Wise Old Mentor - To err is human. Do not fear failure.
Trolling Teenager - What if I'm trying to defuse a bomb?

Wise Old Mentor - Follow your dreams.
Trolling Teenager - Not until I find out where they're going.

Wise Old Mentor - Listen to your heart.
Trolling Teenager - Suppose you fetch me a stethoscope?

Wise Old Mentor - You never forget your first love.
Trolling Teenager - Whew, that's a relief! Now I can let go of my lifelong fear of waking up one morning and not recognizing my mother.

Wise Old Mentor - If you make up your mind and work hard enough, you can be anything you want to be.
Trolling Teenager - YES! I finally get to be a flamingo!

Wise Old Mentor - Beauty comes from within.
Trolling Teenager - Then why did I get nightmares when I was little from looking at an x-ray?

Wise Old Mentor - Beauty comes from the heart.
Trolling Teenager - I might buy that if you weren't trying to contradict Jesus.

Wise Old Mentor - You're completely unique. There's no one else in the world just like you.
Trolling Teenager - Yeah, tell that to my evil twin. ...Or my not-evil twin. Or...ehm...*Bellows* HEY, BESTIE! WHICH ONE OF US IS THE EVIL ONE?

Wise Old Mentor - If you can dream it, you can do it.
Trolling Teenager - Great! All I need is a necromancer and I can finally have that lunch date with John Derek.

Wise Old Mentor - Always be encouraging to others; never deliberately crush someone else's dream.
Trolling Teenager - Yo Hitler! You did the right thing, man!

Wise Old Mentor - Be your own cheerleader.
Trolling Teenager - And while you're doing that, your enemies will win the game.

Wise Old Mentor - Always be yourself.
Trolling Teenager - But...but...I wanted to be Jean Peters!

Wise Old Mentor - Let your conscience be your guide.
Trolling Teenagers - Because we all know Google Maps can't be trusted.

Wise Old Mentor - Let the words flow.
Trolling Teenager - Yes sir! Right away sir! ...Just let me find a river and some alphabet soup sir!

Wise Old Mentor - True strength comes from within.
Trolling Teenager - Why do you think I do thirty sit-ups every morning before breakfast?

Wise Old Mentor - No matter how hard it gets, never give up.
Trolling Teenager - Day 3,967: Elbows still unlicked.

Wise Old Mentor - There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Trolling Teenager - Until you get hit by the oncoming train.

Wise Old Mentor - It's the thought that counts.
Trolling Teenager - Uh-huh, I can see that going over well. "No Mum, I didn't get you a birthday present... Well, I thought about it, and that's what counts, right?"

Wise Old Mentor - A smile is the greatest gift you can give.
Trolling Teenager - Clearly you've never had Ghirardelli raspberry-filled chocolate squares.

Wise Old Mentor - Live while you're young.
Trolling Teenager - Note to self: Turn up toes once on other end of thirty-nine.

Wise Old Mentor - Age before beauty.
Trolling Teenager - Lol how do you explain Queen Esther?

Wise Old Mentor - Always stand up for your beliefs, no matter what they are.
Trolling Teenager - What if I believe in sitting down?

Wise Old Mentor - Believe in yourself.
Trolling Teenager - As opposed to...believing I don't exist?

Wise Old Mentor - Never judge someone 'til you've walked a mile in their shoes.
Trolling Teenager - But then you can judge them. And wash your feet.

Wise Old Mentor - Don't let others' negative words or opinions keep you from reaching your goal.
Trolling Teenager - Whoo-hoo, I'm gonna be a hired assassin!

Wise Old Mentor - Shine bright like a star.
Trolling Teenager - And blind anyone within a three mile radius.

Wise Old Mentor - Stand out in a crowd.
Trolling Teenager - I wouldn't be in the crowd in the first place.

Wise Old Mentor - Shoot for the moon.
Trolling Teenager - Right-o, just as soon as I find a cannon that powerful.

Wise Old Mentor - Always do your best.
Trolling Teenager - Why bother, if you lose, you'll get a booby prize anyway.

Wise Old Mentor - Don't be afraid of the past.
Trolling Teenager - Except the bits your mom or best friend caught on camera.

Wise Old Mentor - Be true to yourself.
Trolling Teenager - Wha-? What does that even mean?

Wise Old Mentor - Don't give up on True Love; it could be waiting just around the bend.
Trolling Teenager - So if you want to stay single, floor the gas to take those corners.

Wise Old Mentor - You only live once.
Trolling Teenager - Cheer up, you only die once, too.

Wise Old Mentor - Never regret your past actions, because at some point, it was exactly what you wanted to do.
Trolling Teenager - Remind me of that after I accidentally swallow something poisonous.

Wise Old Mentor - It's your choices that make you who you are.
Trolling Teenager - So if you choose new parents, you'll automatically get new genes and a new identity.

Wise Old Mentor - Never let go of your dreams.
Trolling Teenager - It would help if I could get a hold of them.

Wise Old Mentor - The ones you love are never truly gone; even when they die, they're still watching over you.
Trolling Teenager - That's it, I'm callin' Ghostbusters. I got some undead stalkers, yo!

Wise Old Mentor - Always look on the bright side of things.
Trolling Teenager - Except the sun.

Wise Old Mentor - Learn to face your fears.
Trolling Teenager - I do that every time I walk into a head-height spider web.

Wise Old Mentor - An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Trolling Teenagers - So does a well-directed groin kick.

Wise Old Mentor - *Gives up and dies*
Trolling Teenager - *Takes over world and declares Gummi Bear Day an official holiday*