They're Just Words

I just don't understand. I don't understand why we live in a world where people can't just suck it up, swallow their pride and apologize. Don't get me wrong, it's not a solution, I know. I don't think that apologizing makes everything right. An apology is like a salve, it doesn't make the wound disappear, but it helps in the healing process.

So, why can't people just apologize? Remember the night that Dad got drunk and crashed Mom's car into a tree? He could have said something to her. He could have said, "Sweetheart, I'm really sorry. I know I made a huge mistake and I want to make up for it. I didn't realise that my drinking was hurting everything, including our relationship."

But he didn't say anything. He just kept on complaining about how everything hurt, especially his broken leg. And getting mad because Mom refused to wait on him hand and foot. Mom said that she wouldn't make him feel better, because what happened to him was "his own damn fault." Had he said "I'm sorry" to her, maybe she wouldn't have blamed him like that. That night was the beginning of a series of arguments that eventually led to their divorce.

Do you remember what drove Dad to drink that day? It was you, Charlie. It was because you had come home high the night before, from a party. Dad was really worried about you. He was scared because a lot of people become addicted, even after just one hit of coke.

Maybe if you had apologized to Mom and Dad, told them it was a mistake. Re-assured them that it would never happen again. But you didn't.

You just stormed off to your room, pissed off cause you had your phone taken away and weren't allowed to go out with your friends for a long while.

And your friends were such jerks too. They had caused you to get grounded by pressuring you to try drugs, but did they ever say sorry to you? No, they didn't. All they did was laugh at you and call you "a pussy who couldn't handle a little bit of coke."

Maybe if they had apologized to you, and Mom and Dad had forgiven you for the drugs incident, and were still talking to you, you wouldn't have felt so alone. And I wouldn't have come home to see you lying on your bed with an empty bottle of pills on the floor.

And it's not like I'm blameless, either. Why did I always neglect you so much? I was just so upset about the divorce. I felt lonely too, which was why I hung out with my friends all the time.

Maybe I should have been spending time with you instead. We could have talked to each other, supported each other. After all, we were going through the same thing.

So why didn't I come to you, little bro? Why did I forget to tell you how much I love you?

So that's why I wrote this speech, to say at your funeral. Because other people need to learn from our mistakes. They need to realise that the world won't end at the words, "I'm sorry." Those words are so much easier to say than bearing a loss this great.

And I need to apologize to you too. Forgive me, Charlie, for never being there for you. For letting you go through all this shit on your own.

I'm sorry, Charlie.

I'm so, so sorry.