Author's Note: Sorry it takes me so long to update. :c Usually when I'm not busy with school or work I try to write something, but lately I haven't been in much of the writing groove, however I'm so happy that I was finally able to come up with something. I hope it isn't too slow. Also, it is a lot more tame than the rating suggests. I'll try to make the next one more exciting. Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows! I hope the story is worth your time!
-Michele (:

Rated M for drug and alcohol use, profanity, and sexual content.


The obnoxious beeping of my alarm clock echoed through my skull like it was an empty room. It was probably the most painful experience of my life-okay no, that was a lie, but at that moment it truly felt like the most painful. I couldn't pry my eyes open to see what time it was, so I threw my hand around trying to find the device to stop its cruel wake-up call.

From across the room I could hear stirring and slight groaning. Rue was waking up as well, but I refused to get up. Pulling the covers over my head, I pulled my knees up to my chest and tried to fall back asleep in a fetal position. I would have succeeded too, if buzzkill Rue wasn't already getting up and demanding I join her.

"Lilie, wake up. We have class in an hour," she said. I groaned and shook my head.

"It's okay," I said, my voice muffled by my blankets. I could hear her feet pad against the carpet as she walked towards my bed. She grabbed a hold of the covers I grasped over my head and threw them off of me. I hissed at the bright light.

"This is why you don't get totally shitfaced the day before school starts," she said.

"I don't wanna get up," I whined. She sighed and walked away, and I could hear her rustling through the clothes in the wardrobe.

"Lilieana Grace Rockbell, I swear to Bob-"

"Why do you get to use my full name and I can't use yours?" I complained as I sat up slowly, still struggling to open my eyes. The morning crusties were sealing them shut and it was slightly painful trying to break them open.

"Because. Now hurry up and get ready. You seriously need a shower," she said.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." With one more attempt, I quickly opened them and endured the pain momentarily before it started to go away. Prying your eyes open with crusties was like pulling off a band aid. You needed to do it quickly in order to get it over with.

"Oh man, I feel like shit," I moaned, placing a hand on my forehead.

"Yeah, you look it too," Rue retorted.

"You know, not really helping? Also, I hate you," I sneered, sticking my tongue out at her.

"Just take a shower, Smelly." She threw my towel at my face and when I pulled it off of my head, I glared at her, but she blew me a kiss instead.

My legs felt heavy as I threw them off the side of the bed and stood up, and it felt like a trek just making my way to the conjoined bathroom from our dorm room. I shut the door behind me and stared at myself in the mirror. Rue wasn't kidding; I totally looked as shitty as I felt. My blonde hair was scraggly around my face, the remnants of my ponytail from last night barely held back in the hair tie, and my eyes were more red than the bluish-grey they were supposed to be and were smudged with mascara and eyeliner, along with some lovely deep purple bags. I resembled more of a crackhead raccoon than a 21-year-old girl. Or just a heavily hung0ver college student.

The warm water felt really nice down my back when I stepped into the shower stall. It acted like a warm blanket that helped me to recuperate from the madness that was last night. We didn't necessarily party-it was more of a social gathering with my group of friends and a few others that my brother and Maverick socialized with, and we'd totally drank and smoked to our lovely hearts' content. I hadn't been this badly hungover since the night of the huge frat party about a week ago, however this time I had a sober Rue to tend to me. As always, she refused to have anything to drink or smoke, insisting she remained completely sober, only this time I hadn't bothered her so much. I was otherwise preoccupied, as usual.

As I washed my face in the water, snippets from last night replayed in my mind. I'd taken more hits than I could count on all ten fingers from the bong that was passed around, and had way too much to drink. And, just like the party, I'd let Maverick get more handsy than I would have preferred.

Chills ran up my spine.

Why was I doing this? Why had I let Maverick be handsy? I mean, honestly, the night I hooked up with him at the frat party had been the best sex I'd ever had. Was it because I wanted more of that?

But this was Maverick! Maverick Johnson, my brother's best friend, my childhood friend, the boy I grew up seeing as my other older brother. What the hell was going on with me, thinking that it was okay to sleep with Maverick?

Thoroughly disgusted with myself, I hurried up in the shower, quickly washing my hair and body, expertly shaving my legs with Flash speed, and hopped out, wringing my hair with my towel before wrapping it around my body.

Rue was applying her usual of subtle eyeliner and mascara when I finally got out of the shower. She took a look at my face and nodded with approval.


"Whatever, Mom," I snapped sarcastically and walked out towards the large wardrobe that failed to maintain all of our clothes properly. I reached in and found a pair of white-washed shorts and thin, white crew-neck tee that a cute picture of Dumbo on the front, and then proceeded to toss those onto the bed behind me as I searched for a bra and underwear.

By the time I was completely ready, Rue had been laying on her bed playing with her DS for about 10 minutes. I slipped into my favorite pair of tan Flojos flip-flops and grabbed my backpack.

"Okay, I'm ready," I said.

"About time," Rue grumbled, snapping her game shut and sticking it into her tote bag, which sported sewn on patches of an assortment of favorites she had (bands, movies, even some Pokemon).

"Whatever, dweeb," I sneered. "Why are you wearing a sweater anyway? It's going to be, like, 85 degrees today."

"I'm wearing shorts!" she said defensively, which she was, at least, a cute pair of dark denim shorts that as short as mine-in which case they were very short. Her outfit was completed with her favorite (and only) pair of white Vans, which were looking more grey with each passing day, and the shoelaces were tearing at the edges from constantly stepping on them when they'd come undone.

"Besides, this isn't just any sweater," she said, matter-of-factly.

"It's a Dr. Who sweater ..." I pointed out.

"Exactly!" she exclaimed. "Do I really have to have this conversation with you again?"

"Are we really going to argue about which is better-Dr. Who or the Walking Dead-right now?"

Rue narrowed her eyes at me, but she remained quiet.

"After class," she said. "We're so having this debate." I groaned and rolled my eyes.

"Fight the dead, fear the living, that's all I have to say to that," I said as we walked out the door while Rue's face hilariously scrunched up, so badly wanting to spew a string of Whovian facts that somehow claimed it "superior" to my favorite show.


Rue and I basically shared all of our classes with each other, since we were both psychology majors, so it was pretty difficult to separate us. Nate always commented that we were basically Siamese twins born from different parents, which Rue would proceed to retaliate with the fact that that was humanly impossible and that he should know this considering he is a biochemistry major, but we all knew that Nate was just being a moron whenever he said such things.

Despite our differences and opinions on socializing, Rue and I were incredibly close. We met as freshmen at MBU when we were randomly assigned to be roommates. Well, it's not technically randomized because you do take a questionnaire that discusses your major and interests and they sort you based on that, if you choose. Since we were both psych majors, they placed Rue and I together. Ever since then we've been inseparable.

So because we were inseparable, that also meant we told each other basically everything. I probably knew more about her than she knew herself, and the same with her for me. I knew about her favorite everythings, where she was born, her grandparents' middle names, and even the details of her parents' nasty divorce and how even though to everyone else they believed she didn't care about what her mother did anymore she secretly missed her and wrote letters that she never sent to her asking why she left her and replaced her with another family. I also knew that she'd been doing this since she was five years old.

I also knew that she had a huge crush on my brother, Blayke, but she's never completely admitted it to me. She's dropped unintentional hints about her feelings about him, and I know I'm just clever enough to put two and two together, but she's never flat out told me that she's into him, even while she's been drunk. Still, I totally knew she had a thing for him.

There was only one thing in the entire world that Rue didn't know about and that was my night with Maverick at the summer frat party. I couldn't have told her that night because I think I was too drunk to even fully remember what I'd even done, but later it came back to me. And I had remembered being happy and being willing to let it happen. Like I mentioned before, I had never had better sex than I had with Maverick, and I hate to admit it, but I'd had a lot of sex. And Maverick was definitely the best one. Like, I would totally do it again even sober best.

Oh God, what was I saying?

Anyway, Rue didn't know. I was way too afraid to tell her, but I think more of it was being too afraid to find out that I had feelings for Maverick-which I totally did not. No fucking way. Rue was the perfect person to tell these dilemmas to. She was a great listener, even when she couldn't really offer any advice. She was the only person that knew about my occasional hook-ups with Nate and never really passed judgment on me for having a friend with benefits-something she would totally look down upon. So I think me not telling her about Maverick wasn't so much of fearing what she'd say, but fearing a development of feelings for Maverick.

After our 9:30 to 10:45 class let out, Rue and I walked to the Turtle Pond that was located close to West Commons, the second most popular food court on campus. We'd taken over Turtle Pond back when we were freshmen, but only because Maverick and Blayke had already taken it over, so it was our place by default. Perks of having older friends. Though West Commons was already so populated by students around this time because it was college hour, which meant that Turtle Pond usually had quite a few people sitting around it, we always claimed the area that was around the tree with the roots growing up out of the ground and by the one large flat rock in the pond where the turtles usually rested on to sunbathe.

"I'm not sure what I'm hungry for," Rue said, looking at the signs that displayed what restaurants were located in the food court. "Do I want Panda Express or something healthy?"

"I'm not in the mood for Chinese," I said, ruling Panda out, "but I don't necessarily want salad either. I think I'm getting a White Chocolate Mocha."

"Seriously? You just had Starbucks this morning."

"You can never have too much Starbucks," I said with an arched eyebrow. Rue rolled her eyes.

"You're such a white girl," she sighed.

"Hey, I'll have you know that my father's family is from Ireland."

"Still white," Rue said.

"Whatever, dweeb."

We quickly went to get our food so that we could reclaim our Turtle Pond spot. Rue brought back Panda while I snagged my White Chocolate Mocha over ice and an Uncrustable from the campus market.

"That is not a lunch," Rue commented as she opened her Styrofoam tray of chow mein and orange chicken. I took a drink from my coffee and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Whatever. I have to drink as much as I can before I get my period, otherwise the cramps will be terrible."

"I thought you were supposed to be on it already? We usually cycle around the same time. I'm on day four."

I shrugged. "It's probably going to be a couple days late again." Rue narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me. "What! It's no big deal. Nothing to worry about."

"Girl, get real. You sleep around. I have every reason to worry." I rolled my eyes.

"No you don't," I said, and then dug into the front pocket of my bag and threw the little container of birth control pills at her face.


"There're these beautiful little things called birth control pills and they work wonders."

"You hit my forehead you asshole," she growled.

"And anyway, you don't worry about pregnancy until you've skipped at least one month of your period. I've missed a few days. I'm going to get it. Not that I'm looking forward to it. In the meantime, I'm drinking coffee until I can't anymore. Coffee equals cramps equals death."

"I think I have a bump on my head," said Rue, rubbing her forehead.

"Hey ya'll," sang a voice in front of us. Lottie was skipping down the hill towards us, her chocolate brown curls bouncy behind her like she was modeling for a catalog. Her white sundress was adorned in hot pink and teal polka dots and she was clutching onto the straps of her backpack like she was six years old.

"Hey Lottie," I said, biting into my Uncrustable.

"Where are the guys?" she asked. Rue and I shrugged. "Okay, well, this is good. I have something to tell you guys."

Rue and I immediately stopped eating as we stared Lottie down, waiting for her to get comfortable on the grass.

"Tell us what?" asked Rue.

"Okay, well, I'm not normally like this, you guys know, but it just makes me feel different, you know?"

"No, we don't know," I retorted. "Can you just spit it out?"

Lottie's face lit up like she was a light bulb and sucked in a whole bunch of air before blurting, "I made out with Blayke!"

My face immediately twisted with disgust, and also shock. What the hell did she mean she made out with Blayke? First of all, ultra gross because that is my brother (and even more gross than Maverick, obviously, because Blayke is actually my biological brother as we all know). Second of all, Blayke belonged to Rue-even if neither of them knew it.

I was nervous to look over at Rue, but I immediately did when Lottie spilled her "big news" and was surprised to see Rue's maintained composure, like it didn't even bother her that Lottie had made out with the guy she was head over heels for. However I knew Rue was good at putting on masks, and this was just another one.

"Really?" asked Rue. To Lottie she sounded interested. To me she sounded like she wanted to wring her neck.

"OhmyGod it was amazing! He's such a good kisser, I've never kissed anyone like him-"

"Okay wait wait wait," I interrupted before she could continue prattling on. "First of all, spare me the details. This is a kiss that I do not need the specifics on. Secondly, when did this even happen? I was with you all night yesterday."

"I never said it happened yesterday," Lottie said.

"So when did it happen?"

"Yesterday," she responded with a smile.

"Oh dear God," I grumbled. "Okay ... When?"

"You missed a lot of things while you were letting Maverick feel up on you," Lottie said, which immediately bought a glare from me.

"Dude, I was drunk as shit. Just tell me when this happened?"

"And I was sober, so I was fully aware. How did I miss this?"

"Blayke had walked outside for a bit," Lottie started.

"I remember that. He was feeling ... Upset," said Rue, giving me a knowing look. Upset meant he was actually feeling a wave of depression, which could only happen if he was thinking about my mother, but that's a different story.

"Okay, he went outside. So you decided to follow him?"

"Actually I walked out because I was trying to get service. I've been talking to this guy from Alpha Kappa Omega and I was going to hang out with him later that night."

"Gross, I know what that means," I said, and then paused. "So wait, you were flirting with some other guy and then you made out with my brother? Dude what the fuck?"

"Well I didn't just jump into his arms and start kissing him. It was gradual. I just wanted to be there for him. And then things just went passed that and it happened."

"But how?" I interrogated. "How does something like that just 'happen?' What were you doing, Lottie?"

She looked behind me and she smiled softly. "Later," she said quickly, and I knew that meant someone was coming, probably Blayke. I glared daggers at her for being so whorish, but I shouldn't have been surprised, which is an awful thing to say now that I think of it. I was usually nonchalant about her sleeping and flirting around, but when that included playing with my brother when he was feeling down? No way. I hated that.

"What's up, nerds?" asked Maverick when he approached us, throwing his backpack on the grass next to me. "Lilie, is that seriously what you're eating for lunch?"

"Don't hate on my food. It's done nothing to you," I defended, biting into my Uncrustable again.

Blayke moved around Rue and I and placed his bag next to her. She didn't look up at him to say hello like she normally did, but nobody but me noticed this as she just continued to eat her Chinese.

"Panda sounds good right now," Blayke said, eyeing her food.

"It is good," Rue said through her noodle-stuffed mouth.

"I'm getting Panda. What are you getting?" Blayke asked Maverick, who looked down at me.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?" he asked.

My stomach flipped inside. I knew that him asking should have been no big deal, regardless of his feelings for me, he cared about me either way. But I did know about his feelings, and since we'd recently done things that have taken those feelings to the next level, him asking such about my well-being made me uneasy. The last thing I wanted was a relationship with him.

Instead of thanking him, I groaned loudly like an obnoxious, over-dramatic preteen.

"I'm fine!" I snapped. "Just because I'm eating very little doesn't mean anything bad. Stop making a big deal out of it!"

Everyone had gone quiet as they stared at me incredulously. Rue arched her eyebrow in suspicion and I knew I'd be attacked with questions later tonight.

"Shit Lilie. Calm your tits," Blayke said with a grunt. Lottie burst into a fit of obnoxious giggling.

Maverick's stare turned into a cold glare. He rolled his eyes and walked off with Blayke to West Commons.

"Wait, guys! I'm coming too!" Lottie cried as she stood up and bounced after them.

"Oh for shit's sake," I sighed and stuffed the rest of my Uncrustable in my mouth, downing it with the rest of my coffee.

"What the hell was that all about?" Rue asked.

"All of what?"

"You being a total weirdo," Rue said with a scoff. "I mean, more than usual. Like, a total insane psychopath weirdo."

"Gee thanks," I said with an eye roll.

"What's going on?" she asked gingerly.

A lot, I said in my head. This was what I got for not telling Rue everything. It was hard handling things on my own, but I still refused to tell her. Instead I went in a different direction.

"Why aren't you reacting to Lottie and Blayke?" I snapped at her. Rue's eyebrows knitted together.

"What are you talking about?"
"You know what I mean. She tells us that she freakin' made out with my brother last night and you're just like, 'Oh, really?'" I said in a monotonous tone to impersonate her.

"How else am I supposed to react? She makes out with everybody."

"Yeah, but this is Blayke! This is different. I thought you'd react differently."

"Well ... I'm ... sorry ...?"

"Oh my God, Rue ... You are seriously so frustrating sometimes," I groaned.

"How am I being frustrating? You're the one that's being so weird! Are you hiding something?"

"What could I possibly be hiding?"

"I don't know, but you're acting so freaking hormonal, it's driving me nuts."

"Maybe because I am hormonal right now. Remember I'm supposed to be starting my period?"

"Okay well, whatever. I'm sorry I didn't freak out that Lottie kissed your brother."

I sighed heavily.

"It's not the fact that he's my brother," I started slowly.

"Then what is it?" she asked warily.

I sighed heavily again. "I know you like him. I thought you'd be pissed at her. I'm pissed at her, although for a number of reasons ..."

"Oh God, Lilie no. We're not going through this again. I do not like your brother."

"You totally do! And I totally approve! Why won't you just admit it? I'm your best friend."

Rue stared hard at me with narrowed eyes.

"I. Do. Not. Like. Him."

I crossed my arms and pouted like a child and Rue rolled her eyes.

"And besides, if we're best friends, how come you didn't explain to me the whole 'letting Maverick grope you' thing last night? He was literally all over you."

"Was not," I mumbled.

"We are so having a deep talk tonight," Rue said strictly. I rolled my eyes, but inside the butterflies were getting worst. I knew getting up this morning was a bad idea.