don't have to deal with my problems anymore. I couldn't burden you with anything. You're probably with her. Did you know, we never had a conversation without you mentioning her, how good a person she was? I hated her, and I remember I told you so. She treated me horribly. She thought I was a threat to her. She didn't have to worry, you two shared a bond I couldn't even dream of having with you. I don't think you remember any of that though. She was an angel in your eyes, one that could do no harm.
Remember that song I loved? Stay by Mayday Parade? I still love it. Although it's not about him anymore, it's about you. That song reminds me of everything we went through together. Do you know what it's like?! Having the one person you thought was your friend betray you?! I don't think so... cause I never betrayed you. I thought we could take on the world. I guess I wasn't important to you...
You were all I had you know. I couldn't rely on anyone for those first years of high school. And dealing with my parents was no picnic. You were my rock, the person who kept me trying even though all I wanted to do was give up. I had friends sure, but I couldn't trust them as much as I could you. We were closer than friends, we confided everything to each other, dreams, hopes, sorrows, secrets. You were the one person who I ever let get that close to me.
You said once I was the only person you told these things to. But it's not like I was the only choice you had... have. You have people who care about you, who want to help you... you just have to let them. You had something I didn't have growing up, real friends. People you've known since you were little, who you've grown up knowing. Friends who would go to the ends of the world for you, not friends who would throw you away when they didn't need you. Do you realize how lucky you are? You have something very important... A chance.
If I was so important to you, why didn't you notice? Why didn't you notice the times I would stare off into the distance? Why didn't you notice the times tears would well up in my eyes? Why didn't you notice the scars on my arm creeping higher and higher, the times I wore more and more bands on my wrists to hide them? Why didn't you notice the way I couldn't even look people in the eyes? Why didn't you notice the times I couldn't handle the stress? Why?
I don't really know what this letter is about. It kinda jumps all over the place. I don't have much time left though. I can't stand knowing what I left behind. I can't take the 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'. I can't live with the regrets and mistakes. I'm not quite sure why I wrote it to you, of all people. I think it's because, even though you've probably forgotten about me, I'll always remember the boy who cared, when everyone else couldn't see behind the mask. The boy who stood up for me when everyone looked the other way. I'll always remember you.
I guess this is it then. My final goodbye. But even if you never read this letter, or you don't know who wrote it, I'll never forget the person that changed my life in so many ways, both good and bad. I'll always treasure those years we had together, as friends, then best friends. I'll never forget you. Remember that promise I made all those years ago? I always keep my promises. I would never let you die before me, never. I have to leave now. I've been gone a long time now in any case. I missed you, more than you could ever imagine. Did you miss me too?
Always,
The girl who never forgot
Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted anything, school's been stressing me out. Can't really tell you what inspired this story, it's kinda personal. Here's a list of songs I listened to while writing it though:
45 - Shinedown
Boston - Augustana
Can't Stop - OneRepublic
Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade
Heartbreak Story - The Wanted
My Immortal - Evanescence
Out Of Time - Jay McGuiness
Stay - Mayday Parade
Please review and tell me what you think!