Title: Under a blue-grey sky

Chapter 40 Hope

Brook waited for the swirl of emotions on their faces to ebb before speaking. "Let me tell you what I discovered." He was speaking quietly, but there was no lack of conviction in his voice. "In loving Eryksa, I have become a better Bender than I ever was before."

They were happy for him, but what he'd just said shed no light on their most pressing question. The taller man lifted his head towards the night sky and spoke softly, as if sharing a secret. "Because I love her, I try harder and that makes me stronger. But more than that, I am more compassionate, more thoughtful of the consequences of my acts, more careful not to cause harm... all because I have a reason now for what I do."

He stopped. Not knowing why, they held their breaths.

"Quite simply, Eryksa keeps me human."

They breathed out slowly in unison. Both looked dazed, like they'd been hit on the head with a cudgel, only the force of this realisation was stronger than any physical blow.

Brook dismissed the last of their fears with his final remark. "Benders are human," he said. "More human than anyone else."

...

Nobody mentioned it again.

That didn't mean that none of them thought about it, but nobody talked about it. Cray, because she felt that asking Rayne anything about his new status was somehow rude—like asking someone with a cut-off leg whether they wanted to dance—and Rayne because even though he had a thousand and one questions, he didn't think that he was ready to hear the answers to any of them. It was like, he mused, having a loose tooth that didn't hurt unless you poked at it with your tongue, but which you knew had to come out eventually or it'd rot and pollute your whole mouth.

He endured the churning in his head for a few more days, before it all spilled out in a single question blurted out to Brook.

"Can you teach me?"

The tall man didn't answer at once, which embarrassed him into muttering an explanation.

"To be a Bender, I mean."

Brook stretched out his lanky frame, covering an astoundingly large patch of the ground on which he was lying. He thought for a little while longer, composing his answer. It'd been a long day of riding, they'd just had their evening meal and he was looking forward to a good night's sleep... after the girls came back from their wash, which had become a daily affair as long as they could find water.

"Bending isn't something that can be taught," he said at last. "I can only guide you to use what abilities you already have."

"Then would you please guide me?" He flushed at how pathetically eager he sounded, and made sure his voice was less excited when he continued. "I know I'm only half a Bender, but at least I would like to learn to use what I have to the full."

Brook sat up and looked at him contemplatively. "Before I agree to anything, I need to ask you this – why do you desire this?"

He'd thought a lot about that very same question, so he was able to answer promptly. "For Cray of course."

When Brook raised an eyebrow, he added self-consciously, "To take care of her."

It earned him an amused half-smile. "Why do you need to do that?"

He almost burst out with an indignant Do you think she doesn't need me to take care of her, or do you mean I'm incapable of that? but he held it back. It was unfair of him to think that there was an unkind thought beneath Brook's words.

"Cray and I... we can't go back to the village anymore."

A sympathetic nod from Brook encouraged him to go on more rapidly. "I'm fine with that since I have nothing there, but for her..." He sighed. "It's the only home she's ever known, and where her family and all her friends are. She'll never see them again." His voice cracked a little. "And it's all because of me."

Brook nodded again. He didn't speak, but his face told Rayne that he understood perfectly what he was trying to convey.

"So as long as there is anything I can do about it, I never want her to suffer again on my account." A very big promise. But he comforted himself with the thought that at least he sounded determined enough to see it through.

Brook said something at last. "It's as good a reason as any, and certainly not a bad one for your purpose."

Rayne smiled, but his relief was short-lived because Brook had more to say.

"Even so, there's something you should know about Cray that I think you don't realise."

It was unexpectedly upsetting to hear that Brook knew something about Cray that he didn't know. It showed on his face, prompting the older man to place a placating hand on his shoulder.

"She doesn't want you to take care of her. She just wants you to love her."

A scarlet-faced Rayne sputtered, "Th... that's not... not a problem." He stared at his fingers busily trying to tie themselves into knots. "Because I'm already more than halfway there."

"More than halfway where?"

The unexpected question made Rayne literally jump up, only to over balance and nearly fall over again. He was saved by the person who'd asked the question – Cray, still damp-haired and shiny-faced from her dip in the river. He sat back down, his legs having turned into raw dough all of a sudden.

Did she hear our conversation?

Cray threw a wet piece of cloth at him with a casual "Wherever it is, you're better off getting there cleaner than you are now, you grimy creature."

He relaxed a little, because if she had heard anything, surely he'd be getting a spirited lecture on who should be taking care of whom, and why. He began wiping himself with the cloth, not because he agreed that he was grimy but to hide his flaming cheeks. Cray didn't look at him. She made a show of helping Eryk clear spaces for them to sleep in, but she could hardly hide the grin that threatened to take over her face.

Now try saying that to my face, you idiot.

Clearing done, she took the cloth from Rayne and wiped at a spot he'd missed. He wriggled a little, but endured the treatment docilely.

"How old are you, Rayne?"

Brook's question made Rayne go red again. He must think that he was being childish, being pampered by Cray like that. He answered him stiffly, "Twenty summers and another four... or maybe five."

"Really? You look fifteen!" Eryk, as always, was candid in her surprise. She was, Rayne reflected, not even included in the conversation, but was clearly eavesdropping with all her might.

Cray didn't comment, but she was just as surprised as Eryk. She'd always thought herself older than Rayne, whether from his appearance or his behaviour.

Brook's response was even more surprising. "I envy you both."

Rayne and Cray exchanged looks. It sounded like the kind of thing that an old man would say, lamenting the days of his youth. But Brook was far from a grizzled old ancient – he looked to be about Haylden's age, no older.

The explanation that followed didn't make things any clearer "You can grow old with her, but..." He turned to cast a long look in Eryk's direction, which got him a delighted giggle in response. "I will not have that privilege."

Rayne was tired from thinking about difficult questions all evening, and got straight to the point. "I don't understand what you're saying."

Eryk interrupted again. "A Bender's lifetime is four times that of a human," she announced.

Brook paused to let that sink in before confirming her words. "That is why I appear to you the way I am even though I have already lived more than an entire human lifetime."

Eryk scampered over and curled up next to Brook, clearly not all bothered that he was a century or so older than her.

"And why Rayne looks..." Cray said thoughtfully, "like that."

She didn't elaborate on what she meant by 'that', but it didn't matter very much – Rayne, frowning in deep thought, wasn't really listening. The silence that followed grew quickly. Cray surrendered when it'd lasted long enough to have become awkward.

"I'm done for today," she declared, staking her claim on one of the cleared patches of ground.

Eryk gave her a sleepy wave and Brook said he'd take the first watch. Rayne just sat there hugging his knees, giving no sign at all that he'd heard her, but in any case she proved her words by falling asleep before very long.

Stillness enveloped the party for some time, until Brook got up and disengaged himself from the slumbering Eryk to shore up the fire. Something in the blaze popped loudly as he did so.

The sound seemed to bring Rayne back to life. "Young, old, I don't very much care how I look," he remarked suddenly, then sighed. "But then I still don't know what I am."

Brook's response was a simple question. "Does it matter?"

He retorted with some annoyance, "Of course it does!"

Then he paused, and added more doubtfully, "Doesn't it?" He paused again, and eventually motioned at Cray. "It might matter..." he said hesitantly, "to her."

"You're still afraid." There was wisdom, but also compassion in his voice.

"There are so many things to be afraid of." He stared into the fire, because that way there was less chance of accidentally crying. "What she might do when she finds out the truth. What I might turn into. What I might do to her..." He shook his head, as if to chase the thought from his mind.

Brook was staring into the fire as well, equally pensive. "We all have dark thoughts," he replied. "I often do. Even sunny Eryk has her cloudy days."

"Only your dark thoughts probably won't ever come true," Rayne pointed out morosely. "What if I lose myself and eat her s—..." He cut himself off with an apprehensive shudder.

Another person might have gotten quite exasperated by now at this obstinate gloominess, but the Bender merely asked, "Do you believe that she loves you?"

The question caught him off guard, and it showed in his somewhat garbled reply. "She said she might—or maybe she does—I mean... it seems that way, or at least I think it's quite likely."

Brook took the answer to be positive, and hid a smile at how difficult it was for him to say a simple Yes. "If she loves you, then it won't matter to her what you are."

Rayne ran his fingers through his hair, nonplussed at the tinge of triumph in Brook's voice.

"For what it's worth, I think you are likely to have more Bending ability than any other halfling I've ever met," Brook added. "But truly, the question of what you are is not so important."

He felt that the man never said anything without going the roundabout way, but he was obliged to ask, "Well what is more important then?"

Brook fixed him with his silver eyes that reflected everything but revealed nothing. "The most important question is, how much do you want to be with her?"

"To be... with her?"

"Yes. To live your lives together, to learn and change for the better, and eventually to grow old with her."

"Growing old with Cray..." He mulled over that for some time before saying softly, "It sounds like something I would like."

Brook laughed, startling him. "You should be saying that to someone else, shouldn't you?"

He knew which someone Brook was referring to, but he didn't understand the laughter until he found a pair of arms locked around him. He looked up into a face marked by three faint lines, and lips hiding a smile, asking him, "Are you sure you'd like to grow old with a gloomy grump who'll fight with you and bully you all the time?"

He smiled, and met her clear brown eyes with his by-now almost colourless ones.

"More than anything I could think of."