So, there wasn't originally supposed to be more to this, but it's actually been really cathartic. So, here we go again. (Not that anyone has read this...)

Do you know that it hurt so bad when you told me?

"Maybe we should have just let it fall apart, too."

Who would ever want that?

Did you say it out of spite?

Did you want to make me hurt, too?

And I just had to ignore it. Because I didn't want you to know. Not yet.

I wasn't sure yet if I wanted to try again.

And—hindsight is always 20/20—I regret not saying something.

Because just a month later you were trying to ask out Reagan and I didn't know what to do anymore.

.

At first I hated her because she wasn't prettier than me.

Honestly, what kind of guy wants to move down?

So I knew she must be smarter, or more interesting.

Or that she really, truly like you back.

.

And then came symposium and she told me she was skipping your presentation.

I wasn't planning on going either. I just wanted to sit with my friends and do nothing.

But I couldn't not go.

.

Our friends made fun of her. Openly.

Right in front of you.

They were trying to talk you out of it.

"She treats men like they're stupid. Like they're lower."

One of them got that app that sounds like a whip.

I hadn't even met her yet, and I couldn't believe that you'd want someone who'd treat you like dirt.

Is that how you felt I treated you?

.

That's when the self-doubt started.

I was worried that you had picked her, because,

In your eyes,

She was just like me.

Did you want me to constantly think I was staring in a mirror?

.

There are so many differences between us.

But all I could see were the similarities.

Our names

Our coloring

The way we dressed

The way neither of us really acted like a girlfriend around you

I'd spend hours forcing myself to see differences.

Our interests

Our behavior in general

Our opinions

But the only thing that really mattered?

She didn't dump you.

.

You've left. And she hasn't broken up with you yet.

.

You and I, we spent so much time together this summer.

We probably spent more time together in the last 8 months than we did while we were together.

I wonder if it bothered her.

Then I wonder if she even knows.

Did you ever tell her that the only other girl you spent time with outside of school was your ex?

Because part of me is sure that wouldn't have been okay with her.