Halcyon days

Back in those stressful exam prep days
Not the typical halcyon days
Stuck in a system to rate where I stand
Pushed to the point where failure is banned
A test to determine the next major phase
To prove me as a worthy brand

Maybe it was too much for you to bear
You chose to pretend not to care
But all your fears were sincerely real
I was too shaken to know how to feel
To seek control or to hide despair
You drained bottles and bottles of beer to deal

I dreamed of having someone to lean on
Entertaining visions of an easier life too addicting
But I was set on becoming a decent pawn
My seriousness too constricting
My ironclad mindset too restricting
So from me you have withdrawn

I thought I could understand you
Instead I inflated my importance to you
I thought I comforted you
A disguise for my insecurity
Instead I could have confused you
I had the wrong perception of maturity

Not all rules were wise to break
Not when so much was put at stake
Sure there's a difference how we let loose
Gives you a more than valid excuse
Too jaded to learn and too tired to fake
That would have been a greater mistake

No regrets as we wouldn't have lasted
Almost a decade later, time flew so fast
I'm sure you've found your definition of "free"
You were always so much smarter than me
I would never have dreamed the world so vast
In your words, not mine, " The past is the past"