English class the next day will be a nightmare. You will see Drew in class and remember the comments he made the other day. Distract yourself with anything, even as simple as Emily's pink hair, and how she gets it to style that way. You have always wanted to do something with your own hair- maybe style it into a pixie cut that will make you look closer to your age. You could almost be a different person with a different identity.
"Hannah? Are you okay?"
Allow a few silent tears to escape before coming to your senses. Don't bother paying much attention to the lesson, because you wouldn't be able to concentrate well anyway. Instead, come up with a plan to get back together with Brian. When you can't come up with anything that isn't embarrassing, just abandon the idea. You can always write a song on your own later. For now, just try to forget about what happened and focus on your classes.
You will not speak to Brian for another week, but he will text you next Saturday evening. You will be hesitant, but you really want to start songwriting. Maybe you can channel your feelings into a new project, and it would be a great way to honor Kelsey. You will meet at the same table in the Java Bean.
Pull out a piece of paper that has your explanation written down. When he's finished reading, he'll set it down and tell you, "Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?"
Shake your head. You just want to get started and put this behind you. By now, you have some real feelings to write about, not just the silly phrases about clouds that you and Emily wrote. Together, you brainstorm ideas. Let them fly. Hold nothing back. Tonight, it's all about what you can bring to the table. Finally, people might listen to what you have to say. And so you write. Write about love and loss like you did in class, but on a more personal level. Write about you. Think about how Kelsey is looking down on you. Make her proud. Ignore the video gamers in the corner. They have nothing on you.
When you're finished, Brian will look it over.
"This is awesome, Hannah. The band is going to love this," he'll say. You smile. Then Melina will come join your table.
"Hey, guys," she says. "What are you working on?"
"Hannah's helping me with a new song. Check it out!" Before you can think about it, Brian will hand it to her, and she'll just take it back to her table. When you ask Brian why he allowed Melina to run off with it, he will just say, "It's all part of the project." You will have no idea what he means by this, and you will try to take it back from Melina.
"Shut up and trust me," she'll say. "Okay? We're still friends here. I wouldn't do anything to you." Still friends?
What an attitude she's giving you! Why did you even agree to this in the first place? You were sure that you were about to form a connection with someone this time, but it failed yet again. Don't trust people so easily anymore.
"Thanks for working with me," you scribble angrily on the notebook paper. "It's been fun. But I think I need to work with someone who won't abandon me." Take your things and walk out.