Author's Notes: As promised, here is the second part of the three-shot stories. This time, I write it from the little sister's POV, Sora. Tell me how you feel after reading it. If you notice grammatical error or the likes, don't hesitate to let me know.

Warning: incest (obviously), weak heart, a dense person, misunderstanding, and lots of kisses.

Enjoy!

---

PLEASE LOOK AT ME MORE, BROTHER

Ever since I was a kid, I love my brother. He is always there for me. He takes care of me. He is so perfect! I don't think I will ever find a man like my brother in my life. He is the only one I want to spend all my life with.

I want him.

I want him.

I want him to look at me as a girl – a girl that he could date. A girl that he could kiss, hug, and many more that lovers do to each other. I want him to put me in the group of 'girl he could date' – 'a girl he could spend his life forever with'.

I wish he could do that, but it seems the only thing he sees in me is that I am his little sister, whom he needs to protect from anything. He wants to keep me as innocent as possible. And that means…

Bad news.

Bad news because he will never consider me at all. Bad news because all that is left from this excruciating love is a simple childhood memory, which I insists, not that at all; also not a simple brother complex on my part, but a very sad unrequited real love.

How do I know it is real love?

I don't know either but I believe it is real. The feeling of how my heartbeat race whenever I see him… the feeling of always want to be with him… the feeling of wanting to monopolise him, to tell the world that he is mine and so the rest of the world could just fuck off…

That feeling is real.

And no matter how much I denied it in the past by telling myself that he is my big brother, didn't help me at all. I would cry from night until the next morning, and I would find myself in the warm embrace of my brother when I opened my eyes.

Then he would asked, "What's wrong?"

But I would never be able to say it outright that my heart has been poisoned by the thought of him. He would never live it down. And he probably would send me away.

I don't want to lose him and his warmness. I want to stay by his side, even if all I could ever be is his little sister.

But forgive me for still keeping this not-so-innocent love. I can't let it go…

Not when you have been there all my life.

All he ever knew is now I have my own secret that I won't tell him. And I know I have disappointed him for this. For I share everything I felt to him; even the time when I accidently ripped the page of his textbook apart. But I know he will be greatly disappointed of me when he found out what I've become – what I've kept from him – my feelings, that is.

So, at the age of thirteen, I began to stay perfectly still. I am a good little sister of his. And he likes me. He takes care of me like usual. He didn't notice something amiss. And I am grateful for that.

I thought I could play it a little longer… at least until my feelings for him has been neutralised. How wrong I was!

I know my brother has his own world to live in, but never had it crossed my mind that in his world, there will be girls and more girls.

I realised it by a chance when I got out from school late because of class duty. I've just separated by my friend who took the left road when I saw him. I almost called out to him when my eyes found a girl beside him, laughing at something.

She was so feminine, with long straight hair and a ribbon. Mini skirt. Cute little bag with so many cute pin attached to it. Her green eyes are so pretty with long eyelashes. Her skin is so fair… and she has a C cup.

Meanwhile I… I am not feminine at all. I even eat with no manners. I always pout and yell at people in my class. My hair is short and curly. I never bother to buy any accessories to make it prettier. And my uniform consisted of long gray skirt with long sleeve shirt. My bag is that standard black with no attachment. And my eyes are that dull brown. Even my skin is not that white… Because I used to trail my brother running under the sun since I was a kid. Last, mine is A cup. Considering my age, A was normal. But it was really a disappointment.

Compared to her, I was nothing really. I was like a pebble in someone's shoes.

They looked good together as I saw them from behind like this.

A pang of jealousy hit me. I was on fire. I was angry. Angry at him for being such a dense and a nice bloke to everyone; angry at her for her rudeness to hit on my brother; and angry at myself for being ugly and well… being his sister. Why could I not be that girl? I wanted to slip between them and ruined the good mood that had enveloped them. I wanted that girl to find out that he has me!

But that would be weird. In that girl's eyes and my brother's eyes. Again, because I am his little sister and not his lover.

That night, I avoided talking to him.

It's time to let go, yet I could not do it.

And he didn't let me to.

He burst into my room when I didn't let him come in after knocking. His eyebrows dove down near his eyes. I knew I would be dead. He was rarely angry, and so far as I could remember, I never saw him angry to me. 'So, why now?' I asked myself.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked seriously after making himself home at my bed.

"I'm not!"

Of course he knew me better than I did, because he knew a lie when he sees one on my face.

"You're better not made me angrier than I already am." He hissed dangerously. His grip on my shoulder tightened. It almost hurt. I gulped…

What should I say? That I want to try let go of my feelings since I know he has found the right person? Oh no, I would be insane by the time I did that.

I opened and closed my mouth again and again, finding no words want to come out from my tongue. 'Come on! Think!' I ordered myself. Anything would be wise enough than the truth!

"Sora…" He hissed again, this time he even leaned closer to glare at my eyes. Instead of being intimidated, I felt light headed. He was so close… He smelt nice. 'No, no, no, stop it! He will notice!' I warned myself. 'Anything… anything…'

"I… I am ugly, am I not?"

At this he was stunned. Not that I really want to talk about it, but it is better than nothing at all. Uh, why it must be that one that I've blurted out? I was so… pathetic.

"What makes you think that?" he looked at me like my head had just grown into two. He seemed astonished at my statement.

Wait… so, he didn't think of me as ugly?

"Uh, no idea."

He knew I was lying but he didn't pester on it. He loosened his grip on my shoulder and enveloped me in a hug instead.

"You are perfect. There will be nobody like you, Sora. And I cherished you upon anything and anyone else. So, don't let that kind of thought crossed your mind again, okay?"

His eyes found mine and put my worry at ease.

And my heart started beating frantically. I hoped he didn't hear it at all.

I nodded to conceal my happiness but smile broke out eventually. It was embarrassing!

After that, I found myself look at his trademark grin. We laughed together.

"There, you're so cute Sora," he said ever so charmingly and then kissed my forehead gently. He let me hide my face on his chest to conceal this embarrassment as he chuckled.

Oh God, I fell even harder into his web. I could not let go.

oOoOoOo

So, at least… at least I should try harder. I should try harder to make him look at me differently. Maybe if I change to be more feminine like that girl, he will look at me in different light. And he will come to love me as a girl without I have to come out and say it…

But that would mean tragedy to this family.

Oh whatever!

Thus, I began my 'feminine' operation to make him look at me as more than his sister. I began to buy more accessories, dresses, and make up. I want to look pretty in front of him, which means I have to look pretty all the time; we live under the same roof after all.

It's not tiring. But it's disappointing. His reaction is so few; I almost gave up the idea of making myself prettier. Almost. Because then not long after I began this new tendency (exactly in three weeks, since I always am out shopping in the weekends), he noticed it. He noticed how I've been changed.

That day, he casually walked into my room when I was trying my new nail colour in my bed. He put the book he's been reading near my feet as he sat down on my bed. And then he looked at me. Looking at the face he put on, I knew I have stunned him. Again.

But then I saw how his end lips started quivering. Before I could ask him, he already chuckled.

That's when he tried to stop his laughter from becoming bigger. Seems like he knew his earlier reaction had hurt me.

"I don't think the day when you grow up would be this soon," he said with his trademark smile on his face. Suddenly he looked so old. Way older than he already was at the time, 19. And I felt scared… It meant I will always be smaller and younger than he was. We would never be equal. He would never look at me as a girl. He would always see me as his little sister. He would always try to see me as a kid. A kid that is under his responsibility to protect.

I will be no more than what I've always been to him.

And I felt scared. Still am scared.

I looked down, trying not to see him. And then he was back to normal. He wasn't as old as he was the minute before. Deep in my heart, I felt relief…

But the worry still existed.

As if he never commented on my change of behaviour and I never heard it, he went back to his reading. But he didn't go from my room. He stayed.

And I felt his stares from behind the books. From behind his eyelashes. I felt it. And I kept making mistake on applying the colour to my nail.

Just to break the ice, the awkwardness that I felt linger between us, I asked his opinion about me.

"I'm bad at this, ain't I?" I showed him my coloured-nail to him.

He laughed a little. Instead of answering, he took my hand on his and asked me why I experimented with make-up and clothes; even though what I've currently been doing is only colouring my nail.

So he noticed how much I changed since the weeks before. He noticed it.

And I felt so happy to know how he cares about me to know such little things.

But I don't know how to answer that question honestly.

I can't say that I want him to look at me more, right? That would be weird. Well, in itself, it's been weird. This feeling. I can't help who I like okay? The feeling just born and it refuses to go away!

I can't avoid him. He's everywhere. And I don't want to let him go as long as I can keep him close.

"Okay, I won't pry. But let me go with you next time you go shopping. Okay?"

"You want to go shopping with me?"

I could not believe my ears. 'Is he, really?'

He nodded. He freaking nodded!

"W-why?" my heart started beating so fast that time, I almost could not breathe. I hope he didn't notice it. It was so embarrassing. If I said yes, it would be like a date! He wanted to go with me! It's an invitation to a date! 'It is, isn't it?'

"Why? Well, I just want to know what you've been up to. You've been different after all."

There, the heartbeat died.

"Oh." Oh. "Uh, it's nothing big. No need for you to worry about."

His reason… sounds like I was a criminal that he wanted to investigate. What I've been up to? What did he think I was doing?

"It's so lonely to see you grow up so suddenly like that. Let me be your big brother just a bit more. Okay?"

Oh. That. Well, he still saw me as his little sister in the end.

So frustrating!

He grinned, "Please?"

Oh my God, now he's being cute! How could I refuse him? (Not that I wanted to)…

I coughed and nodded slightly. "Okay… I don't really mind."

I could not look him in the eye! I hope he's not minding it.

I didn't think he was because the next thing he did is chuckling while ruffling my hair. He subjected me like a kid.

I felt awful, yet happy at the same time. It's so strange.

oOoOoOo

According to plan, we went together to the mall in the next weekend. We walked around, visiting every booth, looking at the available items… and then he picked a dress for me to wear!

My face felt so hot at that moment. Really! It felt like a real date!

I felt so happy that I need to skip on my way to the changing room with a big smile on my face.

There's more! He also chose the accessories!

I used to hear from my friends who also have brothers that they didn't like it when their brothers come along shopping. They would get impatient and run off somewhere… or worse, they would ridicule their choice. The brothers usually have something they interest in, like game, music… and so they would spend their time to do just that.

My brother is completely different from their description. Ever since I was a kid, he always prioritised me over himself. But of course, as people grew older, their behaviour was changed too… Did my brother change? If he didn't change, then was it really his behaviour or did he conceal his feelings all the time?

I'm afraid he didn't show his true feeling just so I didn't get mad. It is sadder than if he really show me his feeling. I want to know his heart. I want to know what's going on in that head of his.

"What?" he asked after he found me eyeing him. I grinned sheepishly. I was caught on looking, my bad.

I shook my head, "Don't you get bored shopping with me?"

"Why would I?" he looked surprise as if that very idea was impossible. He then stood by my side and said, "I volunteered. It must be calling for something right?" he flicked my nose and kissed it.

My face went red and the others in the shopping room giggled.

"What a cute couple!"

Oh no, oh no, oh no!

I hope he didn't hear it. I didn't know if he would get mad…

But he put his hand on my shoulder and ushered me to continue browsing the clothes, so he could choose again what would fit me best. I felt flattered yet wrong at the same time.

This feeling… was suffocating me.

After we got home, he continued to watch my every move. Not that I'm complain, I felt very happy. But I wondered why… Did he really want to keep watch of me 24/7? …Just because I've changed a little? Did my plan worked after all?

Even as I gave my back to him, I could feel his stare…

It's so thrilling…

'Is it wrong to raise my hope?'

I turned around and found that he was indeed staring at me. He made no move to avert his eyes!

I was not blushing. So not blushing! Please… not in front of my brother… Don't give it away…

"Uh… brother?"

"Yes?"

"D-do you want me to put one on right now?"

What was he thinking? I wanted to know… I couldn't read his eyes at all… It made me nervous.

"Sure. I'll wait in my room." He smirked out-of-characterly and walked away to his room.

H-HUH?

He smirked? And still handsome at that…

And what did he say? Wait in his room?

My heart almost burst at the realisation.

Why it sounded so dirty? Was it me or was it him that made it so dirty?

…

… It was probably me.

After I changed into one of the dresses he's chosen me, I came to his room to see him sleeping in his bed with hands crossed in front of his chest. He averted his eyes from the ceiling to me the moment I closed the door behind me.

"How?" I asked nervously.

He forced himself to sit and gave me his usual kind smile. "You look pretty."

Ba-dump, Ba-dump… I could hear it, the drumming that is my heartbeats.

Suddenly he patted the bed between his thighs, indicating that he wanted me to sit there. I did just that. No one home anyway. Oh, I was so nervous.

Once there, my heart almost leapt from its cage. Because! Because he hugged my torso and his lips stopped near my earlobe.

My heart… felt like it's gonna explode, God help me…

"You're so cute Sora…"

Do not whisper! I shut my eyes tight.

"How's the dress? Is it comfortable?" he said softly. I nodded, too afraid to let my voice out. I felt like it would tremble.

I felt his head moved and settled itself on the crook of my neck. Oh God, he was teasing me, wasn't he? He was definitely trying to make me blush. Despite the obvious, I still doubted it. He's too kind to have other motives on doing something. So, was my mind playing dirty trick again on me?

"Are you hungry?" he said, muffled by neck.

"No." How his lips brushing my skin making me tremble. I hoped he didn't notice…

"Are you cold?"

"… no."

What was my brother planning to do, asking me all of this…?

My thinking was disrupted when he tightened his hug around me and stayed like that without doing anything or talking anything in particular. I thought I almost drifted to sleep when I heard the echo of the sound of fence and door below opened.

My body went rigid at that sound and I sat upright on his bed.

"I'm home. Where are you my children?" there our mother's voice rang out the entire house.

He lifted his head, brushing his lips on my neck… accidently? And then he let go of his hug casually and helped me stand on my feet. He smiled like something funny happened. Sometime I don't understand him at all.

"Let's greet our mom."

I nodded and glom on to his arm, letting him dragged me along downstairs. Mom smiled when she saw us together and hugged us.

"I miss you both! Thank God, I am on holiday for two weeks now," I could feel her smiling and I did the same in return. I did miss my mom. Still am. She is always busy, because her job requires 24/7 attention. She worked for foreign newspaper and running around the world to catch news for them.

Despite how it was a family hug, I risked stealing glance to him. I gulped when I saw him staring at me. His gaze turned soft and he winked at me, smiling.

I blushed furiously and I hope he didn't notice it at all. What the hell did he mean by winking at me? I didn't get it…

Everything is so odd and yet romantic…

oOoOoOo

That night, with the new undergarment my mother has bought me, I went to his room and asked to sleep together. He was lying on his bed; minds seemed to be on the cloud. Hearing my request, he nodded and made a space for me to lie down. He didn't stare at my new undergarment. He didn't comment on it… Apparently he didn't realise.

How depressing.

The moment I completely lay down there together with him, he shifted his sleep position so he could hug me and kiss my temple.

Despite his lack of reaction, I feel so loved. I smiled when he was doing that.

"Brother…?" he hummed back and I started again, "Are you really okay with me sleeping here? I heard guys having their own time and do not want to be interrupted. You seemed like you have something in mind the minute before I came in."

He mumbled but cleared his voice before answering again, but his lips still brushing my temple. It seemed like no big deal for him to do it… he didn't seem to need personal space around me…?

"I don't mind as long as it is you."

Suddenly the room felt hot, and I somehow felt like his hugs radiating warm feeling… oh the world.

"Are you happy?"

I nodded subtly. His answer is like a new discovery that I've waited for so long… I felt water in my eyes.

"Good," he said, suddenly tightening his hugs and went to kiss my eyes instead of my temple.

I looked up to see his eyes and saw it was looking at me. He gave me a small smile, and ruffled my hair.

And suddenly mom barged in and stopped in the middle of talking when she realised that I was also in that room, in the hug of my brother. I never know what people actually see of us if we ever caught up in this kind of situation, but seeing mom's face… it's definitely not good. I felt my body went rigid on its own.

But again, my brother just greeted my mom like it was the usual thing in the world to do under this situation. He didn't let go of his hugs either…

I felt worse…

"What are you two doing here?" mom asked suspiciously.

"… Sleeping and chatting? What do you think we are doing?" he asked back, with a ridicule tone and eyes that seemed like he wanted to laugh.

"… Well, frankly speaking, you look like a couple who want to do something. Especially with Sora wear that undergarment!" she raised her eyebrows in return.

I bet it looked like it. How embarrassingly dreadful!

He blinked and then rolled his eyes, I could see. "Thank you mom~" he said. "You sure know I love that kind of thing."

…What kind of thing? I felt my body shrank in fear.

"Her new undergarment that you've bought for her is really silky and stunning for my taste. I am really grateful," he said a matter-of-factly.

I blushed furiously at his comment even though he said it so indifferently.

He took note of my attire… He noticed!

I took a peek on him and he smiled at me. He nuzzled his nose to my temple and a giggle escaped from my mouth apologetically. It's a bit ticklish.

Mom only stood there, frozen, watching our every move. She coughed intentionally to get our attention.

"So… why don't you go to your own room now?" she suddenly said, clearly it was expressed to me. I gulped and immediately rose to my feet.

"I am sorry mom. I just want to show him my new undergarment. I won't do it again. Promise," I said.

Promise? Like I can promise her something like that… I've loved him and still love him, even when I learnt that this kind of love is forbidden. Without mom knowing, I have broken the rule that she haven't even uttered yet.

He looked like he wanted to say something but mom interrupted him. "Good to know that you understand what I mean. Good night, Sora dear." She gave me a smile at least. I forced a smile out of me and walked slowly to the door.

He caught my wrist. My heart was beating faster again.

Don't notice it, mom…

"Toru, let her go."

"No fair mom. She wants to sleep with me, so she should!"

"Don't you argue with me! Do you hear yourself? You sound like sister maniac!" Mom burst out, and silence ensued.

Ba-dump!

I wasn't hearing things right? It was me who actually have problem. But… was he, also…?

…

"Bro-brother, I can sleep on my own now. Thank you…"

He stared at me with eyes I could not decipher. And finally, he let go.

He let go…

"Shh… Good night," he said softly that I almost could not hear it if he didn't touch my cheek. I nodded and ran from his room to go back to my own room.

All sounds have subsided. I could not hear the voice of my brother and mother any longer. All that was left is the sound of the night…

And… tears…

I cried…?

oOoOoOo

Ever since that time, Mom tries her best to go home more frequent. And I never request him to let me sleep with him again. There's no need. Because mom will know. She will know, no matter what. And she won't like it.

Brother never asked me why I stop asking to sleep with him. I hope he find it natural that I stop doing it… I am not a kid after all.

Though it is lonely without him.

Maybe it is for the best?

And so, at the edge of sixteen, bordering on seventeen, I decided to look for other guys. Maybe if I considered others as a potential boyfriend, I would forget about this forbidden love. And maybe I could see him as supposedly.

I am no longer ugly. I have transformed into a beauty. I have fair skin, cherry lips, and accessories on my hair. I have enrolled to the school my brother once study and obtained a cute uniform with mini skirt. I also have learnt table manner. I give a lot of smile to others.

I am feminine.

Though there are some things that will never change: my dull brown orbs and the size of my breast. I am stuck at B cup no matter what I do.

But I know I am prettier than the last time I saw that girl.

Aren't I decent enough?

There's always a confession every two months. If I get lucky, I'll have three. Not that I will date them. I always feel no one can replace him even though I said I try to move on.

I am not happy. I am miserable. There is this growing distance between him and me that I unconsciously put as I tried to stop depend on him…

This is a suicidal mission.

I let him go.

Like he let me go that night.

And I still don't know why I cried that time…

oOoOoOo

There's a knock on my door. And the door opened without my permission.

This familiar scene. I know it. If things stayed the same, I will also know the next scene that is about to happen…

But things have been changing.

He walked inside my room but stayed in the doorframe. He looked at me with eyes I could not decipher. I saw his mouth opened and a voice came out of it.

"Are you okay?"

The same kindness with different question.

I smiled to say I was all right but the wet in my cheeks betrayed my intention. And at long last, I felt that happiness back. I was engulfed in my brother's embrace. And I cried again… I howled without minding anything anymore while I clung onto him for dear life.

This pain… I want to let it go.

The only thing I want is him.

Only him.

My brother…

oOoOoOo

I opened my eyes. It was heavy.

"You're awake?" he asked rhetorically as he let go of me to put my head on pillow.

I looked around and noticed that the sky has gone dark. It was night time. Did I pass out?

"What do you want to eat?"

"Anything will do."

He tapped his finger on his chin and clicked his finger. "I'll make something. For now, drink this." He offered me a cup of hot chocolate.

He is so nice. I smiled involuntarily and emptied the cup. I watched as he went out of the room to the kitchen.

Did everything come to the starting line again? Did I success at restarting our relationship?

But what it is about our relationship to be restarted?

"Here there are. Eat," he said suddenly, startling me.

That was fast. I ate it in silence. While at it, he suddenly spoke again. And it stabbed right through my heart.

"So, are you avoiding me again for these two years?"

He knew. He knew about the distance…

The look of horror on my face gave it away. I could not lie.

I stopped eating and place my spoon on the place. I looked into his eyes for once and I almost burst out that I love him… The power of his eyes is that terrifying.

"I only try to be independent, brother. I didn't mean to put distance between us."

He sighed heavily.

"It's okay to be independent. But don't you forget me."

I smiled appreciatively and nodded. He was still my brother all right. I know he felt lonely without a sister to be taken care of. Sometimes he acts like a kid more than I do.

As I continued eating, he continued to stare at me.

That feeling was back. And I really didn't want him to know.

And he chuckled. The sound that I never heard again was heard.

"No matter how much you've changed these past years, you will always be my cute Sora."

WH-WHAATT? What did he mean by that?

"Sora…"

"Ye-yeah…?"

"Be independent if you must. But if you want to cling on me, I won't mind."

He raised his hand to caress my cheek ever so gently. Our eyes locked with each other and suddenly the distance between us was only a nose apart.

He closed his eyes and as if under spell, I did it too before my eyes started awake by surprise of the feel of someone's lips on my own. That feeling though briefly, is still fresh in my mind. After that, he kissed my forehead too, a habit he always do to show that he love me.

But that previous kiss… the peck of his lips… we haven't done it for a long time. That tradition has stopped to happen when he turned twelve. But he did it again that night when he was twenty two…

Does it have meaning? I still haven't figured it out until now.

oOoOoOo

That kiss screwed my head.

My young maiden's feeling said it is a sign that he love me back in a way I want him to regard me. But it is not something new. I know better not to hope.

In the end, my young maiden's feeling won. So I kept my advance on him. Of course, secretly. I will only show it to him. I don't want others to find out. Others finding out will not end up good.

So, from that day onward, I asked him for a kiss. And he happily obliged. I was in heaven every day. Well… this kind of thing needs a little break though, when my mom is around. I don't want to freak her out more than she already was at that time. Mom need not to know the truth.

Not only that, he also frequently visited me after school – sometimes with his group of friends, but most of the time alone. I hate it when he entered my school ground because then people would look at him and hit on him. He will be snatched away from me. After all, my brother is a gentleman; he knows how to treat women well. Moreover, he is handsome, and I don't think I am bias on this.

How to get rid of them? Of course I need to claim him, right? I am not weak like I was before. If people think I am annoying, so be it. Whatever rumours, be damned. Because I know those rumours would tell that I have brother complex at best. And by clinging on him, no one dare to approach him. He also said beforehand that I can cling on him, so he can't get angry for this.

Seeing me like that, he usually chuckled and patted my head. See? He likes me! So, you better find yourself another boyfriend.

"Will you stop being so cute, Sora?" he once asked during the trip home from my school.

"You want me to stop?" I asked back nervously, thinking something might have gone wrong. Anyway, what's about me acting cute? I never do that. I don't know how to stop being so 'cute', even if he really asked me to stop it.

He shook his head and ruffled my hair as we walked. "No, I will miss it. Besides, you're not Sora if you're not cute."

…

Again with something I can't comprehend.

But I like it.

oOoOoOo

Lips detached from another lips. There's warm breath in the air. It's not enough…

"C-can you kiss me again?"

He stunned at my request as he caressed my cheek.

"Why?"

'Oh God, I am dead.'

I stuttered, trying to get something out of my system… anything… but he laughed and kissed me again without hearing my answer.

"You're cold," he commented after he pecked my lips, leaving me surprise.

"Uh… because it's winter…?"

He chuckled and pulled me into a hug where I nestled inside his warmness.

"Why don't you stop being so cute now?" He asked softly. That was the second time he asked me that… Did he start to hate me?

But the moment he kissed my head dissolve all my worries…

So why asking such thing, brother?

"Let's sleep. It's midnight. You have class tomorrow." He detached himself from me who still frowning. He stood up and walked away to his own room, without even looking back to see me frowning.

Why?

I understood the reason why when I caught him kissing some girl near my school.

He had grown tired of me because he had his own girlfriend now.

I wasn't the only girl in his life anymore.

That night, I cried without making a sound. I don't want him to find out… How his indifferent hurt me.

I am only his little sister. I will never be more.

I will never be more…

I should have not raised my hope at all.

It hurts.

oOoOoOo

"Mom hasn't gone home for two months now," I said, breaking the ice. It's been a week since I stopped talking to him. I don't know if he is dense or simply doesn't care anymore that he has a girlfriend now, but he never asked me the reason I stopped talking.

"Yeah. She's been busy." He was making sandwich for himself, waiting for the clock to strike eight.

"So, any plans for weekends?" I asked, curiously. A slight of hurt cross my face but he didn't look at me, so I was safe.

"No. Why would I?"

"Don't you have girlfriend? I saw you both kissing near my school."

He stared at me.

I stared at him.

Silence ensued. And suddenly the clock struck eight. Our match has been going on for ten minutes now. He's not leaving?

"…Is that why you've been avoiding me again this past week?" he sighed heavily. He has completely been forgetting his sandwich as he walked towards me and stopped in front of me who was sitting now uncomfortably in the sofa near TV. He kneeled down to match our eye level. "Tell me," he hissed dangerously.

"I'm not avoiding you. You must be delusional! Anyway, I've asked you a question!" I yelled. Brace yourself for his wrath, Sora… You know full well it is not the best course of action. Ah, damnit!

"She's not my girlfriend and I'm not kissing her. Now, don't lie, you!" he trapped me in the sofa with his arms both beside my head.

"I'm not lying! Besides, you are so kissing her!"

Oh God, I don't want to have this conversation!

"Why are you crying?"

Tears running down my cheeks.

"… because you're lying!"

Like hell I will tell him he had broken my heart!

He changed the position of his arm from grabbing the sofa behind my head to grabbing my head. Our forehead touched. "She's not. So, stop crying."

I cannot stop it even if I want to.

"Don't tell me you will break up with her."

For once I thought he would yell at me, but he took a deep breath and slowly he said, "How could I have a girlfriend when you're the only one I need, Sora?" He looked deep into my eyes and everything seemed blurring. I could not process anything anymore. All that was swirling in my head was his rhetorical question. He said he only needed me.

He said he only needs me!

A chuckle.

"There, you stopped crying."

Really?

"Is that why you didn't ask to be kissed by me again?"

What?

"Can I kiss you?"

… what? What did he say?

"That's all I need to know," he said before smiling and pecked my lips.

Did he just kiss me?

"Wanna go somewhere? I will cancel my appointment today since it's been late." He took his handphone and began to type something fast. Then, he looked at me again, waiting for my response.

I grasped his jacket's sleeve and nodded.

"Then, let's get you prepared." He

Today is fun!

Now we're walking back home hand in hand. It feels like a date. But, I know for him, it's not a date. It's not…

"Let's take rest here." He sits down, taking my hand with him.

If only I can know for whom his romantic feeling is…

"Are you cold?" he asks when I hug him suddenly. I shake my head and bury it in his chest. Without knowing my pain, he laughs prettily and kisses my head.

I am so loved. Only not in a way I want him to.

Maybe… maybe if he kisses me now, outside the boundary of our home… he will understand.

I don't even know what I want anymore. By asking him this, do I want him to find out my feeling? Or not? Will he find out? Or not?

"Brother…"

"Yes?"

"Kiss me now."

He's not kissing me. He won't kiss me. What will he do?

Just when my mind is running frantically, I feel his finger on my cheek. I look up and find his face so close to me. And then he pecks my lips like he usually do.

"I don't know you like my kiss that much," he smirks rather evilly as he caresses my cheek.

"Shut up brother," I say, burying my face again in his chest.

He is so dense! I hit him on the chest.

Will this love forever be an unrequited love?

"Don't be embarrassed. Because I like kissing you too."

Eh? I look up and see him smiling innocently.

"You like kissing me?" my heart beats frantically again.

He nods. "You're my cute little sister."

There, my heartbeat dies again.

"Can you not thinking of me as your little sister?" I ask bitterly. Apparently he hear it and answers, "No. You will always be my little sister who-" and I cannot hear the rest.

Those words stuck in my head. He will always see me as his little sister. Now, I have no doubt about it. I have no hope. No hope at all…

"Can you stop it?" I snap. I've lost it. I really hate myself right now.

Why do I have to fall in love with him of all people? Why?

"Stop wh- you're crying again?" he asks me incredulously. "What did I do now?"

I shake my head. This love is impossible from the very beginning. Why do I insist on loving him? Why can't I forget him as soon as I have chance?

I am so stupid!

"You don't want to be my little sister?" I nod. This is unbearable. I unconsciously let out some noise in attempt to calm my raging tears.

"I see. I'm sorry for being your big brother."

"Not like that!" Not like that! Why can't you understand?

"Then what do you mean?" he asks softly, with pain in his very voice.

I looked up to see his hurt look. "Kiss…"

… "What?"

"I want you to kiss me like… like…"

I can't say it at all. I can't break it. I know he think I am disgusting. I am no longer his cute little sister. I am rotten.

"Sora…" he ruffles my hair and plant a kiss on my head as he hugs me deeply. Is this his way of rejecting me?

But to my surprise, he put his finger on my chin and lifts my head to look at him. The seriousness in his face… How his eyes drilled into mine… Please don't let my hope up again! He will kiss me… but does his heart understand what I meant by those ambiguous words?

He parts his lips and closes it down on my mouth. He nibbles my lower lips, eyes focusing on mine.

He really kisses me.

He kisses me in a way lover kisses each other.

He kisses me! He kisses me!

I feel his thumb on my wet cheek as he brings my face closer to deepen the kiss. And I feel his tongue forcing its way to my mouth.

I grip his clothes to hang on something, because I feel like I'm gonna pass out. This kiss is too intense. I never know his kissing can be this overwhelming…

After a while, he let go of me by detaching our mouths. I see a string of saliva connecting his tongue and my tongue. I wipe it awkwardly. My breath is out of sync…

"Brother… Are you okay with that?" Don't tell me he just trying to fulfil my wish. Don't tell me.

"I want you to be happy, I'll do anything."

My heart is at lost. I shake my head frantically. I know how dense he is. I should have guessed it when he kissed me.

Today is supposed to be fun. I've ruined it. Oh God, help me…

"I love you." He nods, smiling so slightly. "I want you to be mine." He stop nodding, his smile is frozen.

I know now, he will run away for sure.

"I'm sorry brother. I'm sorry for making you like this. It's my fault from the beginning…" It's my fault that I keep this feeling with me. Hoping he will realise it. And forcing him to kiss me all the time… My sin is unforgivable. He always does things as I wish… I hope God choose to punish only me.

Oh God, what have I done?

He shakes his head, smiling sadly. He pats my head and hugs me gently.

Do I deserve this hug? I don't know anymore.

"Sora, shh, it's all right. It's no one fault."

Brother, don't be kind!

"My life belongs to you since the beginning. So does my soul. I am yours, your brother. And I'll do anything to make you happy."

No, you get the wrong message. Can he be anymore dense?

I start to struggle free from his hug. I look up to face him. "Not like that brother," I said frustratingly. He frowned. Will he ever get it?

"I want us to be together forever, just the two of us… sharing our lives…"

"What's the difference?"

HEAR ME OUT!

"I want you to be my man. Only mine."

We look at each other's eyes, gauging each other's reaction. Uncomfortable silence engulfs us. He breaks it by sighing.

Sighing?

He let out a smile and caresses my cheek gently.

"I am."

I am?

My sight is so blurry, and my cheeks are hot… I feel his thumb wiping something wet on my face. I am crying.

"Stop crying," he whispered.

How? How can I stop these happy tears?

And I feel lips on me again.

oOoOoOo

My brother now knows my secret. And he doesn't hate me.

He accepts me and loves me more.

I don't need to make him look at me more. He always looks at me.

But I am grateful for whatever decision I made at those times.

Because without them, I will never be this happy today.

Sin, be damned.

I will live with you until the end.