Note: The draft of the initial version is left rotting in Taskey as the site crapped out due to maintenance error before I could finish it so for the time being this will have to do.
I went to the arcade to help take my mind off of certain things, especially after watching a sports news on ESPN about a certain quarterback of the Cleveland Browns taking a dump. Do people really need to hear about that? They even described how it looked before the toilet flushed.
I went to try out the arcade basketball game so I deposited two tokens to begin the 30 seconds game. For some reason there was an odd feeling on my hands while holding the ball but I didn't think anything of it as I was focusing on trying to make a shot.
After seconds went by, I made shot after shot and once the time was up, I look up the score and it reads, "30"
"Wow, I have a really good day." I thought.
But then an employee of the arcade comes toward me and said, "Did you realize what you just did?"
Confused, I shrugged and said, "What?"
"Not only that you broke the previous record of most points scored in this game in our arcade, you have also set the record for consecutive shots made!"
Surprised, I said, "Really? Are you serious?"
"I am serious, you have made 15 consecutive shots, the previous record was 12 by Craig Ostertag."
"Then that...cool I guess."
"Just stay here for a bit, we need to contact the previous champion."
Then I waited.
An hour later, the arcade manager comes in and said, "Are you the person who broke the record?"
"Yes." I answered.
"Okay, we'll need to check the psi of each ball to make sure it's in the right regulation or otherwise, we'll have to revoke the record." said the manager.
Surprised at what I just heard, I asked, "Why? Is something wrong?"
The manager answers, "When we contacted Ostertag, he was livid and demand that we check the psi of each ball. If any one of the balls happens to be below the regulation, the record won't count."
Then he continues, "And for that, you will be banned for your disgusting and vicious cheating which has desecrated the proud integrity of the arcade!"
I laughed and said, "Really? Are you serious? You have got to be kidding right?"
The manager's facial expression remain unchanged.
"You are kidding are you? I understand voiding the record but isn't the ban a bit too harsh?" I said as my smile begin to fade.
"You're not kidding?"
Then suddenly, someone walked by us with a force enough to knock over a shelf.
"What is the result?" he yelled.
"What is the result of the test? Is the ball deflated or not?"
I looked at the person and could see him holding a giant bag.
"Yes, it's him, the legend himself." said the manager.
I looked around and leaned toward the manager's ears, "Pssst, is he related to a certain draft bust who played for the Utah Jazz?" I whispered.
The manager looked at me in shock and start waving his arms at me.
"Don't say it in front of him, he hates it when people mistaken him as a relative of the guy for having the same surname!" he whispered back in panic.
Ostertag sneezed and yell, "Okay, who the hell talking about me behind my back?"
I didn't think that sort of thing is actually real.
"I mean it, answer me! Is it you?" Ostertag points his finger at a skinny teenager who started to piss himself.
"Oh, so it is you isn't it?"
The teenager begins to panic and said, "I swear, it wasn't me...NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Everyone looked on in terror as Ostertag continues to work up the teen for another several minutes until a bloody carcass was thrown right next to the pinball machine.
I tipped my cap toward the beaten teen and thought, "Thank you stranger, your sacrifice won't be in vain."
One of the employees then comes in and said, "We have finished measuring each of the balls...one of them happens to be 2 psi under regulation."
Everyone then gasped in horror and turn their attention towards me.
Then Ostertag gave me a nasty look and said, "So, it was you!"
The former champion then opens the bag he happens to carry, dropping dozens of balls onto the floor and they each bounced like a superball.
He gave an evil grin and said, "There is no way you could have beaten my record without cheating you dirty punk, now try beating my record fair and square...oh wait, you can't because you're banned!"
"What the fuck are you talking about? The ball was like that when I got there!" I yelled.
I started to look around and said, "C'mon people, you can't be serious! How can you think I would somehow deflate the ball by couple of psi? How can I? You've got to believe me!"
However, everyone slowly backed away from me.
Ostertag gave out a really annoying laugh before tossing a ball to me and I smacked it right back, causing the ball to sail over his head and hits one of the patrons in the face.
Everyone gave out a loud gasp and annoyed by such nonsense, I said, "So this is how it is, fine then, you can all die in a fire for all I care!"
Just when I started to leave, I didn't notice some of the balls lying on the floor and I slipped.
That's what everyone let out another loud gasp.
"This man...he stepped on Craig's balls!"
"You stepped on Craig's balls!"
"You're a monster for stepping on Craig's balls!"
I got up to see people looking at me in clear disdain.
Ostertag then said, "So you just had to defile my balls didn't you? Disgusting filth like you should be destroyed!"
Angered by this, I picked up one of the balls and punt it toward its owner, only for it to hit the ceiling and bounce right in front of him instead...
Ostertag then grabs the ball and toss it right at me, but I smacked it right back at the former champ who then catches it with one hand before popping it at ease.
"This ball have been dirtied by the likes of you." he snared.
"You better keep away from the rest of my balls or you will pay!" he continued.
"How much?" I asked.
"How much? You said I would pay if I keep touching your balls so how much?"
Ostertag's face reddened and said, "You think this is funny? I oughta kick your ass right now!"
Feeling a sense of recklessness, I said, "I would like to see you try...draft bust!"
"What did you say?"
"Draft bust, you know the chump who used to play for the Utah Jazz back in the 1990s."
Ostertag then send his fist through the plastic board that was right besides him for some reason and said, "I had enough of this shit during elementary school because of my last name, you're fucking dead I tell you!"
But then he slipped on one of his balls and fell.
Having enough of this, I decided that it's best to leave before he recovers so I kicked away several balls on the floor right in front of me (not exactly sure why he brought them in the first place though I can guess the reasons) and another loud gasp ensued.
"What now?" I sighed.
One of the patrons then said, "You kicked Craig's balls."
"You kicked his balls..."
"You just kicked Craig's balls!"
Then Ostertag got up and said, "You think I'm going to let you get away with this?"
He then reached into his pocket and pull out a container of cheese spread with a panda logo on it.
"Hey, I know this is getting ridiculous so...how about a peace offering?"
I fell backward in surprise.
I thought he was going to attack me but instead he offered to end the nonsense. Happy and excited at this, I took the cheese spread container and gave the guy a hug which I knew doesn't look right but still, try to understand the joy I felt when something like that would happen.
I shook Ostertag's hand and said, "Thanks, I couldn't believe...but...still to think you want bygones be bygones, thank you man!"
I pocketed the container and left the arcade though I looked back to see a sheer disappointment on his face which confused me for a bit but I thought nothing of it until I left the mall which I realize it was getting late. Knowing that I have to head on home before it gets even darker, I made my way toward the subway station when I notice the funky smell from the container I pocketed.
I checked the date and realize the cheese have been past expiration so I threw it into the nearest waste basket. That's when the street lamps suddenly lit up and there's a giant panda standing right in front of me as "True Love Ways" by Buddy Holly begins to play out of nowhere...