I manage to drag myself out of bed in the morning for a run. I'm sweeping my hair into a ponytail as I step out onto the pavement but freeze when I see Logan's car parked outside my house. When he sees me he gets out of the car with his usual confident stride and a wide smile on his face. He's dressed in running clothes.

"Are you stalking me?"

His smile never drops. "Pretty much." Before I can open my mouth to say anything else he cuts in. "We'll just go running together, that's it. Like the two friends we used to be. No sex, kissing, hugging, sucking or licking. None of that stuff we were good at before. None of it. Promise."

I hate that he makes me smile.

"I'm gonna kick your ass," I tell him, and take off at a fast pace. He manages to stay with me the whole way but at least there's no talking. I win, but I'm pretty sure that's because he let me.

"You've gotten good," he says, hands on hips and breathing hard.

"I know," I say arrogantly. He's still staring hard at me and I can't help but stare at back at him. Life would be easier if he were ugly.

"Are you still angry at me?" he asks quietly. I have to think on that. I was depressed, devastated and frustrated, but anger was one emotion that I hadn't really considered.

"Angry? I guess I am."

He nods. "You should be angry at me, I was a dick."

"You were." I agree.

"Any chance of you getting over that anytime soon?" There is such hope in his eyes that I nearly waiver, march over to him and slam my lips on to his. But then he says, "How long do you expect me to wait around for you? I haven't actually had sex with any girl since you." I know he didn't mean that to sound as crass as it came out but it automatically makes any romantic notions that I may have had fly out the window, so then I say words that I know I will regret later.

"It'll take me a while, I think. You should, you shouldn't, um, wait for me. We're both too young for any crap like that. Go on, go be with other girls or do what you like, okay? You should be happy." My voice starts to crack a little then. He looks away from me, looks at the ground.

"Let's go back," he says, and takes off. I stare at him running back down the hill and a lump forms in my throat. Then I shake it off and start after him, making my body go as fast it can but I never catch up to him.

He waits by his car for me, leaning against it and breathing hard. As I approach him, he puts his arms around me and pulls me to him in a tight hug. When I feel tears begin to prick at my eyes I pull away, and without saying goodbye or making eye contact, I walk swiftly into the house. I shut the door behind me and lean against it and I don't move until I hear his car pull away. I don't even cry in the shower, I just stand there staring at the walls while the water pours down on me until it runs cold and I start to shiver.

Evie texts me to go to a Kelston party with them tonight but I decline. I mope around the house until Nate comes home and tells me that he's having yet another party tonight. I think he's hoping that I'll go out but I'm not going to. I hide in my bedroom at first and try to read a book. But I can't concentrate because I keep staring at my phone and I finally give in and text Evie, asking if she's at the party. Once she tells me that she is, I start doing what all desperate ex-girlfriends do and try to pump her for information on Logan.

She refuses to tell me, and I sigh in frustration but manage to refrain from begging. Needing distraction, I decide to join the party going on outside my door. There are a shit load of people here, and I fight my way down the hall to the kitchen where Nick sees me. His face brightens and he waves me over.

"I need a beer." He passes one over without question and I make quick work of chugging half it down. He raises an eyebrow but wisely doesn't say anything. Mike comes over then, takes it out of my hand and puts to his lips and finishes the rest in an amazing feat where he doesn't even seem to swallow.

I glare at him as he puts the bottle down and wipes his lips. "What? I have women problems," he defends himself. "Why are you women such bitches?"

"I don't know, probably because men are such cunts," I sneer at him as someone passes me another beer. It's the asshole from last night, the one with the scorpion tattoo and the piercings. Why do assholes have to be so good looking?

Mike gives me an amused look. "Honestly, you've turned into such a bitch since all your boyfriends started cheating on you, or dumping you, or putting naked photos of you on the internet …" He turns to the asshole beside me. "Seriously, she used to be so sweet and nice. You wouldn't believe it!"

The asshole is silent but Nick narrows his eyes Mike. "For fucks sake, Mike-". I don't hear the rest of whatever he has to say because I storm away. Two hours later I'm drunk. Not vomiting, stumbling around drunk, but well on my way.

I find a corner to sit in and text Evie again.

'How's the party?'

'Awesome. You should be here.'

'How's Logan?'


'Happy Drunk?'

'Off his face drunk'

'Is he with any girls?'

There's a slight pause before she replies back, but she does, so she must be getting pretty drunk herself.

'Yup. He's just come out of a bedroom with his second girl tonight.'

Misery washes over me. This is what you told him to do! I tell myself, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I grab another beer and sink down into the couch, just wanting to get as drunk as possible to numb these feelings. This is my own stupid fault.

Someone takes a seat beside me but I don't even look to see who it is or acknowledge them. When I finish my beer, another is passed to me. I glance at the person, it's the asshole.

"I know you're still sweet. Mike doesn't know what he's talking about." He has an annoying half smile on his face and I can't tell if he's genuine or not. I don't care either way. My phone sounds and I check the message.

'Now he's on to his third girl!, Can you believe it? Lucky you got rid of that slut.'

My grip tightens on the beer bottle as my heart thumps frighteningly fast as every fucking emotion you can think of comes over me. Can you have a heart attack at eighteen?

"Hey," the asshole says beside me. "Are you okay?" No, No I am not okay.

I turn to him. "Want to see my room?" I ask.

His smile drops and he gives me a narrowed, curious look. "I thought you didn't screw white trash?"

"It's a special occasion." My voice comes out tight and low, that voice belongs to another girl, it doesn't belong to me.

Then we're both on our feet and I'm grabbing his hand. I weave between people, pulling him behind me until we're in my bedroom and the door shut firmly behind us. In one swift motion I pull my top over my head, then I shimmy out of my jeans and underwear until I'm standing there naked. He's sitting on the edge of my bed sipping his beer, watching me intently. I take the beer out of his hand, take a drink and then place it to the side. Then I straddle myself across his lap and start to kiss him. He surprises me, I expect his mouth to be fast and hungry, instead it's gentle and teasing, almost sensual and it leaves me wanting more. I push him down on the bed and work on getting his pants off, while he takes off his t-shirt. Without any preamble, I wrap my mouth around his dick and suck and massage it with my tongue while cupping his balls in my free hand. His breathing becomes heavy and I hear a slight moan.

Then I decide I want something for myself. I climb up him and he grabs my bare ass, pulling me to him so that I sit over his mouth and he works magic with his tongue, licking and sucking my clit until I come with a cry. After the spasms of pleasure are finished I roll off him and onto the bed, still spacing out. I hear the rip of a condom packet and then he's there again, kissing me and moving down to my breasts which I push up to him. He enters me slowly at first, and then picks up the pace, going harder and faster as I wrap my legs around him and pull him into me. He comes with his eyes closed and that half smile on his face. Once he's recovered he gives me a kiss.

"You're just as sweet as I thought you'd be."

Then he's dressed and gone.

I lie there staring at the ceiling after he's gone. I got my release but I wish it had been Logan instead. Logan who are you screwing right now? It takes me forever to fall asleep.

I wake up at some hideous hour the next morning and throw on a robe and walk out to the kitchen. The place is a mess and Nick and Nate are sitting at the table, looking like they haven't been to bed yet. I start to make coffee and join them.

"You'll clean up while I'm in bed right?" Nate asks.


"You're grumpy," Nate teases. I just ignore him and sip my coffee, awaiting a caffeine boost and tuning out their conversation. Until something catches my attention.

"I didn't know you had a brother?" I say to Nick.

"Yeah, you did. I saw you talking to him last night."

I frown. "Who?"

"Young guy, piercings, tattoo. You were sitting next to him on the couch. That's Zach." No wonder I found the guy attractive.


"Anyway," Nick continues, "I'm going to have him start this week, take some of the pressure off me. The kid's pretty talented." Then he stands up and stretches. "I gotta get home and get some sleep. See ya." I watch him as he goes, suddenly seeing similarities between him and my one night stand.

Nate escapes to bed then as well and I know that I'm going to be stuck cleaning up by myself. After I have a long shower, I manage to get moving and get the house into a semi decent state inside. Then I grab a large rubbish bag and start on the mess outside. It's easy doing such a monotonous task when your thoughts are firmly taken up by your ex-boyfriend. When I'm putting what seems like the millionth beer bottle into the bag, a black muscle car pulls up. I flick a quick glance at it and then keep doing what I'm doing.

As I'm bending over a pair of black boots plant themselves in front of me, I stand up straight and look directly into the eyes of the asshole.

"I can't find my phone, did I leave it here?" He asks. He is so rude.

"Go have a look." I tell him, putting the final beer bottle into the bag. He heads into the house, and I follow, dumping the bag on the porch. Nate can take care of it when he drags his ass out of bed.

Inside I grab my own phone and turn it on, secretly hoping the Logan has texted me. The asshole walks past me. "Got it." He says before walking out the door. Logan hasn't texted me, and I grip my phone tightly as an idea comes over me. Grabbing my bag off the counter, I fly out the door.

"Hey, wait!" I yell as I run down the path. The asshole is just about to get into his car, but he stops and turns toward me, that same expressionless look on his face. "I need a ride." I say, stopping in front of him.

He just looks at me for a second before saying, "Hop in." Once we pull away from the kerb he asks, "Where to?"


"What? No way, I'm not going all the way to Kelston." Asshole.

"Please, it's really important. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't." I can't believe I've resorted to begging.

"What's so important?" He's heading in the right direction which is encouraging.

"I have to see my ex-boyfriend."

He laughs. The first genuine laugh that I've heard from him. "That doesn't sound that important."

"How do you know?" I snap, then I soften my approach. "Please, it's important to me." He just rolls his eyes, and before I know it we're heading out of town. I hide a small triumphant smile. A million things run through my head on the drive over. What am I going to say to him?

When we turn into Logan's long driveway and the house and lake come into view, the asshole lets out a low whistle. "Nice, no wonder you don't normally screw white trash."

"Shut up." I see Logan's car, that's a good sign. As soon as we stop, I'm out of the car.

"Hey, do you want me to wait?" He calls to me before a close the car door.

"Yeah, could you? Just in case. I'll be back in two minute. Promise." I make my way to the glass front door. I can't see anyone through it so I knock. When there still seems to be no movement in the house I try the door handle. It's open, so I slowly push it wider and slip in. "Logan?" I call. Still no answer, but I do hear music coming from upstairs and I head up to his bedroom. The door is closed but that's definitely where the music is coming from. It's the loud kind that he loves to work out to. I knock on his door, but of course he won't be able to hear me. So I push his door open.

The sight I'm greeted with is him and some girl doing it doggy style on the floor. His eyes are closed with an ecstatic look on his face as they go at it. All I can do is stare in horror, and then suddenly as if he can sense that I'm there, his eyes open. The horror on his face mirrors mine. And then I can suddenly move again and I'm down those stairs so fast. I hear him calling after me, but I don't stop. I make it out the front door and nearly to the car when he calls me again I finally stop and turn to look at him. He's barefoot and naked except for the towel that he's wrapped around his waist. He stands a few feet away from me.

"This is what you told me to do!" He says desperately. "You can't be mad at me."

I swallow, he's right. I manage to form words. "I know." I shake my head. "I know, this is my fault." But that doesn't make it hurt any less. I get in the car, and the asshole starts it and drives straightaway without any prompting. I don't look at Logan again and just stare at my hands in my lap.

My driver thankfully doesn't say anything as tears start streaming down my face, I turn away from him and look out the window. He pulls the car to a stop and tells me to wait there. I frantically try to wipe away the tears and make myself look presentable. When he comes back, it's with two coffees. He hands one to me and I welcome the burning heat that I feel on my hand. We end up driving to one of the lake lookouts and sit there in silence, sipping our coffees until he finally talks.

"You know, we did exactly the same thing last night." I look at him. Why are men so stupid?

"I know, but he didn't have to get the live show of us. And it doesn't mean that it hurts any less. I'm not mad at him, I'm just … sad."

"You're being stupid." He watches me to gage my reaction.

"No I'm not."

"Yeah, you are. He has sex with someone else, you had great sex with me. You guys are even, clean slate. Start again."

"It was alright sex, I don't know if it was great." I say, begrudgingly.

"It was great, you were into it, I could tell." There is no waivering in this guy's confidence. I'm a little jealous.

"Can we just go home please?" I wish he'd stop talking, and he grants my wish for the rest of the drive home. When we arrive at my place, I thank him for the ride and he just nods at me. But once I'm out of the car and about to close the door he leans over and gets my attention.

"Hey, if it doesn't work out with other guy, give me a call if you wanna fuck."

I roll my eyes. "I won't". He just shrugs, and I close the door.

Five minutes later I have my running clothes on and I'm out the door heading for Mt Farrow. I go hard to get my mind off things, passing other joggers and families out for a Sunday walk. I make it the whole way up at the same punishing pace, my legs burn and I have to flop down on the lookout seat because I'm scared that they might give out on me. I sit there surveying the view, I sit there a long time scarcely aware of the different people who come and go. When I start to get cold, I know I should leave but I can't bring myself to move.

When someone takes a seat beside me, I don't even turn my head until a hand reaches out to grasp one of mine. Logan squeezes it and I squeeze his back. I swallow and clear my throat.

"I had sex with someone."

"You did? Wasn't Caleb was it?"

I let out a laugh. "No." He studies me for a minute, then nods.

"Then I don't care." An arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me to him. "I slept with three different girls to try and get over you."

"I don't care either." And it's true, now.

"Let's just start over." He whispers into my ear. I look him directly in the eyes.

"Clean slate."

"Clean slate." He repeats as his thumb runs down my face to my lip. I kiss him then, boldly and passionately and I don't care who's watching. We're just living in the now.

The End

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