1Again, I wrote this collection of excerpts when I was 8 to 12 years old. So, critique will be nice, but this isn't how I write now. This is the thing I wrote at 8, some parts at 10, no edits. It's nice to see how you wrote back then, right? Without further ado, The Tidbits' Barrage Ch1!
Plot: Pinapple tidbits vs. tomatoes!
One day in a bright, shiny kitchen, a great mob of pineapple tidbits (about 10 cans of them, fresh from the mall) have been in that place for no longer than 2 hours when they picked off a new enemy. The tomatoes! They bragged about having a nice texture, taste, and (so they say) very delicate. So they slept disheartened and hurt. The next day, the leader of the Tidbits, Hyax, was asking his adviser, Primp, to what was the solution to this abusive way of bullying. "Well," Primp advised, "because your troops, especially the 2nd can infantry, are sadly unwelcome…."
"Yes…"
There was disappointment in Primp's voice. "We must lead a barrage," Then, he went to his H.Q. (which was the sink). Loudly, Hyax called his 6th can infantry leader, "Hey, Kratos! Its good news I bring! Primp advised me to lead a barrage because of the sad 2nd can infantry," Kratos has been in an unusually good mood today, and smiled as he shook his leader's hand. "Yes, its great," Kratos gleefully said, "Wait till I get my pen and paper,". Then he slunk off to the kitchen counter. Hyax sighed, and thought if he was doing the right thing…. Then he held a meeting with all their leaders. "Hello, everyone," Hyax said, "I hold this meeting because of those bullying tomatoes," Koran, the 2nd can infantry leader, replied, "Wonderful! It's fantastic! My soldiers have been going dry for 10 days! At last… Phew!" Lothlorien, the powerful leader of the 10th can infantry, was now rapping his hand on the table and grumbling. "When do we FIGHT!?" he asked in a loud, bellowing roar, "I can't wait to get started!" There was a long silence…"Oh look, Loth! You haven't took a decent bath for 8 full days!" Hyax said jokingly, "Guards, give him a bath!" "No, please! Spare me!" Lothlorien cried, "PLEASE, NO!" Now Tritscoin, the 4th can infantry leader, was bursting with fits of laughter. "Did you just see * chuckle* Lothie's face * chortle* while he was being taken * laugh* away?" Hyax managed to say, "* laugh* I know! * Chuckle, chuckle * Look, here he comes now!" Lothlorien was standing by the door, very wet. All the leaders just couldn't handle it any longer. They laughed until their sides hurt. The only thing that could be heard from that room was laughing. "What?" he asked, "Oh yes, it was horrible," Now after a whole night of laughing, they got weapons. It was a full day's worth of marching to get to Outpost Maypole by the Tidbits. Now Outpost Maypole was a minor outpost of the tomatoes. It had six cannons up at front and back , but at left and right, it only has two cannons. After planning, leveret Tidbit Mist had an idea. "This has to work, my friend! We'll take down that outpost by tomorrow!" 2nd lieutenant Lyre tried not to smile as he agreed. "Let's show it to Adviser Primp!" They went to a tent where Primp stayed. Primp was eating when they burst in. "Hey Primp, can you tell this to the king? We've got a great plan!" They told him of the plan. He was really delighted with the plan. He gleefully said, "This is wonderful!" So he rushed into the king's tent. "My lord, your humble leveret has mustered a brilliant plan!" He handed over the plan to Hyax. All it took was a few seconds before he was captivated himself. "Excellently done! Simple, but clever! Make this work and I just might promote you to General of Tidbits!" There was a large thud audible throughout the room as Mist fainted and hit the ground. Hyax laughed, and got his ultra big pike. "Hey Mist, join me on top of the hill over there. I'll be waiting!" After waking up Mist, they stood on top of the hill. And on that hill, It was only the two of them. With a loud voice, Hyax bellowed, "Hello! We've got a huge army behind us so run while you can! We'll tear your walls down. We can and we will!" The Tomatoes came out frightened. "Please spare us! Okay, we'll go away, but please don't hurt us!" And they rushed up north. Hyax looked at Mist coolly. "Well, someone's looking forward to a promotion party." Yet again, Mist fainted and hit the ground. During the promotion party, all was laughter and happiness. They had a feast which was a really grand one. Everyone was honoring Mist, the new General of Tidbits. Tritscoin was speaking with two Tidbits about Mist's plan. "Why bother with all the cleaning up to do when you can just trick them? Saves plenty of bloodshed." "Why, I agree! Anyway, where is that plan?"
But where is the plan? I'll tell you. After Hyax threw it in delight, it was thought by Primp to honor the plan. "I shall honor it by letting it fly by the wind!" And he threw it out. "Fly out and be buried in this place, where we have won a great battle!" Hyax clapped his hands together. "Great job!" "Thank you!" Meanwhile, the plan flew all right, into a Tomato caravan! The caravan reached their destination, Tomato H.Q.. It lined up for inspection. "Tomato Checkpoint, please stop your can." They searched the can for any thing suspicious. Then he found a paper with the plans written on it. He faced the driver and showed him the plans. "So sneaking a Tidbit plan here, eh, Bruno? We'll see about it when we get to the Tomatoes Royal Palace. You'll be sorry!" The tomato driver, Bruno stood up and smacked him on the head. "You clumsy piece of hillbilly! I never put that parchment on my vehicle. Wait...didn't Outpost Maypole fall yesterday?" The guard nodded. "Yes, and this may be how it fell. You know, we could be promoted if we showed this to Tomato King Lance." Immediately, Bruno jumped to his feet and started the can engine. He offered a seat to the guard, Lyre, and fluffed his pillow for him to sit on. They drove through a shortcut and reached the Palace. There in the throne room, sat Tomato King Lance. Now Lance was a strong and formidable tomato. He was a seasoned fighter and had seen lots of battles throughout his life. That is why the Tomatoes elected him as King. He always carried a really big pike, and it was his favorite. Bruno and Lyre saluted their king and handed him the paper (how many times had it been passed from time to time?). Lance smiled and spoke in a soft, silky voice. "So this is how Outpost Maypole fell. Great job. We won't be fooled again. So what do you want in return?" "Promotion, your Highness. I into a General and my good friend Bruno a mercenary." Lance dubbed them both. "Agreed." When they got outside, they jumped with joy. Lyre and Bruno danced and whooped. "I've never felt so happy in my entire life!" Lyre said. In the castle, Lance softly chuckled. "I am a good king. I keep my promises. Henh... we won't be fooled again." And he threw the plan into the fire. He got up and washed his face. Lance went off for dinner afterwards. As he was eating, he pointed his fork at a messenger. "Hoi, you!" he called out, " Get this message to that muddle-headed oaf Hyax by two hours." He handed the message to him. The messenger, Byrne, bowed down to Lance. "Yes, my Lord." Byrne said solemnly, "On my way now." And he rode away on his mouse steed. He reached The Tidbit Napkin Tents an hour later. He sneaked the message under the gates. Then he waited. Almost immediately, he heard voices and somebody had picked up the paper. He laughed quietly amongst himself. "Yes, my job here is done." So he rode off silently into the night. Meanwhile, Tidbit Fortress was ablaze with fear and excitement. After talking about the message, they finally showed it to Hyax. Hyax received it with great solemnity and read :
Hyax,
We should settle this once and for all. Face me in a duel tonight. If you don't come we will storm your camp for all we care and kill anybody in sight. Understand? Well, I hope you do.
Lance.