I dive beneath the waterfall

this opaque tunnel I crawl down occasionally

I journey in blurred time to find the end

desperation drove me here

following the encouraging whispers

leading to the flickers and answers of existence

though I wish to keep seeking

my brain gets fried along the way

my gut tells me it's a hoax, a mirage

skin becomes waterlogged — bloated and weak

the air is so thin and intrusive

in my ribs, it wants to lodge

all my fibers are twitching, yearning to peregrinate

a will I cannot satiate

so I always have to swim back.

on the surface, I become pensive

solemn wisps ooze over blades of grass

sliding into my palms

I cannot hold onto to them

they tell me my load is too heavy

that I engage in too much

I absorb all the nuances, but don't

ask me to explain them all

we just try to make sense of our lives

I wish there was a way I could scramble everything

so the awe would finally bring clarity

no matter the explanation, I'm still not convinced

it's not enough

yet, there's the reassuring thought to not worry

to never grow weary and surrender

that I'll only get what I deserve

that I'm neither a fool nor a coward

when I teaching you to better understand yourself

perhaps we're all consumed by context

but our goals are always too complex

sometimes we try so hard to make it seem

we've found the pinnacle no one can see

we're a collective, let's operate with love

know that positivity is what will heal

that's why I've walked away from the hate

shame cannot force change

rather, dignity preserves us all

just ask for what we need to see

ready for everything

so that's why we don't forget what's bound

in memories that aren't dismissive

so if you're apathetic to the sufferings of others

know that everyone and everything that's insipid

repulses me

this is for me to own: I will never love a pallid humanity

then again, no one can claim they're above telling a lie

or that anger was never used as an excuse

or that every loss is fair

but death isn't happening to you, it's happening to everyone

and, in actuality, joy is success in the midst of it all