"God, Jamie, you are such a downer! Why did you even join us on this trip to Camp Stabby Death?" Tina said. Leigh, Curtis, and Zach glared at him in agreement.
"You guys forced me to come," Jamie muttered, staring at the ground. An aura of depression radiated off of him so strongly that the sky had turned pitch black despite it only being 2 pm.
Tina rolled her eyes. "Whatever. So are you hiking with us in the woods where a bunch of horrible murders have happened, or not?"
"The sadness never leaves," Jamie said as a glistening tear trailed down his cheek. "No matter what I do, it is always there. Nothing can fill this void inside me. Not hiking, not the laughter of friends, not even the joy of love."
Curtis shrugged. "Eh, suit yourself." Jamie's three friends and Tina walked into the woods, leaving him behind to stare into the campfire. The campfire which was so bright and alive, unlike his soul. A part of Jamie wanted to jump into the fire, to be warm and bright and intense, if just for a few moments. He sighed and scribbled down an angsty poem in his notebook.
A shrill scream came from the woods, followed by a yell of "Oh crap! It's the Stabbing Stabber!" Minutes later, Curtis, Leigh, and Tina ran into the campsite. They were sweaty and shaking.
"The Stabbing Stabber killed Zach!" Leigh shrieked. "He's dead! Dead!"
"We are all dead inside," Jamie whispered as he traced his wrist with a switchblade.
"None of our phones work!" Tina cried.
"Nothing in this world works," Jamie responded while painting his fingernails black. "Everything and everyone is broken."
"What do we doooo?!" wailed Leigh.
"Life is meaningless. Humanity cannot do anything to change it, and neither can we."
"Jamie is sort of right," Curtis said. "There's no cell service out here, the brake lines on our car have been mysteriously cut, and it's dark out. We should just wait until morning and then walk into town. Besides, it's not like the Stabbing Stabber will ever murder us in our tents. We're safe!"
Leigh and Tina chuckled while Jamie doodled a cemetery in his sketchbook.
"You're so smart, Curt," Leigh gushed while batting her eyelashes. Curtis smirked and puffed out his chest. Tina crawled into her tent. Leigh joined Curtis's tent so he could "protect her with his sexy body, just in case."
Jamie continued sitting on the log. He hadn't brought a tent. Why should he shelter his body when he couldn't shelter his heart?
Moaning and movement started coming from Curtis and Leigh's tent.
"Sex is pointless. So is love. Love is a lie which people delude themselves into believing," Jamie said, even though there was nobody around to listen.
Suddenly a deep voice roared "I hate attractive teenagers having sex! Die!" Screams and stabbing sounds immediately followed.
A wide-eyed Tina stumbled out of her tent. "Oh my God! The Stabbing Stabber is here! This is completely unexpected!" She grabbed Jamie's arm and yanked. He didn't move.
"Come on, loser! We have to escape!" she hissed.
Jamie gazed at her with dark hollow eyes. "The only escape from existence is death."
A bloody bulking man brandishing a bloody ax emerged from Ashley and Tyler's tent. "Who's ready to die?" he growled.
"Not me!" Tina said. "Kill Jamie! He's black! Black guys always die in horror stories!"
"Every story is a horror story. Life is a horror story."
The stabbing stabber thoughtfully rubbed his bloody chin, and then nodded.
Tina giggled. "Besides, you can't kill me. I'm the final girl!"
The Stabbing Stabber disagreed with Tina by lodging an ax in her chest.
The bulky man hummed a tune as he pulled his ax free from Tina's ribcage. He menacingly stepped towards the mopey teen, but an overwhelming wave of depression surged forward and knocked him to the ground.
"The hell?" he grumbled.
"You speak of hell? I will tell you about hell. Hell is a real thing, and its true name is Life. Hell is a never-ending cycle: wake up, eat, work, do something 'fun' to pretend everything is all worthwhile, sleep, and repeat. Day after day, month after month, year after year until you die and then everyone forgets eventually forgets your name. And then the thing happens all over again with your children until they die, and then your children's children, and on and on and on. There is no end. All of humanity loses in the game of life. The only way to win is not to play."
"That's…that's not true," the Stabbing Stabber growled. He clutched his ax uncertainly.
"It is," Jamie insisted as dramatic violin music played. "Only those with crippling depression can see, nay, know the secret. That includes you now…"
Black shadowy tendrils crept from Jamie's aura, and extended towards the Stabbing Stabber, who opened his mouth in a silent scream as his body absorbed the darkness. From across the fire, hollow eyes bore into the quivering killer's face. The violin paused.
"Do you understand?"
The Stabbing Stabber tearily nodded, and then promptly slit his wrists with his own ax.