Fluffy The Evil Siamese: The Official Owner's Manual
So, you've got your own Fluffy The Evil Siamese. Here are some helpful tips so you can enjoy your Fluffy The Evil Siamese to the fullest extent and NOT get swatted.
Evil Kitty Industries
1. Fluffy The Evil Siamese has four modes and he will switch between them with no warning.
First Mode: Happy
In this mode, Fluffy The Evil Siamese will rub against your legs, purr, and do his silent meow. If you are sitting down, he may jump onto your lap. You must pet him in this mode; he will insist upon it. Be careful though, he may switch into the other modes at any time.
Second Mode: Indignant
During this mode, Fluffy The Evil Siamese will NOT want you to touch him, even if he is in your lap. The signs of this mode are a violently twitching tail, an angry meow/silent meow, and a possible attempt to bite. Handle with extreme caution at this time, as he is likely to go into the third and worst mode.
Third Mode: COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY P.O'ED!
This mode doesn't need much explaining. Basically, keep your arms and legs out of reach, keep all dogs out of the room, and RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Fourth Mode: Hunter
This mode normally happens when Fluffy The Evil Siamese is outside. He will hunt small lizards and bugs, as well as doing a lot of prowling around. He does not like to be bothered in this mode, as it may frighten away his prey. Sometimes, Hunter mode will activate indoors, where he will bring socks, washcloths, and even slippers to your room and meow loudly so you can see his prize. Praising him will automatically send him into Happy mode.
How To Care For Your Fluffy The Evil Siamese
Keep food and water out at all times. He likes dry cat kibble best, though he will eat wet cat food. Meat table scraps will normally send him into Happy Mode.
Old carpet or a scratching post is mandatory. He loves to scratch things.
Clean the litter box once a day or prepare for Indignant mode.
If he wants to be petted, for goodness sake, PET HIM! Not doing so could send him into Indignant mode and he WILL swat your leg.
If he goes into Indignant mode while you're petting him, STOP petting him. If you keep petting him while he is in Indignant mode, he may go into COMPLETLELY AND TOTALLY P.O'ED mode.
Fluffy The Evil Siamese Frequently Asked Questions
Q: I entered the room and Fluffy The Evil Siamese was on my bed! I went to him and he opened his mouth but no sound came out! Was he trying to bite me?
A: Nope. That's just his Silent Meow Greeting. It activates whenever someone approaches.
Q: Help! Fluffy The Evil Siamese just rubbed against my legs! What do I do?
A: You may be just a little too jumpy to own a Fluffy The Evil Siamese. Please return him to Evil Kitty Industries.
Q: My Fluffy The Evil Siamese just walked up to my dog and swatted him randomly! What do I do?
A: Not much you can do. The sight of a dog sometimes sends Fluffy The Evil Siamese randomly into Indignant Mode. Just keep an eye on him and comfort your dog.
Q: I was petting my other cat and Fluffy The Evil Siamese came up, growled at her, then wound around my legs. What's going on?
A: Oops, did I forget to mention that he has a Jealous Mode?
Hope you enjoy your new Fluffy The Evil Siamese and don't get swatted, bit, or randomly attacked!
If you have any questions, please write a review to Dragonsrule22 of Evil Kitty Industries!
Special thanks to the real Fluffy The Evil Siamese, my crazy cat who inspired this manual.
Hope you guys liked this!