2. Lingering on thoughts

Click, Clack. Click, Clack. Click, Clack.

The noise of high heels fading away was the first sound in a while. Ryker sighed and put his head in his hands. How long had it been since he arrived? One hour? Two, maybe even three. Ryker could care less. He had long since lost track of time. The only thing that mattered right now was Annabelle. Would she be okay? Terrible thoughts filled his mind until his head hurt. His spine was beginning to hurt as well from the hard plastic hospital chair. They really needed to get more comfortable chairs.

What was he thinking? He was foolish to think that Annabelle would be happy to hear him say those words. He should have seen it coming. She wasn't like most girls. She was special and it showed in her character. That much he already knew, yet still.. Aargh! Ryker pulled at his hair. He was so stupid. How he wished that he could go back in time so nothing would have happened.

The look on her face, the tears on her cheeks that he so badly wanted to wipe away, it all came back again. She looked so pale after the crash that Ryker almost believed that she was dead. Luckily the paramedics didn't take long to arrive. He didn't want to know what would have happened if it had taken too long. And the worst of all was that the other three came out barely unscathed, save for the driver. He only had a broken arm. Just thinking about them made his arm twitch, ready to beat the hell out of them. It just wasn't fair. Why did stuff like this only happen to the good people in the world? And tonight of all nights.

Suddenly there was the sound of a door opening. Ryker got out of the chair and saw a doctor coming out of Annabelle's room. Just as he was to ask about her the doctor pushed past him and answered with 'Not now, kid.' He got back to scanning the clipboard and walked away. Away with possible answers on the unanswered questions.

Ryker could understand that it was late and that therefore very few personnel were working. But was he asking for too much when he wanted someone to tell him about Annabelle's condition? Apparently it was. By the way, why weren't her parents here? They should have been called by now, yet there was still no sign of them.

He really could use some coffee right now. But what if anything happened to Annabelle when he wasn't near her? Ryker began pacing back and forth. He had to stretch his legs and maybe it would distract him from his thoughts. If he spent his time sitting here he would fall asleep for sure. Though he doubted that it was possible to fall asleep now. His sleep problems had exhausted him to death, no matter how much he tried, it always ended in late insomniac nights. Annabelle had tried to help him to go to sleep. Annabelle..

Ryker shook his head. Thinking about her was helping no one, he was only torturing himself now. He walked to the end of the corridor and leaned against the wall. Watching the outside always used to calm him down, no matter what situation. He leaned his forehead against the window that was separating him from the outside world, and let out the umpteenth sigh, making the glass fog up.

It was a cloudy night. Raindrops hit the windows, making it seem as if you were watching through crystals. The moon was struggling to break through the clouds, wanting to show its pureness and set the world alight in all its glory. It was Ryker's favorite kind of weather for the night because once the moon was shining through, it was like his life had found 'the light', new energy, to move forward. He was waiting for the moonlight, waiting for the light and good sign that maybe Annabelle would wake up soon.

The drizzle made it seem like the world was crying softly too. His eyes were beginning to twitch. He blinked and it hurt when he opened his eyes again. There was no doubt that he looked like shit right now. He had to see her, he couldn't bear to think that it could be possible that the last memory of her was one where she was crying. He was going into that room and there was no one who was going to stop him.

With his mind full of determination he walked to the room. It wasn't like that doctor from before looked like he was going to return anytime soon. Ryker had his hand on the door handle when he stopped. Could he handle seeing Annabelle in this situation? He took a deep breath and was about to open the door when the door opened from the other side. He looked right in the face of a nurse.

"Oh! Gosh, you really scared me there."

"I- uh.. I.."

"You want to see her, don't you?"

Ryker got a bit more hopeful. Finally someone who wasn't against him. "Can I?"

"Aha, she's more stable now. But I have got to say that she really must be favored up there because she was real close to dying." The nurse must have seen Ryker's face twisting into a shocked expression because she soon assured him that it was all okay now. She saw his sad face and felt sorry for the young boy. "You must really love her, don't you?"

"I do and because of that she got in all this mess."

Ryker muttered the last part and shrugged past the nurse. He didn't want to talk about it. It was better to forget he ever said those words. He walked further into the room and as soon as he saw Annabelle he froze. She lay there so serene that it looked like she was asleep. He wouldn't say that she had a car accident save for the bandage on the right part of her head. Her innocent sleeping form made his lips twist into a small smile for the first time since the accident.

"Well I'll leave you two alone."

And the nurse went. Not that Ryker noticed, he was too busy looking at Annabelle. She was safe now. It felt like a burden fell of his shoulders, at least all his worries about her condition were gone. But the worries about the future were still there. Him telling her that he loved her really scared her. Was she so afraid of being loved or was it just him? Was she going to act like he never said those words and move on or would she run and avoid him? You never knew it with girls. Especially when they were girls with brains instead of those airheads. Why was he one of those nice sensitive guys who really thought before they acted? This had been problematic sometimes in the past when he was with the other boys. He had been called a simp many times before.

Ryker walked to Annabelle and sat in the chair next to her. He looked at her face and saw that a few short strands of hair covered her face again. He chuckled as he brushed them aside, Annabelle always complained how she hated those hairs that were just too short to be up in a ponytail and too long so that they covered her eyes.

Ryker bolted from his seat when the thunder rumbled loudly. He hadn't even seen the lightening. He was such an idiot for being surprised by the thunder.

"See Belle, you have to wake up. It's thundering and I know you love the thunder and rain. The thunder wants you to wake up too." Ryker laughed at his pathetic self. It wasn't like Annabelle could hear him but it felt good to let some of his frustrations out by talking to her. He took her hand in his and while he stroked it with his thumb he continued.

"Remember that date where it was storming so badly that we had to hold onto each other really tight in order not to get blown away by the wind? It was really stupid to go on a date when we knew that the weather would be this bad. But yeah, you said you thought the thunder and lightening were romantic. Up to this day, I still don't know what is so romantic about it. All I do know is that that time was the best make-out session I had ever had and that we got so wet that we both caught a cold for the next few days. Not that I minded that. It was nice to be sick together, wasn't it?

It would feel better if we were lying together in the same room because we both got an accident. You don't understand how stupid I feel right now. I'm an idiot for not even being able to save you or protect you. It should have been me lying there because I tried saving you. Not you."

Ryker got the hang of talking. His other hand grabbed the sheets and he twisted it in his fist to let his frustrations out.

"Why, Belle? Were you so repulsed by the fact that I love you? Am I not supposed to? I'm sorry but I can't help it that I feel this way. I didn't expect you to fall in my arms and tell me that you love me too. Something like that needs time and absolute certainty. But you really hurt me there. You looked at me as if I was a monster that you were afraid of. Do you even understand how that felt to me? I'm not mad at you. It's just that I don't know what to think anymore. You were my best friend, my love. And the funny thing is that I don't even have the guts to tell you this in person, when you are awake and can actually listen. I will probably never tell you this again."

It felt good to Ryker to release it all at once. It was the truth, he would never tell all of this again. To no one. Yet he felt that he could never actually lie to the girl in front of him. He was going to have a hard time, keeping all of this to himself.

All of his energy came from his thoughts of being strong and keeping it together, but now that he had told all of this out loud he really felt how exhausted he was. He was literally drained from everything that happened tonight. His head hurt and when he swallowed he could feel his throat burning. Looked like that guy got him better with the knife than he thought. Ryker let his head fall on the bed and closed his eyes. He would sleep a little. When Annabelle woke up he would be there for her.

A distant scratching sound made Ryker sit up. What time was it? Ryker looked at the clock in the room. It read 2:09. Ryker yawned soundlessly. He had only been asleep for 20 minutes or something. It was mostly around this time at night that he woke up. He pushed himself out of the chair and took a look at Annabelle. She was still sleeping.

---

The scratching branches against the window lured him to come and look at the outside again. The rain had stopped and instead the wind was blowing with all its might. There was a storm coming up. Ryker found it quite unbelievable to think that the night had been calm and peaceful before. It was like before was the calm for the storm. The sign that something bad was about to happen. And it happened, alright.

Ryker stepped away from the window when he heard the rustling of the sheets. He turned around and saw Annabelle moving a little. He rushed to her side and grabbed her hand again.

"Annabelle, do you hear me? It's me, please wake up. I know you can do it." Ryker waited full of hope for her to wake up. His energy had returned again. His light was about to shine. It was there just under the surface, about to break through. He knew it wouldn't take long now.

"Belle? Are you there?" Annabelle moaned softly and Ryker smiled.

"Come on, just open your eyes, honey." Annabelle moaned louder this time. And then a couple seconds later she hesitantly opened one of her eyes.

Ryker upon seeing this, threw himself around her neck and hugged her with all he had.

"I'm so glad you're awake. You're okay now. Don't you ever scare me like that again."

When Ryker pulled away he had a big smile plastered on his face. He searched Annabelle's face for a smile, anything indicating that she was happy to see him too. His smile faltered and turned into a frown when he saw her expression. Annabelle was looking at him with blank eyes.

"What's wrong?" Annabelle still stared at him silently. "Anna-"

"Who are you?"

And the moment that the moon finally broke through the clouds and lightened the room a little, was the moment that Ryker's world came crashing down.