Everything washed back to me, making me lose my breath for a while. What Billy had just said echoed inside my head. I am the only one who takes care of you.
The tears welled up in my eyes as I fixed my eyes on Billy. "I don't believe it." I said in low voice.
Billy gave me a rueful smile. I thought he was going to cry, but he didn't. I'd never seen him crying.
"Why didn't you help him?!" I started to holler. I felt the tears streaming down my face.
"He asked us to go away, so I did what I was asked to. I tried to help you, so I brought you away before you—"
I pulled myself away from him. I sat straight up, shooting him an angry look. "Why did you do that?! I meant to help Jeffrey whatever he said to me. I just wanted to help him! Why did you bring me away? Why didn't you let me help him?!" I paused, taking a deep breath to steady myself. I was shaking with anger with the tears rolling down my face. "What kind of person are you, letting someone you love in danger?"
Billy opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, then he closed it again. He kept staring at me and said nothing.
I sobbed. The ominous silence occurred, letting me only hear my sniffle. I looked around my surroundings. There was a deer passing through the trees. Sometimes it stopped to look at me then scurried away. I glanced up to the sky, looking at the black clouds which were scudding, covering up the moon. Then I took a few deep breaths to steady myself and said, "You're so mean, Billy. How could you leave Jeffrey?"
Billy looked downcast, not answering me.
Then I got on my feet and said, "I will go back to find Jeffrey. I believe he is still alive." I wiped my face with my hands and started to walk. But as I passed by, Billy took ahold of my right hand and pulled me back.
"Aaah!" I groaned as the pain on my shoulder blade shot all the way down my back. I turned around, frowning in pain.
"Don't be so silly. It's no use going back there. I won't let you make any trouble anymore." Said Billy.
"Let me go!" I pulled my hand off him but he tightened his grip. Then he stood up and swung me around to face him.
"Don't go anywhere, will you? We have to go home now." he said sternly. His eyes looked serious.
"I just want to go back for Jeffrey! Why don't you let me to do so? Have a heart!" I replied angrily.
"What makes you think he's still alive?" Billy gave me a grin.
I lifted my right hand and slapped his face and then one more slap again with my left hand. "Don't say that!" I shouted angrily.
Billy brushed his hair off his face, giving me a smirk and a sarcastic look. "Do it again, little brother."
I bore into his eyes, my breath growing loud. I didn't say anything. Billy groped his pocket and pulled out something—a knife—which he'd got from the witch. There was blood stain on its tip. I stood still when suddenly the fear took over me.
"Kill me now, Elfand." He said as he advanced on me with his right hand stretched out, holding the knife. "I am a burden to you, aren't I?" A grin appeared on his face.
I didn't move an inch from the place where I was standing. My eyes lay over the tip of the knife, wondering how sharp the point was.
Billy stopped as the knife's point had been an inch in front of me.
"I would like to feel how excruciating the pain will be if this knife is stabbed right into my heart. Will it be worse than the pain I feel now?" Billy stated, looking right into my eyes.
I took a deep breath, still not daring to move. Once again, Billy said, "Kill me now, dear." He said softly with a forced smile on his face.
"I don't want to." I replied in a husky, trembling voice.
Billy bore into my eyes. His eyes glazed over, showing a picture of misery. Up went my right hand, reaching for the knife in front of my nose. I took ahold of its handle and brought it away slowly from me, along with Billy's hand.
"You make me lie in wait. What are you doing? Take the knife and stab it right into my heart." He said with a smirk on his pale face.
I shook my head, and to my astonishment, he flung himself to me and pinned me up against the tree behind me. I shoved my back to the tree, which made the pain in my shoulder blade worsen. I let out a painful groan.
Billy held me by my neck. I held his hand to get it away from me as I saw Billy still holding the knife in his right hand.
"What are you doing? Have you gone mad?" I said through my clenched teeth, still trying to get his hand off me by tugging at it.
"I am just a burdensome brother to you, Elfand! You will live in peace if I am not with you. So, I beg you to kill me now." He shouted at me. His blue eyes glinting with anger as the lightning flashed onto it. Then I heard the thunder growling up in the sky.
"Let me go!" I began to dig my jagged nails into his hand. But he seemed not to give up.
"If you don't want to kill me, then I will kill you instead. I won't let you live in misery, Elfand." As he stopped talking, he drove his knife towards me. I didn't remember screaming but I shut my eyes after I saw Billy swinging the knife violently. In a trice, I could feel the coldness of its tip in my neck skin and the sound of something hard being stabbed.
I lost my breath for a while till I could realize that the knife had been stabbed right beside my neck, right onto the tree's trunk. As I opened my eyes, Billy pressed himself onto me. I interposed between his body and the trunk. Then he had his hand away from my neck.
He spoke with his mouth near my right ear, his voice trembling hard, and I heard him sob!
"How…to make you…understand?" He stammered as the sobs choked his voice.
My eyes opened wide, for I still couldn't believe what was going on now. I stared into the space before me, listening intently to Billy.
"You wouldn't know how I feel, little brother. The things I've done always seem to be wrong in your eyes." He said, his body shaking with anger.
I gulped and didn't say a word.
"If I am not good enough for you, I'd better go away from your life. Just let me go. This is your life, live it happily on your own."
I shook my head.
An ominous silence occurred between us. I gazed up to the sky, it was really dark. I could hardly see the moon.
Here we were in the darkness. But I could see my surroundings, for my eyes had been used to see in the dark. All I could hear was the sound of the breeze sweeping the trees and sniffles from Billy.
Then he went on, "You know the happiest thing in life is to live with ones you love most. But I am not going to be selfish. It's not fair to make the ones I love unhappy because of my presence. If I have to go away, then I will."
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to keep myself from crying.
Holding a breath, Billy said, "I am sorry I couldn't save Jeffrey. The things just had gone that way. All we need is to accept it. But I've done my best to keep you safe. Unfortunately, you don't get it."
Pushing himself away from me, he took a step backward. He stood right in front of me, looking straight into my teary eyes. With dismay and tears on his face, he said softly, "You would never know how much I love you, my little brother."
My eyes wide open, unblinking. I just couldn't believe what I just had heard from his mouth. Then I cut my eyes to another direction, thinking how evil I was.
For this long, I've always thought that he never really loves me. Despite his coldness towards me, he always loves me as his little brother. What makes me think that he doesn't? My selfishness and my misjudgment.
There he was, standing still in front of me. His eyes fixed on me. His mouth partly opened as if he was going to say something.
Stepping towards him, I looked up at this tall boy. Then I flung myself to him and wrapped him in my arms, bursting out crying.
I could hardly say the words, for the sobs had taken over me and choked my voice. I pressed my cheek to his shoulder. A shudder came over my body, and out came the tears I'd been holding on to. I was shaking frantically and I tightened my arms to Billy, hoping to steady myself.
I felt his large hand clasping my head, he pressing his fingers to the back of my head. He let me rest my head on his shoulder and his right hand patted my back gently.
After a lot of tears, I started to say, "I am sorry, Billy. I've made too many troubles," I said, closing my eyes. "None of this thing would have happened if I had listened to you that night, when we were going to hunt. Jeffrey would have been safe in the house if I hadn't sent Aro off to the woods. It was my fault! It really was!" I bawled.
Billy said calmly in his deep voice, "It had happened, though. All we have to do is to accept it. It's no use mourning over it."
"I can't forgive myself." I murmured.
Billy held me by my shoulders and had me stand upright in front of him. I turned him loose. I looked down and was still sobbing. Then he cupped my face, his thumbs wiping the tears away. He gave me a smile and said, "Things happen for a reason. At least, we can assume this as a mixed blessing."
I stared through the tears. I could see a blaze of love in his blue eyes. It looked very clearly.
"We might have lost Jeffrey, but look at us now—we finally can get along as brothers. I finally could say that I love you, the thing I'd never told you in my life. We still have each other as a family. So, would you stop crying?" his voice softened.
I didn't answer and sobbed. I felt Billy's fingertips run across my forehead and he slowly pressed them on the wound I'd got before. I gave a small wince as I felt the pain.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you like this." Billy stated. Then he placed a kiss on my forehead, just like the way Jeffrey did to me every time he found me crying when I was little.
I took a deep breath and finally stopped crying.
"Come on, dry your eyes and go home." Billy said, patting my shoulders.
The rain started to fall down and it managed to get us drenched before we could reach our house. As we strode towards the porch, we could hear the squelch of our shoes in the mud.
I stared at my house, it was covered in dark. There was no light came from inside. I guessed the candles must have been run out.
Billy entered through the front door which had been left ajar. Then I followed him and we darted towards the kitchen in the left side to take some candles. But then Billy came to a sudden stop, making me bump onto his back.
"I smell something." He whispered.
I sniffed and nodded, "So do I. Is that Aro?"
"It can't be him. It's a vampire, not a human." He replied.
He was right. It was not a human, but the other vampire I'd never known before. I'd never smelled his scent.
Billy held my hand and got into the kitchen. It was so dark here, but I could see my surroundings when the flash of the lightning shot through the window.
Did someone else know that there was a human in our house?
I heard footsteps slapping the wooden floors. The intruder walked slowly as if he didn't want to be heard. By his smell, I could know that he was getting closer.
Billy brought me and sat behind the dining table. We huddled round and kept our eyes on the doorway, aware of the intruder. As the lightning flashed its light, we could see a figure of someone in outline, standing right in the doorway. I gasped.
Clutching Billy's arm, my breath grew loud. Then to our astonishment, we heard a knife clattering on the floor. I began to shiver with fear as I thought that maybe he was going to kill us.
"Billy—" I whispered but then Billy clamped my mouth.
Billy's hands fumbled for something then he murmured exasperatedly, "I left the knife in the woods."
We stiffened as we heard him getting closer and closer to us. I shut my eyes, tightening my grip on Billy's arm.
Then we heard the intruder exclaiming, "There you are!"