Nope, I'm not dead. Please don't hate me for leaving you hanging for so long. I'm also sorry this chapter sucks *cries*

I promise that after this one though, there will be no more messing around. Serious relationship stuff is finally going to happen after I've made you wait for 21 chapters :')


I don't know how long it is before I finally tap the call button but as soon as I do I regret it. Yet somehow, my body won't let me press end call.

The ringing sound plays for a while and I realise I never considered the possibility he won't even pick up. It's not like he'd want to talk to me after everything, is it?

But then the ringing stops and his voice is enough to cause tears to spill from my eyes.

"Sam?" He breathes, sounding like he doesn't believe I'm really calling him either.

I just sit and stare at my phone in silence although I want to say something.

"Samii?...Are you ok?" He sounds worried now and I feel worse for not replying but the words just won't come out.

"Sam I can hear you breathing...I know you're there. Just let me know you're ok. Please..."

He says the last word with desperation. I can't not say anything now; not when he sounds so worried about me.

"I'm...ok." I manage to stutter out in between sobs. I'm not ok.

I hear him sigh in relief and that single sound restores my faith that he actually does care for me, even if it's only a little bit.

"Where are you?...Why aren't you with him?"

The way he says him feels like a punch to my stomach. I wish they didn't hate each other sometimes and I wish it wasn't my fault that they do.

"I..." I can't find the words. All I want is a hug. Someone to tell me it's ok even when I know it's not. I want reassurance that my shitty decision making hasn't ruined my lifelong friendships.

Fuck, I just want to feel safe.

"Can you come and get me? Please Matty."

I can taste my tears on my lips as I speak and I will them to stop falling to no avail. Why am I so weak? Why do I need a boy to come and rescue me all the time? Why is being with Matt the only thing that's stopping me from falling apart right now?

"I'm leaving right now ok?" I hear a door slam in the background and I feel a rush of relief. He's going to come to me. "But you need to go somewhere safe for me. Sam? Go somewhere light, ok? A shop, a restaurant...anything. Just promise me you won't stay out on the street, wherever you are."

"I promise." That's easy to say. I'd do anything for him in this moment.

"Text me where you are. I'll be there soon." His voice is soft, soothing. It's what I needed.

I hang up and lean my head back against the wall. The stars all swirl together in my vision no matter how many times I blink.

Finally, I manage to muster the stamina to stand up. I consider taking my shoes off and walking along in my bare feet but I quickly decide I'm not that care free. So instead I slowly make my way down the street, staying close to the wall in case I need to support myself. The light at the end of my tunnel comes in the form of a giant McDonald's sign at the end of the road.

A group of boys walk towards me and the sight of them alone makes me want to be sick with fear. Luckily for me they just walk past with smiles and a few lingering glances at me. God I wish I had Matt here right now.

After what feels like miles I finally get to the McDonald's and text Matt to let him know which one. I go inside and praise God for the heating inside. I hadn't realised how cold I was until then.

I sit down at a booth by the window and rest my head on my arms folded on the table. The smell of the food makes my stomach rumble but cramp with nausea at the same time. I swear I almost pass out a few times but somehow manage to stop myself from sinking that low.

Eventually the loud hum of a car engine makes me sit up and pay attention to my surroundings. I look out and see Rachel's Maserati park on the curb. For a second I think Matt's told her and she's the one who's come to get me but my body floods with relief when he's the one to get out the driver's side. Just seeing him makes my heart beat abnormally. He jogs up to the door and I feel like running to him but my head won't stop spinning long enough for me to stand up, let alone run.

He slides into the seat opposite me and his eyes dart all over me to check I'm ok. I don't meet his eyes but when he sighs and walks around to me, I let him scoop me into his arms and carry me to the car. It's pathetic of me, I know, but I let him do it anyway. I cling to him like he's the most important thing in the world.

He doesn't talk as he walks outside but I feel his arms get tighter around me as he sees the tears still dampening my cheeks.

How he opens the car door with me in his arms I don't know. He places me down in the front seat and then crouches down beside me. One of his hands rests on my thigh whilst the other brushes my hair away from my face.

For a second I forget about everything he's done. All I can think about is him being here for me now. But when he kisses my thigh, I think about how he's kissed her and so much more. I drunkenly push his hands off me and turn around so I'm facing forwards instead of towards him.

He must get the point because he sighs and walks around to slide in the driver's side. Once he starts the engine the motion of the car makes me want to puke even more than before. I groan and lean forward, my head in my hands.

A second later I feel Matt's hand on my back but I flinch at the mere feel of him touching me. He mumbles sorry and focuses on driving.

He doesn't ask me anything whilst I silently sob and hiccup to try and stifle them but I feel his eyes on me constantly. I start to think about Ash to distract from his burning gaze. He must be worried about me since I left and didn't come back so I text him to tell him I'm safe but God knows if he can make out my drunk text.

"Matty, I wanna go home." I mumble to him, forgetting I wasn't going to talk to him.

"I'm taking you home Sam." His voice is strong and certain before turning to barely a whisper as he adds "Just hang on a few more minutes, baby."

I moan deeply and I have no idea if it's because I'm angry at him calling me that or because it sends a wave of pleasure through my core and I want him to say it to me again and again.

His fingers gently graze my thigh but then his touch is gone as quickly as it came. I hate myself for wanting him to keep his hand on me.

He pulls up outside my house a few minutes later but he makes no move to get out and neither do I.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asks gently.

I shake my head like a little kid.

"Ok but I'm gonna sit here and wait until you do." He whispers, trying to coax me into looking at him.

I just sit and stare at the dark street around us, contemplating telling him I kissed his brother.

I don't want him to hate me, yet after what he's done some part of me wants to tell him to hurt him.

Fuck Sam. You're not a horrible person. Don't think like that!

But what if Ash hates me now? Can I really live without both of them? No. That's unthinkable.

Yet here I am already having sowed the seeds of destruction. How the hell did I ever expect this to work out well?

I'm so freaking stupid! I scream in my head.

"Fuck!" I scream as I punch the dashboard again and again and a new wave of tears hits me.

"Woah Samii, stop!" Matt instantly tries to hold me back but shove him away.

"NO! I ruined EVERYTHING." I shout at him but he doesn't take no for an answer and eventually manages to grasp both my wrists so I can't hurt myself anymore.

I still struggle against him until I give in and finally look at him. His eyes meet mine and I crumble.

When he realises I've given up my fight, he somehow pulls me over the middle console and into his arms. Tears that fall for reasons I can't even explain must soak his shirt but he doesn't seem to mind. One of his arms is around my neck, holding my head against his chest. His fingers gently comb through my hair as his other hand grabs my legs and pulls them across him so my whole body is curled into him.

"It's ok, you're fine." He whispers into my hair as his hand massages comforting circles into my bare thigh. "I've got you."

I close my eyes and breathe in his sent. It's gorgeous and it makes me feel at home. My hand is fisted around the neck of his shirt like I'm hanging on for dear life and it happens to mean my lips are pressed against the skin of his chest where I've tugged his shirt down slightly.

The tightness of his arms around me makes me think I'm not the only one who needed this hug.

I feel stupid seeking out comfort from one brother when I screw things up with the other but at the same time the fact that I can be this close to both of them stirs something in my belly. A feeling I know is wrong but is so exciting at the same time.

I'm addicted to the both of them and I can't seem to go long without a hit of each of them.


After what feels like ages but not long enough, Matt moves to open the door.

"No! Where are you going?" I squeeze him to keep him in place.

"Relax Samii, I'm taking you inside." He says with a little laugh, probably because of how much of a baby I'm being. I don't want to move from our current position but I realise I must be crushing his legs after so long.

He does the same as before and carries me to my front door but puts me down so I can unlock it. I feel a rush of relief when all the lights are out signalling my mum isn't home. All I want is Matt right now.

His hands ghost my sides as I walk through to the living room in case I stumble. I flop down face first on to the couch and curl into a ball, hugging my legs to my chest. I reach out for Matt's hand but he doesn't take it.

"I should go now Sam." He whispers, looking at my outstretched hand.

I look at him, completely bewildered.

"No Matty...no" How can he leave me? I need him.

"Samii, it's for the best." He tries to reason with me but I'm not having it. "You're safe now, you don't need me."

Yes I do! I scream in my head but I can seem to find my voice to say it out loud.

He walks to the door and I know I need something drastic to make him stay. So I do the stupidest thing I can do.

"I kissed your brother."

I don't know how I was expecting him to react but laughing definitely wasn't it.

What the hell?

"Why are you laughing?" I ask as I attempt to sit up.

"Because I knew this would happen sooner or later." He replies with only a minute twinge of bitterness.

"But..." I don't even know what to say right now.

"Look Sam," He sighs and comes to sit on the couch. "I'm not blind. There's been something going on between you two for a while now. Why do you think I've been so freaking jealous of him recently?"

He's jealous? Matt is jealous of Ash. WHAT? Does that mean he likes me? Is this happening right now?

"Wha…what? I don't get it…" I mumble as I desperately try to process what he just said.

I watch as he suddenly looks like he's said too much. He coughs nervously and runs his hands through his hair several times as his leg bounces up and down. I swear the look he gives me is one of apology but I don't understand why until he finally speaks again.

"I just mean that…well I guess I've known for a while now that something is going to happen between you two and that when it inevitably happened, he'd take you away from me for good. We'd never have our friendship back, at least not like we used to be."

My heart aches. Friends…that's all he wanted us to be. Not more than that. He doesn't secretly like me the way I like him. The little slither of hope I'd been holding on to that he did now makes me feel foolish.

But that feeling of embarrassment quickly dissolves into anger. He's the one who ruined our friendship. He's the one who's fucked around with my emotions. The reason we'll never go back to the way things were is purely down to his actions alone. Ash doesn't even enter the equation.

"Don't you dare." I whisper because I'm desperately trying to hold back from exploding at him right now. "Don't you dare make that about me and him. It's all on you."

I'm seething and I know he can tell. He won't even look at me.

"Sam…just hear me out ok?" He tries but I'm not having it.

"Is this why you helped me tonight?" I ask and it catches him off guard. He finally looks at me with his stupid innocent look. The one that usually makes me melt. "Did you or did you not think that coming to get me would be the thing that got us talking again? The heroic thing that made me forget every shitty thing you've done to me?"

I catch the flicker of guilt in his eyes. He might have been able to hide it from anyone else but not from me. I remain deadly quiet as I wait for him to fess up.

"I didn't mean to take advantage of you being drunk or anything…I just thought-" He mutters as he runs his hands through his hair again.

I laugh at his pathetic cowardice.

"What? You think just because you're there for me one time when I need you that you're forgiven?" I scoff at him. "News flash: that's what normal friends do. It doesn't make you special. See Ash, he's always there for me whenever, wherever. He never misses a beat. That, that's a real friend."

The hurt look on his face has no effect on me now. He deserves to be the hurt one for a change.

I watch his agitation grow; watch as he quickly becomes angry at being compared to his brother again. When he stands up I shuffle back in my seat, afraid of what he's going to do.

"Yeah fine ok." For a second I think he realises he's wrong. But that was until I can almost sense his need to lash out at me again. To hurt me and make himself feel better. "But if he's so fucking great, Sam, then where is he now?"

And with that he walks out my house and slams the door behind him.


Please let me know if it was ok because i'm panicking over here!

ALSO! I have two new story ideas so if i give you their would be bios, could you guys let me know which one you'd like to see first/which one sounds better?

Option 1: Temptation- I, Phoebe Macnamara, am in love with Kaiden Ayers. He was always just my mum's friends son when I was growing up and he was nothing to me. Now he means everything. But it's not that simple. Being forced to transfer schools in my final year was never part of my plan and now...Kaiden is about to become my teacher. (StudentxTeacher with a difference)

or

Option 2: Double Trouble (Name could change though)- Falling for two guys at the same time was something I never thought I'd do. I never thought you could love two people that way at once but my feelings for Devon and Cameron are proof that you can. I don't want to let either of them go so I suggest the only damn thing I can think of: being in a relationship with both of them. No jealousy, no rules. Having two boyfriends who hate each other is hard enough but getting judged by the rest of the world is harder. Despite all that, these boy showed me a whole new world of passion I'd only ever dreamed of and life never felt so damn good.

Thank you guys! xx

P.s I can't believe this story almost has 180 reviews! Ahhhh