Prompt: "I've told whole lies with a half smile / Held your bare bones with my clothes on / ...But I don't wanna be your cheerleader no more."
- From "Cheerleader" by St. Vincent
Something big is going to happen, any second now. I know this because he knows this—he knows because it's 4:44 in the afternoon, and that time, that number, has long held significance in his life. He tells me this with smoke flowing from his nostrils like a marijuana breathing dragon, his voice deep and affected in the manner of stoners everywhere.
I can't help but find it cute.
His eyes are bloodshot and squinty but still so incredibly blue, the bluest blue, pupils dilated wide and giving him that on-ecstasy-and-all-is-love look I find so irresistible.
And he's really good at guitar too.
Last night we got too drunk and he blamed me, because I was paying. I'm an enabler, he says, kissing my forehead. His lips are pink and perfectly shaped and I'll enable him all day any day.
It's 4:45 PM and nothing's happened yet, but I'm pretty sure the topic's forgotten. He examines the rainbow of bruises he earned falling down and I kiss them as he marvels over their size and number.
It's not stupid or reckless, it's endearing.
He tells me I'm shallow and I'd think he was a creep if he wasn't so beautiful, and I just take in his impossibly long eyelashes, like unfairly long, and say no. He tells me he gives us eight months and I try not to let it sting.
I don't know what I deserve, but for him I could work.
I see the cuts on him, self-inflicted obviously, and write them off as old scars, nothing to be discussed. He tells me he once punched himself in the face and I think quirky not crazy.
He gags me with his dick till I can't take it anymore, can't breathe, and pull off gasping I'm sorry but I can't, I can't. It hurts, it all hurts too much.
"Thanks for that," he snaps. "I was close."
"I bet," I tell him. He asks me to repeat it and I do. It's 4:43 in the morning and he leaves the bed to go jack off in the shower, and I think something big could happen, any minute now.
But probably, nothing will.