~ 。Δ 。Δ 。CHAPTER 12 。Δ 。Δ 。~
Today's word of the day was… okay, who gives a flying fucking fuck about that?
It was a Summer afternoon, the backyard alive with chattery birds and cicadas that could be heard through the thin glass window from the second storey. This room was quite small for such a big house. Comfy bed, tidy little table, classic-era bedside lamp with a long-necked shade. Posters denoting chess clubs, old prime ministers, historical information of early twentieth-century colonization-era of Australia, titbits on outlaws and sailors and prominent figures. One little newspaper article about an infamous hanged serial killer of our country's olden days, not one of the convicts who were first shipped here. An indication of where Louis Denver's darker interests lay.
Sunlight flickered through the swaying blinds, thin columns of fabric, the sun kissed the face of the attractive guy in his bedroom. Yellowing him. It made his slate blue eyes glow. They were… reproachful, frightened, sickened, and yet deeply hungry for more of Louis. A flash of wondrous violence. An arousal fuelled by guilt.
For the first time the blonde was at an utter loss. For the first time Jesse had done something he hadn't counted on. How many days, weeks, months… years… had he thought about this over and over and over again. His revenge plan. He'd researched everything. Every possible thing. He looked at the penalties, he looked at the laws, he looked at trade routes, he memorised time tables, train tables, he researched surveillance, he learnt the routes to Jesse's house and the police station and he destroyed the computer he'd used to research those routes in the first place. Made sure that nothing could be traced to him. He'd been exacting in detail. He'd taken every single precaution that was within the realms of even remote possibility… and still… he hadn't planned for this.
It was ludicrous. Jesse Rockland is attracted to men. He is the bisexual one – not Mackenzie.
All the years he'd bullied Louis and the boy had hoped it was a crush-thing… a domineering sexual thing… then telling himself he'd been the fool. Believing Jesse was just a cruel straight fuck. And now to learn, he probably had wanted to fuck Louis somewhere in his little brain and that's why he'd resorted to childish bullying. Louis knew immediately, within a second, that it was true. He could feel Jesse's draw to him. Right now the scoreboard he'd been mentally keeping track of for all these years spun wild, tipping over, spilling all the numbers out and then fell off the hinges. Ludicrous.
Okay… this didn't actually happen in real life. Anyone hearing about this could easily be confused by being not-confused. You see, Louis is gay, so he knows better than most. He's been taken with gay romance movies, like the ones watched in the Gay-Straight-Alliance meetings, and all the ones he'd watched by himself in bed late at night. He'd been on Grindr. He'd been the guy to always look for signs of orientation in the guys he passed, always and automatically. Jesse is the kind of guy you see all the time in gay movies and read in gay slash fiction which is why you might be confused by Louis's confusion.
Hot, straight-acting gay guys that are sexually dominant and act like 'real men' and fuck women do not exist. They don't, trust me. You could say 'but I know guys like that' but really you don't. A lot of gay people pretend to be this person but Louis and other gay people can always tell the difference between them and authentically hot straight guys. All gay men are secret bottoms. Some learn to become tops because they're fucked in the head or develop it over time (the same way you gradually brainwash yourself) or because it's the only way they can get laid to begin with (too ugly to be topped). Bisexual men aren't real because truly bisexual men will never come out of the closet. Openly bisexual men are just gay and don't want to admit that. The gay-for-you-guy is so infamous in fiction that a lot of people probably think he exists, but these people aren't gay themselves otherwise they would know: he doesn't. He just doesn't.
Now let Louis backtrack, let him contradict himself a little. There probably are real bisexual and attractive (even by heterosexual standards) men who fuck men in secret. But they are extremely rare. That's why they're celebrated so much in slash fiction and in gay movies. They are like fantastic and exciting mythical creatures, the dream of every gay man. But they are so rare that it's healthier to tell yourself they don't exist because they actually are indistinguishable from straight men. All gay youth have several men they have pursued, misguidedly, at some point in their lives, hoping beyond hope that the one they seek is the wondrous mythical bi-guy. These men that get courted are usually nice about it, they smile with embarrassment, shake their head at you: sorry, I'm straight.
You need to know that… Jesse is an anomaly. He's a natural retardation in being this thing. A guy with a girlfriend that wants to fuck Louis… as if Louis himself were a girl… a guy actually attracted to what makes gay men gross: their femininity. There was no way Louis could have planned for this and so… he was absolutely stunned. Derailed. Everything had gone off the tracks and suddenly nothing made sense and he didn't know what to do.
He'd only hated Jesse because he was sure Jesse couldn't like him. That was honestly, the real reason behind everything.
"What the fuck?"
"I hate you." Jesse's eyes were watery as his strong grip clamped Louis's wrist, hard enough to bruise. "I hate you so much, you fucked up fuck." A hand wrapped around Louis's thin neck again, somewhere between uncomfortable and strangling. "You should die." His teeth barred in animalistic fury as he leaned over.
Louis opened his mouth and a squeak came out – like a rubber duck. He lay splayed on his bed, the precautionary knife he'd taken was knocked across the room. He had another one, a steak knife, under his pillow but he'd need to be careful. A third one was in the drainage system of the toilet. A fourth was under the animal-fur mat leading to his parent's room. There was no direction he could run in this house in which he wouldn't have the opportunity to defend himself from Jesse. Only now he didn't want to.
The guy was breathing out of his mouth, leaning over Louis, leering, they were both sideways on his bed. Louis was spread-eagled and he noticed with startled disbelief, that Jesse's firm erection was pressing into his ass. While bloodthirsty and murderous, Jesse was flushed all over. Louis could barely breathe but then he cracked a smile.
Hurt me the way I want to be hurt.
Dominate me the way I instruct you to.
Take control of me exactly how you're ordered.
Louis didn't mind submitting to the other boy – he craved it even – because finally he was getting what he actually wanted. What he'd wanted for so long. A sort of masochism was inherent in Louis's psyche. He didn't care about hurting himself: breaking his arm, throwing himself out a window, diving in front of a car. Being under someone else's power was oddly calming. Louis didn't have to think about all the ways he was in the right, or about what he wanted, or about anything at all. He would be forced and his mind would stop whirring as it always did and he would be peaceful. And… he liked the hurt. Being hurt also quietened his fretful mind, like shock therapy. Temporarily stunning the part of him that always wanted to win and be in control. Stunned it enough so he could enjoy himself.
"Jesse…" Louis choked with that grin. "I want you… to rape me."
Never had Louis ever masturbated to a fantasy that wasn't forced. It was his setting, the guy was exactly the way Louis wanted him to be, but nevertheless he was being dominated, hurt, forced. Raped.
Jesse froze, his face going blank, and his dick throbbed through the material of his shorts, pushing into Louis. Louis swivelled his hips, grinding against that hard pole and watched Jesse shiver. The smell wafting down from him, some sexy straight-male smell, cologne or shaving cream. The muscles of his chest tight beneath his buttoned school shirt. Fuck me. Rape me.
"You're fucked up. You know that? You're a fucked up piece of shit."
"Rape me, Jesse."
"You're psychotic. You're actually insane."
"Do it. Rape me."
And then as if under a spell Jesse tilted downward a fraction, eyes burning, before he gave in entirely. He caved in on the smaller boy and began immediately ravishing him, that guilt hardening his dick into steel. Jesse was dominant, harsh, you're mine. Louis was submissive, yielding, use me. The communication was clear: now Jesse was the boss.
You win! A thought Louis never believed he'd think, but one he thought now happily. You win! You win! I give in to you, I surrender, you're the boss! Take me! I'll do whatever you want! While we do this you are in charge and I'm obeying… but afterward…
Jesse had no reason to be gentle. Both of them, it seemed, had always wanted the other. It wasn't like star-crossed lovers. They had a thing, oh yes, a powerful thing between them but it was not innocent. It was purely an infatuation of lust. Entirely bestial and primal. It wouldn't be making love but it wouldn't be emotionless sex either. There were a lot of emotions: this would be the ultimate hate-fuck. Sinister, but still needing. Rageful, but still binding.
Jesse tore at Louis's clothes, ripped them off the boy, the blonde winced from his arm-cast, winced from the bruises that were spattered all over his body. He was ignited, writhing in pleasure beneath his captor. Jesse's limbs battered him further as they struggled, his mouth kissing and biting and Louis gasping and mewling. Jesse was thrusting into him through the material layers between them. Wild. He finally moved away and pulled his shirt overheard, like they do in the movies, his tanned muscles glimmering with cool sweat. The taste of him had tainted Louis's tongue, overwhelmed his mouth in the most arousing way.
While they were separated Louis lurched upward to reach into his top drawer and pull it open, he succeeded but was quickly thrown down flat. Jesse's firm grip was on his shoulder as he straddled the smaller boy, those sexy thighs on either side of his waist. Jesse had probably worried Louis had been going for a weapon, but the muscled basketball player looked in and saw the condoms and lube, cocked his head at Louis. Face and eyes mean.
"I am going to rape you." He was not of his mind. He'd snapped. His voice was nasty, belligerent, and Louis could see he'd zapped right back into the bully he was three years ago. Shamelessly indulgent.
"Wear protection." Louis ordered. "I don't want to catch any diseases from that whore Mackenzie."
Jesse smacked him across the face, hard, and Louis blinked. Stunned. A punishing smack, like disciplining an animal. Jesse was quiet, expression unchanging as he leaned forward.
"I'm calling the shots now. I'm giving the orders." His deep voice sent thrills going down Louis's spine, even so his fingers itched for the knife under his pillow. Jesse held his stare. "You got that?"
Louis hesitated… and then nodded. He craved this, it was like experiencing your child-hormones for the first time. It was like being brought back to life. The cold corpse beneath Louis's skin was being electrified into alertness.
Jesse stuck his thumb in Louis's mouth, his own jaw slightly open, his eyes heavy-lidded. This was meant to humiliate Louis. This was when in straight porn the guy stuck his finger in the chick's mouth and she pantomimed blowing him like a good little slut. Louis's eyes were bug-eyed as he closed his lips around it. Soft, rose-bud lips. Watched Jesse's eyes, submitted. He had an urge to bite down but battered away the idea. Jesse leaned away to drag his shorts down, just enough, and then yanked Louis's entirely off, making him fall flat again.
Jesse eyed Louis's erection warily for a moment before his determination returned. He reached into the drawer for the bottle of lube, squirted some into his palm, hooked a strong arm under Louis's thigh and dragged him closer to the edge of the bed with a single tug. He rubbed the lube against the shaved pucker and Louis reached down to finger and widen himself, Jesse watched on with an angry lust clouding his features. He snagged a condom, tore open the packet with his teeth and spat plastic across the room. He had a nice dick, girthy, Louis wiggled his hips in delight.
Once the condom was on Jessie slathered his shaft in lube once and then plunged in. Louis screamed – half Jesse's dick was forced inside but the abruptness made Louis feel red-raw. Jesse clamped a hand over the blonde's mouth to muffle his screams, his other grabby palm clutching Louis's hip, the pudge of his ass, as he fucked in a way that made it clear he'd been wanting to for a long time. Like he'd spent years holding this back and was ready to go-go-go. Louis's muffled scream changed pitch into a moan of painful-pleasure, his eyes rolling up and his good hand clenching the bedsheets. He was bumped and jostled at a quick pace, his ring of flesh stretching as he was penetrated in haste, Jesse breathing above him in time to his thrusts, harried. He was like a horny animal. Panting and fierce.
Louis's legs were spread and straight, his toes curling. He was being completely used and it was wonderful. His constant groaning was covered by Jesse's large palm, the fingers inserting themselves into his mouth while he was fucked. Jesse sweated while he worked him, angry and pleased, sweat dripping down his tanned skin. He grunted as he heaved into the boy, fucking in and out. In-out-in-out.
He started fucking in time to the words he spoke through his teeth "You. Fucking. Evil. Psycho." Mindlessly.
Louis gazed up at him, wide-eyed and vulnerable, and he saw Jesse's tight stare melt away into a nasty satisfaction, a grim smile. He started fucking Louis harder and the boy felt his eyes rolling upward again.
This wasn't normal sex. The hard slap of their bodies filled the room, harsh smacking of flesh, Jesse groaning now in time with his pounding. A purposeful, almost desperate, I-can't-believe-it-feels-this-good sound. It must feel decadent for him to let those sadistic desires out after all this time, Louis figured. The bullying was only because he wanted to be doing this… he wanted to hurt Louis but at the same time he adored him, lusted over his looks.
Louis reached up, the pleasure was so mind-blowing it felt like he was dreaming, like Jesse was fucking him into his own subconscious. The bed creaking from the display of dominance as if it too was crying out in bliss. The blonde boy only had the one hand to use, but he clenched Jesse's back and then raked his nails down from the absurd pleasure. Jesse groaned louder and fucked harder, clearly turned on. It was so fast and hard that Louis's voice hitched like a cartoon character being spun into a blur.
"Fuck me!" The keen was desperate.
"Yesss!" Jesse gasped and grunted, leaning over, muscles flexing.
He pulled back suddenly, tearing himself out of Louis's used hole and flipping him over. The boy gasped as he hit the mattress, a string of drool getting on his knuckles and his fringe in his eyes. It hurt when Jesse pulled out too fast, it hurt again when he plunged back in. He started fucking Louis from behind, both hands were squeezing his pudgy ass. His cock was hitting even deeper now and as Louis gaped at the wall he felt utterly penetrated, entirely invaded in the best possible way.
Fucked remorselessly. When couples made love, showed that they loved each other, they liked to be slow and intimate – Louis supposed. And yet, this almost felt like love when it was the complete opposite. Jesse couldn't get enough of him. Jesse fucked desperately and thoroughly, as if all he'd ever wanted was to screw the life out of Louis. Beneath all of the passion and ecstasy, he couldn't help but feel a little flattered.
Louis came, and screamed when he did so. He hadn't even been touching himself, but he'd had enough prostate-induced mind-numbing dry orgasms that it was only a matter of time before this stud drove him over the edge. It was a panicked orgasm, like Jesse was so hot that Louis couldn't contain the idea of it, all that hotness, and he tried futilely which only made him more panicked and cum harder. He felt his body convulse violently when the sensation saturated him.
Those strong brass muscles fucking with the relentlessness of a machine. Tensing that Adonis figure. The deep chesty grunts and drooping gasps. The smell of sex thick in the air, all of the sexy male scents that made up Jesse. His taste still clogging up Louis's brain. The hard constant fucking and cool sweat mingling between their bodies, staining the sheets.
Jesse's voice became urgent as he breached the point of no return "You slut!" He slapped a round ass-cheek. Anger but no longer distaste. To him, Louis's body was quite tasty, evidently. Forbidden and enticing. He pulled Louis's hair, got his hand and pulled up his chin while fucking. Enjoying the control. He thrust harder as he came and the condom broke – fluids filled up Louis from the inside, it was a warm, fulfilling sensation. Louis was released, allowed to fall back down while Jesse bellowed, going rigid. He took the opportunity to move backwards then, bucking onto that twitching dick and looking over his shoulder as Jesse's O-face clenched harder.
Even when he sagged forward while panting, sweaty cool hand on the small of Louis's back to support himself, the smaller boy kept pushing back, milking the last of the fluids from him. Jesse swayed but didn't fall. When he raised his head Louis noted there was no shame. He didn't hold his body with regret. He was breathing heavily, eyes livid and thoughtful as he came down from the high.
Five years it took them to get to this point. Took us bloody long enough.