I had this posted previously but took it down because I always meant to rewrite it but won't now. Anyway, it's the first thing I ever actually completed and is not as perverted or dark as the other stuff. Enjoy and let me know what you think:)

Caleb finishes with a shudder and a moan, his eyes squeezed shut. I'm sore and I know there is blood smeared across my thighs but I don't care. He looks so beautiful as I smile up at him. I'm elated. But that feeling evaporates when his eyes open. Disappointment is clearly etched on his face. Our eyes meet and I see the truth there that I've always known.

I am not the girl he wants to see.

He looks away as he withdraws and moves to sit on the other side of the bed. With his head down, he runs his hand through his hair and sighs. I sit up and pull the sheet tight to my naked body.

"God…this was such a mistake," he says, not looking at me. "Shit!" His voice is harsh, angry even, as he throws something…. the condom… against the wall with force.

There's now a red stain where the condom hit the white wall.

"I love her, screwing her best friend isn't exactly going to make her want me." He avoids my gaze as he stands. "You need to leave." I open my mouth but I don't know what to say or do. I watch as he leaves the room without giving me a second glance.

I can't move. All I can do is listen to my breathing, it's ragged and strangled. This must be what shock is. I hear running water in the bathroom and imagine him washing me off his skin in disgust. That painful thought gets me moving. I put my underwear on and feel it stick to the wetness between my legs. My bra is shoved into my bag before I pull my dress over my head. I scan the room with urgency for my textbook and notes. I don't want to leave anything of mine behind. A blood stain mars the white sheet and I stop and stare at it for a second until I remember that I have to keep moving before I break down. With one hand pressed against my mouth and the other clutching my bag, I run to the front door and down the porch steps. I don't bother to close the door behind me.

I can't risk running into anyone, so I go home the long way through the trees. The sun is going down; everything around me is eerie shadows. But I'm not scared because I can't feel anything right now. My phone signals a text. It's Ella.

"Party tonight, come get ready at my house."

I don't text her back.

The house is thankfully empty and I head directly to the bathroom. I turn the water on so it's scalding, and once in the safety of the shower I start to sob loudly as the blood washes off me. I cry until there are no tears left and that numb feeling has settled over me. As I wrap a towel around me, I catch sight of myself in the mirror on the way out. Bloodshot, puffy eyes stare back at me.

In the hallway, I run into Nick.

"Crap," he says. "Sorry." He eyes go from my face, to my body, back to my face and then he holds up a hand to shield his eyes. I stare at him hard, the low self-esteem part of me wishes every male I knew would stop acting like I'm so repulsive. The more sane part of me knows that he's trying to do the honourable thing.

"Nate gave me the key, we're gonna have some drinks here and then go out."

I don't respond and just head to my bedroom.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asks behind me. I stop in my doorway, look at the floor and nod silently.

"Okay then….come have a beer with us when you're dressed." He offers. I feel like crying just because he's being pathetically kind to me after Caleb was so horrible.

"Thanks," I say quietly before heading into my bedroom. I throw on some jeans and a t-shirt. I won't be heading to any kind of party tonight. Ella keeps texting and ringing me. I ignore my phone and try to read a book. I can't concentrate though as images of Caleb staring down at me with that look torment me and make my cheeks burn with humiliation. I end up throwing the book across the room where it lands with a satisfying thump just before there's a knock on my door.

"Come in," I call.

It's my uncle, Nate. "Hey, Ella's on the phone."

"Oh…uh, could you please tell her I'm not feeling well."

He nods. "Sure thing." The door shuts behind him. I feel bad for lying to Ella but I just can't face her. She would be furious if she knew how Caleb had treated me but I can't face telling her, it might upset their friendship…or whatever relationship Caleb envisioned they would one day have.

There's another knock on the door and I call for them to come in.

It's Nate's friend Lena. I can tell that she's half way into having a very good night by how she stumbles into my room. "Hey, can I borrow some lipstick."

I smile at her. "Help yourself." She teeters over to the dresser in her fantastic stilettos.

"You look pretty," I tell her and she smiles at me in the mirror.

"Why thank you, miss… Nate lied to your friend like any good uncle should. You gonna tell me what that's about? She's a good girl that one, offered to ditch the party and come look after you. But don't worry, Nate told her you'd be fine."

I sigh, feeling awful at treating Ella this way.

"I'm just having a bad day," I say quietly.

She moves over to the bed. "Oh honey, whatever it is, it will get better. Nick said you looked upset earlier. Just don't drive your friends away. Come on." She grabs my hand and tries to yank me up but loses her balance which means I have to get up quickly to stop her falling over anyway.

She laughs, leaning on me "Thanks, now come have a drink before we go out and then you will have the whole house to yourself to wallow in self-pity. But I'll tell you from experience, it's much more fun when you're drunk." She laughs again, and I envy her. How light and happy she always is.

Drinking games are being played at the dining room table, a blonde is passed out on the couch, a couple are having a screaming match outside and it's not even nine o'clock yet.

"Hey." Nick greets me, he is sitting in the recliner. He has a girl that I haven't seen before sitting in his lap. She looks like all the other girls I see him with: beautiful and slutty. She gives me a hostile look. Lena hands me a beer and teeters back to her drinking game. I sit on the couch, on the other side of the passed out girl.

"Heyyyy Cath-e-rineeeee." Mike jumps over the couch to invade my personal space. After he wraps an arm around my shoulder and kisses my cheek, I move as far over as possible to the armrest to escape.

Nate comes to my rescue by throwing something that sounds hard against Mike's skull from his spot at the table.
"Ow." Mike releases me.

"Hands off the jailbait!" Nate yells and high fives the guy next to him. "Responsible uncle duties done for the night." Then he downs a shot and I figure I am going to have to fend for myself against Mike's unwanted attention. But Mike moves closer to the passed out girl who is thankfully coming round and doesn't seem to mind him staring down her top.

Nick is gracious enough to stop making out with the hostile girl in his lap and make conversation with me.

"You look happier now.
I take a swig of beer and hold up the bottle.

"Lena says this is her cure to a bad day. I think she's right."

"Just be grateful she didn't start you off on tequila shots, you wouldn't even remember today," he says, half smiling.

"That wouldn't be a bad thing."

Mike and the girl are making out beside me now. Nick keeps me entertained, telling me about his job as a tattoo artist and some of the designs people come in asking for. Hostile girl seems to be getting even more hostile at the attention Nick is giving me but I ignore her. I go to school with enough mean girls not to let her phase me. By the time Lena comes over to announce they're ready to go, I'm on my third beer and happy. The only reminder of this horrible day is the ache between my legs but the alcohol is helping to dull that along with my brain.

The room clears, Nate reminds me in a very slurred speech to lock the door behind them, and then they're off.

I clean up. It takes me ages because I'm drunk, and then I decide to go to bed when it's nearly midnight.

Ella texts me.

"Are you feeling better? Miss you. Dean is smashed, Caleb is brooding. I can come get you. Max is sober driving."
I don't even have to think about it. I'm in the party mood.

"Come get me."