R

ewind. That's what I really want to do right now. I want to rewind everything. I have nothing against gays, but as a girl, I feel so… so… I don't know how to describe it, after seeing two of my guy friends kiss! I'm just not used to seeing this kind of stuff; usually that's just seen in US TV series. This was not how I pictured their reconciliation. I want to erase what I just saw right now. Grant gripped on Jess' shirt, and as Jess' eyes grew wider as Grant came closer, he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against his, and this all happened under the rain, when they were both soaked! My eyes almost bulged out of my sockets, my jaw dropped and I also almost dropped my umbrella. Good thing I had a good grip on this. But Jess didn't. He was probably so startled that he instinctively released his umbrella the moment Grant did that. And then he pushed him, he pushed him that Grant almost lost his balance on the slippery ground. Then, Jess used the back of his hand to wipe his lips and bent down to get his umbrella again. With all that's happened, my mind is blown away and I could only cover my mouth in shock. It was a good thing we were the only ones there at that time.

Grant was standing now, all wet, and now I couldn't distinguish the tears and the rain drops that ran through his tan face. But I could see the redness in his spherical eyes and the hurt expression he had as he stared at Jess. I wasn't expecting Jess' kindness at this point, as he picked up Grant's umbrella on the wet ground and reached it out to him. Now, after Grant has been sheltered under the umbrella, Jess finally spoke. "I never knew you felt this way for me." "I'm really sorry… I… I lost control." Grant whispered as he bent his head. "It's alright." Jess replied sincerely. "The truth is… the reason why I have been avoiding you was because I was really angry at you." Grant found the courage to tell this to Jess. "It wasn't only because you touched my chest. Actually, every time you did that to me, and I felt something, I started to doubt my sexuality. It made me realized I actually liked you. But, I tried my best to change that. That's why I tried courting Minbelle last year. Minbelle is a great girl, smart, pretty, kind, soft spoken, and everything a man would like in a girl, but I couldn't keep fooling myself. The way I look at her is not the way I look at you."

Jess listened to his confession carefully, without looking disgusted and trying not to look shocked. There was only acceptance in his countenance. Then, Grant continued, "But then one day, you were with Alex, Kent, Barry and the other guys and I heard you guys talking. I heard them talking about how gays would scream at them excitedly along with the girls every time they cross the hallway. And you said you found their actions 'inappropriate' and 'repulsive'. Actually, I'm not like that, if that's what you're thinking. I'm still a man; it's just that, I like you. But I won't want to wear make-up and mimic the high pitched screams of girls every time they spot jocks along the corridor. But I couldn't help but get hurt… and worry that you'll hate me when you find out my feelings for you. I didn't want that to happen so I rather distance myself from you."

Jess' eyes were filled with regret after hearing these. "I'm so sorry, buddy. I said it and I meant it, yes, I find it weird and clingy when there are gays around, but I don't hate gays. I won't hate gay friends either." He said as he flashed another smile, patting Grant on the shoulder. Grant's eyes were just focused on him, as though Jess was his only world, and he continued to listen. "I don't mind that you're gay, you're still my friend and nothing's gonna change that. Well, at least now I know. Sorry bro, I pushed you, I was just shocked." Jess gave his charming smile which I think both melted me and Grant, well now, after what I have witnessed; I think I can read how Grant thinks. But that's so nice of Jess not to be judgmental, that's so nice of him to be so accepting and forgiving. That's Jeston Uy's true heart – a heart of gold. Jess is like the nicest person on this earth. I think that's why Grant and I… I mean, that's why Grant fell for him. But I was sure that Grant was just as shocked as I was to hear his next words.

"I don't mind that you're gay and I'd love to be your friend again, but I have to be honest with you. I like someone else. I like Minbelle." I don't know why, but I was more than shocked. Something beating inside me… actually ached. And it wasn't wholly because I felt bad for Grant.

Just as when Jess left the scene, Grant knelt down the cold wet ground, soaking himself deliberately, and had a good cry. I for one, wanted to, but didn't cry.