and now, you can't stop feeling like a bitch.
it's hard to accept that i made someone feel
like a piece of shit, that they weren't enough.
i feel like a bitch because some people are
so nice, too nice for someone like me, the girl
who is sometimes an emotionless robot;
who prefers her own company half the time
compared to anyone else.
did i break his heart?
i hate to think i did because he was such a shy,
kind soul who would've done anything for me.
i feel like a bitch, because i know i probably keep
him up at night and he probably wonders what he did
to cause such rejection; up late in the pitch black
darkness wondering to himself.
and i feel as though i owe an apology to the world.
to the quiet boy who never did anything wrong.
i know all too well what it's like to be kept awake
by thoughts of inadequacy and i am so sorry.
because no one deserves to feel that way and just
thinking about how i caused that sort of pain makes
me want to vomit.
and the regret, oh the regret of not being more fragile
and understanding doesn't help and the reason you
caused all of this pain doesn't even know.
he doesn't know and you can't help but hate him
for that. maybe not extremely, but i know he's going
to hate me in a few years and feel the same pain
that i caused months ago. the separation, the heartache
is going to hurt him and it makes me sick.
i never want to hurt anyone and the future is going
to be an endless sea of pain; unfortunately it is
going to hurt so much.