I have been seeing a lot of annoying news lately on teenage pregnancy; at the same time, I wanted to write a really short story without the need of complicated character buildups or long plots. My mom who is a doctor has had countless patients who gave birth in their early teens; they were irresponsible, yes, but they all had one thing in common. They didn't plan the pregnancy and were acted on instinct, on temptation, and most of all, they did that so that their boyfriends won't leave them. More ridiculous is that they did it to convince their boyfriends that they loved them. And, it's a really bad cycle going on, and there are so many romance novels and movies that actually promote it. So, I will try writing one right now, a romance story that will be quite different from others, and the ending may hopefully send the right message to teens around the world. ;)
You Won't If You Love Me
Classes just ended when I invited Stanley over to my house to finish our pair report in Chemistry on Beer's Law. It was due this coming Monday after all, and since it was the last school day of the week, I decided it would be better if we finished our work before the weekend so that we wouldn't have to worry or stress about it much.
It was still four in the afternoon and we could probably finish up in three hours or so, since we are more than halfway through with the report. We just need some polishing and some short discussion on who gets to report which part, and then, we're good to go. Then, he'd probably eat dinner with me before he leaves since my parents and siblings went out on a trip to Korea – Boo Hoo they didn't invite me – well, that's cuz' I still had 2 weeks of school to go before my break starts. So, basically, since this week I have been living by myself and I will be doing so until next week. But that's fine; I'm 17 and my parents trust me.
Stanley and I have been a couple since we were in first year high school. We have been so close and classmates since grade school, too, and he courted me back in the sixth grade. I answered him over the summer during somebody's house party, and it was history. Now, we are already seniors and we're going to college next fall! I can't believe how time flies!
Stanley slung his arm over my shoulders as we bid our friends good bye and left school. We then held hands as we walked to my house, which was nearby. We laughed and talked about little things; a smile couldn't help but escape from my lips. He was truly the one for me. Unlike other guys, he has never cheated on me, and he has never forgotten our anniversaries and constantly remained sweet. I can't help but get lost in the whirlpool of his hazel brown eyes and ponder, how could I have been so lucky as to have even met a guy like him?
"You know I love you, right?" Stan whispered in my ear, tickling me with his breath as we neared my house. It gave me the tingles. I could see his sincere grin from the side of my view. I chuckled, "Of course! And you know that I love you very much, right?" "Oh, you do?" He asked innocently while sliding his hands naughtily behind my back in contrast. I giggled while slowly pushing his hand away as he neared my hips and said, "Of course! I'll prove to you how much I love you! We'll make the most awesome report for Monday, and we'll get an awesome score and you'll love me for being such an awesome partner!"
He raised his eyebrows in amusement and said, "You said the word 'awesome' three times, Kaisey." "Well, that's how awesome I am." I retorted while opening the gate to my house. We both went in and I led him up to my bedroom where we would be doing the report. We sat on the floor and did our work with our books, notes and laptop.
Five hours of rewriting speeches on index cards, endless searching of sources from Google, retyping and editing the PowerPoint presentation, and flipping on books did not seem so long and boring at all because Stan was just so fun to work with, too. In the middle of the work, we would tickle each other, ruffle each other's hair, and give each other light pecks on the cheeks. He always found humor in anything, even in school related stuff, and he was simply the best person to study with! We didn't just fool around; we actually studiedour report so seriously and we would help each other with our parts. He is an honor student and he has been teaching me. He has been nothing but good influence and because of him, I'm now in the honors, too! I just really love Stan so much. He is so sweet and refreshing to be with. I hope that he will be with me forever.
We didn't expect it, but it was already 9pm when we finally finished our grueling report. Since it was too late to cook anything healthy, we grabbed some giant instant cup noodles from the kitchen cabinet and each made ourselves a large bowl of warm and delicious chicken noodle soup. Even during dinner as we sipped our soup and lazily watched television, which didn't really air anything interesting, it wasn't boring. Stan and I would never have a dull moment. He was too romantic and too charismatic to ever be dull. There was only melodious laughter in the air when I was with him.
When we finished with our bowls, I got up and took the empty plastic bowls and asked, "You want any dessert?" "Nah, I'm fine, thanks for the food, Kaise." He said with a wide grin on his face. "How about drinks… anything?" I asked again as I threw the bowls to the trash can, not looking at him. "Mm, come to think of it…" He whispered with a chuckle, then, I felt shocked when he wrapped his arms around my waist, tenderly roaming around my stomach. Naturally, I gasped.
I spun around to meet his eyes. His hazel brown eyes, his cute little nose, his crimson lips… his soft smile, and his features were all so inviting. He held me so close that I was sure I could feel his heart beat against my chest, and I was sure, too, that I could smell his tantalizing breath which still smelled like chicken. I could feel my own heart bang against my ribcage so fast as if it was going to explode as he slowly entered his hand up my blouse, and his other hand, running through my hair.
We just stood there for a minute or so, staring at each others' eyes, lost for words, entranced. I realized I suddenly forgot how to breathe when my chest tightened. I was feeling all these things – like my racing heartbeat, my slow breaths, my warm cheeks, my dizziness and my shaking hands and legs, just by standing like this with him; he gave me all these feelings and yet we weren't even kissing. I scolded myself mentally to say something.
"Hey, Stan, what were you saying? What did you like?" I asked while slowly pushing him away, like I was about to prepare whatever it is that he wanted.
"Kaisey, I want you…" He whispered ever so softly with eyes which could just melt me at that moment. He pulled me and pressed me against his chest and smelled my hair. I waited for him to continue but he didn't say anything else. What did he want to say after that? Is it, Kaisey, I want you to prepare me a cup of coffee, Kaisey I want you to open the gate because I'm going home, or Kaisey I want you to teach me Algebra? When he really didn't say anything afterwards, that's when I realized where this is going.
"Stan, shouldn't you be going home by now. Your mom might be worried of you." I managed to say but it was so hard to say every word because he started squeezing my thigh under my skirt, going upwards and biting my earlobe gently while giving me intermittent kisses on the neck which gave me a feeling of electricity down my spine.
"Can't I stay here for tonight? I mean, tomorrow's Saturday anyway and your parents aren't home, and well, it's pretty late, I'm scared to go home." He said dramatically while feigning innocence in his words as I could feel his hands now crawling up at the back of my blouse again. I know we've been a couple for so long but I am still very nervous around him during these moments even if I'm comfortable with him most of the time. I laughed while trying to get away, "You can't be scared to go home!" I said, smiling, before he dove in and kissed me passionately on the lips, making it even harder for me to breathe. I tried to stop kissing him, not because I didn't love him, but because I honestly think it was late and he had to go home, but then, when his hands slid inside my blouse, this time, at the front, I couldn't help again but gasp. He took this opportunity to continue with the kiss and as he deepened it, I was so lost in our world.
For a few more minutes we stood there and kissed, until he finally pulled back because we were both breathless. "Kaisey, you love me, right?" His eyes looked into mine again, a passionate look which could melt my soul. "Yes, Stan." I said. He was blushing. "Kaise, when I say I love you, I really do, okay?" He whispered his face just millimeters from mine. Feeling concerned, I asked, "Why do you ask me, Stan? Do you doubt my love for you?" He smiled and shook his head, but what he did next surprised me.
He got down the floor and pulled me with him, and we were in a very inappropriate position. I was lying on the ground while he was on top of me, his arms and legs cornering me. "Stan…" I whispered slowly, wishing he would get up, because my heart now has been wild, pounding and my mouth was so dry that my tongue stung a bit when I inhaled. He had an amazing figure, muscular arms and body, and an angelic face. I might not be able to resist him so I had to get up while I'm still in my senses. But, I couldn't. He wouldn't let me get up.
He dove in for more kisses as I lay on the ground, feeling weak and dizzy. I did not know what was happening; I was too shocked as his kisses went from my mouth, to my collarbone, and below. I felt his hands moving fast behind my back and my thighs which made me literally freeze in place. My eyes were already closed and I was very drowned in what was happening. "Stan…I think we should stop now?" I asked in between our kisses.
"You love me, right?" He asked in assurance while already unbuttoning my blouse.
"Yes, I do, with… with all my heart." I whimpered when I felt a strap at my back snap open. I tried to get up but to no use.
"So, you can prove it, right, Kaise?" He asked softly while continuing.
I didn't answer. I was too distracted with his advances and with how my heart thumped even harder now, and how I felt my hands and legs and even my lips quivering. I couldn't answer. I wanted to tell him so many things… I wanted to say I wasn't ready for any of this, how he should stop this, how he should go home right now, and how my parents trusted me…and also, how I loved him so much and how I wanted to share this intimate bond with him in the future, but not right now, and most definitely not while we are studying, while we aren't settled, while we aren't married. We were too young. I wanted to tell him a thousand words but nothing but moans came out of my mouth as I felt his hands unzipping the side of my school skirt while still kissing me. The floor was very cold and my hands were still shaking.
"I love you, I love you, I love you Kaise…" He repeated like in a chant as his hands gripped something his shouldn't have at the upper part of my torso. I just moaned and said, "Stan, please, not now." "Then, when?" He asked with slight disappointment in his voice. "We don't have to hurry." I managed to say despite getting distracted with his hands moving across my whole body. "But, I'm a guy, too, Kaise. I want to experience it with you. And you'll be the first, the last, the only one."
As much as how sweet that sounded, I still wasn't convinced that this had to be rushed.
"You love me right?"
"Y…Yes." I said when he finally undressed me in my uniform. I felt extremely naked with just my undergarment. I couldn't look at him anymore. But because I loved him, I let him continue.
"Kaise… look at me."
I couldn't look at him. I knew I was almost naked in front of the guy I loved most and I was feeling all these breathing problems and palpitations; I just closed my eyes, my face directed towards the side. This was the first time I was experiencing all these, and yes, I wanted this special moment to be with him. In fact, our Theology teacher even said that this act is the highest form of love and intimacy in a physical level. But, does it really have to be right now?
"Kaise, look at me…" He whispered gently while cupping my tomato red face towards him. "I… I can't Stan… I have failed you as a girl friend… I don't think I can…" I stammered helplessly as he stroked my cheek. I felt tears were threatening to fall. "Yes, you can. Now look at me…" He urged while pecking on my eyelids lightly.
I did as he told me even though my eyelids were already shaking so badly. My mouth still felt dry. When I slowly fluttered my eyes opened, there they were – the tears that I hid now flowed freely from my eyes. He wiped my eyes soothingly and hushed me, "Baby, don't cry; we can do this."
"My hands are shaking so badly, I…I…" I felt so nervous, but I love him and I didn't want to lose him. I was extremely afraid but I trusted him. I would let him lead me, and again, I love him, I would do anything for him.
"I'll guide you. C'mon." He took my hands towards his chest and led my fingers to the buttons on his shirt. "Try to unbutton me."
Ironic how I was undressed but my whole body felt like it was on fire. My hands were shaking so severely it seemed like I had some kind of Parkinson's' disease. I couldn't even unbutton the first one by myself as his hands led mine to do so. I couldn't get pass the third button; just seeing his wide manly chest made me even more weak and unable to move. In the end, he unbuttoned them quick on his own. I stared at his well toned body, then to his eyes.
"I don't think…" I started to say, but then he said, "You love me, right?"
"Yes…but…" I hesitated, and then I started wheezing when I realized that even the only upper garment I had left was gone.
"There should be no buts…when you love me." He fully unclad himself in front of me and his face was bright red. He dove in to kiss me again and this time, feeling his bare chest against mine, I really felt paralyzed. I couldn't move a single bit. He asked softly, "You love me, right?" a couple of times in between his kisses. "Because I love you so much…" He chanted while placing soft kisses on my shoulders.
His hands slid fast from my neck down my lips, and when I felt his hands pulling my last piece of clothing left, it's like I snapped out of the trance as I quickly said, "No, please!" It was meant to be a shout but was only a murmur because my heart was still beating wildly, and my body was still quivering. I couldn't stand seeing his disappointed gaze, though…
"But you love me, right?" He probably asked that question for more than twenty times now, and I always answered a yes. Every time he would progress on undressing or touching, I would always reject it, God knows how much I really struggled with this, but he would plead, he would give me his puppy dog look in his eyes, I would smell his fragrance and feel his hands around me that I would be lost for words and unable to say no. Especially when it reminds me that if I rejected him, he would think I didn't love him. He would be hurt if I didn't allow him to continue. I don't want him to be hurt. I knew this was wrong, I knew we were too young, but his dizzying breath, his tender and inviting words would cloud my rationality.
"I love you." I finally said, giving up on protesting as I was fully unclad. I just closed my eyes and clung onto his neck tightly. He deepened his kisses and I was speechless and breathless yet again.
"Everything will be okay, Kaise, I'll be gentle with you and you know how much I love you… I won't hurt you…" Upon hearing that, I braced myself and my grip on his neck became tighter. He could feel my hands shaking. I continued to kiss him with my eyes closed. I would give myself to him, all of myself, because I love him very much.
When I felt that it was about to happen, I snapped back to my senses again and pushed him away forcefully, not strong enough for him to get off, but strong enough to make him stop, too. He looked at me questioningly.
"I…I…" I told myself I could do this. I could reject him. Yes I can. I didn't want to end up losing in the end. I had many dreams for my future. So, even if I was already paralyzed and in a daze, something inside me suddenly burst out, reminding me how this is wrong.
"I can't!" This time, my shout was louder, and I tried my best to suppress the weakness in my voice. I tried to sound like the boss. "I can't and I won't Stanley!"
His eyes and mouth were wide open, seemingly shocked that I have in fact said no. He can't go any further or it will be a crime already, literally. I just had to say no. It was all up to me. If I didn't consent it, it wouldn't happen.
"What happened to you?" He asked me in a hurt tone.
"That's a question I should be asking you." I snapped back. It was so awkward fighting with him while both of us were unclad, like Adam and Eve.
"But, Kaisey you love me, right? You've said it so many times. If you love me, you could prove it to me; you would give me this favor." He pleaded, trying to kiss me again, my heart was still crazily jumping and my hands were still shaking but this time, I didn't act like my passive self when I firmly closed my lips, not allowing him to kiss me.
"Am I just a proof to you now? Am I just a favor to you now? What happened, Stan?" Tears were already falling from my face as I shook my head.
"You love me, ri—" I didn't let him finish his insanely annoying repetitious question.
"Yes, I love you." I moaned, tears blurring my vision. "But is it the same for you?"
I couldn't stop crying. When he realized I really was sure I didn't want to do 'his favor', he thankfully got up from me and sat on the ground. He wiped my tears with his fingers gently and sighed.
"I do love you. And if you really don't want this, I'll wait." He said sincerely.
"That's what I wanted to hear from you since you started removing my clothes." I said in between my soft cries as I pushed his hand away from my face and started picking up my clothes. He started changing as well, though I could see disappointment in his face. I couldn't care less since I knew I was way more disappointed with him. I wore them fast and when I was in my school uniform again, I opened the door and said, "I think it's time you should leave, Stan. You know your way out."
When he still wasn't moving, I pushed him out the door. I wasn't that strong, but he willingly backed away. Just before he turned to leave, I said, "First, if you really loved me, you wouldn't have done this. Second, you would have respected my decision when I said no instead of making me feel guilty and making me go along with you just because you made me feel I owed you as a girl…that I actually had a duty to you as a woman. I'm thanking you that you didn't force me…"
"Hey, I wouldn't do that!" He sighed, shaking his head, trying to defend himself. Then, as if nothing happened, his flashy smile came back and asked, "So, are we up for a date tomorrow, then?"
"No." I said coldly, while closing the door.
He inserted his foot between the door and the wall and asked, "Why not? I thought we loved each other?"
"I do love you, but I'm moving on, because, after what you did tonight I realized something."
"What is it?"
"You're not worth the wait."
I slammed the door shut and locked it. I heard his apologies and constant knocking but I ignored them. Soon enough, his voice disappeared. I knew he left.
I sat on my bed, curling myself into a ball, with the teddy bear he gave me on my birthday last year enveloped in my tight embrace. I looked at the laptop and messy notes and books scattered all over the floor. I remembered how we were so happy just a while ago. I remembered how I promised myself that I would spend the rest of my life with him…how he was perfect and wonderful, and sweet and gentle, and I wouldn't lose him, and I would give him everything. All these thoughts poured my mind. I remembered how we were finishing our report together, and how we were having such a great time, joking around while doing the report and while eating the noodles I have prepared.
Every lovely moment we have spent in those four years we have been together flashbacked to my memory like a film rolling in action. I reminisced the times when we would even talk about going to the same university. I remembered our precious kisses and our sweet talks. I remembered how I felt when he asked me out. My tears uncontrollably ran through my cheeks as I remembered all those sweet – now painful – memories. I was still shaking as I realized what he had just done to me. I'm glad he didn't triumph. I closed my legs tightly and embraced the teddy with my shaking hands as I continued to sob. I squeezed my eyes shut and just cried, wiping my tears with the teddy but to no avail since new ones kept coming.
I must have cried myself to sleep because when I woke up the next morning, I was still curled in a ball with my teddy in my arms, and still in my school uniform. As soon as I woke up, I remembered yesterday's events and started crying all over again. I couldn't help it. I was miserable. I loved him and I wanted to be with him.
I grabbed my phone on my bedside and started to find his number. I would miss him too much. Just thinking the mere concept that he would not be with me anymore and I wouldn't be able to feel his embrace pained me more than anything else. Just thinking about that made me cry even more. I wanted to call him, tell him that I love him and apologize for being too conservative. I wanted to call him over my house and I wanted to kiss him so that I could prove to him how much I love him. Even if I really didn't want to, I was already willing to give myself to him, no matter how many times he asked for me, because I loved him. I took a deep breath and convinced myself that I couldn't lose him. I would give him all of me…to prove…and to please him. I wanted to call him so much. I was desperate. If he didn't forgive me, I would strip myself naked even if I was uncomfortable, just so that he will love me.
But as I was about to press the 'call' button, something stopped me, thank goodness. It was my sanity and my rationality. Losing him will hurt me a lot and make me cry, yes, but I believe it will pass. Whereas I knew that if I lost my dignity, it would hurt me more and it will be a regret I can never take back, which will last a lifetime.
With a heavy heart, I erased his number from my phone. I grabbed my teddy and as I was about to throw it in the trash, I flung it towards my bed instead. I don't have to throw it, it's expensive! But neither does it have to remind me of him. I tried to smile and started my day with a nice warm shower.
Today is a new day, and I'm moving on.
Started: Dec 28 2014 Sunday 12:30 AM
Ended: Dec 28 2014 Sunday 4:00 AM (3 and a half hours)
I hope I was able to portray the struggles of a teenage girl with her boyfriend and standing up for her morals in this short story. I also hope that if girls read this, they will think twice before jumping into spurs of the moment. This has got to be my most mature story to date, but I was surprised that a lot of emotion, especially at the last part, came out as I wrote. I just kept writing and my hands did the talking by typing. So, this has to be one of my favorite works because I loved the ending! I hope you readers loved the ending, too. I hope people take this story in a mature light since I'm so into writing stories with lessons or stories featuring societal problems, so here it is! Thank you again readers and God bless! Merry Christmas and have a happy new year! Please comment if you have any. =)